English Translation of Culture Crash Comics Issue No. 9 Vol. 1

By Theresa Dy Lising

 

Translator’s note:

[ ] –> Culture notes/Translations

*** –> Page breaks/Separators

 

Editorial Page:

Da Bhoss: Ilog, I brought the stuff you weren't able to work on.  Now work!

 

Kubori Kikiam

“Beginning of the End, part 1”

Original Concept: Alfredo

Story: Taga-Kanal & Taga-Ilog

Art: Taga-Kanal

Colors Flats: Taga-Ilog

Colors Everything Else: Evil Groobs

 

Benjo: Hey!  How're you all doing!  We're here at the CCCom offices to read fan mail.

Benjo: This issue's supposed to have an installment of Kubori, but the boss said that it'll be a waste of pages so it'll be a letters page instead.

Benjo: Wow.  A lot of letters come to the office, which is why not every one gets to be read by the CCCom people.  Since we're already here, we'll help read some….

Benjo: Uhhurmm!  Letter number 1: Dear CC Com staff, Hi!  I'm a long time reader, but this is my first time to write.  There's only one thing I have to say: issue 8 was awesome!  Two thumbs up!  Three even, if possible, hehe!  Where did you learn to draw?  It makes be a bit envious because mine aren't as good.  Anyway, I really liked ODID, Cat's Trail, and the Toy Review.  It was very entertaining.  That's all.

Manny: Hey! I wanna read too!

Dodon: #$%^!  Don't be a pest, Manny!  You don't even know how to read!  You only got to grade one, remember?

Benjo: Next letter!

Manny: #$%^ &*!  At least I wasn't expelled for peeping.

Dodon: !@#$ Since when did you know how to use "at least"!

Dodon: Aah, Miss Yumi…

***

Benjo: To the CC Com staff, Whose idea was it to include Kubori in your comics, huh?  It's really irrelevant, you know – a bunch of kikiams and squidballs fighting each other and all they did was talk about hentai an eat spiders……ugh!!!  It really sucks and is rather violent.  There is also no poetic justice of some sort at the end of the story.  If there was a story.  Sheeeesh!  Please, no more stupid stories like that on the next ish!  Better yet, no Kubori Kikiam at all.

Manny: I don't care, I wanna read!  De…deh…dii…dee…deh…

Dodon: DEAR!  You @#$%!  Dear!  Stupid!

Benjo: Next letter!

Manny: That @#%$^!  So hard to read!

Dodon: "At least" you tried.

Box: After a few hours…

Benjo: Dear CC Com, How are you?  I'm one of your avid fans.  I wrote just to praise you on your previous issue.  It was really nice, especially Cat's Trail.  Memer, you're really something ^_^!

Manny: You are an upstart, Dante!  I'm taking you in!

Dodon: @#$%!  You are the upstart Sheriff Poppy!  You will never lay a hand on Airee!  And how did you get hair?!

Benjo: When will Solstice Butterfly return?  What's Ilog's real name?  I didn't know he was also part of Kubori Kikiam.  Kubori's also okay…

***

Manny: Really?!

All three: !!!

Dodon: Good lookin' ei!

Benjo: They're really amusing.  There're so many of them and they're so small ^_^: What's they're origin?

All three: ???

Dodon: Origin? What the @#%%'s that?

Manny: $%^& Ginebra! [Trans note: a local brand of gin.]

Benjo: "Origin" means where something came from.

Manny: That writer's so !@#$!  From the parents, of course!

Manny: Like this.

Benjo: Uhmm… that's a bit unsettling.

Dodon: Come to think of it…

SHING!

Dodon: My earliest recollection was when we rose from the muck.  Farther back, I don't remember anything… Nothing…

***

Benjo: Don, why do you have a wound on your back?

Dodon: Ah, it's nothing.

James: I did not approve that frame!

*: ODID scene from issue 5 –ed

Benjo: I know!  Maybe we have amnesia!

Wa-PRAK!

Manny: OW!

Dodon: Isn't it that you have get hit on the head to get rid of amnesia?!

Benjo: Think, think, think, think, think, how could we remember…

Manny: You @#$%, come back here!

Benjo: Ah-hah!  That's it!

Kashooom…

Benjo: I got it!  I remember watching something on the Discovery Channel™ that people who've had "near-death experience" recalled everything that happened in their life!  I am so $%^& smart!

Manny: What's a "nir-det eks..uhmm…eksper…"

Dodon: You are truly stupid!

Benjo: Near death experience.  It says that when you are at the brink of death, everything that happened in your life will flash before you like a show on TV.

***

Dodon: Reeeeaaallllyyy?

Manny: No kidding?

DAG!  SSSSRRRRRRPPT!  SSRPT!  BAG!  SSRRPT!

Benjo: Wait, WAIT!  What the-?!  HEY!

Benjo: What the @#$%^&^ do you think you're doing!  @#$^% it!

Dodon: You'll see!

THOK!

Memer II: Scree?!

Benjo: Hey!  Take these @#$%^ things off !  Don!  Manny!  @#$% it, don't do this…

Benjo: Eh?

Memer II: RRRAAAAHH!

Benjo: HUWWWAAAAAAAHH!!!

