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The entrance of Ted: Jim and I had been separated for a number of years even though I was still dependent on Jim because I was disabled. I couldn't hold a job without being sick all of the time and the relationship with Jim had effectively prevented me from finishing my education. I met Ted at a friend's house. Whenever I'd go over to visit my friend, Ted was always there. Ted and I became friends. My friend encouraged the relationship from both sides. Our friendship grew into a dating relationship-friendship combination. I felt like I was developing some very strong feelings for Ted, but I wasn't really in the right place to have a complete relationship with Ted. I was disabled, helpless, penniless, and trapped. However, I had feelings for Ted because Ted was sweet, affectionate, gentle, generous, and communicative. Ted and I would talk for hours and we seemed to be having good conversations. He appeared to value, validate and respect me. He was handsome on top of all of this. I was starving for affection and emotional support and I had no one else in the world. That desperate neediness mixed with such a level of emotional vulnerability can be a deadly combination. It's an ever more lethal mixture when one adds physical sickness and an abusive background into the picture. Humans need to be touched and cared for, it seems, and I was no exception to this rule so clearly depicted in every known psychological hierarchy of needs. I did something that I never should have done when I started dating Ted. I won't mince words, I was a fool and I was behaving terribly. What I did was just plain wrong. Thank God I never went so far as to sleep with Ted. Thank God I had that strict belief system to fall back on even if it did fail me a lot when I couldn't stop myself from dating Ted. About three months into the relationship Ted started to act strange. He became very controlling about everything. He tried to dominate me in every way. He started saying strange things that only a very emotionally sick person would ever say. I broke up the relationship with Ted and Ted began stalking me. He stalked me for many years and he caused a lot of damage. Ted was a stereotypical stalker. I became more of an expert on stalking than I care to admit. That's all I could ever say about Ted on the Internet because chances are that Ted is still out there somewhere waiting for an excuse to begin stalking me again. I have noticed that there are some other websites about stalking on the Internet now and I think that's a great thing. I am not as courageous as these other victims who are coming out with every detail of their stories. A few of these stalking victims are being stalked at the same time that they are constructing and building websites about the stalking. That's really amazing to me. Could there ever have been a future for Ted and me if he hadn't been a sicko? Probably yes, but it would have taken a long time and it would have had to go at my snail's pace. I didn't want to rush into anything. Ted was in a big hurry. It would have demanded a lot of emotional strength, patience, flexibility and maturity because it began when I was not in a place to have a relationship. My whole life has been unconventional though, why should this have been any different? Still Ted was a sicko. I am putting this part of my story on my website to warn others of the deadly combination of those desperate needs for affection, care, love, companionship, closeness, validation, emotional intimacy, emotional support etc and the predators who are out there waiting to take advantage of the vulnerable. Vulnerability can too easily lure a person into a bad situation. |
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