>POKEMON-Another Introduction SYLPHA: SailorMoon: Another Story AKU: Dragonball Z: The Final Battle KYUKE: Vampire Hunter D: Bedbugs, Ballyhoo, and Bloodsuckers. RYLAND: Fushigi Yugi: Miaka Chokes on Tasuki's Peaches MARCUS: Ranma 1/2: More Indiscriminate Grappling >(c) by David L. Brown, Th.M. KYUKE: Th.M...? SYLPHA: Th. Moron >My son called me on the phone recently and asked, "Dad, do you know anything about MARCUS: (whoever) ...the birds and the bees? >the kids' collector card game Pokémon?" AKU: (author) No, son, I've been under a rock for the past few years. >The reason he asked was because my oldest grandson, who is 7 years old, came home with several of the cards he got from a friend at church. SYLPHA: (author) He also had a nasty rash around his mouth that he also claimed a friend gave him. >He showed them to his dad and said his friends thought "they were really cool." KYUKE: (kid) Wow, Jimmy! Scabs! >After looking at the few cards, his dad had a different opinion. RYLAND: (Horse from Ren and Stimpy) No sir, I don't like it! MARCUS: Contrived, my love. RYLAND: Yeah, but it worked. >Though he could not put his finger on exactly what the problem was by looking at those few cards, AKU: ...since you don't have fingers in your eyeballs... >he definitely had an uneasy feeling about them. SYLPHA: Probably just the clam sauce he had for lunch. >While he neither saw nor read anything overtly evil on the cards, KYUKE: ...he was a mythomaniac religious fanatic and fundamentalist Christian and THEREFORE OPPOSED to anything fun or original. >there were a couple of hints on them that made him suspicious. MARCUS: (Kojiro) I'm feminine! That means I'm evil! >He decided not to allow his son to get involved with Pokemon until he looked into it further. SYLPHA: (dad) Now son, I don't want you involved with that raucous, good-for-nothing Pokemon crowd, what with all their goings-on and hoopla. RYLAND: (son, whiny) But DAAAAAAD! >This proved to be a wise decision. Here's what I discovered. SYLPHA: (author) Lettuce causes brain damage! AKU: (author) For a doctor, I sure can't write! KYUKE: (author) Christianity is a crock! RYLAND: (author) I smell funny! MARCUS: (author) I have an extra testicle! >The History of Pokémon AKU: (Kid) Teacher, will there be a test on this? >The name Pokémon is derived from pocket monster. KYUKE: Oh, I see...betcha all 10 bucks they say Pokemon is evil due to sex. AKU: I say "Satanic" influences. MARCUS: Kojiro being called gay and therefore evil. RYLAND: Make it a double bet. SYLPHA: I'll be bookie! >Pokémon has entertained Japanese youth since 1995. While it is rare for a Japanese cultural phenomena to be duplicated in the Western world, Pokémon has proved to be the exception. SYLPHA: Americans duplicated Pokemon?! What in the hell? AKU: (holding head) Owwww... >Pokémon has moved into the United States RYLAND: --illegally. Please inform the INS if you see it residing anywhere in a US city. >"BIG TIME" MARCUS: "LITTLE PENIS" RYLAND: MARCUS! MARCUS: I had to say SOMETHING... >and captured the minds of elementary aged children all over this country. KYUKE: The minds of our nation's youth are currently being held captive in an abandoned warehouse on Fleet Street. >Pokémon is everywhere...Nintendo video games, cartoon shows on television, a movie, comic books, toys, clothing, VHS videos, DVD's, SYLPHA: ...pasta, collectible plastic flatware, instant coffee, tampons... >and the wildly popular collector card game. The Pokémon "virus" AKU: --can be cured by a simple douche with warm water and white vinegar. >has infected virtually every media outlet imaginable, and by plan, the "virus" has become an epidemic among elementary aged children causing them to crave and beg for more Pokémon paraphernalia. MARCUS: Like little junkies waiting for their next fix, these are the days of our lives. >Countless elementary aged children are obsessed with Pokémon. KYUKE: It's safer than crack, so why is everyone complaining? >Measuring Pokémon By SYLPHA: Inches AKU: Pounds KYUKE: Rubles RYLAND: Feet MARCUS: