|
Introduction to relationships: This Sociology professor and I continued working on his book after the semester ended. I had earned yet another wonderful-useless straight A. I had created another pattern of 100% test scores. Our friendship bloomed into a dating relationship. For me it was the equivalent of an 8th grade or less romance as far as experience went. However, I had already been an old and dying woman, thus my emotional capacity was present. Lee was affectionate and I was so starving to be touched. I'd never been touch that much before. I'd never really been hugged. Lee would hold my hand and stroke my hair and hold me. I'd never ever been held before. He heaped endless glowing words of praise on me. I was so good, so generous, so caring, so considerate, so lady-like, so pure, so honest, so smart, incredibly mature, and so loving. He'd never met anyone as warm in my displays of innocent affection as I was. All of a sudden I was worthy. I was simply overwhelmed. Lee treated me like I was golden, a treasure. This was wonderful beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Lee was all for my education too! I was too intelligent to be wasted. Lee was ecstatic when I earned another A, but he also expected me to earn top grades. My father saw the relationship unfolding and informed me that once I married my education was OVER WITH. Moreover, my father seemed to be awaiting my big mess up of getting pregnant and dropping out. I was torn between loving Lee and my schooling. I was a one-girl show. I couldn't depend on anyone else. What if I got sick again and hadn't finished my education and made enough money with my Ph.D. to take care of myself. Nonetheless, according to my father I just wasn't good enough to enter a University. A student can't go any higher than an associate degree in Community College. An AA degree would NEVER earn me enough money to take care of myself if I got sick again. An AA degree wouldn't provide me with a career where I was in control of my own schedule, in case I got sick and needed to schedule accordingly. I had to be able to take care of myself by myself with the money I had earned in my own career. An AA degree would get me a job in a sweatshop -- a daily grind job! I still had consistent problems with opportunistic infections. During the early part of the relationship with Lee I had numerous infections, one consisting of severely infected tonsils which eventually exploded. I was frequently sick during my many semesters in college and I held the all time record for missing classes. I even missed a ton of final exams and if my grades had been less this would've gotten me into a lot of trouble. As it stood all of the professors let me take make up exams, even for mid-terms and finals. I was well known not only for my grades but also for my absences due to sinus infections, respiratory infections, early pneumonia, etc. I HAD TO BE CAREFUL. However, Lee and I were so much in love. I was being ripped into two pieces. I wasn't a child anymore, but I had about as much experience with men as a child did. I didn't know a darn thing about men at all. I hadn't ever even French kissed before. I knew two extremes of the male persona, my father and the Rabbi. Lee acted more like the Rabbi. There was a lot about Lee that I didn't know. Needless to say, I had NOT engaged in a romantic relationship with either my father or the Rabbi. |
|
|
My Favorite Links: |
|
