"Uh Matt? I don't think that's supposed to be there." Sephiroth told Matt. "I don't think so either." Matt said. "Poor Callie, little does she know it kicked ass." "So..." Cid started, "It seems you have a big plan, huh??" "That's right! a BIG, SECRET ONE!" "Oh, its a secret plan? Nevermind we don't want to hear it then." "NOO WAIT YOU GUYS! COME ON! IM SO CLOSE TO REVEALING MY SECRET PLAN!" "Ok OK! Tell us your secret plan!" Callie yelled. "WOOHOO! Okay...LET'S RAID FUNCO LAND!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Uh, Matt I think you mis-" "GOOD IDEA!" Callie yelled. "ONTO FUNCO LAND!!" Matt yelled again. "That's not a secret!" said Yuffie. "You wrote that on your arm in red permanent marker!" Yuffie pointed to Matt's arm. Sure enough, 'raid Funco Land" was there, right next to "change underwear". "Oh, yeah." said Matt. "I...uhhh...was afraid I'd forget, so..." "Dammit!" said Callie. "Now we can't!" "Why?" "Because honestly, I don't know what Funco Land is." Callie shrugged. Everyone teardropped and facefaulted and bluenosed and chibified themselves. "Jesus Christ, it's like an episode of Ranma in here!" Cid complained. "CID NO BAKA!" screamed Akane from somewhere within the dimensions of innerspacial stupidity. "I'm lost!" Ryouga was heard to complain. "Ranma-husband no want violent girl..." Sephiroth mused. "Ah, the philosophy of Rumiko Takehashi." Said irvine. "MS Word blows hard." Selphie muttered. Cloud had a stomachache, and ate some unpopped popcorn. "Mmmm mmm! Yummers!" "CLOUD!" Tifa screamed. "THAT'S NOT POPCORN, IT'S..." "FISH GILLS!!!!!" Matt yelled. Cloud spit the fish gills all over the place. "Ah, ya got em o me, you idiot!" "SHUT UP YOU!" Matt said as he ordered Barret to his room. Everyone ate some cheddar and sour cream chips. "Hey Matt..." Callie started, "Did you tell Barret to eat your cheese?" "NO I CERTAINLY DID NOT! HOLY CRAP!" Matt turned around in horror to see Barret chomping down on the delicasy that is, MATT'S CHEESE. "Uh oh, explosions and body counts are imminent." Cid worried. Meanwhile, back at the fruit-rollups factory, there was a new fruit-rollup design underway. ONE THAT EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE, ONE THAT WOULD REVOLUTIONIZE THE FRUIT-ROLLUP INDUSTRY FOREVER! PLAIN FRUIT-ROLLUPS!!!!!!!!!!! "Wow," Said one executive of FAGCORPINDUSTRIESINCORPORATED corp.ind.inc. AMERICA, "This sure beats our root-rollups, boot-rollups, suit-rollups, fruit-bowlups, rootsutlootnplundering-rollabowlaweedups ideas." "STOP EATING MY CHEESE, BARRET!" Matt yelled, but was powerless to do anything as he realized he was ankle-deep in flaming hot cheetos. "ZELL...I KNOW THIS IS YOUR DOING! ONCE I DIG MY WAY OUT, IM COMING FOR YOU!" Matt watched Barret. First he started eating his cheese, then he was almost started starting eating matt's cheese, then he was in the middle of starting to start to eat matt's cheese, then he was almost done starting to start eating matt's cheese, then he finished starting to start eating matts cheese, so he began being in the process of starting to eat matts cheese, then he was in the process of being in the process of starting to eat matts cheese, then he finished being in the process and ended finalizing of starting to eat matts cheese, then he was ending starting eating matts cheese then he was in the middle of starting to eat matts cheese then he was ending the process of beginning to eat matts delectable cheese then he was in the middle of eating matts cheese then he finished eating matts wonderful spiffy glowing yellow sun-rise sun-set southern vegas wisconsinized pasturized homonizied batterized preservativized entertained and delivered swiss ronald mcdonald premier super duper creamy milky gooey sharp-medium-mild mild-sharp medium- extra double tasty cheese. Everyone was asleep by now except for Matt, who finaly struggled free from the mass of flaming hot-cheetos surrounding his ankles and ran in Barret's direction. "Duh, Barret have correction? Cloud want inspection!" "Not inspection you moron, he said erection." "No way he said posession re-construction!" "Like Tifa's chest?" Cloud asked. "yeah!" Everyone agreed...even Tifa. "BARRET! YOU SHALL BE BANISHED TO THE LAND OF THE CHIBIFIED GNOMES!" Barret was then banished to the land of No Land. Barret floated around in space for a few forevers. "OOPS! Well my um...uh banishing could use a little touching up." Matt explained. