A/N: Sadly (or not depending on who you ask, I suppose) Shino does not get sexed up for his birthday. This is a clean story of men not bonding. XD

Pairings: none

Warnings: language

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"Happy Birthday, man," Naruto smiles, giving him a slap on the back before motioning to the bartender for another round. "Sorry for not getting you a stripper or anything. Sai volunteered, but I wasn't sure if that was your thing. He's probably still home if you want me to uh..." He gestures toward the door with his thumb, and behind dark glasses Shino rolls his eyes dramatically.

"This is fine, Naruto. Thank you."

"Ahhh, okay, man." He smiles again as if he's been given the answer to some great secret and starts glancing around the pub. Shino's fully aware of what his host is up to, but he was not raised to be rude. He'll endure it - for a brief amount of time - before thanking him once again and heading home. He doesn't have to wait long before his friend finds his mark.

Naruto leans a little closer and whispers (which is completely unnecessary; the place isn't exactly quiet,) "Third table from the door. Red shirt."

With a sigh, he turns toward his companion and glances out of the corner of his eye toward the target. He's completely unsurprised to find a drunken floozy with smeared lipstick eyeing him up.

"Sure thing," Naruto whispers with a grin, and Shino can do nothing but glare. It probably would have more effect without the sunglasses. Maybe. "No? How 'bout the brunette at the end of the bar?"

He doesn't even look; he simply forces a smile and says, "You're all the companionship I need tonight, Naruto-kun."

It's so very, very hard not to laugh at the sight of Naruto's blue eyes bugging out uncomfortably, but he is a master of self-control and, of course, triumphs. Besides, his reputation would be thoroughly shot to hell otherwise.

The blond is quiet for a few minutes, doing little more than drinking quickly and stealing awkward glances at him.

Shino thinks it's just about time for this little party to end, when Naruto suddenly punches him in the shoulder.

"Stop messin' with me, man! I think the only time I've seen you look creepier was when we went on that mission and you couldn't stop laughing! Oh! Oh, man! That was some crazy shit."

Naruto guffaws, and Shino seethes. He swore, fucking swore on his balls, that he'd never mention that again! Well, it's about time for him to pay up, he thinks.

Shino slowly pulls out a kunai and, examining his reflection in it, utters clearly and concisely so there is no misunderstanding, "You broke our agreement, so now I'm going to take your balls." He turns to look at Naruto then, who is wide-eyed and looking completely freaked the hell out.

"What the...?"

"Shall we do it right here on the bar? Or would you rather go to the men's room?"

Naruto doesn't answer, but Shino does hear him gripe all the way to the street about 'assholes worse than Sasuke' and 'never taking him out for his birthday again.'

It's the best birthday promise Shino's received in a long time. He smiles and finishes his drink blissfully companion-free.