September 19, 2004

Mural Worthey

Cawson St. Church of Christ

Hopewell, Virginia 23860

Introduction

Last Sunday we noted great principles by which we should live our lives. Every person lives by some principles, consciously or unstated. If we wrote down these principles of life on paper and looked at them, we would probably be shocked. Instead of living by faith in God with purpose, many have chosen unbelief. Instead of living unselfishly, many are self-centered and self-willed. "The principle of the thing" for many is about self and money and pleasure.

The Bible is a book of principles by which we should live. I want to present some biblical principles on relationships. People fail to get along with one another because these basic principles are rejected. There is a way to enjoy the presence of others and really love one another.

There is a terrible misunderstanding about relationships that needs to be cleared away from the beginning. Having good friends and a close circle in your family does not mean that you necessarily are living by the right principles. You can always find people who will agree with you. Drinking buddies have a good time together. They have a common goal. People who join clubs are associating with one another upon previously stated reasons. You know before you join what the rules are. People who are racially prejudiced get along with one another. Terrorists have a common bond. Our world is divided along these lines of groups with narrowly defined goals. You just look around long enough and you will find one that fits your tastes. . . one where you will fit in without any changing on your part. That is how people treat religion. There is a religious group for every person.

But I am not talking about just getting along with others. There are some people that you ought not to get along with! That may mean some within your own family. Common agreement is not the ultimate goal. I am talking about biblical principles for relationships.

Jesus gave one of the most fundamental and helpful rules for relationships when he taught, "Therefore all things whatsoever you would that men should do to you, do you even so to them; for this is the law and the prophets." (Matt. 7:12.) No wonder this is styled the golden rule for relationships.

It is a simple statement of fairness. People recognize this behavior quickly. They reward it with fair treatment to you. It is based upon the general truth that no one likes to be mistreated. The Bible goes even further than this. It teaches that you treat others fairly even when they do not treat you that way. So that we might be like God, Jesus taught, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you." (Matt. 5:44.)

There are many reasons why people will not respond to you in kindness and the good way that you treat them. They may disagree with your worldview as a Christian. They may be self-centered and immature. But treating even our enemies fairly is the Christian way and it will help to change their minds.

The ideal situation is for two people to live by the same rule. To treat others the way you want to be treated. Good relationships are built upon this simple but profound principle. This principle works for all relationships—friends, family, enemies, fellow Christians.

"You know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you. But whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister. And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant. Even as the Son of man came not be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many." (Matt. 20:25-28.)

"Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love, in honor preferring one another." (Rom. 12:10.)

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but made himself of no reputation and took upon him the form of a servant and was made in the likeness of men. And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." (Phil. 2:3-8.)

When Jesus said that the greatest would be your minister, he was not using the word minister the way we do to refer to the preacher at a local congregation. He was describing the way that every Christian should behave toward one another. This principle is known as having the attitude of servanthood. No one appreciates a self-appointed chief over the group. The apostles were quarreling over who would be the greatest in the Lord’s Kingdom. Of course, they meant under the Lord himself. He would be the greatest of all, but they wanted positions of power under him and over others. They were positioning for such places of honor. What a shock to them to understand that the greatest would be the servant!

Jim McGuiggan wrote, "There were thirteen men in the upper room that night. Twelve lords and one servant. Yes, twelve lords and one servant! Only one in that room knew anything about service. The others had just had a quarrel over who was the greatest. And Jesus does a servant’s work." (The God Who Wore a Towel, 78.) Jesus did not act like a servant for a few years in order to live another kind of life afterwards. This is who Jesus is now. This mind of Christ existed before the incarnation. It is what led to the incarnation.

Why do people want positions of power over others? They think that it makes them somebody. Have you ever noticed that folks who exalt themselves over others are weak and immature people? It is true that only strong people can humble themselves and serve others. The greater your maturity and confidence in Christ the more completely you can give your life for others. Jesus is the perfect example of being a servant. He is loved and appreciated for it to this day. If Jesus had exalted himself and wanted an earthly position of power over others, he would long ago have been forgotten along with all others who vainly seek self-recognition.

Mothers are greatly loved because of their self-sacrifice for the good of their families. What else can explain why big overgrown men listen to their mother’s advice? It is because she is great in the best definition of the word.

Jesus said to follow the golden rule is the law and the prophets. (Matt. 7:12.) In a similar statement, he answered a question concerning the greatest commandment in the Law. He answered that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. He concluded, "On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." (Matt. 22:40.) That is, here is a principle that is so comprehensive that if it is followed, you will automatically fulfill all the other commandments.

Jesus said, "A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one to another." (John 13:34-35.)

In shameful contrast, the lawyers and scribes who were tempting Jesus would probably have placed keeping the Sabbath Day or even circumcision as the greatest commandment. In like manner, what we put in the place of love today reveals a lot about us and our misunderstanding of Christianity. We divide and despise others who disagree with us because we have chosen the less significant things religiously rather than love for one another.

It was a new commandment in the sense that it is now commanded to extend to all people—good, bad, friend and foe. It is new in that our love should be based upon his love for us. (1 John 4:19.) One of the most powerful reasons for loving one another is because of God’s love for us. Love is greater than all other Christian traits or gifts. The crowning virtue is love. It is the primary mark of maturity in the faith. It is the only proper foundation for all relationships. The first two principles that we named—the golden rule and serving one another are based upon love.

Some people never mature. Some characteristics of children, which are alright as long as they are children, are: 1) They become very upset over personal hurt. The smallest injury demands attention. 2) Children want to be the center of attention. 3) They must be taught to be thankful. They take the good things of life for granted. 4) Children owe nobody anything. Their desire is to get for themselves, but not to give. 5) Children are self-centered. They live in a world that revolves around themselves. Nothing destroys relationships faster than for adults to act like children.

When one matures, life is not about gaining for oneself all the time. Tears are often shed for the hurts of others rather than for self. Gratitude flows for the good done and gifts given. Love says, I am a debtor to the Greeks, barbarians, wise and unwise. Love serves others. It is warm, inviting and forgiving. Love is the bond that is strong enough to hold all kinds of relationships together. It will hold husbands and wives together for a lifetime. It will hold churches together and friends and communities and nations. Hate and mistrust destroys.

There is a tendency among human beings to pull away from one another when there is a difference. Instead of continuing to talk to one another, we destroy the relationship by refusing to talk any more. It is admittedly easier to talk when there is agreement and more difficult when there are differences. But communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. If husbands and wives stop talking the relationship is dead. Likewise, it is so with parents and children, friends, and fellow Christians.

Note these areas of communication in the Bible: 1) "Pray without ceasing." (1 Thess. 5:17.) 2) "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has aught against you, leave there your gift before the altar and go thy way. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift." (Matt. 5:23-24.) 3) "Let no communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. . . Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. Be you kind tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you." (Eph. 4:29, 31-32.) 4) Preaching the message of the cross is communicating the love of God for love man. (1 Cor. 1:18, 23.) 5) Paul wrote to many churches, even to those who had some who did not support Paul’s work. "O, you Corinthians, our mouth is open unto you, our heart is enlarged. You are not straitened in us, but you are straitened in your own bowels. Now for a recompense in the same, (I speak as unto my children), be you also enlarged." (2 Cor. 6:11-13.)