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WILL CLOUD REALIZE HE HAS A COW IN HIS PANTS? WILL THE DIGIDESTINED BE DESTINED TO WATCH ANOTHER BORING REPEAT OF THEIR SUMMER VACATION TRIP TO THE DIGIWORLD THAT WEVE ALL SEEN A MILLION FUCKING TIMES!!!! GODAMIT!!! THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!!! oh uh, ON NEXT WEEKS SHOW! BE SURE TO TUNE IN. DON'T MISS IT. ITS REALLY GONNA BE KILLER. AND UH, YEAH. DUN NUUUUUN! >> "Eeeeeew!" Yuffie screamed. 'CLOUD'S FUCKING A HORSE!" "That's a cow, you total idiot." Irvine corrected her. "Oh, okay, then! That makes all the difference!" Matt was lying on the floor, hugging the remains of his cheese collection. Callie was patting his head comfortingly, and patting Sephiroth in another area that may not have been comfortable, but was certainly interesting. "Ecchi!" said the readers. Okay, fine, she patting Sephiroth on the head. "That can still be taken two ways!" How 'bout the upper inner thigh? "I'm going off somewhere else. You're disgusting." ALRIGHT, FINE! Callie was not patting Sephiroth in any way that could be considered sexual. She was sticking sticky stickers on his nose. Okay? Are you happy? "A little..." Fuck you. "Wow, that was a really abusive inner monologue." Laguna observed. "It made my legs hurt." Suddenly, that stupid little bitch with the dumb pink hat who looks like Aeris only even UGLIER ran in, screamed something about reruns, and got flattened by Pokemon and the guys from Monster Rancher. "My boobs ARE real!" Tifa insisted. "I'll prove it!" Tifa grabbed Cid and pushed him into a closet. "Okay, has anyone noticed that there are a LOT of breasts in this fanfic?" asked Sailor Uranus. Everyone stared. "Wait, why am I here? SPACE SWORD BLASTER!" she screamed, banging Cloud a good hard one on the head. "That sounded obscene!" Blow me! "Uhh, why is the author screaming at nothing?" asked Matt. Callie blushed. Haruka left. "Dammit, he was hot!" said Selphie, causing Sailor Moon fans to smirk knowingly at each other. Suddenly, the closet lit on fire. Tifa ran out, hastily covering her naked chest with a convenient raincoat. She immediately charged into Frederick's of Hollywood in search of a new top. Cid followed not long after, looking dazed and shaking his head. "Well?" asked Irvine. "Whoa." "Are they...?" asked Sephiroth impatiently. "Whoa." "Well, tell us already!" ordered Callie. Cid just shook his head. "You won't believe it, but..." He paused for dramatic pause. "No! Cid being mean! Cloud want know about Tifa's boobies!" Cloud screamed, turning purple with rage. "Cloud have right to know! Cloud have stock in silicon!" "She wears a minimizer." Cid said, almost choking on the words. There was dead silence. "You filthy rotten lousy little liar!" Yuffie gasped. "That can't possibly be true!" Cid turned to Yuffie with torture in his bloodshot eyes. Slowly, he said, "It's like looking at two pink watermelons, only saggier." Sephiroth puked. Callie shuddered. Cloud was, for the first time, not interested in seeing Tifa's "boobies". Irvine really wanted some chicken soup. Irvine didn't get his chicken soup because he was shackled in a torture chamber deep underground the streets of Las Vegas. "Well that has to suck." Matt commented. "Yeah, pretty much." "Cloud need find new booby source!" He looked around. His eyes rested on Yuffie for about a quarter of a second then moved on. "HEY! I HAVE BOOBIES!" Yuffie screamed. "I'm SURE you do....in there....somewhere." Sephiroth said incredulously. "HMF! I'M LEAVING!" Yuffie stormed out of the non-existant room. "HEY! THAT LOOK LIKE FUN!" Cloud ran and jumped from nowhere into nowhere and went nowhere. "OWW!" "OW!" Matt yelped in pain. "What's going on?" Everyone asked. "Uh...OWW...nothing...OWW!" Matt said as Callie kept jabbing him with a gun. "Uh..OWW...Let''s talk about Gackt and ice cream OWW!" Matt said... fearing for his life. "Ok!" Selphie thought it was a good idea. "So uh...Gackt and ice cream kick ass..." Matt said. "No way! I hate gackt...it like, gets all messy and makes scary noises and it comes in those weird packages! "DUUH! NOT THAAAT GACKT!" Matt yelled. "Anyways, veggie dip is under Callie's bed." Matt said "Uhh...How would YOU know?" Vincent asked. "Like...Theres a