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When child abuse becomes a form of permission: I have come to understand that for many abusive, angry and confused people a history of child abuse gives them permission to abuse the victim some more. It is as if, in their minds, the victim cannot be hurt so they're not really doing anything wrong, because the victim was already hurt as a child. These abusive, angry and confused people can then up the ante to whatever degree they wish while still viewing themselves as utterly blameless for the harm they cause the victim. "I didn't hurt her, her dad hurt her before I ever met her." To use a great clich�, "What part of ouch do they fail to understand?" To these same abusive, angry and confused people a history of child abuse also serves as a tantalizing unspoken invitation to abuse the victim some more. These people don't really understand words and phrases and sentences such as the following: "No," "Stop," "I don't want this," "Leave me alone," "Don't touch me," "Get your hands off of me," "Don't ever hit me," "Don't ever hit me again," "I don't tolerate that!" "You have no right to hurt me," "I don't deserve this!" Etc. These kinds of people don't understand the tears of despair or the depression, anxiety, fear, or PTSD they have caused through their perpetration of adult abuse. They blame everything on the abusive parent and hold themselves in a perpetual light of angelic blamelessness. There is so much within this mindset which remains maniacally illogical. "What part of ouch do they fail to understand?" It becomes even more disappointing and frightening when professional counselors believe the abuser is really innocent because of what is so commonly taught in the textbooks and media. The adult who was once an abused child has no real credibility because he or she was an abused child. There is nothing that this adult victim can now do or say to regain or reclaim the credibility that the child abuse has stolen. There is something maniacally illogical in this assumption made by many professionals in the helping profession. I have yet to see the research that truly proves that all abused children are guaranteed to grow up into psychotic individuals who have no grasp of what reality really is. This research simply does not exist! I do not see pink elephants fluttering across the sky simply because I was an abused child. I have never seen or heard anything that wasn't absolutely real. I am capable of knowing that when a grown man grabs me and hits me and slams me into a wall in my 30th year of life; that this has indeed happened and that it happened in my 30th year of life; and that it has harmed me in my 30th year of life. The fact that my father hit me so long ago does not and should not erase what has happened in my adult life. |
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