BtVS - Change of Heart - Act One

(Posted 1/4/01)

"So how was the slaying while I was gone?" Riley asked as the two picked themselves up off the lawn.
"Oh, pretty busy, but just routine stuff." Buffy shrugged. "A bunch of angry young vamps trying to prove they didn't need Adam being their Pack Leader."
"But it went OK? You're OK?"
"Not a scratch, I swear," she reassured.
"Hey, I worry about you. You're not back in top form yet. And, well, you do tend to take a lot risks, you know."
"Riley - " Buffy began, but Riley cut her off.
"I know I sound like Responsible Army Guy here, but well, you do. And I do worry. So promise me you'll take it easy for a bit longer."
"Yes, sir!" she said, with a mock salute. Riley smiled. "And thank you," Buffy added after a pause.
"For what?"
"Worrying," she said, embracing him again.

"Is this a private hug or can anyone join?" said Xander, as he and Willow approached the couple.
"Hey Xander, Willow," said Riley.
"Sorry guys," said Buffy, breaking the embrace, "just refilling my Riley dosage in one big hit."
"S'okay," said Willow, her wide, knowing grin indicating she very much approved.
"So, Riles," interjected Xander, "how was life back on the farm?"
"Oh. Yeah, great."
"Did you, you know, have to shoot any of your old household pets that had gone crazy from rabies? Cos I hear that happens quite a lot."
"Er, no." Riley shook his head.
"Xander," scolded Buffy. "No teasing my farm boy. I'm sure he didn't kill anything." Buffy gave him a sidelong glance. "Right?"
"Right. Unless you count about half a million sticks of maize."
"You big ol' plant killer you," joked Xander.
"What about you guys?" asked Riley.
"Oh, you know," said Willow, with her customary "whatever" shrug. "Same thing we do every summer. Sit around and be bored, waiting for school to start so we can start wishing it was summer again. Oooh, plus we went to Disneyland!"
"My Dad took us," added Buffy. "A friend-bonding thing."
"The man is a prince among men," said Xander. "And may I just say again, for the record, that I went on Splash Mountain a grand total of 34 times in one day, a new world record," boasted Xander.
"It's a very important achievement for him," explained Willow apologetically.
"Right," said Riley.
"Willow's just mad that she only made 28 before she barfed," teased Xander.
"Hey!" said Willow. "That was your fault, you made me eat all that cotton candy, you know it makes me sick. I threw up on Gepetto."
"Yeah, Wil, what is it with you and Gepetto?"
"Well, he's scary, with that beard and everything. And who is he anyway? He's like some crazy woodcarver who thinks his toys are real - freaky."
"OK, you're psychoanalysing Gepetto now?"
"I swear," broke in Buffy "I can't take you two anywhere." She turned back to Riley "Anyway, it was way fun. I can show you some pictures tonight. We're having a party at Stevenson - can you come?"
"Tonight? Yup, no problem."
"Great! You can help me pick my classes too."
"Oooh, me too," said Willow. "I wanna take more psych, but I need to know which teachers are less likely to create killer demon robots in their spare time."
"It'll be a whole evening of college plannin' fun!" said Xander, hollowly.
Willow spotted the reason for his discomfort first. "Oh and hey, we can find you a new job, Xander."
"Yeah," Buffy echoed, catching on. "We can figure out what we're all going to do with our lives."

Buffy turned back to Riley, who was staring to his left and doing a small wave.
"Whassup?" she asked.
"Oh, nothing," Riley lied through a clenched smile. "I've just been spotted by Dale."
"Ugh," responded Buffy. "Want any backup?"
"No, it's OK," said Riley, "I got it this time."
He left the group and started walking towards the distant figure.
"What's that about?" asked Willow, concerned.
"Oh, no biggie. Dale is just annoying, is all. An old friend we can't quite shake."
They stared over at the two men. The one called Dale was dressed in a pressed white shirt, grey trousers and shiny black shoes. With the tie and the thick black glasses framing his all-too cheerful smile, he looked like Buddy Holly's far more boring twin.
"He looks a bit freaky," said Willow, still worried.
"Tell me about it," said Buffy. "He used to go to the same church as Riley, but then he decided he wanted more bash with his bible. So he started his own splinter group on campus."
"Student Evangelist??" said Xander with great alarm, jumping backwards. "Eeeyaghghgh," he shuddered dramatically. "Why didn't you warn us earlier?"
"Ewww," Willow echoed. "I hate those guys. There are some in Stevenson, and they made me come to their stupid prayer meeting last semester."
"Will, how could you?" Xander asked in horror.
"Well, they made me feel so guilty," said Willow, apologetically. "And they promised free pizza," she shrugged.
"Pizza and guilt: that'll do it, every time," said Buffy.
"Those brain-washing bastards," cursed Xander.

