Always Here

by tir-synni

You know the saying, "Nothing is as it appears to be"? When they said that, they must have had Himura Kenshin in mind. Ruthless hitokiri: gentle rurouni. Delicate beauty: fierce fighter. Kenshin displays so many faces...so many masks.

I want to see what's behind the masks.

Per usual, I'm standing behind a tree, watching him. It's kinda his private time, and while I feel guilty about intruding, I wouldn't give this up for the world. I think Kenshin supposes this is like his hidden place from the world. It's a small opening, hidden by a group of trees right beside a creek. Perfect place for privacy. Every night, after everyone else goes to bed, I watch Kenshin get up and like a wraith, slip out of the dojo. Silently, he runs here, then gracefully seats himself beside the running water. Only at this time, does Kenshin let down all his masks.

Behind my tree, I watch as the moonlight trickles down to caress Kenshin's pale flesh like I so long to do. It catches his hair, turning the silky strands into a glittering waterfall of rubies. Kenshin tilts his head back, his delicate features even more refined in the glow. He never seems so beautiful as he does right now, a fallen angel.

The perpetual smile he always has for Kaoru and Yahiko is gone, replaced by a sad frown. Some hidden grief shines in his violet eyes. Kenshin's features are made even more beautiful by that distant pain that he works so hard to hide from us. The only thing more radiant would be a true smile, not those fake ones he expertises in, but a real one, from the heart. Both expressions have the power to move me, the sadness to drive daggers into my heart, the happiness to send me soaring.

Only Kenshin has the power to do that.

I know Kenshin knows I'm here. He has never overtly displayed it as he sits by the water, nor brings it up the next day. It is simply the fact that Kenshin is always so aware of his surroundings. If there was someone else nearby, he would know. The fact that he trusts me to see him like this, vulnerable and maskless, moves me deeply. He doesn't trust Kaoru or Megumi to see him like this. With them, it's always smiles and "-dono." I'm Sano, and I can see him like this.

Our times almost up. One last time, I drink in the sight of him, his beauty, his eyes, and then take off. We've kept this up for this long. No reason to stop it now.

The next day, Kenshin is up before everyone, as usual. Doing the laundry and taking Jou-chan's scolding with a sweet smile. His mask is firmly back in place.

"Kenshin!" I greet him brightly. Well, if he can do it, I can do it, too. "Letting Jou-chan boss you around again."

Flashing eyes turn my way. I grin back at them. "Don't call me Jou-chan!" Kaoru snaps.

Yahiko laughs from behind her. "Yeah. Call her ugly!"

"You ungrateful--"

Thus the chase begins.

Kenshin watches the chaos occur with an indulgent chuckle, neatly sidestepping as Yahiko, then Kaoru rush past him. A gentle smile on his lips, he turns to me. "Saa, did you want something, de gozaru?"

For a moment, those silken lips distract me. Moving fluidly, then with his tongue emerging to wet them down. Damn, just his mouth was arousing! "Uh...well, nah, I was just--"

Another indulgent look, softened with affection. "I made extra."

I light up. "You made breakfast! It's edible! Whoo!"

I run past Kenshin to the food. Before I dig in, however, I glance back to look at those lips longingly.

I wanted him to be mine.

Another night, another watch. Behind my tree, I sit, just staring at him as he sits in the grass. Kenshin leans back gracefully, poetry in motion, and lays down. A single, bare foot raises, and I gape at it, breathless at the sight of his pale flesh. It dips momentarily into the rushing creek, then emerges, his dainty toes dripping with liquid. I swallow, hard.

Kenshin tosses back his head before resting it on the ground. His crimson waves dance in the moonlight before settling down. Does Kenshin have the slightest idea of how he is arousing me? If it was anyone else, I would suspect they were doing it on purpose.

Another flash of motion catches my eye, and I frown. Kenshin's begun to shiver. Summer's dying, and the wind is unusually cool. Resting by the water like he is, he must be getting chilled. Still, he refuses to put his shoes back on, or go someplace warmer. Instead, he just lays there with his sad eyes, staring at the stars above.

I curse below my breath as I watch his shivering grow worse, but I don't move. This is Kenshin's time. If I was to offer to move him, he would lose his only time of privacy, when he can drop his mask. No. I wouldn't do that to my beloved.

