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Processing it all: I was once again a one-girl-woman show. I processed my problems on my own through writing. After a time I'd succeeded well enough. I was content again only my immune system was still crashed and I was sick all the time. Nonetheless, I wasn't as sick as when I was a teenager. I continued forcing myself to work and go to school at least part time too. I didn't ever want anyone to be able to call me lazy, bad and spoiled again. Lee had reinforced a specific value system, a system of a harsh society's expectations. I had to be a perpetual one-girl-woman show, but I had to be everything else as well. I couldn't EVER be weak and I had to do what everyone else could do otherwise no one would respect me at all. Being able to do what others could do meant that I had to be able to work and go to school and I couldn't be sick all the time either. I got sicker. I had walking pneumonia more times than I can count, but I had antibiotics from Mexico too. |
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