Dale stuck out his hand at a sharp angle, requiring an all-too formal handshake as Riley approached.
"It's good to see you, Riley," said Dale. "I hope you're keeping well?" he asked with rote precision.
"Just fine, Dale. Did you want something?"
"Well yes, actually. Are you doing anything tonight? I have a few things - "
"Sorry," said Riley, trying to hide a smile, "but tonight I've got a party. At Stevenson Hall."
"Oh perfect!" said Dale, exuberantly. "I didn't know there was a party! I'll meet you there."
"er...great!" stumbled Riley, gritting his teeth.
"Riley, on another matter: Did you perhaps get a chance to read the pamphlet I gave you before you left?"
"Umm, probably. I read a lot over the holidays, you know," Riley lied, uncomfortably.
Dale looked at him with a knowing glance, then smiled like a snake. "Mmm. You see, I was just observing your behaviour earlier and I really think you could be in trouble."
"My behaviour?" said Riley, confused.
"With your girlfriend - Buffy, isn't it?"
"What about Buffy?" Riley was getting mad.
"Hey, nothing, nothing. I just think you should keep in mind what the Bible teaches us about lust. This is a public place, after all. Do you really think your..activities before were appropriate behaviour for a Christian?"
"Last time I looked," said Riley slowly, "this was a free country."
"I'm just worried about your soul, Riley. Your relationship with Christ must come before your relationship with Buffy, right?"
Riley sighed. "Right."
"And it's so easy to forget that when we get swept up in lust."
"Right," Riley repeated, barely listening.
"Especially when one makes time with a girl like Buffy. I mean, you're an upright Christian man, Riley. I don't like to see you walking out with a girl who's so...well..."
"What?" Riley growled.
"It's the way she dresses, Riley. It's not modest. It's not respectable. She's, well, she's a -"
"Is jezebel the word you're grasping for?" cut in Buffy. Neither man had seen her approach and they both spun around in shock. "Or evil temptress maybe? Or perhaps," she continued, striking a threatening pose closer to Dale, "you prefer just plain, simple 'whore'?"
"B-Buffy!" stammered Dale. "Hey, like I always say, what you wear is your business, I'm just -"
"That's right. What I wear IS my business, Dale. And it isn't YOUR business. So shut up and get lost. Before I make it my business to kick your holy ass."
"Well," croaked Dale, shocked, "there's no need for crudeness." Then he quickly turned and scuttled away across the quad, occasionally glancing back in fear at the two of them.
"What a jerk. I can't believe you used to be friends with him," reflected Buffy, watching him go.
"Buffy, I'm really sorry," Riley began.
"It's OK. I know you were about to hit him for me." Buffy glanced up at him, slightly worried. "You were, right?"
"The Finn men are raised in the old school of chivalry. If you hadn't come along, I would have been challenging him to a duel to the death right about now."
"As is only due for a slight to your lady's honour," giggled Buffy.
"Right. And now, my fair lady," said Riley, bowing low with a sweeping hand, "shall we adjourn to the cafeteria to dine?"
Buffy did an impromptu curtsy, then took his hand. "Sounds delightful, Master Finn." They both giggled as they walked back to join the others.

Summer break was still a few days away from finishing so the cafeteria was deserted. Feeling conspicuous they ate quickly. The silence of the usually so noisy room hung on them. The now very tangible approaching school year hung over everything like heavy storm clouds and the smell of expectation was everywhere.
"So, um, Xander," Riley began, "do you have anything lined up right now?"
"Sadly, no, Riles. My employment possibilities remain as pathetic as usual, thank you for asking."
"What happened to the ice-cream thing?" Riley asked kindly.
"That was going particularly well, right up until they sprung that 'no having sex in the van' rule on me."
"Your boss caught you?" asked Riley, surprised.
"I wish," said Xander, bitterly.
"It was, um, some kids, actually," explained Willow. "Kinda disturbing for everyone involved."
"Yes, so can we please drop it? It's not an image I particularly want to dwell on."
"I bet the same goes for the kids," said Buffy with a smile. Xander just stared at her in disgust.
"So, Will," Buffy tried to fill the pause, "how's Miss Kitty?"
"Oh," perked up Willow, "er, just great, Buffy. Um, we built her a little bed now so she has her own little space."
"Cool. Space is important."
"Oooh, speaking of space," said Willow, happy to find a productive discussion topic, "we have to figure out our living arrangements for next year. The guy at Stevenson said we all had to reapply for our rooms, to go into the system again with the new people."
"Great," said Buffy sarcastically.
"I was thinking we could apply for a top floor room. We might not get it, but it would be kinda cool. OK, stairs, sure, that's an issue, but there's much less noise at night and the whole view thing is a plus."
"Will, you can't see anything from Stevenson. It overlooks the quadrangle."
"OK, sure, but it's a pretty quadrangle, right?" Willow countered.
Xander swallowed the last of his burger and stood up. "Well, I myself have to heading back to my charming little basement, which has a wonderful view of the crawl space. Buff, Will, I'll see you tonight. Riley, good to have you back," And with that, Xander was already striding away across the cafeteria.
"See ya!" called Willow and Buffy after him, but he was already gone.
"Poor Xander," said Buffy after a moment.
"He's still upset?" asked Riley.
"It's this time of year," said Buffy with a shrugh. "We're all starting new things, and I guess he sees himself still in the same place as always."
"And a dank, stinky place as well," added Willow.
Buffy shrugged. "I thought the party might cheer him up, make him feel more involved. But I think I just made things worse."
"Hey, go easy on yourself," Riley reassured her. "It's not your fault. He's just scared because he doesn't know what the hell to do with his life. I sure know how he feels." Riley added, staring into space, remembering.
Buffy felt the same memory and touched his arm. "I know."
"I think we all do. Get freaked out about the future, I mean," said Willow.
"But I wish there was something we could do."
"I guess that's one good thing about being the Slayer," reflected Buffy with heavy irony. "My destiny is clear; I have no choice in the matter. And look how happy that's made me."
"But at least you know, Buffy," replied Willow. "Ok, sure, it's bad in the not having any choice way, but at least you know where you're going. You have a place in the world." Willow stared at the door where Xander had departed. "Xander doesn't. And, sometimes, I think that can be the worst thing in the world."