Yen >The Bible ALL: SUCKS! >Without apology, I acknowledge that I am writing this pamphlet SYLPHA: --crappily. >from a biblical perspective. MARCUS: Well, get your head out of your ass and re-write it. >And, I believe there is a battle going on for the minds of our children and grandchildren. AKU: But what about little orphan children who like Pokemon? SYLPHA: I mean really, GODDESS FORBID some kids should really, really just LIKE a goddamn show. I mean, the merchandising ploys are obvious, but the show and game themselves are FUN! >In fact, Satan and his diabolical hordes want to corrupt the minds of children and adults as well! KYUKE: Jeez, even I knew that. >One of the problems is that Satan is getting the upper hand because Christians are MARCUS: --left-handed. RYLAND: Oooh, subtle. KEIRA: Was not subtle. RYLAND: Was too! ::turns to the others:: Did you all get that? ALL: No. RYLAND: HA! >oblivious to the tactics the adversary is using to pollute the minds of men, women, boys and girls. AKU: But don't worry, folks! All you hermaphrodites are totally safe! >While many Christian adults would catch blatant demonic doctrines, the truth is, Satan seldom mounts a SYLPHA: ...hooker. KEIRA: My, aren't WE all pottymouths today? >direct assault. Rather, he, through his human helpers, uses subtle, clandestine and deceptive methods to advance his evil doctrines. KYUKE: Like making 12-year-old girls spew green vomit like Old Faithful and spin their heads around 360 degrees? MARCUS: Something like that, yes, I'm sure. Very subtle. >So, how can we detect these deceptive methods and evil doctrines? RYLAND: Urinalysis? >How can we protect our children and our-selves? MARCUS: Our-selves? But what about your-selves? Can everyone protect them-selves? >The Bible says, SYLPHA: "Buy American!" AKU: "Wider Is Better!" KYUKE: "Bounty IS The Quilted Quicker-Picker-Upper!" RYLAND: "Ribbed For Her Pleasure!" MARCUS: "P&C, the Price Champion- We're On Your Side!!" >"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." 1 Thessalonians 5:21. The Bible says, "Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God" 1 Corinthians 10:31. RYLAND: "Whoever ye do, do them well, do it hard, and do it fast, all to the glory of Keira Megami-Hime" McFerran 6:66 >The Bible says, SYLPHA: "Feed me, Seymour, feed me now!" AKU: "It's just a jump to the left! And a step to the rii-iii-iii-ight!" KYUKE: "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" RYLAND: "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee!" MARCUS: "Now dat's shum hah-qualiddy H20!" >"...Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good." Romans 12:9. AKU: ...countrymen, lend me your ears! (All pretend to throw an ear at Aku.) AKU: How original. >Therefore, we must measure Pokémon paraphernalia by the principles of the Bible to determine if it is acceptable. SYLPHA: Lessee...Bandaids, evil...toothbrushes, evil...pencil cases, DIABOLICALLY evil... >Let's do that. MARCUS: How about you do ME? RYLAND: MARCUS! MARCUS: Just a riff, my love. RYLAND: How DARE you? After all those "Committing To Monogamy" classes I paid for?! (He begins to cry.) (Marcus puts his arms around Ryland murmurs some things to him that make the smaller man calm down.) SYLPHA: Ryland, slap that bitch. (He does.) MARCUS: I deserved that. >What values, beliefs, and philosophies do the game promote? SYLPHA: Crossdressing is FUN! AKU: Fuschia hair looks fabulous when it's in a gigantic whoosh at the back of your head. KYUKE: Tall black boots are a great accessory. RYLAND: There really ARE inflatable breasts. MARCUS: Guns are fun! SYLPHA: All we know about Pokemon has to do with Rocket Dan. RYLAND: Oh well, they're the best part anyways. >One of the first things I did was to find out who produced the trading card game. Here is an exact quote right from the Web page of the producer - "The Pokémon Trading Card Game is a new collectable Card Game that is made and distributed by Wizards of the Coast. The same company that made the best selling game ... Magic: The Gathering." KYUKE: RPG