Last Sunday we presented a few of the important biblical principles of marriage. They were: a) Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it, b) In marriage, two become one, c) Love is the foundation for marriage, and d) In marriage God has planned our happiness and fulfillment in this life. Marriage does not extend into eternity. (Matt. 22:28-30.)

God designed marriage. It can work if we follow the biblical principles given to us in His Word. What the world and society tell us about marriage is false. If you listen to them, you will destroy your marriage and home. For example one best-seller is titled, Open Marriage, Nena and George O’Neill; another destructive book is Creative Divorce. And songs like the crude and rude lyrics and gyrations of pop and rock singers are helping to destroy a generation of young people. Older songs, like "Gentle on My Mind," by Glen Campbell, glamorize adultery and minimize marriage. Listen to the words of this song:

It’s knowin’ that your door is always open

And your path is free to walk

That makes me tend to leave my sleepin’ bag

Rolled up and stashed behind your couch

And it’s knowin’ I’m not shackled

By forgotten words and bonds

And the ink stains that have dried upon some line

That keeps you in the back roads

By the rivers of my memory

That keeps you ever gently on my mind

It’s not clingin’ to the rocks and ivy

Planted on their columns now that bind me

Or something that somebody said because

They thought we fit together walkin’

It’s just knowing that the world

Will not be cursing or forgiving

When I walk along some railroad track and find

That you’re movin’ on the back roads

By the rivers of my memory

And for hours you’re just gentle on my mind

Though the wheat fields and clothes lines

And the junkyards and the highways come between us

And some other woman’s cryin’ to her mother

‘cause she turned and I was gone

I still might run in silence

Tears of joy might stain my face

And the summer sun might burn me till I’m blind

But not to where I cannot see

You walkin’ on the back roads

By the rivers flowin’ gentle on my mind

I dip my cup of soup back from a gurglin’ cracklin’ cauldron

In some train yard

My beard a rustlin’ coal pile

And a dirty hat pulled low across my face

Through cupped hands ‘round a tin can

I pretend to hold you to my breast and find

That you’re waitin’ from the back roads

By the rivers of my memory

Ever smilin’, ever gentle on my mind

My marriage will be like a dream or fairytale. Some have unrealistic views of marriage and what it should be. There is nothing wrong with lofty ideals or hoping to marry a prince or princess one day. There is perhaps nothing wrong with taking occasional flights of fancy, so long as you quickly come back down to earth and reality. Marriage is a human relationship between a man and a woman. The problem with fairytales is that it is so hard for your real prince or princess to measure up to the make-believe image. I encourage you live in the real world of men, women, boys and girls, good days and bad days, problems, solutions, hurts and forgiveness.

Marriage will make me happy. Due to the false images that many have accepted from storybooks and Hollywood, they think that marriage will take away all their troubles and make them happy. Some come from troubled homes and they think that if they could just get away and marry quickly, anyone, they will be happier. You may, but you may not, especially if you marry too quickly and without understanding what produces happiness in marriage.

There is a strange thing about happiness. The more you directly seek for it; the harder it is to find it. The more you seek to make someone else happy; the easier it is to obtain it. The essence of selfishness is to seek for your own happiness without considering others. When you try to secure happiness for your mate, the more your mate will seek for your fulfillment. If you are immature and self-centered, no one can make you happy. Happiness and contentment come from within, not from without. It is not dependent upon external circumstances. Paul wrote, "For I have learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content." (Phil. 4:11.)

People are the same the world around

They’re always looking but never have found

The one thing for which all are striving

Some live happily; others, just surviving

For one moment of happiness, the rich would give their earnings

For one moment of happiness, the genius would give his learnings

Happiness is not a thing to be bought

Happiness is not a thing to be taught

Happiness is something that builds within one’s self

That grows and grows until there is no room left

For envy of others, jealousy or pride

To be happy you have to push these aside

And be able to see yourself as you truly are

And not always be reaching for the highest star

Judge others by what they are deep inside

Where true character traits abide

Happiness cannot be bought as a prize

It cannot be kept with deceit and lies

Its foundation must be built on truth and love

That we can obtain from our Father above

Some seem to think happiness is found

Where money and riches always abound

But happiness is only where people learn

That they can take but must give in return

Freely and willing from the depth of their heart

Then and only then will true happiness start

By Bonita Pearson, 1970, From the Christian Chapel Contender

People who sincerely love each other will not have any conflicts. A harmful notion that many believe is that when conflicts arise they should leave their mate and find someone else. Conflicts do not mean that your mate no longer loves you. We should all know that conflicts exist in every marriage. We should expect differences to exist between two people living so close together. Do not be surprised when the first conflicts arise. Expect them and be prepared to handle them the right way.

