Cawson St. Church of Christ

November 14, 2004

Mural Worthey

Singlehood-Is It Better Than Marriage?

Introduction

The states of being a single adult and married have been often discussed throughout religious history. It was a prominent discussion under the Jewish and Christian periods with extreme and opposite views being taken. Scriptures were used by both extremes to support their views.

The primary religious question related to one’s marital status is this—Which state promotes spirituality or closeness to God more? Does sexuality defile a person? Or is God pleased with one more than the other? When John described the 144,000, he said, “These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins.” (Rev. 14:4.) Notice that it is the woman who defiles the man, not the man who defiles the woman! The 144,000 must be all celibate men, by such reasoning.

Another closely related question to this subject is—How is a person justified? By his own personal righteousness and holiness? Celibacy and asceticism is a search for self-justification. Those going down this path also add to voluntary celibacy, voluntary poverty (the rich young ruler), desire for martyrdom, and absolute obedience. In the Catholic Church, celibacy became obligatory for priests, not voluntary, as it is to this day. (History of the Christian Church, Vol. 2, Philip Schaff, 395f.) The excessive regard for celibacy and the accompanying depreciation of marriage date from about the middle of the second century and reach their height in the Nicene age. (Schaff, 399.) Jerome, in the fourth century, held up the clergy as the ideal aim of the saint to “cut down the wood of marriage by the axe of virginity.” He was willing to praise marriage, but only as the nursery for virgins. (Schaff, 413.) Augustine felt very uncomfortable with his sexuality, associating it with sinfulness and defilement.

Definition of terms

Celibacy refers to the practice of abstention from marriage and sexual intercourse. It means to live alone, literally. There is voluntary and obligatory celibacy.

Asceticism is a doctrine that promotes strict self-denial as a means of religious discipline. It is based upon the false notion that the flesh and matter are inherently evil. (See Col. 2:20-23.)

Eunuchs are emasculated men who were often put in charge of harems and were also trusted officials to the king. Jesus referred to three ways in which one could be a eunuch: by birth, by force, and by choice. (Matt. 19:12.)

Chastity refers to purity or innocence of unlawful sexual intercourse. One should be chaste whether married or single. (Titus 2:5.)

Single Adult is one who has never married or who is single again due to death or divorce. One author (Gary Beauchamp in God Loves the Single, Too, 1978.) pointed out that our language about our status in life is based upon the married state as the reference point. For example, we ask, What is your marital status? We refer to singles as those who have never been married. Why not refer to one who is married as one who was previously single? Instead of divorced, why not say single again? Our reference point is the married state, not the single state.

Issues Driving the Debate

Feminism. We could call this view as one of the evidences of a conflict between the sexes. There is a problem when one sex, male or female, exalts itself above the other. Webster defines feminism as the theory of political, economic and social equality of the sexes. But much more is involved that this innocent sounding definition. The feminist doctrine does not promote singleness of women on grounds of spirituality or devotion, but rather on grounds of hostility toward men. Rosemary Radford Ruether, the leading voice for feminists, said that women need men like fish need a bicycle!

It is true throughout history that some men have abused women. Women should never accept abuse from their husbands. Paul taught that men should love their wives, as Jesus loved the church and gave himself for it. (Eph. 5:25.) Women should have equal opportunities for economic gain, for participating in elections (women’s suffrage granted in 1920 in USA—this is shameful that our country was so long in allowing women the right to vote), and for personal happiness. Jesus exalted the place of women in the midst of a patriarchal society.

Ugly and false views against women have been expressed. Tertullian called women “the devil’s gateway.” Augustine claimed that women possessed the image of God only when joined with a man. Aquinas assumed that women could not be leaders in society or the church because they are “misbegotten males” destined for subjugation. Muhammad wrote that men have a status above women and that men should beat disobedient wives. (Koran, Surah 2, ayet 228.)

The beloved Gospel preacher, Marshall Keeble was once teaching against the role of women being preachers. A woman preacher objected to his comments saying, Do you not know that if it were not for a woman (Mary), you wouldn’t have a Savior? Keelbe replied, Yes, I do know that. But did you know that if it wasn’t for a woman (Eve), I would not need a Savior!

A search for purity and holiness. Judaism strongly promoted marriage, not only as something natural but also as an obligation. Men and women should marry, they believed. Men wanted sons more than daughters. Singleness and barrenness were opposed and despised. Yet, in the midst of Judaism sprang a group called the Essenes. The first century Jewish historian described the Essenes. So also did Philo, a Jewish historian, and Pliny, a Roman historian.

Josephus wrote: “The Essenes reject pleasures as vice. They despise marriage thought they do not absolutely repudiate it, but they are suspicious of women. They despise riches and have all things in common. There were some Essenes who did not avoid marriage.” (ISBE, vol. 2, 999.) Essenes withdrew from society at large and lived in communes. They lived simple lives of devotion and hard work.

In a world of licentiousness and lewdness, some rebelled against the sinfulness of the day by seeking complete sexual purity by absolute abstention and self-denial. In the ancient world, you find two extremes; those who gave themselves over to sexual gratification and those who rejected any sexual expression even in marriage.