GEEKS UNITE! >Magic: The Gathering is a heavily occult laced trading card game very popular in the 1990's. SYLPHA: I always thought it was a beautifully illustrated set of cards, even if you played it and then never ever had a date in your entire life. >I have a research report titled Beware of Magic:The Gathering that can be viewed on the Logos Web page at... SYLPHA: http://www.ihatethiscrap.fuckme AKU: http://www.everythingnonchristianisevil.not KYUKE: http://www.wealreadyddithistypeofriff.lasttime RYLAND: http://www.yeahbutilikethem.yup MARCUS: http://www.insertajokehereendingwith.org >http://www.execpc.com/logos/magic-g.html ALL: ~ Clicky-clicky...MAIL BOMB! ~ >Oh yes, I should mention that Wizards of the Coast also owns TSR, the producers of all the Dungeons & Dragons materials. MARCUS: Which is...dweeberiffic. >When I discovered who owned the American Pokémon Trading Card Game rights, I knew the game was not just an innocent card game for elementary school children. RYLAND: Oh, please...this is getting GROSS. >Next, I looked into the characters in the Pokémon video games, comics, cartoons, movies, etc. What kind of values do they have? Ash Ketchum (a boy) ASH'S VOICE: Thanks for clearing THAT one up! >is one of the main characters. He is described as "an energetic and determined 10-year-old...a little too competitive." He is obsessed with catching all Pokémon and driven "to become the world's foremost Pokémon Master." MATT'S VOICE: See? I TOLD you Pokemon was evil! CALLIE'S VOICE: Not as evil as Eminem! >Oh yes, you can be sure that the Pokémon Rap song and mantra will be included in the materials - SYLPHA: Mantra?! RYLAND; Ommmm...gotta catch 'em all... >"I will travel across the land Searching far and wide Each Pokémon to understand The power that's inside. AKU: Don't tell me, they're gonna claim that's a euphemism for masturbation. RYLAND: We should be so lucky. >Gotta catch them all!" MARCUS: That's only the dub song, even... >The last line of the Pokémon mantra, "Gotta catch them all!" is used over and over again in Pokémon SYLPHA: Yeah, so? >paraphernalia because it fuels the craving for more cards, games, toys, gadgets, and comic books. ALL: (laughing hysterically) GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! MUST CATCH THEM! >Let's look at another character, Ash's companion Misty. She is described as "headstrong and stubborn...constantly quibbling with Ash... and seems to harbor deeper feelings for Ash." KYUKE: If they say that a 10-year old girl who may or may not have a slight crush on...what's Ash's real name? (All shrug.) KYUKE: Anyways, that's BAD? MARCUS: Hey...no breeding, no more fundies. >Then there is the third member of the trio, Brock who is "by far the most KYUKE: --annoying singer in the history of music! RYLAND: That's BROCK, not Bjork. KYUKE: Oh. SYLPHA: I LIKE Bjork! >hormonal. Brock's fascination with the opposite sex AKU: Why the hell is everything underlined? >many times gets him or the group into trouble, although he's yet to have anything resembling a score. MARCUS: And this teaches children to be sexually frustrated! >" Let's take a look at Pokémon trainer Gary. He is "a real jerk... self-centered, vindictive and obnoxious. RYLAND: And there's random quotation marks everywhere! >Then there are Jessie & James. ALL: KOJIRO AND MUSAHI! >Here is how they are described -- "Prepare for trouble, make it double.... Jessie, James...are a mysterious and evil gang looking to steal rare Pokémon. Jessie and James are stuck up, fashion conscious, and prone to cross-dressing." KYUKE: That's why we love them so! >Headstrong, stubborn, quibbling, self-centered, vindictive, obnoxious, hormonal, sexually preoccupied, evil, thieving, cross-dressing jerks are most definitely not biblical role models! ALL: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! KEIRA: Hey, if they get kicked out of the Earth-world, I could USE some priests and Star Mages like that! >These characters do not portray biblical values. ALL: DOUBLE YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! >Pokémon