| Humour Page |
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| A married couple was alseep when the phone rang at 2am. The blonde wife picked up the phone, listened, said "How should I know, thats 200 miles from here!?" and hung up. The husband asked "Who was that?" The wife replied, "Some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." |
| David and Victoria Beckham were on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. Posh wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, David shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!' The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!' Determined, David and Posh turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots Beckham standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him. He takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the Beckham flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Bollocks, this one isn't wearing any shoes either! |
| 'A brain and a jump lead go into a pub and order some drinks. The barman says "I'm not serving you two!" "Why?" asked the brain. The barman replies, "Because you are out of your skull and he is bound to start something." |
| What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. |
| Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before. |
| A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?" She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit" |