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Dr. M. the Schizophrenic psychologist: At first I tried to explain what was really happening to me, but Dr. M. would just sit in her chair motionless with the exception of her eyes, which would simply grow rounder and rounder as I spoke. Dr. M., I'll never forget was the thinnest most neurotic looking, literally flighty, women I had ever seen. The more I said the wider she'd crane her eyes open. And she simply could not comprehend anything that I was struggling to explain to her. I kept downgrading and simplifying my statements, still she wasn't grasping it. Finally, frustrated and desperate and feeling like if I could only get this bird of a woman to understand she'd get to the bottom of what was wrong physically -- I started to give her verbal descriptions of my life before and after I got so sick. She remained dumb and dumbfounded, however. So I simplified it even more and I basically told her to pretend that there were two me(s) -- the "Before me" and the "After me." Her massive brown eyes became even more extraordinarily HUGE at that suggestion and she sat stiff and rigid in her chair. I then proceeded to describe the me before I got sick in great detail. I explained what I used to look like, what I used to act like, how I used to feel, what I used to believe about life, how other kids treated me, what my friends used to be like, what kinds of activities I used to enjoy, what my nicknames used to be, etc. Then I described the "After me" in the same kind of detail. Now finally Dr. M. became animated and she asked me a lot of questions. At first, I felt relieved, like at last she understood, but then her inquiries became strange and confusing. She kept asking me about the "Before me" and the "After me" like they were somehow two different girls. Her questions in that fashion were repetitive and I kept trying to explain that there was no other girl, that I was the only girl I was talking about here. That the before and after were both ME! |
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