does not measure up! RYLAND: It's just a little short for its age. MARCUS: Like you? RYLAND: >_< MARCUS: But you're so CUTE! SYLPHA: Yeah, it's not your fault everyone but you is at least six feet tall. AKU: Reda's not... RYLAND: Yeah, but she still has four frickin' inches on me...blecccch. >Are supernatural powers portrayed, and if so, what is the source or origin of those powers? ALL: No. >Are occult, New Age characteristics or symbols included? ALL: Nuh-uh. >Pokémon has supernatural powers. "Some Pokémon grow, or evolve." (There is deep silence.) SYLPHA: I didn't know Christians remained at fetal development stages all through their lives. KYUKE: Well, people who write this swill certainly don't have brains that are developed any better. >This is facilitated by the "Energy cards" that "make your Pokémon bigger and more powerful." And what is the source of this power? AKU: High-protein energy drinks? >It is the pantheistic power of the occult, not the supernatural power of God. MARCUS: But the Christian God isn't IN Pokemon! RYLAND: That's why they're raising such a fuss about this. They're jealous. >I have found two cards that make this very clear (there are likely more). SYLPHA: MORE LIKELY NONE AT ALL! FUCK YOU AND YOUR BASELESS, MINDLESS ACCUSATIONS, YOU ONE-BALLED, TURKEY-HUMPING- (Ryland grabs the Emergency Vodka Bottle and quickly splashes some in Sylpha's mouth. The Gruufathom girl grabs the bottle and sucks on it like a baby.) RYLAND: There, there, dear, you should be okay... >They are Abra and Kadabra. Yes, these are their actual names. KYUKE: No, their real names are Simon and Garfunkel. >"Abrakadabra" (or abracadabra) KYUKE: Or Binky-finky-mar-mar-mar... >has been a word long associated with occult magic. (Everyone starts laughing. Sylpha, who had just been about to remove the vodka bottle, quickly shoves it halfway down her throat.) >Webster's dictionary defines it this way - 1) a word supposed to have magic powers and hence used in incantations, on amulets, etc. 2) a magic spell or formula. (Everyone looks into the MSTier portal.) MSTIER: That's bullshit. Pay no attention. RYLAND: This whole article is bullshit! MSTIER: This is true. MARCUS: So can we go? MSTIER It is up Keira-sama. KEIRA: And I say no. MSTIER: So farewell... ::a loud, punk-rock version of "Route Venus" plays for a moment or two, then fades.:: ALL: WELL, HELL! >It is no accident that the two Pokémon called Abra and Kadabra are psychic cards with magical powers. AKU: Abra and Kadabra are cards? I thought they were Pokemon! (Everyone groans.) >On the Abra card we read "Using its ability to read minds, it will identify impending danger and teleport to safety." ALL: WHY IS THAT BAD? >Then there are the occult symbols on Kadabra. SYLPHA: There are? MARCUS: Sure. He has a tattoo of the purple Teletubby. >He has a pentagram on his forehead, (Keira appears in a flash of purple smoke. Aku, Kyuke, Marcus, and Ryland throw themselves at her feet.) KEIRA: (irritated) Oh, get up! PRIESTS: Yes, Mistress. (They sit back down.) (Keira gracefully perches in the chair next to Sylpha. The elvin girl gives her an agonized glance.) AKU: But Tenhime-sama, why are you down here? KEIRA: It was the thing with the pentagram that got me. The pentagram itself has nothing to do with either Christianity or Satanism, it's just been applied that way. KYUKE: But Keira-sama, why does that bother you? (Keira flutters her fingers at the center of forehead at her pentacle marking.) KEIRA: So. I will also attempt to mock this. But first...