CHOMP!

***

Voice: There!  We've now got five!

Kid 1: This should be enough.

Kid 2: It's 'cuz that @#$% Matt beat us to it!

Manny: What the #$%^ is that?

Dodon: I think that's the "near death experience" that Benjo was talking about.

Manny: It's @#$%*^ horrible.  It's not even in color!  Give us our money back!

Kid 2: Hey, mister!  This kikiam's bland!

Kid 1: Too bad!  They ran out of fishballs!

Dodon: Maybe I should adjust this…

Manny: &%#@ Nothing's happening!  Lemme try!

***

Mister: Try the dip it so it'll taste better!

Dodon: You %$#@ broke it, Manny!

Kid 1: Leba-leba, tetsa-pato!  Whover gets hit!

Dodon: You changed the channel!  Who's that runt?

Kid 2: @#$%^*!

Kid 3: Next time, no brass! [Trans note: These are games popular to the slums.]

Manny: @#$% this nir det eksperiment!  What a worthless @#$%^!

Dodon: Let's just go watch VCDs!

Kid 4: Chub!

Kid 5: O-ne, t-wo. Th-ree, fo-ur, fi-ve…

Manny: Anything new?

Dodon: Eva X, Blue Submarine 69, Your Under Exposed, Urotsukubori, Monti Patton, Little Mermaid, Care Bears, Gumby…

Kid 6: Not at the back.  Not in front.  When I count to three, you're already hiding.

Manny: We've already watched all of those.

Dodon: Oh @#$%!  Warcraft 3!  CS-Condition Zero!  Let's just install these!

Kid 7: You #$%^, don't get bit!

Manny: Hurry up, Don!  Let's play!

Dodon: Hold your horses.  It's taking a while to install.

Click!  Click!  Click!

Ren: I @#&#$^ lost.

Kid 8: Ren, I told you spiders from electric lines are weak.  They're just big.  Hey Dom!  Wanna join?

Dom: @#$&*^ watch it, you two!  The bulldozers are coming!

***

BRRRRRRRRRRRGDRGRGR!  BRRAAAAM!  GRA-AASH!

[Trans note: One of the realities here is that illegal squatters (or people living on other people's land without permission) are often made to move off the land by using force.]

RRRRRRRRRR!  BRAAM!

Man 1: Move!

Woman 1: The TV!  The TV!

Man 2: Outta the way!

Woman 2: Jen-jen!  Find Jen-jen!

Man 3: Jen?!

Man 3: Jen!… JEN!

Man 4: 'Sep!  Hurry!

Jen-jen: Huuu… brother!

***

Man 4: 'Sep! Get out!

THOOOOOM!

***

Benjo: A-huh!  Haah!

Benjo: I… I'm… still… alive… hff!…

Memer II: Blaach!  Spit! Spit!

Manny: Hey! 'Jo!  You're still alive!

Dodon: So, what'd you see?

Benjo: Don!  Manny! We… we used… to be…

Benjo: Eh?

Benjo: @#%&!  Warcraft 3!

Dodon: Nothin' doin'.  The requirements are too high.  The PCs here are too @#$%^ old!

Dodon: Hey, Benjo.  What did we used to be?

Click!  Click!  Click!

Benjo: Ha?  Umm, I don't know.  I forgot.  Hey weren't you able to install any new games?

Manny: We were able to get a NES emulator from the intarnet.

Benjo: Elevator action!  Hey, Punch Out!  !@#%, Ice Climber!  This's great!

Manny: Ah, @#$^!  I'll just read mail!  De…dei…diye…deee…

Dodon: @#$%&!  Can't compare to this one, Manny!  @#$%& look!  Niiiccceee!

Memer: I thought they had amnesia, so how come they still remember their grade school days?

Taga-Kanal: Hello?  Selective memory loss…

Taga-Ilog: Yeah!  Sel…se…sele…sie….

 

One Day, Isang Diwa

Story by J.L. Palabay

Art by E.A. Damaso

Color Flats Assist: Nutz Strife

 

Chapter 9: Gimik [Trans note: 'gimmick' or going out with friends]

 

Jun: Ah, good evening.  Who's this, please?

Voice: Ah, may I speak to Jun?  This is Clarissa.

Jun: Uh-oh!  Did she recognize my voice?  Caller ID?

Jun: Wait a minute…

Jun: Benjo!!!  Why you..?!?

Benjo: Haha!  Buddy, Boss Leo's asking everyone out to the mall tomorrow.  Clarissa's coming with us and he'll pick us up before lunch, ok?

***

Box: The next day.

Man 1: Kikiam?  You can buy kikiam over there…

Man 2: Man, why'd you say I went to the mall?  Say I went to the hospital…

Leo: Ahhhh, you know we should spend some more!  I'm using a money clip right now and I'm getting irritated with such a thick wad!  We haven't even used 1/8th  of the money!

Leo: Hmmm…  those shades look nice, let's look!

Leo: Waddya think?  I just bought this!

Leo: It cost 15 thou!  It's expensive!  It's original!  And I bought three more as spares.

Benjo: Wow, Leo.  You have cool taste!  But you old shades would be wasted…

Leo: Ha?  This?