Conflicts exist because we are human beings who make mistakes. They exist because we are growing all the time. We are not where we should be yet in our maturity. Conflicts are resolved by listening to the other person. Often the matter at hand under discussion is not the real reason for the conflict. The cause is something else. The wife may feel that you are neglecting her or that you care more about hunting or sports than you care about her. The husband may feel that you are not as watchful of the family budget as you should be. These differences will arise over seemingly trivial things and may not be stated clearly. What you are arguing about is not the real issue.

There is a difference between healthy and unhealthy combat in marriage. You should fight fairly. Harmful conflicts are those where hostility is hurled at your partner, instead of the issue. Be careful of the words that you use when you are upset. Keep a close control over the words directed at your husband or wife. Do not say things in haste that you will later regret and harm your marriage.

The ability to fight properly may be the most important things for newlyweds to learn. Those who never learn how to express their disagreements are left with two harmful alternatives: 1) To turn the anger and resentment in silence where it festers and accumulates over the years, or 2) Blast away at the other person directly saying harmful things about them. Words are hard to forget when they penetrate so deeply.

Some are ready to abandon their marriage and mate because they have the mistaken notion that marriages are made in heaven. If you think you have married the one that God intended, then you might believe that you should not have any conflicts. If you have conflicts, then maybe you married the wrong one. This kind of thinking can be harmful to your marriage.

If it doesn’t work out, I can always get out. It is astonishing how some have trivialized marriage. It is a harmful idea for anyone to think that they can disregard God’s will concerning marriage without any consequences. First of all, it will harm you emotionally, psychologically, physically and spiritually. In marriage two are bound together emotionally. It should be and is difficult to walk away from someone that you love. Some never fully recover from the experience. They may need professional counseling. Secondly, if you are not faithful to your marriage vows, you have committed adultery. This is one of the Ten Commandments to Israel. (Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5.) Jesus also taught the same thing. Listen to him:

"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matt. 5:32.)

Malachi, the last prophet to Israel, wrote, "Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously." (Malachi 2:15-16.)

Paul wrote to a sin-laden church, "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the Kingdom of God. But such were some of you, but you are washed, but you are sanctified, but you are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Cor. 6:9-11.)

Modern society thinks little of the sin of fornication, but God counts it a serious matter. If one lives after the flesh, he is a lost person. "For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God." (Romans 8:6-8.)

It is not uncommon to hear about some who have been married for just one day; others for only a few years. In addition, it is becoming quiet common to know people who have had three, four and five marriages. One young woman called me to ask if I would perform a wedding for her. I told her that I needed to know some things about her and her husband to be. I asked if either of them had been married before. Though she was quite young, she said, Yes, but what does that have to do with it? I said, Well, it has a lot to do with it. You said in your first marriage in a vow before God and your friends that you would be faithful to one another until death. She replied that she did not say anything like that. I replied, Well, you should have!

"For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man." (Romans 7:2-3.) It is a biblical concept and truth that you say in your marriage vows that you will be faithful to one another until death.

Marriage is harmful and degrading to women. Feminists would have us believe that biblical marriage is harmful and demeaning to women. Nothing could be further from the truth. Marriage as designed by God and described in Scripture is a healthy and beneficial relationship for the man, the woman and children. Can anyone really believe that an "open marriage" relationship is beneficial and good for those so living and for the unfortunate children born to such homes? Can serious adults really believe that it would be a good thing for children to be raised by two men or two women? A married relationship where each strives to live by divine principles is wholesome and fulfilling.

It is true, of course, that in strong patriarchal societies, women have suffered abuse. They have been accused of causing Adam to sin and thus responsible for the present condition of the human race. Augustine and others taught that only the male was made in the image of God, but the woman was not so made. They taught that men should abstain from marrying women and seek a spiritual way of life. Celibacy became popular and marriage was disdained. Yet the Bible teaches that marriage is honorable in all. (Heb. 13:4.) When Jesus came, he elevated the status of women in society. A woman announced his resurrection to the apostles. He had close, devoted followers among women. It may be that women have responded more readily and in greater numbers to the Gospel than men because women were seeking the blessings of the way of life Jesus taught. Who would not want a husband who loved her like Jesus loved the church? One who loved her as he does his own body? No man ever yet hated his own flesh, but loves and cherishes it.