(She detransforms into her human self. Sylpha cringes.) KEIRA: (In a much higher voice than before) Let's get on with it! >(SSS on his chest MARCUS: SSS? SYLPHA: Stupid Satan-wary Shit? AKU: Sucks Several Seagulls? KYUKE: Sunken Silly Squid? RYLAND: Sally Struthers Stinks? KEIRA: Super Sailor Saturn? >and he is giving the Satanic salute with his left hand. AKU: (with his hand in the "metal" sign and sticking his tongue out) Whaaazzzzzaaaaaaaapppp?!!! MARCUS: Ugh, that IS evil. >All of the above have strong occult significance. KEIRA: Except for all the ones that have been mentioned. >It is clear from the Bible (Deuteronomy 18:10-12) AKU: This is kinda rude, but I would like to point out that Deuteronomy is one funny-ass name. >that we are neither KEIRA: Here nor there? >to participate in nor associate with activities related to the occult. (Everyone starts squirming. Keira's eyes glow a slightly brighter shade of red than before.) >Some of the readers will no doubt protest, "it's only a game!" RYLAND: ...and a show, and cards, and naked pictures of Musahi... >To be sure it is a game, but a game that does not glorify God! SYLPHA: You know when people say things like that, I really have to ask why. Does Candyland glorify their god? Does gin rummy? Does Monopoly? KEIRA: They probably made those taboo as well. >When God says something is wrong, it is wrong regardless of what form it is in. KYUKE: You show EXACTLY where this "god" has said that Pokemon is evil, and I will personally become a Jesuit minister. MARCUS: Whoadamn, that's serious! >Not only that, but many of the kids who play this game are seduced into believing the principles that the game subtly teaches. RYLAND: I think crossdressers are sexy. AKU: Why are we only thinking of crossdressers? ALL EXCEPT AKU: They're sexy! KEIRA: This is true. >Here is but one example. In the booklet that comes with Pokémon, note what is stated -- "Welcome to the world of Pokémon, a special place where people just like you train to become the number-one Pokémon Master in the World! But what is a Pokémon, you ask. ' Pokémon are incredible creatures that share the world with humans,' says Professor Oak, the leading authority on these monsters. There are currently 150 documented species of Pokémon. . . . Each Pokémon has its own special fighting abilities. . . . Some grow, or evolve, into even more powerful creatures.. . . Carry your pokemon with you, and you're ready for anything! You've got the power in your hands, so use it!" (DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP silence.) SYLPHA: Okay, now I'm scared. >Listen, kids are carrying around their Pokémon like a magic talisman. SYLPHA: Don't you dare tell me to listen. And they're carrying around their Pokemon GAMES AND TOYS like A GAME OR A TOY THAT THEY LOVE VERY MUCH! >Author and researcher Berit Kjos tells of a mom who overheard two boys discussing their little pocket monsters. MARCUS: They sure were little! Neither of them were over three inches! And that was when they weren't even erect! ALL: MARCUS! MARCUS: Sorry... >As the conversation developed one boy said, "I'll just use my psychic powers." It was clear that the so called fantasy world of Pokémon had already conditioned this boys thinking to be receptive to a key occult doctrine - psychic powers! SYLPHA: HE MEANT HE'D USE THE POKEMON ON THE CARD'S PSYCHIC POWERS TO DEFEAT THE OTHER POKEMON CARD THAT WAS ITS ENEMY! IN THE GAME, YOU ASSHOLE! IN...THE...GAME! OH MY FUCKING GODDESS, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO? I HOPE RABID WEASELS GNAW YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TWO-INCH COCK OFF! I HOPE YOU SWALLOW AND CHOKE ON YOUR WIFE'S DILDO THAT HAS TWO INCHES ON YOU! I HOPE YOU GET AN ANAL PROBE FROM AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL THAT LOOKS LIKE ROSEANNE AND SOUNDS LIKE FRAN DRESCHER! I- (Aku pins Sylpha down as Ryland shoves a second bottle of vodka down her throat.) KEIRA: What an excellent vocabulary. KYUKE: Oh yah, she's got one of the best. SYLPHA: MMMMF! MMRRRRRGH! RYLAND: She's out! Gimme another bottle, stat! (Marcus reaches under the seat and pulls out the emergency stash box. He tosses a fresh bottle to Ryland, who gives it to Sylpha. By this time, she has calmed down enough so that Aku doesn't have to restrain her.) AKU: Better? (Sylpha nods, still drinking.) MARCUS: Um, isn't that enough vodka? AKU: Oh, no. She built up an amazing tolerance for it while reading the un-MSTed version of "Evening At Lita's". (All shudder.) >Pokémon promotes occult values, not