Leo:  It's ok.  Here, you want it?  It's yours!

Benjo: Oh, yeeeesss…

***

Alex: Hey, I think they have new clothes at my favorite shop.  Let's go!

Laura: These are really pretty.  Simple, but elegant.

Clarissa: You're right.  This'll look good on you, Mika!

Mikaela: Really?

Alex: Oh God, this is cute!

Clarissa: Leo, you want to meet after an hour?  We might be a while.

Leo: No, it's ok, we'll wait for you.

Jun: What the heck are you gonna do with those?

Benjo: I'll ask Clarissa and Alex to wear them.  These should look good on those two!

Leo: Uhhh… on second thought, Clarissa, we'll just go around.  I'll just ask Jaime to call me on my cellphone when you're done, ok?!

Leo: Jaime!  Domeng!  Take care of the girls, pay for their purchases using my platinum card, and call me on my cell when they're done!

Bodyguards: Yes, sir!

***

Benjo: Just leave me with 'em!  I'll help them shop!

Leo: My goodness…

Leo: I am in public without the presence of beautiful women!!!

Leo: This is unacceptable!  This isn't good for my reputation!!!

Benjo: Relax, boss!  Look around!

Benjo: This is an open opportunity to meet other girls!  It's time for some exercises on how to meet girls!

***

Leo: You're right, Benjo.  This is my first time trying that, but it should be a piece of cake!

Benjo: The view here's real good…

Leo: Hi, girls!

Benjo: Ah, look, I knew Leo'd use the tornado twist approach.  He's use a 'strong wind' to make the girls' heads spin.

Leo: I'm sure you'll want to get to know me because I'm handsome!  Don't worry, I'm also rich.  I'm Leo.  What're your names?

Girl: You're cute, but you come on WAY too strong.  See 'ya!

Leo: H-ha?  W-wait!

Benjo: Ahhh… Very low success rate, except when you use a comical delivery.  They would've been amused.

Leo: Aw, man!

Benjo: You're turn, Jun!  What's you're approach?  There're some cute ones… go!!!

Jun: Aa…ahh…

Jun: Wait, isn't this wrong?  We already have girls with us!

***

Jun: Aa… aaahh-haa…ahh…

Girl 1: What was that about? Haha!

Girl 2:  Don't ask me.  Weird!  Too bad, he was cute, though!

TAK!  TAK!  TAK!

Benjo: Ah… I knew it.  The Torpe or the Torpedo Approach never gets anywhere and always bombs. [Trans note: the 'torpe' is the guy who freezes up and can't even get the courage to talk to girls he likes.  Kinda like getting stage fright.]

Jun: Good grief!  Benjo, you are a menace!!!

Leo: You sound like you know a lot, why don't you try!

Benjo: Ahh… yes.  I know a lot, like the tissue approach, handkerchief, the 'cute' approach, 'impressing', 'sweet', and others.

Benjo: Now, pay attention, kids!  Because now I'll show you the secrets of my "tried and tested formula", the…

***

Benjo: How to meet girls the Benjo way!!!™

Jedd: What'd he say?

Leo: How to meet gir… what sort of nonsense is that?!

Jun: I have a bad feeling about this!

Jedd: Hey, it looks ok!

Leo: Yeah, looks like the How to Meet Girls the Benjo Way™ is actually effective.

SLOP!!!

Leo: Ouch! Man…

Jun: Well, OK, we sure learned a lot!

Benjo: What happened?  The… wait…

***

Benjo: Of course!!!  Guys, here’s my gameplan!  This is “How to Meet Girls the Benjo Way Ver. 2.0™”!

Jun: Now what?

Benjo: I just forgot something the last time.  This one’s sure to work, so listen up!

Benjo: The law of How to Meet Girls the Benjo Way Ver. 2.0™ states…

Benjo: First, you must have in your male group (composed of at least 2 but no more than the number of girls within the group you wish to approach) a point man or “tirador”. [Trans note: “tirador” literally means “slingshot”.]

Benjo: Please note: The point man must be the slickest, most smooth talking.  Preferably the cutest of the group, though not necessarily

Benjo: Now we establish a target girl from the group of females.  The “tirador” will be the one to establish contact with the target girl and the other guys will be his support or wing man/men.

***

Benjo: It’s the job of the wing man/men to follow through and talk to the other girls.  They must keep the others busy or preoccupied so that the target girl will have no choice but to talk to the point man.

Benjo: If things work out well and you showed that you have no bad intentions, you may be allowed to hang out with them and might even get their numbers!

Benjo: “How to Meet Girls the Benjo Way Ver. 2.0™” has the highest success rate!

Benjo: Any questions?  None?  Okay, move out.

Jun: Benjo not have any bad intentions?  I find that hard to believe.

Leo: Okay, come on!

Jedd: Count me out.  I’ll just stay here.

***

Benjo: Didn’t I tell you it’d work!?

Jun: Yeah, but it was too nerve-wracking.

Benjo: It’s really like that!  You really need some sweat and courage and…

Girl 1: Okay, Jedd.  Nice meeting you.  Call us if you and your friends have a gimik!

Girl 2: ‘Bye, Jedd!

Benjo: What the heck was that?!?  How’d you do that?!?