Legalism and asceticism. History shows that monasticism flourished among the Essenes, Hindus, Buddhists, and Catholics. We could say that monasticism is an effort to find one’s own righteousness before God. (Rom. 10:1f.) If one rejects the righteousness of God by faith in Jesus’ atonement, then one must seek justification by self-righteousness and holiness of life. Law-systems, like the world religions, Judaism, and legalistic forms of Christianity, do not have a Savior. Therefore, they seek to save themselves. One expression of that effort is a withdrawal from the pleasures of marriage and the family. The Buddha, as a young prince, left his wife and young son sleeping in the night to begin a life of self-denial and search for meaning in life. Without knowing the truth of God, men seek to find their way to God alone. This leads to asceticism, poverty and desire for martyrdom.

Questionnaire

I gave a questionnaire to singles from Cawson Street and Broad Street churches. Here are some things that I learned from their answers.

1)    Most said that the messages that they hear apply to singles as well to couples, but one added that one church placed so much emphasis upon marriage and the family that those who were single felt left out. Most sermons at one church were directed to the married and “every Sunday morning, there was a family prayer.”

2)    Do you feel that being single is especially difficult in our society? Six to one said, yes.

3)    Do you find it difficult to find a single Christian person to date? Every one said, yes.

4)    Are you single by choice? Five to two said, no. Most did not choose to be single. It just worked out that way.

I was told two stories about some experiences of single members. A young, single woman in her mid-20s told what an elder/deacon said to her about her being single. He asked her if she felt “unfulfilled” as a single woman because as a woman she was not fulfilling God’s plan for her life by remaining single, since women were made for men. Another young woman in her mid-20s was a member of the church in Arkansas converted her husband before marrying him. But after marriage, he beat her, cheated on her, and they divorced within the first year. She was approached by an elder in the church who told her, “You know that you never have a right to remarry.” She no longer worships at that church.

We have made single adult Christians to feel like second class members of the church, and even worse we have sometimes added to their pain. That is especially true of those who have been divorced. We have even taught that the divorced maybe can be members of the church, but they must sit on the back seat and never be used in the worship services. (I heard that statement from a professor in a Bible class in college.)

Biblical References

Revelation 14:4. “These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb.” Since this is scene of the redeemed around the throne of God, doesn’t this passage support the view that celibacy is the best state? The 144,000 are those who were not defiled with women.

The answer is no, because this is a spiritual description of the redeemed using physical terms. In the imagery, Babylon, that great city, made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication. (14:8.) In chapter 17, the sinful woman riding the beast has on her forehead, Babylon the Great, the mother of harlots and abominations of the earth. (17:5.) The symbolism is that Rome has tempted other nations to worship her idols. This is according to Scripture called spiritual adultery. The redeemed are pictured as pure men who refused to worship the image of Caesar or the other gods of Rome. The reference to “women” is to the many gods of Rome; they are not wives in general. The Bible says that the “bed is undefiled.” (Heb. 13:4.)

Matthew 22:30. “For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.” It is true that we will not be male and female in heaven. We will not marry, but we will be like the angels of God. Some argue that since we will not have sexual relations in heaven, then that must be a better state than the married state. If we had physical bodies in heaven, then the point might be valuable. But we will have spiritual bodies. Now, on earth, we have physical sexual bodies.

In heaven, we will not need to eat or drink as we do on earth. Does that mean that we should stop eating and drinking now? On earth, in earthly bodies, it is suitable to do earthly things (not sinful). In heaven with spiritual bodies, we will be suited to do heavenly things. We have borne the image of the earthly, and we will bear the image of the heavenly.

(1 Cor. 15:49.)

Matthew 19:12. “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” Some press Jesus’ words too far applying them to every person. That everyone, for the kingdom of heaven’s sake, can be celibate. Many church fathers pressed the single life of Jesus as an example of purity. He was also born of a virgin, not by the union of a man and woman. But Jesus remained single, not because there was something sinful with marriage, but because of his mission. Paul remained single, not because there was something inherently sinful about marriage, but because of his work.

Paul once asked, “Have we not power (or right, NIV) to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and the brethren of the Lord and Cephas? Or I only and Barnabas, have not we power to forbear working?” (1 Cor. 9:5-6.) Paul said that he had the right to have a wife if he so desired.

1 Corinthians 7:7. “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.” Some argue that Paul desired everyone to be celibate. Think about it. If everyone was as Paul, the generations of men on earth would cease! He said once that he had the right to marry as others did. Paul urged the Corinthians to remain in the state in which they were called. He advised the unmarried and widows not to marry, but if they did, they did not sin. All these comments from Paul were because of the present distress they were under. (7:26.) This whole chapter must be read with “the present distress” in mind. Paul also was giving his advise, not commandments from the Lord. Only once in this chapter did he state the words of the Lord as a commandment to the Corinthians. (7:10.) The command was that no one should depart from their mate. No one had the right to depart. They had marital obligations to one another.

Conclusions

What can we conclude about being single or married? Is one state better than, or holier, than another?

1)    God made us male and female. The normal relationship is for the two to be joined together in marriage and become one flesh. Only in this way can the race continue. God commanded men to multiply and replenish the earth. Most of those responding to the questionnaire said that they were not single by choice.

2)    Marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled. (Heb. 13:4.) Being single does not defile; being married does not defile.

3)    Some have the gift of celibacy; others do not. (1 Cor. 7:7.) To be celibate should be a choice. (Matt. 19:12.)

4)    The Corinthians were teaching that it was good for a man not to touch a woman. But the Bible says that it is not good that the man should be alone.

5)    Paul wanted everyone, single and married, to live without anxiety. (1 Cor. 7:32.) We should live in view of eternal life with God. The fashion of the world passes away.