Although not much is known about the island
nation, Caspiar offers a unique and rich history. However even with its
uniqueness Caspiar had many similarities to many popular nations including that
of the United States. For example just like many other countries Caspiar had
its own national flag as seen on the top of the introduction. The picture on
the flag depicts the sinking of the country. In fact caspiar sunk three times,
once in 1790 then again in 1990 and finally completed sinking in the year 1999.
It seemed that each time Caspiar was about to go on the rise and prosper that
part of the country would sink more.
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Nearly nothing is known about Caspiar before it
first sank in 1790. It is known that it would start its rebuilding process
under a Democracy after seeing how well it worked under the United States who
adapted the idea following it's victory over Great Britain beginning in 1776.
Caspiar decided to copy economic ideas and electoral regulations exactly the
way America had done. Their only strong convictions with the US were America's
allowance towards racism and slavery. It is understood that Casparians are
amongst the least ethnocentric and least racist people known on this earth. One
reason for their hatred towards racism is the persecution Casparians had to
deal with themselves. A major problem for Caspiar is that other nations seemed
to have no respect for them. Whenever a Casparian stepped outside of his
country he was at the risk of being severely tormented, beaten, and sometimes
killed. This would instill a mass paranoia amongst Casparians when dealing with
other ethnicities. Eventually Caspiar's government decided to isolate
themselves from other countries. This is one major reason for why very few
people have even heard of the country. And those who have, view it as that of a
third world country, which is actually far from the truth. Although people in
Caspiar were never enormously rich, almost none were poor either. Their Great
farmlands in the lower regions were a great source of food for Casparians so
everyone had something to eat.
And in the high
mountains was great mining material for building and fuel purposes. By 1985
Caspiar was divided into 28 small city-towns, which became a huge coincidence
to Casparians who were huge football fans and fans of the NFL which had 28
teams at the time. Each city-town had it's own team in which people in that
town would remain loyal to. For example people from Yakatunisa would ultimately
cheer for the New York Giants, and people from Ichebelise would cheer for the
Dallas Cowboys. However after Caspiar sunk in 1990 nearly all the city towns
were gone. And the satellites Casparians would use to view their favorite team
would become an aberration.
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By the Mid 1970s a man by the name of Andy Kaufman
would become popular for his comedic eccentricities, which included his popular
and well know foreign man who would later become Latka on the hit television
show Taxi. Although Taxi had the rights to the life of Latka, foreign man was
someone Andy Kaufman created all the history for. Anyone who asked
"Foreign Man" where he was from Kaufman would say something like
Caspiar. . . it was a very small island in the Caspian Sea . . . it sunk. Most
people would get a good laugh. What those people didn't realize is that there
really was a country called caspiar and that in 1790 it really did in fact
sink. Andy's Character is also well known for his saying "Thank you very
much". He came up with the term because he once had a Caspar-American
friend who often used the saying and said it in a way that Kaufman found to be
comical. No one knew that when Andy was doing foreign man and Latka that he was
truly imitating all of Casparians accents. Because Andy Kaufman made light of
Casparians people from Caspiar decided to start coming to America. People in
Caspiar felt honored and appreciated when a famous American would actually make
note of Caspiars existence. Andy Kaufman was the reason why anyone ever heard
about Caspiar at all. And the Casparians truly appreciated it.
David Andy Yakatusielika Would Like To Dedicate This Portion To The People of The City He Was Born In who Died on September 11, 2001.
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Despite there not being any famous Casparians in
the United States there was one famous person among Caspiar, his name is David
Andy Yakatusielika. And although aside from Casparian presidents David Andy
Yakatusielika was the only famous Casparian, he wasn't even born in Caspiar. In
fact he was born in America's own Brooklyn, New York in Coney Island Hospital.
At the time David's family from Yakatuniesa was visiting their Italian-American
friends in New York to watch the Giants play an exhibition football game, which
was not televised in Caspiar. At the time of David's birth his parents were
about to let the Italian family adopt him so he could stay in America. He was even given a different name Anthony. But David's family decided to take
him back to Caspiar. They would name him David and give him the middle name Andy
to honor his American name Anthony and still honor Andy Kaufman. David would
eventually return to Caspiar as an infant and live his life there. When Dave
was seven years old Caspiar would sink for the second time. Luckily for David
he was on his way to America to watch the Giants play the Buffalo Bills. David
would years later say he knew something bad at home had gone wrong when Phil
Sims got injured in the game he felt it was a bad omen. Unfortunately for David
while he was on his way to America his family stood at home and perished in the
Caspian Sea. Although growing up his whole life a huge football fan by, the age
of 10 he started to notice his ability to play basketball. And though he wasn't
so great when playing in America as he found out when he would come to America
he knew he could play well in Caspiar. In professional Casparian basketball
David Andy Yakatusielika would become the only player to get the ball in the
basket. There were three reasons why he was the only one. 1. Baskets were 5
feet higher in Caspiar. 2. Fouls were rarely called due to their love of
football. 3. Players were simply not as talented. You may be asking yourself if
no one could get it in the basket how did teams score. Well the point system
went as follows:
1. 1 point for hitting the backboard.
2. 2 points for hitting the rim.
3. 30 points for getting it in the basket.
David became an instant star, people loved him for his great basketball and his
sarcastic wit. By the age of 12 Dave decided to move to America and be adopted
by the Italian-American family. Though he would still spend much of his time in
Caspiar. And even while living in America he still thrilled the crowds with his
left hook shot. He was so good that they lowered the 30-point rule to just 10.
He was also loved for his hard work in rebuilding Caspiar after sinking. And he
would later become known for his ability to do imitations. People like Bill
Clinton, "Cosmo Kramer", "Darth Vader", "Mickey
Mouse", John Lovitz and many others. But even with his fame David stood
very private. He would go on by saying things like "I'm like an onion and
the more you peel it the more it stinks." or "I'm a cipher, a cipher
wrapped in an enigma smothered in secret sauce." these were quotes from
one of his favorite TV shows News Radio. It all ended for David however in 1999
when Caspiar sunk. Ironically it happened the day Patrick Ewing got injured
against the Indian Pacers in the Conference Finals, just the same way Phil Sims
was injured when Caspiar sunk in 1990. Little is known about David Andy now but
he claimed that he would make it big for the name of Caspiar.