Jedd: Ha?  I didn’t do anything.

Jedd: They just talked to me as soon as I sat down.

Benjo: What?!  You’re kidding right?!

Leo: They just called.  The girls are done shopping.

Jun: Okay, I just need to go to the toilet.

***

Diwa: JUN!

Jun: …!

Diwa: Ay!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!

***

Jun: Are you nuts?  You can’t just go popping out of nowhere!

Diwa: OK, sor… hey, is that new?  You look cute in that.

Jun: Whad’ya mean ‘sorry’?!  I haven’t seen you in days.  I’ve been worried!

Jun: Hey, why’d you show up anyway?

Diwa: I just wanna tell you something.  Remember the accident that almost killed Clarissa?

Jun: What about it?

Diwa: An entity from our world caused it in the hopes of finding me.  It’s ok ‘cause I managed to catch him, though!

Diwa: Here he is!  So we no longer have a problem.

Diwa: I don’t know why they’re looking for me, but Sankituryo told me not to worry.

Jun: That so?  By the way, I just remembered.  What about what happened to Jedd?

Memer: James, why’re you inserting so many explanations?

Da Bhoss: Ha?  Ah, eh….

***

Diwa: Oh, that.  I just accidentally made his power manifest.  But I managed to contain his power.*

Ilog: Yeah!  You forgot to tie off these loose ends, right?!?

Da Bhoss: Ah, eh.  Hey, aren’t you guys receiving your paychecks tomorrow?

Memer: Yeeey James!  You’re the best, boss!

Diwa: Besides, he never noticed his power, right?  You managed to calm him down by distracting him.

Jun: You have a point.  He didn’t seem to have noticed… **

Jedd: Jun, are you in here?

Jun: I’m in here, Jedd!

Diwa: Jedd?!?  Papa Jedd?!? [Trans note: “papa” – gay-speak, referring to any of the following: boyfriend, sugar daddy, or a REALLY cute guy.]

*: Diwa did this after the events if issue #5.

**: Issue #3.

***

Jedd: Come on, they’re all waiting downstairs.  Leo wants us grab a bite first, his treat.

Jun: Oh, okay.  Just wait a bit.

Diwa: Where’re you, papa!?!

CREEK!

Diwa: W-what?!?  How’d this happen?!?

Diwa: How’d his aura get stronger?!?

Box: To be continued.

 

PASIG – Chapter 9: Ferocity of a Bounty Hunter

Story and Art by Taga-Ilog

Color assists: Evil Groobs

 

Miguel: Dante… how does it feel?

Dante: Huh?

Miguel: To live with a family?

Dante: They’re not my family.

Dante: I’m just fulfilling a debt…

Miguel: Debt of gratitude… yeah, I know, hahaha!!!

Dante: …

Miguel: Since the fighting between Pasig and the rest of the Philippines ended, warrior slaves like us have become useless…

Dante: Isn’t that for the best?

Miguel: Heh… come to think of it.  But we’ve never done anything but fight all our lives…

Miguel: …To return to society would be impossible for the likes of us.  You were lucky to have a family who’d taken you in.

***

Dante: A family now exposed to danger because of me…

Dante: …and to my past.

SHHH RKKKK

Miguel: Heh… looks like your ghosts are going to be bothering you again.

Guy: Looks like today’s my lucky day…

***

Kling!  Kling!  Kling!

Kling!  Kling!  Kling!

Kling!  Kling!  Kling!

Kling!  Kling!

Iyannah: There!  It’s done!  I managed to repair your uniform.

Mina: Th-thanks.

Iyannah: But it doesn’t seem right that this’s the only thing you could wear.  Umm… that’s okay, I’ll find some other stuff for you.

***

Mariko: Just get some clothes from my things, Iyannah.  I’ll just go down to cook.  Those two’ll be back in a while and they’ll be hungry for sure.

Mina: Thanks.

Iyannah: Okay, leave this to me, Mariko…

Iyannah: Hmmm… what’ll look good on you…

Mina: Ummm… Iyannah… wh-what is this place?

Iyannah: We’re in Miguel’s house in Makati.*  He a friend of Dante’s.

Iyannah: Don’t worry, the bounty hunters won’t be able to find you here.

Mina: Bounty hunters?!  What’re you talking about?

Iyannah: I forgot you were out for almost a week…

Iyannah: I don’t know what happened, but you’re now a fugitive…

Iyannah: I’ve been taking down the posters outside.

*: Makati is now a city under the jurisdiction of Pasig during this era. – Ilog

***

Iyannah: You were badly wounded when Dante brought you here… Miguel and Mariko fixed you up.  We were all so worried, but it’s good that you’re okay now.

Mina: …

Iyannah: Then the posters came out yesterday.

Mina: I knew this’d happen…

HFF HFF HFF

Renno: Have you gone mad, Mina?!  You’re gonna get yourself killed with what you’re doing!

Mina: It’s a grave offense for us to shoot another bounty hunter.

Mina: What’d I get myself into?

***

Miguel: You or me?

Dante: I’ll do it.  You might kill him.

Guy: I don’t give a damn about you, cripple.  Leave.  Dante’s the only one that concerns…

Shooo~~

Guy: …me?