gun to my- OWW!" "Shut up! shut UP!" Callie jabbed the gun into Matt's back again. "Everyone disappeared except for the gelatenous space bunny in the middle of the non-existant room." ...said the narattor. as you can tell....this fanfic is WELL OVER WITH...as the writer cannot think of anything else to put. so JOIN US NEXT TIME...ON......NUCLEAR GELATENOUS GOOIFIED ELECTRIFIED FISHY BUNNY NOISES!!!! "This sucks!" yelled the bunny, and used the Power of Plot Contrievance to transport everyone to a big dark room. "What the hell?" "Who said that?" "Me." "Me who?" "Me, Callie! Who am I talking to?" "Sephiroth." "Duhh...Cloud feel squishy boobies..." "PERVERT!" **slap** "OWWWW! Cloud no like when Selphie slap Cloud!" "&^&^&^^**&)(&**(!!!!" "Cid! It's me, Vincent! TURN ON A LIGHT!" And then there was light. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, until... Matt suddenly screamed and ran behind Callie who ran behind Sephiroth, who ran behind Matt, forcing the process to repeat. "Oh, what the hell is the PROBLEM???" Seph finally asked in exasperation. "I can't eat the goldfish crackers!" cried Matt. 'I mean, like, they gotta have crack in 'em- crack-ers, see? THEY'RE SOOOOO ADDICTIVE!" He clutched the bag tightly and sobbed. 'But I CAN'T!" Callie looked at the "gun", saw it was a banana, and shrugged. Then she put chocolate on it and stuffed it into Cloud'' mouth. Cloud looked peaceful and happy, chewing on his fruit like that. Sephiroth got some Kool-Aid and vodka, and he and Callie toasted several things. Like oxygen. "We should drink a glass for every oxygen molecule we've ever breathed!" Seph announced. "Twice." Callie agreed. Matt whimpered and hugged his goldfish. "Get away from those!" Anna yelled. *SMACK!* As she hit Matt in the back of the head, making him drop his goldfish box. "NOOOOOO!" "YESSS!!!!!" Everyone else yelled. "Duh...when do Cloud can touch boobies?" "When your 8, dearie" Said the random old lady. "But Cloud want boobies now!" Cloud demanded. "You can touch mine!" Said Crash Bandicoot. "OH NO!! ITS CRASH BANDICOOT!" Everyone yelled. Everyone threw their scolding hot tea at Crash. It horribly disfigured him. "Whoa! He looks normal now!" Cid said. "Uh...what does a 'normal' bandicoot look like anyways?" Asked Anna. "A MIX BETWEEN A BADGER AND A KANGAROO!!" Matt said proudly. "Oh...uh..." Anna thought for a second. "Enough of this nonsense!" Sephirotoh proposed a vote on who got the last spork to eat their enchuritos with. "I vote on Mario!" Said Nintendo Entertainments America President Hiroshi Yamauchi. "MARIO???" Matt said angrily. "WHO LET HIROSHI YAMAUCHI THE PRESIDENT OF NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT AMERICAN IN HERE??????" "I did." Said the shrunked elvin chibified troll gnome named Geebus. "Oh, ok.....Does everyone see him?" Asked Motoko. "See who?" Matt said, trying to fool Motoko. "Uh oh!!!!!!!" Motoko slowly began to back away, making sure everyone in the group could be seen by him. "What's HIS problem??" Asked the breakdancing multi-colored banana wearing bondage named cletus. "I dunno" Said the flaming gibberishing gun weilding spider monkey named apple jax. "HEY! IM BACK!" Yelled Barret... "Who cares?" asked Sephiroth. "I do!" Matt cried, glomping Barret. Barret looked scared. Kyuke pranced through. Motoko screamed and ran away. Anna and Selphie started making out like rabid weasels. Kyuke and Motoko stopped prancing and running to take out cameras and start videotaping. Then a horrible thing happened. Cloud remembered he was 21. "ME CAN TOUCH BOOBIES NOW!!!!!!!!" he screamed at the top of his blond little lungs (not that he had blond lungs, or anything), rushing towards the kissing chicks. If it hadn't been for Vincent carefully placing Squall in Cloud's way for him to trip over, Cloud would have interrupted Anna and Selphie. That would have been bad. "..." "SHUT UP, SQUALL!" everyone yelled at him. Gackt came in wearing nothing but leather dominatrix gear. Everyone's eyes fell out of their heads and they started drooling like waterfalls and going 'duhh duhh huh huh purty fuuuuhdhdhdhdhdhdhdsadsgadggdgyudgsatd76@@@!!!!!!" and spasming involuntarily with lust. Except not for the guys. Except for Matt and Sephiroth. Well, okay, Cloud too, but Cloud did that sort of thing anyways. Then Gackt turned to everyone and said...