Giles put down the phone, stood up, then thought better of it and sat down again. He carefully poured himself a drink. After a sip he realised he'd been right about the standing thing all along, and went with it. He'd spent the last few hours making phone calls to England - old friends, contacts on the Council. It seemed what it said in the folder was true. He had had many of his Watcher privileges returned up to and including the right to name his successor.

Giles remember the first time he'd been told about his destiny to be a Watcher; to follow the footsteps of his father and his great-aunt, a proud family tradition. He was twelve at the time. It was not presented as anything resembling a choice; being a Watcher is bestowed by blood and Giles was the next in line. He remembered that his very first feeling was one of pure, total terror, almost drowning him. The immensity of the concept overwhelmed him, it went beyond comprehension.

He remembered also the times at Oxford, when he would have given anything to get away from his destiny. When he had run, down to London and into the open arms of whatever club, girl or drug would make him forget, that would make him feel normal. Of course, in the end, his crazed raging against his fears had only led to tragedy and death. If he'd learnt one thing from Buffy, it was that one couldn't fight one's destiny. Until, of course, the Council decides to throw you out. Giles downed his glass and poured another.

For most of his life he'd wanted nothing more than to be a Watcher. Not all of his life, obviously, not that time at Oxford. But once he came to understand his calling it had fit like a glove. He had soon taken to the study like a duck to water and relished in the duty. And when he had graduated - oh the ecstasy! The books he had been allowed to read! The things he had been permitted to know!

Giles turned to stare at his downstairs bookshelf, just one of many in the house. He loved his collection. It was an awe-inspiring sight to greet you every morning - a wall of words like that; giving one an instant spark of intellectual pride at what knowledge man had collected and at the same time humbling you before the immensity of all that there was still to learn. His books were his life, his passion, his soul. And that was what being a Watcher had been all about. And then, out of nowhere, a charming little blonde girl had come along and changed everything. Not that Giles could ever blame Buffy for her part in things; she had shown him the truth about the Council, and taught him he could be so much more than their lap-dog. And yet sometimes Giles wondered what would have happened if Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. Maybe he'd still be a Watcher. Maybe he'd be on the Inner Council by now.

Ha. Fat chance, Giles thought. But he couldn't lie to himself: he did miss it. He missed the feeling of belonging, the feeling of identity, with some ancient and powerful force. After all, what was he now but an ex-librarian who fought monsters in his spare time? The Council was corrupt, perhaps even rotten. An outdated institution out of touch with the real battle. But it had given him a direction and it had given him purpose when he had needed it most. For that alone he had to give it some due.

Giles finished his glass again and stared angrily back at the phone. Ghosts from the past, he thought. Why now, after all this time? Why throw him back into uncertainty when he was sure he had moved on? It was bloody typical, that was what it was. Still, he had to do something. Sighing at the sheer damned inconsiderateness of the world he picked up the phone again.

"Hello, Willow? Yes, yes, is Buffy there? Well, when will she be back? A party? Tonight..well, thank you Willow, that is very kind of you, but I shall decline. I have better things to do with my time, thank you very much. But um, I do need to talk to her, and you - er, all of you. What about tomorrow?...Well yes, it is important, in fact. OK, fine then. My place? Fine, see you all then."

Giles hung up and collapsed in a chair. He felt exhausted. Somehow, in the last minute, he had made his decision, and now all he wanted to do was tell them, to get it out. But when he'd heard Willow's voice, he'd suddenly remembered just how much was a stake here. How much it could change all of their lives. Choices would have to be made, and things might never be the same again. And naturally, he had to do all the thinking while the others went to a party.

"Time is out of joint, oh cursed spite," Giles mumbled despondently, pouring himself another drink. "That ever I was born to put it right," he finished and slammed the shot down in one go.