Finally, Kenshin arises and slips his shoes back on. My cue to take off. We've both had our time, and it was time to get back to the real world.

Days pass, each a little colder than before. Yet, night after night, Kenshin goes to his place beside the creek. Apparently, even the upcoming winter chill won't deter him. I find myself wondering what he will do when it starts snowing. Will he trek through the snow to find his peace? Or will he find it elsewhere? Too soon, my questions are answered.

The first snow of the year blankets the ground in a wash of white. Yahiko had exhausted himself playing in the falling flakes, and had went to bed early. Kaoru had exhausted herself trying to convince the brat to come out of the cold, and had also went to bed early. This left only me and Kenshin up.

By nightfall, I was damp with nervous sweat, interchanging between eying the snow outside and looking at Kenshin. Soon, we'll have to go to the market to buy him warmer clothes, since he arrived at the dojo with only the clothes on his back. Because of that, his clothes are still not made for the winter cold. He has to know this, and yet I watch from the shadows as he prepares to leave. I understand why he does this, but I can't help my fear. If it is cold at the dojo, then it will surely be colder by the creek. If he goes there, he might sicken. I can't let Kenshin do that. There has to be another way for him to have his peace.

And then I have it. A probable answer for both our problems.

Or maybe just a broken heart in answer to mine.

"Kenshin," I call softly, emerging from the darkness. The lovely redhead stops at the sound of my voice. I know what I have just done. I have broken the silent agreement between us. If he does not agree, then I have lost his trust and any chance of winning his love. He has to agree. "Hear me out."

Wary violet eyes meet mine. In the darkness, they shine like stars. Like gems. "Oro?"

I smile reassuringly at him and extend my hand. "I know a place no one will bother you," I assure him. "Someplace out of the snow and warm."

I have caught his interest. Kenshin cocks his head to one side and stares at me curiously. "Where?"

I notice the lack of "de gozaru" and the sweet warmth in his voice. Definitely good for me. Now for the moment of truth. "My place."

I swear my heart stopped beating as Kenshin's wide eyes blink in surprise, then narrow in contemplation. Please, kami-sama, let his say yes, let him say--

"Hai."

I blink, then grin. Thank you kami-sama! "Come on. I'll take you there."

Kenshin smiles at me, a true smile, and I know this time that my heart stopped. There was no doubt. His slender, yet strong hand rested in mine. "Arigatou."

I swallow hard. I squeeze his hand gently, then lead him from the dojo.

A small fire is enough to heat my small home. I thought Kenshin was stunning in the moonlight, with his sad eyes and parted lips. Before a fire, with a smile on his lips, he is absolutely breathtaking. His hair, down from its typical ponytail, lays like waves of flame on his shoulder. The light highlights his cheekbones and the glow in his eyes. I know I must be gaping, but Kenshin does not mind. Maybe he's used to it.

"Thank you for letting me into your home, Sano," his soft voice reaches my dazed ears, and I shake my head quickly.

"No problem, Kenshin," I quickly assure him, standing hesitantly beside him. "Anytime." Really, anytime, Kenshin.

I don't know what I should do. Should I continue standing there? Should I leave, let him have his privacy? Or should I--

"Please, sit beside me, Sano."

--sit beside him? Number three it is!

I plop beside him, feeling a little embarrassed about my lack of grace. Kenshin notices and smiles at me. We're so close...

"Thank you for inviting me here, Sano," he murmurs quietly, and my breathing quickens as a single hand raises to brush against my cheek. "And thank you for understanding."

I swallow hard and take his hand. Daringly, I kiss his fingers, then look for any sign of protest. There's none. "I'll always be there for you, Kenshin. You have to know that."

A sweet smile is my answer. "I'm beginning to. It's just taken me a while to realize I'm not alone."

I clutch his hand tightly in my own. "You'll never be alone," I whisper huskily. "I swear it."

Kenshin meets my eyes, and I drown in those violet pools. His lips part invitingly, and I lower myself to meet them. Our lips touch, and then he is in my arms. I hold him tightly, tasting him, loving him. His slender arms wrap around my shoulders and clutch at me. With my lips, I assure him I'm there.

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