biblical values and therefore should be rejected! KEIRA: But sports don't promote biblical values. Neither does a cheese souffle. Do Christians eat cheese souffle? Then they can play Pokemon. AKU: She's right...weird analogy, but right. >Where are the player's thoughts and imagination being directed? RYLAND: Cute little animals? >I pointed out earlier that Pokémon originated in Japan. What I did not draw to your attention was that a Pokémon Master is a spin off of a martial arts master in Japan. MARCUS: Oh goddess, here we go...Sylpha, you better now? SYLPHA: (tossing away her empty bottles) Yup! >Pokémon Masters are the leaders of fighting schools or battling gangs that solve their problems by beating their opponents. And how do they do this? RYLAND: OOOH! OOOOH! I KNOW! I KNOW! BY BEATING THEIR OPPONENTS! END SARCASM! >Their little booklet says, "Some attacks cause the Defending Pokémon to be Asleep, Confused, Paralyzed, or Poisoned." KYUKE: BUT WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING POINT!? >The Bible warns us to be cautious about what we occupy our minds with (Proverbs 4:23). The games a child plays, the television programs he watches, and the things that he listens to have a powerful mind shaping influence over that child. KEIRA: Interesting. How stupid these Christian Fundies are. >Mental health professionals are finally coming to understand what the Bible has said all along -- the things you let into you mind shape your thinking and your thinking directs your actions. This truth was acted out at the Columbine High school slaughter. The shooters had saturated their minds with violent video games, Gothic death music, and violent reading material. SYLPHA: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! KEIRA: Neither can I. (Shonen Mitenshi suddenly appears in the air.) SHONEN: Hey, guys! Keira-sama, you summoned me? KEIRA: This person must be defeated. SYLPHA: (taking out the Flame Sword.) Readyyyyyyyy boys? *************SCENE: HOME OF DAVID L. BROWN, TH.M**************** "MISTER" Brown was watching TNN, picking his nose, and arranging his collection of rare artifacts from the mass hysteria that was the Salem Witch Trials when something very odd happened. An angel appeared before him. "Oh mah gentle Jesus! An AYUNgel!" The angel, a beautiful young naked man with platinum-blond hair, held one hand forward. 'David Brown!" he intoned in oddly human-sounding voice. "You're dead fucking meat!" Brown blinked. 'Duh? Y'all wanna go to Young Life wiff mah kids?" Suddenly, behind the angel appeared another man with slightly darker, long, curly blond hair. He had the flaming wings of a phoenix, and piercing purple eyes. The wings spread to their full width could have destroyed Brown's stately old trailer. "You have insulted people enough with your baseless accusations. Prepare to be defeated." And the tall young man with black bat's wings behind him laughed, showing sharp fangs. His bare body was covered in bloodstains. And the small, feminine boy with the sweeping black hair and delicately veined dragonfly wings behind him giggled. And the boyish fellow with red hair and wings of a white moth snickered. And a tall, elvin girl with green skin pointed a long sword straight into his heart. "Fundie scum!" she snarled. Each of the young men rose into the air, and for the first time since his grandmother/sister had backed the truck over his pet gopher Skippy, Brown shrieked and felt very afraid. "SWIFT TSUNAMI!" "HURRICANE CRY!" "SAIKAI NO MEGAMI-SAMA TO CHI!" "FIRESTORM FLARE!" "VENGEANCE OF THE WOODS!" Brown presently found himself dripping wet, blown into the wall, drained of a good deal of blood, on fire, and covered in poison ivy rash. "Wut the fuh-hey?!" he cried as the elf-girl slapped him upside the head with the flat of her sword. Then they all disappeared. "Musta been that bad corn pone..." Brown mused thoughtfully. ****************************sok theater************************ (Everyone files in and sits down in a fairly good mood.) >The result was on April 20, 1999, twelve