SHWWFFF

Guy: Pwe!  Are you their celebrated warrior slave?!

VWIP

Guy: You couldn’t even hit me!

Miguel: Heh.

***

FWP

TP—

THWMP

Guy: Hmm… you’re quick, but let’s see if you’re quick enough to dodge this!

Chk-k

CLK CLK

Guy: !?!

***

Dante: You should’ve set your gun while these were still there.

Dante: Don’t worry… I only took out the pins of your smoke grenades.

PSSHHHH PSSHHHH PSSHHHH

AARGHHH!

Dante: Pffhh…

Miguel: Looks like you enjoyed that fight… what if the one you rescued last week came after you… you think you’d win over that one?

Dante: Don’t start with that one again, Miguel…

Miguel: Hehehe.  Spoilsport.  Come on.  Let’s go home… I’m getting hungry.

***

Iyannah: Wow! This one’s pretty!  I’m sure it’ll look good on you, Mina!

Mina: Ummm… it’s a bit too fancy, Iyannah… just get some house clothes…

Iyannah: You think?  Too bad…

Iyannah: Okay, I’ll just look for something else…

Mina: Thanks.

Mina: Iyannah… I noticed that you also have that white mark on your forehead—are you also a warrior slave like Charen and Dante?

Iyannah: Oh, this?  Well, I’m also supposed to be a warrior slave… but I never finished my training… sometimes I forget that I even have this…

Mina: I heard that you guys start training young…

***

Iyannah: Yeah, that’s correct.  I was taken from my parents when I was only six to train as a warrior slave…

Iyannah: Mom fought against them so the city soldiers killed her… we were only slaves, after all…

Iyannah: Without privileges… without rights…

Iyannah: I don’t know my father and I’ve forgotten what my Mom looked like, but I often dream of being in her arms…

Iyannah: Maybe I’m like this because I miss her…

Mina: I’m sorry…

SNFF

Iyannah: Ah… I’m sorry!  I’m starting to babble.  You should change so we could eat in a while.  Mariko might get mad if we’re late.  She’s scary when she does!

***

Chk

Dante: Miguel, the door’s broken again.  You’re good with arms making, but you suck as a carpenter.

Miguel: There doesn’t seem to be anyone inside…

Miguel: Hehe… well, sorry.  Just climb up to the upstairs window and open it from the inside.

Dante: But isn’t that Mina’s window?  Why don’t I just force the door?

Miguel: Are you nuts?  That’ll be a lot harder to fix!  Just go up.  She’s probably still asleep.

Dante: Just ask someone else to fix it after…

Miguel: JUST GO UP!

Dante: Hmpf… cheapskate.

***

Tmp

Kling Kling

Dante: S-sorry.

Mina: !!!

Mina: AAAIIIEEE!!! PERVERT!!!!

SWWFFF

KRGG

BRKKGGG

HFF HFF HFF HFF HFF

Iyannah: W-wait, I think you killed him…

Miguel: Good grief…

***

Mariko: Time to eat!

Mariko: Sorry if it took so long…

Mariko: Huh?

Mina: …

Mariko: ?

Miguel: …

Iyannah: …

Dante: …

Mina: Dante, I’m sorry for what happened earlier… you just surprised me, that’s all… and thanks for saving me.

Dante: Hmpf.  I don’t like it when someone gets involved in my fights.  You got hurt because of that.

***

Mina: Huh?

Tp

Miguel: Don’t worry… Dante’s actually very nice.  It’s just that no one’s ever managed to do that to him, that’s why he’s pissed.

Iyannah: Grrr…

Iyannah: This is all your fault!!!  If you only fixed that door, none of this would’ve happened!!!

BFFF

Miguel: OWWW—

VWIP!

AAAGH! POOM! FWAP! IIIAH! VWIP! YARGH! !!!

Mariko: Are you gonna eat or not?!

Mina: …

Miguel: Owww… Why’re you all picking on me?

Iyannah: Owww!!!

Dante: I didn’t even DO anything…

Box: To be continued…

 

Poster

 

FRONT:

[Notes only]

 

Aspile – Dressmaker pins

Batangas balisong – Switchblade from Batangas

Hindi si Majin Boo – Not Majin Boo

Arnis – Philippine martial arts using a pair of sticks

BBQ-stick na putol – Cut up barbecue sticks

Hindi sa ODID – Not from ODID

Hindi pagong – Not a turtle

 

BACK:

[Notes only]

 

Da Bhoss: You should’ve… let me… duck first…

Ilog: I am ZUMA!!!  Those who don’t believe me will… wil… aaa… will get beaned by a bucket! That’s right…

 

Cat’s Trail

Story and Art by: E.A. Damaso

Color Flats: Evil Groobs

 

Episode 9: Thieves’ Guild

 

Box: Havanna.  A country in the southeastern side of continental Memeria…

Box: Just like Manira, this place is a trading center.

Box: Many different products could be bought here at low prices.

Box: You also meet different people.

Guy 1: Come buy here!  Fake CDs!

Guy 2: This flashlight doesn’t work!  It doesn’t even have a battery slot.

