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The Rabbi: I still had a lot of depression and a lot of fear that the sickness was going to come back. Sometimes this got to be too much for me to handle alone. It remained an all ME show. There was no one to help me and no one cared about me. Therefore, I was totally isolated. One day out of sheer desperation I called a synagogue and spilled my guts out to the Rabbi who answered the phone. As it turned out he was a sweet witty and wonderful man. He was worried about me so he set an appointment with me and drove all the way out to a meeting place down one of the rural dirt roads to see me. I didn't want my parents to know I was meeting a man because they'd panic and howl the doomsday siren because I'd been raped once already. Then they would tell me how stupid I was to meet with a man! Soon after my sister would get to blame me again for the rape when I was sick and 17 years old and prophesize about how it was going to happen again with this Rabbi. Although my health wasn't perfect yet I was still a lot stronger than I'd been when I was 17. I was no longer a completely helpless target and I didn't believe every man was a rapist. So at the age of 19, getting closer to 20, I had a friend. I met with the Rabbi and we talked. He ended up driving me to a nearby restaurant and we talked some more. After than first meeting, he drove out once a week or so and we'd get together at that same spot down the dirt road. He NEVER said or did anything cruel, crazy or improper. He was a kind and honorable man. Eventually he moved out of state, but I still have fond memories of him as a good friend. He was stable and trustworthy and caring. He told me I was a good kid and a pretty girl and that I was smart too. He told me I should learn how to drive and go to college and he told me he believed that I could make it in college. I wish he had been my brother or dad or uncle or someone in my family who could have stayed in my life. I miss him still. And I have needed some one good and sane and steadfast in my life so many times since the day that he left. I wasn't out of the woods yet -- I needed a quality friend who was without any selfishness or greed. He was the only one who was so pure that would ever come into my life. |
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