students and one teacher were murdered. SYLPHA: Because those two boys were tormented mercilessly all their lives. I say they were justified. KEIRA: It had nothing to do with any of those above factors. >Could Pokémon influence the children who play it? MARCUS: You know, what's wrong with teaching perseverance and standing up for what you believe in? >I pray that it does not happen, but I wonder how long it will be before a grade school child, tries to do what is written on the Weepingbell - Razor Leaf Pokémon card. It says, "It spits out poisonpowder to immobilize the enemy, and then finishes the enemy with a spray of acid." (Super-deep silence.) AKU: I have this funny feeling that won't happen. >Does this line up with what the Bible has to say about how to handle our enemies in Romans 12:14-22? I Think not! KYUKE: And You Capitalize Badly! >It is clear that Pokémon leads the player's imagination down the wrong path. MARCUS: To Tipperary? >The Bible says that we are to abhor that which is evil, KEIRA: Like this hysterical bullshit. >and cleave to that which is good (Romans 12:9). SYLPHA: I'd personally like to have cleaved this bastard's head in. Couldn't we go back and--? AKU: No, that's mean. >Poisoning, paralyzing, etc. your enemies is clearly evil and no one should occupy their minds with such thoughts, RYLAND: This is one of the most supremely ignorant pieces of semen-drenched drivel I have ever had the personal and extreme displeasure of witnessing. ALL: Us too. >game or no game. Our every thought is to be screened to be sure Christ approves of it (2 Corinthians 10:4-5). KYUKE: Remember, kiddies: brainwashing is fun! >If it does not line up, it is to be rejected. SYLPHA: **sulky** I think YOU should be rejected, jackoff. >So, what's the problem with Pokémon? ALL: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! >Its subtle suggestions, images and values are manipulating the minds and feelings of the children who are into it. KEIRA: So their Bible-book does not make subtle suggestion, images, and values that affect the minds and emotions of it's readers? RYLAND: Of course it does. It just isn't SUBTLE. >Pokémon conditions them to accept humanistic wisdom and occult spirituality. SYLPHA: Oh, right. Humanism is bad. KYUKE: You know what I always wondered about these people? Okay, if their god created humans in his own image, then why do they keep squawking about how low and worthless and unworthy they are? Isn't that kinda dissing their "big dude"? ALL: .... KEIRA: Kyuuketsuki, you are truly my greatest follower. KYUKE: Thank you, Megami-sama. SHONEN: HEY! KEIRA: Excluding my Angel, of course. (Shonen grins. Sylpha looks perturbed.) >Heavy involvement in Pokémon blurs the player's ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality and sears the conscience of the player as well. SHONEN: I think this guy needs to figure out the differences between fantasy and realty himself, hmmm? >Pokémon is designed to be a stepping stone to harder occult oriented games like Magic:The Gathering and Dungeons and Dragons. SYLPHA: EEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RYLAND: She has a point. >God wants his children to have a completely different focus. KYUKE: I'm not his fucking idiot child! Focus THIS, dipshit! (Kyuke spits a long stream of blood at the screen, but it is immediately absorbed, leaving a reddish smear.) >We are even told where our thoughts should be directed in Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Keira stands up. A soft wind blows from nowhere. Her clothing disappears, her eyes become pure silver, and the flower pentacle clearly shows on her forehead. A pair of shimmering butterfly wings spring from her back.) KEIRA: Thoughts belong to those who think them, and none shall be forced to direct them! (Ryland, Marcus, Aku, Kyuke, and Shonen transform into their Facet selves. Sylpha huddles in her seat. The priests and the goddess join hands.) ALL: KEIRAN-ULTIMA! (The article is blasted into oblivion by a searing burst of deep purple energy.) SYLPHA: Kickass.