When you were born, your daddy and I began thinking of all the wonderful things you were going to do. All the way up to "I wonder what he will be when he grows up." We had so many hopes and dreams. Life now, seems to be filled with "What if's" and "Why's" and "If only's". You had such hope and wonder in your eyes. You had such a sweet way about you. You were the life inside of us. You touched SO many people in your time here. I just wish you weren't such an overachiever...you did what you had to do and you left. Kinda wish you had been lazy.
So, now I wonder what might have been with you. What would your first word have been? What kind of toys would you have liked? Your favorite color? When would you have walked? When would you have talked? Cake all over your face on your first birthday. Oh and your first day at school! Your first report card...would you have made all A's? Would you love racing like your daddy does? Why didn't I get to show you how to ride a bike? Why didn't I get to give you advice on friends and your love life? I never will get to help your with your first car, or teach you how to drive. We have missed out on so much little buddy. I just don't know why I didn't even get to hear you speak. I got NOTHING. I got one lousey Christmas and one new year. Had I known it wasn't just your first....but it was also your last....maybe I would have done more for you last year.
Sweet baby....I am missing you so bad right now and I feel all alone in the world. People surround me, yet I am alone. You are what I need. I feel distant from everything and everyone. I just need to hold you. I need to kiss your sweet face.
Instead of your baby book being filled with "First's", it is filled with "What might have been's". Now, it's just us and all of your unplayed with toys....
Amanda
Your mommy FOREVER!