Guy 3: Hmm… Dante… already caught…

Box: There’re the rich, the poor, foreigners…

Box: …and some opportunists!

Voice 1: …that’s too expensive…

Voice 2: Hey!  Bring that here!

Voice 3: …There’s no brand.  Are you sure that’s original?…

***

Kid: There!

Kid: He-he-he!  You’re mine!

Voice 1: Miss, come buy yourself a wok!  Ai-Mac colors!  Cheap…

Voice 2: I wonder where the tournament area is?  I think I went to the wrong place…

Guy: Ha!?!

FWIST!

CHINK! CHINK! CHINK!

Lizard: What the–?

Guy: You little runt!!! Gimme back my money!!!

Guy: When I get my hands on you… I’ll pound you!!!

PLAG

Girl: Ay!!!  You boor!

Kid: Nya-nya-nya-nya-nyaaa!!!  You’re bones are already brittle, old man!  Try drinking some milk first!!!

Guy: Why you!… Come here, I’ll teach you a lesson!

Man: Wait, friend…

Man: Calm down!  I want to help you!  You’re new here, right?  Listen up.

***

Man: You see those two over there?  They’re with the kid…

Man: If you continue after her, you’ll get yourself in worse trouble.

Man: You know what I mean, right?

Guy: Ulp.

Goon: Hmp!

Goon: Come on!

Box: This is the thieves’ guild.  An organization much feared in Havanna.

Box: Even the local authorities are stumped when it comes to dealing with this group.  It is not known whether they’re just too cunning or if it’s because the people tasked with patrolling the area are not so competent…

Hff hff hff hff hff hff

Box: These bandits fear nothing, hold nothing sacred, never back out of anything.  No one knows where they come from or where they are based…

Box: Who would even think that their stronghold lies within the very walls of Havanna Castle?

Box: In the heart of the kingdom.

Box: Then again, who would be crazy enough to start a bandit group in a place where the king, queen, and their kin reside, along with the highest officials of the kingdom and over a thousand strong elite soldiers?

Box: …they must have a screw missing in the heads…

***

Box: It may also be that they’re just looking for some action.

Box: A daily test of their skills.

Box: And when they reach the “magical doorway” to their stronghold… (located at the heart of the gardens)

Guard: Ha?

SHF

Box: No one will be able to come after them!

Box: And the next stop…

Box: …is the thieves’ guild!

VORP!

Box: Meanwhile, in another part of the structure…

***

Girl: Whew!  Bath time, finally.  It’s too hot these days.

Girl: With the gimik later, I should be “presentable”.  Hehehehe-heh…

Girl: Speaking of gimik, I wonder how Airee and Polaris are doing.  They’re been gone too long.  They just said they had business at the Iron Maiden.*

HWEEE

Girl: What’s go…?

Girl: What the!!!

BLOOSH!

*: Issue 1 – ed

***

Girl: That’s weird… what was…?

HAAAAAAA

SPLOOSH

Girl: Nyah!

Whp whp whp

Airee: Whompers?!

Whompers: Airee?!?

Airee: Hahaha!  I’m back.  At last! Haha!

Whompers: Yeah!

Splish! Splish! Splish!

Whompers: Just… waitaminute… you came out of the ceiling?  And why were you shining?  Was that really you?

Airee: Ehe!

Whompers: Heeeyyy… that’s a cute bell!  A little too big, though.  Where’d you get it?

Whompers: Is that really gold or just brass?

Airee: Whompers… About Polaris…

Whompers: Oh, what about Polaris?

***

Airee: He’s… he’s…

SPLOOSH!

Whompers: Ngya!

Polaris: I’M ALIVE!!!

Polaris: Geez!  Haaaaak!  Huuuuu… what… haaaa… happened?… Hiiiiiii… we were just… at the cave… then…

Polaris: Pwe!  Pwe! [Spit! Spit!]

Polaris: Hmm…. The water’s soapy.  Smells good too!…

Splik!  Splak!

Airee: POLARIS!

Polaris: Hm? I know that voice!  Airee?…

Polaris: AIREE!

***

DOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Polaris: A… aaaa…

Polaris: …aa…

Polaris: I think I’m in the wrong place…

Whompers: Grrr…

Airee: Ehe…

PAK! BOG!

Whompers: Out, the both of you!  OUT!!! We’ll talk later!!!

SMASH!!!

***

Box: Meanwhile, at the police station…

[Trans Note: Pardon the phonetics on Damahayhay’s part.]

Damahayhay: Coffee, ser.

Damahayhay: Ehem!… A… sehr, from hwhich shtashion whill whe be phicking up Airee?  I have fhull khonfidhence that hyou alreadhy have her in khostudy…

Damahayhay: After all, mhany khriminals have alreadhy fhallen tho your supherior bhrains and mhight…

Poppy: Hmp!

Damahayhay: Dhante…

Dante: At least this time I’m not naked.

Damahayhay: …Isiah…

Isiah: I’m missing an arm… grrrrrrr…

Damahayhay: Even Vhash D’Valasuvash khuldn’t eshcape hyou! [Trans Note: “Valasuvash”… err… “balasubas” – swindler.]

Vhash: Huhuhu… how’d I get mixed up in this?

