PART 9: THERE IS NO REST FOR THE WEARY AND STUPID

"Shit." was all Selphie could say as she watched in horror, the 
teengers coming steadily nearer and knocking things over as they went. 
In the front, she could see Zell wearing some girl’s panties outside 
of his jeans and shadowboxing. It perturbed her and made her feel 
slightly clammy, yet still with a fresh minty aftertaste.

Suddenly, the entire Caraway mansion shook violently and Selphie was 
thrown across the room into Rinoa’s Furby collection. "Uh-oh..." 
Selphie said.

"Uh-oh...." the Furbies all said at once. 

‘Shit.’ Selphie said again, struggling to her feet. She raced, dizzy, 
back over to the window and gasped. 

A huge UFO levitatedin the air like a tea saucer of doom, or 
something. A wide, bright green beam of light emanated from the middle 
of the bottom, directly over Zell and the frat people, who were all 
still merrily smashing random objects and throwing up. 

The window was shattered out, and Selphie could see that the entire 
city of Deling had been damaged in the blast--which, she concluded, 
must have been from the UFO’s light beam. Selphie was quite speedy on 
the uptake. 

She dashed out of the room like a transvestite at an NRA convention 
hosted at Jerry Falwell’s house and slid down what was left of the 
bannister. Landing on the splintering wooden floor, she shouted, 
"General Caraway!? Quisty?! Liberace?!"...but no answer came from the 
General, her teacher, or Irvine...except a shatter and a shriek of 
anguish. 

Selphie ran into the room, kicking down the door (not for dramatic 
effect, mind you, but because it had been wedged horizontally into the 
frame) to behold Quistis yelling at a sobbing General Caraway, who lay 
amidst bits of broken crockery. Irvine, noncommittal, was filing his 
nails and whistling on the couch. Apparently none were aware of the 
huge tremors that had just occurred. 

[Author’s Note: They’re Final Fantasy characters. What can I say?] 

"Are you guys okay?" Selphie asked, but her voice was actually 
inaudible due to a huge roar...and more vibrations. Caraway, who was 
curled up in the fetal position, rolled back and forth in the corner, 
and Quistis used her whip to hang from the chandelier. 

Irvine, he being Irvine and a bit OOC, hummed a little tune. 

Selphie, who had been bracing herself in the doorway, now looked out 
the downstairs window. 

The UFO was gone, and Zell and the entire college campus of Deling 
University along with it. All that was left were beer cans, protest 
signs, and a vibrator. 

‘Oh, god!" Selphie cried out. "Zell’s been abducted!" 

"Oh, god!" Caraway echoed. "My beautiful, beautiful crepe pans..." 


PART 10: ROLLING WITH YOUR MOTHER

Edea hummed a little tune (unlike Irvine, she was not humming "It’s 
Raining Men") as she set the table. Cid Kramer, reading a newspaper in 
his favorite comfy armchair, looked over at his lovely wife and smiled. 
She smiled back gently. 

Cid slowly stood up and folded the newspaper. ‘Darling, it’s been so 
long since we..." 

"Oh, Cid." Edea’s voice was soft, warm, inviting. "It’s been AGES..." 

Cid came over and enfolded Edea in his arms. With a slight moan of 
passion, he kissed her, then whispered..." Go....get...the box..." 

‘Oh, God, Cid!" Edea moaned... 


* * * * * *



‘AAAAAH!" Cid screamed, sweat running down his forehead. Edea only 
clenched her teeth and whimpered in reply. 

Cid moved his hand a certain way that he knew Edea adored, and she 
cried out in excitement. She herself stretched her entire body over 
his, reaching her arms out in acquiescence, straining... 

"OH, GOD!" Cid shouted at the top of his lungs. 

Edea arched her back. ‘YES, YES, YES, OH GOD, YES!" She gasped in 
excitement at besting Cid at their activities. 

Cid whimpered once, twice, softly...shuddered...and fell back. Edea 
collapsed next to him a fraction a second later, panting from their 
exertions. 

"Even though I won, I think we’re too old to play Twister, dear." she 
finally said. 

((It's short because I had to write it at school :P that's also why 
there are sooooo many typos! ARGH! But rest assured, dear readers, 
that this will soon be added onto....))