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A little tiny partial diagnosis: A week went by and I called the top doctor's office to get my blood test results. However, I was told that I couldn't hear the results unless I made another appointment and gave the doctor another $300.-- out of my own pocket. This was standard for that particular doctor's office. The receptionist didn't even know what the results were. They only revealed findings in person. They required a full standard office fee for this service. In addition, I was told that if I had the problem I thought I had, as I informed the secretary what the problem likely was, top doc would not prescribe the medication I'd asked for anyway. He would prescribe something a lot more expensive, which he commonly used for that type of infection! I didn't have another $300 handy at that moment and I couldn't afford a more expensive medication. Top doc wasn't covered by my insurance. It never occurred to me to talk to Jim about the problem because I had to do it on my own, by myself. No one helped a sick child and no one helped a sick person! If you were sick it was your problem and no one else's. I asked the secretary if there was any other way to get the results and at first she said, "No." When I persisted she relented somewhat and said that if I had another doctor call, then she could reveal the test results. What was this garbage? I had paid cash up front and in full and I deserved to hear my own test results. Top doc's secretary didn't care and top doc didn't talk to patients over the phone. I called old Dr. "L's" office, Dr. "L" was another less than top doc who had always been kind to me. Dr. "L was a general practitioner who had never worked on my case before. However, when I explained the situation to Dr. "L's" office staff they agreed that I should be able to get my test results. I asked Dr. "L's" secretary or nurse to call my psycho soon to be fired top doc and explain that to him. She agreed and called. I received a call back some 15 minutes or so later and was told that top doc's office didn't deal with lowly secretaries or nurses from other doctor's offices. Top doc's people only dealt with other doctors! I asked her to please ask Dr. "L" if he would call top doc's office. Another 1/2 hour or so later Dr. "L" called me. I explained the situation once again and I could hear Dr. "L" getting annoyed on the other end of the line. He couldn't believe top doc wouldn't give me those test results! He couldn't believe that top doc's people wouldn't give the results to his people either! It was absurd. Dr. "L" was more than happy, in fact he sounded eager, to call top doc and demand my test results! Dr. "L" believed in the fair and humane treatment of patients. If I had paid the bill I deserved to know the findings. I shouldn't have to pay another $300.-- to hear yes you have it or no you don�t have it! Dr. "L" did call top doc and he did get the test results. Later that afternoon Dr. "L" called me again and told me that not only was I positive for the disease I'd thought I had but I was suffering from the highest infection blood levels that Dr. "L" had ever heard of in a patient that was still up and moving. I had been very correct and top doc had been completely wrong. However wrong he was top doc still thought was was God and ought to be treated and paid accordingly, top doc was fired. I made an appointment with Dr. "L" and determined that from that day forward he would receive all my money because he had earned it. I discussed my problems with Dr. "L" and he sadly admitted that he didn't really know how to treat me. I told him about the medication the book had described and Dr. "L" was willing to prescribe it. This medication had been well tested, it had been around for ages, it had virtually no serious side affects. It was a safe medication to try. I still remember sweet Dr. "L," an 80 or so year old physician, standing before me in the examining room with a big drug textbook in his hands reading about the medication. He had known of the medication before and he recognized the name the second I said it, but he wanted to look a little farther into it! Dr. "L" was both a good and sane man. Dr. "L" took over my treatment and up to this day he was the only doctor who did an effective job at it. He also the only doctor who ever LISTENED TO ME and applied logic as well as medical intelligence. I didn't ever have to think for Dr. "L" or spoon-feed him reality like a severely retarded plant-like child. However, my body was a wreck and Dr. "L" informed me that I had to drop out of school ASAP and quit my job too. I had to rest otherwise my condition would quickly become drastically worse. As it stood I was likely to be unable to work or attend school for a number of years. Dr. "L" wrote a letter which I could present to my instructors for a late semester exit from almost all of my classes. Once my partial diagnosis was understood, I told Jim that I had an officially documented damaged immune system and I gave Jim the option of canceling our wedding plans. I explained to Jim that I was disabled and that I couldn't work or go to school. Jim would have to take care of me and I wasn't going to be much use in paying the bills. Jim and I could keep seeing each other, we could wait and see how my health went. Perhaps I'd recover and then we could marry, after I wasn't so disabled that I couldn't really help out anymore. I showed Jim the doctor's letter. Jim said me didn't care about my health, he wanted to take care of me! Jim even wanted to pay the doctors whatever it took to make me well. I had to return to see Dr. "L" again a few weeks or so later because I was sick again and it felt like my lungs were filling up with fluid. My wedding was a few weeks away and I just couldn't be sick! Dr. "L" confirmed that my lungs were filling up and he placed me on antibiotics and bed rest. Jim was so concerned that he moved me into his house so that he could take care of me. Jim soon discovered what a pistol I was. He went to work and I drug my fevered body and fluid filled lungs right up out of bed and started tidying up Jim's house and yard! When Jim came home he kind of freaked out. I was really sick, how could I be up and about like that? I learned how to push away my physical boundaries such a long time before, it wasn't hard for me. Jim wasn't angry, he was worried about me. This was a novel experience. Jim did more to make sure I'd stay in bed from then on until I got over the early phase of pneumonia. I did recover. The medication for the opportunistic infection was working perfectly. Jim and I got married. There was a lot about Jim that I didn't know at the time�� Dr. "L" continued to be my hero. He prescribed both wise and conservative treatment plans. He monitored my blood to keep track of how that infection was progressing. He agreed with me on a healthful diet to help boost my system. This diet was not low calorie, I only weighed about a 110 pounds and I actually needed to gain weight. I am convinced that Dr. "L" would have found the root cause of my immune system problems if it hadn't been for the very real problem of insurance companies "cost containment" policies. Dr.'s are no longer in total control of a patient's treatment. Everything has to be authorized through the insurance company and insurance companies don�t want to spend money unless they're backed into a corner. With Dr. "L's " help and my iron will and steel clad organizational skills I recovered, or the underlying problem went dormant again, after a year's time. I paid for all of my medical treatment and for a lot of my health food myself by using up my savings. Once Jim was married to me he suddenly couldn't afford a single doctor's bill or a blood test or a prescription medication! Also Jim thought that I should not be going to Dr. "L" because according to Jim, Dr. "L" wasn't covered by his insurance. I didn't hold that against Jim and I didn't see the deception in that situation. I didn't know that a husband should take care of you, especially when he promised that he would in advance. I was a one-woman show, my sickness was my sole problem, right? I found out years later that Dr. "L" HAD been acceptable to Jim's and my medical insurance company. So I had used up every penny of my savings for nothing. The insurance would have paid for my treatment after all if Jim had only cared enough to call them and find that out. Or if Jim had cared enough to give me the insurance company information so that I could call. Or if I'd known not to trust Jim and forced him to give me the insurance information knowing full well that he didn't care about me and that he was for all intensive purposes deceiving me through direct lies or lies to cover up careless callous laziness. The bottom line was simple, at the deepest level, Jim really only cared about Jim. If it didn't affect Jim directly, if Jim wasn't suffering than it wasn't Jim's problem. If it wasn't happening to Jim's body than it just didn't exist in Jim's world. Moreover, everything was happy and fine in Jim's life's sphere just as long as Jim didn't have to pay for some one else's problem, help some one else, take care of some one else, keep his word, or be denied something that he wanted. Jim always had to have his way no matter what it did to others. There was a lot more about Jim that I didn't know beyond this at the time.... |
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