Damahayhay: That’s why hyour my idol, sherip!  Hyou are the onlhy huwan who will bhee able to catch the khanning Airee.  I’m shure she is trehmbling in a dhark cell whaiting fhor us to phick her up….

Damahayhay: Whe are alreahdy antishipating hyour succesh…

Damahayhay: …Which is why we have khaytering, dhecorashions, ordhered a cake, bhought ghifts… all for you, sherip!!!

SHERIFF POPPY – THE BEST

Guys: We love sheriff! We love sheriff! We love sheriff!

***

Poppy: You wasted headquarters’ money for a party?!?

Poppy: You used up our fund for such a worthless thing?!?

Damahayhay: No, sehr.  Actually, whe also bhought the new Abdominatrix 2002 with the erghonomic form, easy to use, excellhent performance, maximum benefit!

Guy 1: Yeheeey!!!

Guy 2: Woohoo!!!

Damahayhay: Jhust phlug it intho a regular whall socket.  Tuhrn on the switch.  And that’s all you nheed for a cohmplete whorkout!

Damahayhay: Hyou could alsho use 20 AA batteries.

Clik! Wap! Wap! Wap! Wapis! Wap! Wapis!

Damahayhay: But wait!  We didn’t ghet just one, nhot two, bhut three!  Three Abdominatrix 2002’s!  And Lhook at the reshults…

Bubble: Limited offer only!!!

Amazing value!!! Before:9000gp Now: 8999.95gp

Call Now: 042-9484-8818-8188.  Valid only in Memeria

Order within the next 3 hours and we’ll give you a free steak knife set.  Perfect for all that eating!

Poppy: DAMAHAYHAY!!!

B-KAM!!!

Sgt. Damahayhay’s Notes:

Damahayhay: Fhor the shake of our rheadersh, there are onlhy two channels ahvailable in the polish shatashion: One lhate breaking news channel (that’s alwhays lhate) and one home TV shopping channel that we whatch more often.  That’s how bhored whe are…

Guy 3: Hurry!

Guy 4: The police station’s roof’s broken again?

Guy 5: Good grief!

***

Whompers: …So Poppy almost caught you again?  It’s your fault… you know you’re good, if only you weren’t so careless.  And you even LEFT the golden raccoon?!*

Airee: C’mon, Whompers… this is embarrassing…

Polaris: Snf! Snf! Huhu…

Whompers: You still have a lot of things to tell.  Where’d that bell come from?  And you said there were three of you… who’s the third one?  Is he one of us?  Where is he?  I’m apprehensive over what happened, Airee…

Airee: You see…

Airee: This is what happened…

Chink!  Chink!  Chink!

Kid: Heh!

Kid: You didn’t say you were coming today… Airee!

*: See Issue 1 –ed

***

Airee: Bridgette!!!

Airee: You just came from your racket?  Looks like you got a lot today.  You’re almost past my skill level! Ehem!  Ehem!  Ehem!

Bridgette: Of course!

Guy: You cause a great diversion.  While that guy was after you and all hell broke loose, some of us managed to pull one over the shoppers.  Hehe!

Man: I also helped in that!  I put on a great act, right?

Guy:  You’re the best, “Mr. Klynn”!

Bridgette: Ok, right?

Whompers: I have a bad feeling about that bell.  Almost like we’ll be having a big problem soon.

Whompers: I wonder why I feel this way.

Airee: …But I’m still better than you…

Bridgette: Meow!

***

Cat’s Trail Extra:

Alien: I am Mr. Alien!!!

Alien: I will cause havoc in all of Memeria! Nyahahahahahah!

Alien: There!  A victim!  I have to bring her to our planet as a shoe-shiner!

Karin: Chew!  Chew!

L-gin: Gimme some.

Karin: CHEW!

Karin: This’s mine.  Cook your own…

Alien: Gotcha!

Karin: Lemme go!  Where’re you taking me?!

Lgin: Uh-oh!  This’s bad!

Lgin: The Boss should know about this.

Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap!

Arrow: The Boss.

Lgin: Boss… boss…

Boss: Yes, my faithful and obedient Lgin?  Why do you look so worried?

Boss: Where’s Karin?  Not yet done with breakfast?

Lgin: She was abducted by an alien that looked like a marshmallow.

Boss: Ha?!  We must save her.  She still has a lot of work, right?

Lgin: I do also do those, actually.

Boss: Is that so?  Let’s not get her back.  I’ll just give you a bonus, and you take her place.  I’ll take care of the food…

Box: Angel Mei.  The Boss.  No wings yet in this episode.  She metamorphoses when she needs them.  To be continued…

 

Raven’s Moon

Story: Rosa Malaya Mulimbayan

Pencils and Watercolor: Kathryn Buenavista

Panelling: April Asis

Clean-up and “Financial Stuff”: Jillian Caselle Hidalgo

Special Thanks To: Jake Matias, for the poem; Mia Isabella Mulimbayan, Cristina Rivas, Ezza Medina

 

I’ve often read of outside looking in

Or of times when it’s inside looking out

Of sweet passions and bitter frustrations

Of lovely flowers and bloody deaths

Violent and absurd nightmares.

 

I’ve often come across visions

Dream of green leveled plains

Or white snow-capped mountains

Of truth and lies

Of love and hate

Hope.

 

Once on a well-lit night

I saw a man with a tear on his face

An image in the glass

A specter

 

Reflections, both outside looking in

And inside looking out, cry.

 

Guy: The full moon…

Guy: It’s common for me to see the moon.

Guy: In truth, it is more often my companion than the sun.

Guy: I’ve come to enjoy looking at it.

Guy: I can’t explain it but…

Guy: I feel better when I see it.

Guy: The moon’s like a silent friend.

Guy: A companion in my solitude.

Guy: A witness in every event in my life.

Guy: A judge that sees all of my actions.

Guy: …Of all the souls I harvest without discretion.

***

Guy: In this line of work, there’s no salvation, no light, no companionship.

Guy: Which is why it’s better that the moon is with me.

Guy: That way, I’m not alone.

Guy: Alone…

Guy: Who’m I kidding?

WAAK

***

Guy: What’re you doing?

Girl: I’m feeding my family.

Guy: Ravens?

Girl: They’re my only companions.  We’re both scorned by society.  We’re always being judged and evaded.

KAW

Girl: I like being with them.  They don’t hurt you.  They don’t insult you.

Girl: Not like people.  Always judging others, proud, narrow-minded.  It’s disgusting to think… that I’m human too.

***

Guy: I was speechless.

Guy: It was like talking to myself.

Girl: Hey… just who are you?

Girl: And what are you doing here?

Guy: Ahh!  Nothing!  Just passing through!

Guy: My name’s Raven, by the way… and you?

Girl: I’m Luna.

Luna: I’m glad to meet you, Raven.  You have a beautiful name.

Raven: Really!?

Raven: So’s yours.

Raven: That was the start of our friendship.

Raven: In her I found someone who understands me.

Raven: …Someone who would stand by my every despair and catches my happiness moments, however few…

Raven: My heart went out to her.  Maybe it’s because the both of us have no one else.  Sad.

Raven: Now that we’re together, I no longer feel that.  It’s the same with her.  But…

***

Raven: I could no longer escape my grim fate.

Guy: Raven, there order’s in.

Raven: And the day I was fearing dawned.

Raven: What!?  This’s impossible!

Raven: Chris, this isn’t true!

Chris: You know they never make mistakes when it comes to orders.

Chris: How could you say that it isn’t true?

Raven: This ISN’T true!  Why do I have to dispose of her?  She has nothing to do with our enemies!

Chris: But she has something to do with you.

Raven: What?!

Chris: Have you forgotten are laws?  It is forbidden to get involved with people outside of our organization.  They won’t permit weakness.  Especially from you, the hitman of the group.  You shouldn’t have let yourself get soft.

Chris: Maybe they heard that you’re losing your concentration in your work.

Chris: I’m sorry… but… there’s nothing we could do but to obey.  This is our life.

***

Raven: Luna.

Luna: Raven!  You’re here!

Raven: I have something to confess… about my true self…

Luna: Huh!

Raven: And my work…

Luna: Wh-what do you mean?

Raven: It’s time that you know… as an executioner for the underground society, I have been given an order… and I must obey.

***

Raven: Please forgive me…

SSH…

Raven: I got you into this…

Luna: What’re you afraid of, Raven?  If you don’t do this, just think of what they’ll do to you.

Luna: You don’t have anything to worry about.  Because of you, I’ve seen the goodness of people.  Thank you for opening my eyes to a truth that I’ve forgotten.  Because of that, I owe you my life.

Luna: Thank you… my raven.

Raven: No… my life is yours…. If you only knew what you’ve done for me…

Raven: …Of how you illuminated my world…

Raven: Like the moon at night…

BLAG

Chris: Hm?

***

Raven: Done…

Chris: That blood…

Chris: …OK.  That one’s done.

Chris: I’ll tell them.

Raven: The moon’s truly beautiful…

Raven: And it’s still with me.

Raven: But unlike before… I’m no longer alone.  Thank you for your light…

Raven: Luna…

Box: The End.

 

CARTOONIST SPOTLIGHT: A Tribute to Larry Alcala

[Notes only]

 

Samahang Kartunista ng Pilipinas – Cartoonists’ Union of the Philippines (literally)

Asiong Aksaya – Wasteful Asiong

Mang Ambo – Mr. Ambo

Siopawman – Meat bun man (lit.)

Kalabog en Bosyo – Kalabog and Bosyo

Probinsyano – country bumpkin, someone from the province

 

FAST FACT:

 

Karinderya – Roadside canteens

Gulay – vegetables

 

DA BHOSS ON HOW WE DRAW WRITE 9

 

Da Bhoss: Waaaahhh!!!  I can’t take it anymore!!! [Trans Note: “Ayoko Na” – literally means, “I don’t want to anymore.”]

 

LETTERS TO THE STAFF:

[Fragments and those is Filipino]

 

 

Culture Crash™, Solstice Butterfly™, One Day, Isang Diwa™, PASIG™, Cat’s Trail™ and the other names, logos and all related characters in this translation are ™ and © 2002 Culture Crash Comics/J. C. Palabay Ent., Inc. and their respective owners.