>(a lot of boring traveling music happens, CLOUD: You'd almost think Callie didn't like the game OR Sailormoon, instead of her actually being obsessed with them. >and the avalanche geeks CLOUD and TIFA: HEY! >arrive at the temple.) SELPHIE: Just in time for Yom Kippur! KYUKE: For the Passion Revival. CLOUD: The WHAT? KYUKE: Each year at the summer solstice, the priests of the Deadwood Shrine celebrate the fertility of life under the benevolence of Keira Tenhime-sama by partaking in a huge orgy. Any priests who father children that night get a promotion. TIFA: SICK!! KYUKE: (Miffed) It happens to be a beautiful sexual experience! SEPHIROTH: That and you fuck for how long? KYUKE: Month and a half straight. SEPHIROTH; SIGN ME UP! >(aeris lies down on the ground.) SEPHIROTH: (Aeris) Okay, Cloud, jump me! (Tifa and Cloud both whack him over the head.) >AMY: I...can't...feel...any...Negaverse...entities...here. SELPHIE: Well, no SHIT, Sherlock. >RAYE: TALK NORMAL, YOU IDIOT!!!! ALL: THANK YOU! >AERIS: Oh, pretty Temple of the Ancients, are you happy to see me? TEMPLE: No AERIS: Teehee!!!! CLOUD: Look out!!!!! KYUKE: (Cloud)We're being attacked by random exclamation points! >(sephiroth suddenly falls from the sky and stabs aeris in the back.) AERIS: Oh...my...god!!!! (she falls over dead.) ALL EXCEPT CLOUD AND TIFA: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! CLOUD: Hey! TIFA: Ex-CUSE me... >CLOUD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! KYUKE: (Cloud; Luke Skywalker) THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! SEPHIROTH: Oh, that is SO contrived... KYUKE: (Continuing in an even more passionate manner.) MY GOD! MY FATHER IS MY WORST ENEMY! THE MAN WHOSE LIFE I AM SWORN TO VANQUISH! MON DIEU, J'AI MAL A LA COEUR, POUR MON PERE EST- SELPHIE: SHUT UP, KYUKE! KYUKE: (Still going...) -AND I GROPED MY SISTER! CLOUD: Done? KYUKE: For now. >SEPHIROTH: Ha ha ha! That was fun! Me likey stab people mucho, yes? (Sephiroth stares at the screen in disgust.) TIFA: ...weeeellll... SEPHIROTH: What? TIFA: It would have made the whole experience a lot less scary if you HAD talked like that... SEPHIROTH: ...I hate you. >Oops. I sounded like Jar-Jar Binks there for a second. Excuse me. CLOUD: There is NO excuse for THAT! SELPHIE: Kyuke, don't start. KYUKE: Ya know, Sepphy, when you glare like that you look exactly like Jay Gordon. ALL: WHO THE HELL IS JAY GORDON? KYUKE: ...you're all so SNAPPY today... >TIFA: Oh, Aeris! I'm so happy you're dead! CLOUD: (Aeris) ~ Oh, oh Tifa! Oh, don't you cry for me! I'm gonna beat Callista in the name of decent taste! ~ SELPHIE: "Me" doesn't rhyme with "taste", Cloud. CLOUD: Shut up. >CLOUD: (with tears in his eyes) Aeris, I'll never forget you. (he then throws her body in the river.) SEPHIROTH: Heh heh...that's kind of funny... >BARRET: GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE!!! KYUKE: Okay, so it's an incestuous sphincter whose mother was a canine sent to an indecent and unpleasant final fate by some sort of deity or other "supreme" being. TIFA: It sounds so...NICE...when you put it that way... >IT'S SEPHIROTH!!! SEPHIROTH: I resent that. My MOTHER was not a DOG! SELPHIE: (Alicia Silverstone) He's such a dickhead. CLOUD: (Brendan Fraser) Dickhead? SELPHIE: (Alicia Silverstone) Yeah, you know, a walking penis...! (Cloud stares at Selphie, eyes wide as saucers.) SELPHIE: (AS) What? CLOUD: (BF) I just got a mental image... KYUKE: Um...what did that have to do with anything? SELPHIE: Well, she personified an anus, so... KYUKE: Ohh, I get it. >SERENA: Like, you swear too much!!! TIFA: Like, you're stupid too much! >BARRET; SHUT UP. TIFA: (Pointing at Barret threateningly) You watch it, mister. CLOUD: Um, Tifa? The people on the screen aren't really talking to you- TIFA: Um, Cloud? I'm not stupid. I just don't like it when people scream "SHUT UP". CLOUD: ...you're in a fine mood today. Is it that time of the month? TIFA: (with her fingernails digging into Cloud's throat) Care to rephrase that? CLOUD: I poured some brine on the moon today. Would you like some lunch? TIFA: I thought so. >SERENA: Okay, Se-whatsit, in the name of the moon, I'm going to hurt you!!!! SELPHIE: (Serena) AND STUFF! YEAH! YOU BETCHA! SURE THING! YESSIRREEEEEE BOB! >(the sailor scouts starts floating and swirling and changing colors and clothing and stuff like that.) KYUKE: Callie seems to be the one going apathetic... TIFA: (Callie) Yeah, and then they did that thing with the thing and that guy had the stuff and like the other stuff and the other guy was like doing stuff with a thing...or something... CLOUD: Ha ha, that's how she talks and everything... >CID: Is this another acid flashback? SEPHIROTH: If only it were that simple. **sigh** >(the newly transformed scouts start "fighting" sephiroth.) RAYE: Mars...fire...IGNITE!!!! (she shoots flames at sephiroth. ) He giggles evilly and roasts a hot dog in the blaze) SEPHIROTH: Okay, everyone, we have some illegal parentheses in the area... >SEPHIROTH: Hey, free lunch!!! SELPHIE: I could make a cunnilingus joke there, but I don't want to. TIFA and CLOUD: Thank you. >AMY: mercury...bubbles...GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! CLOUD: ...huh? KYUKE: O_o;; TIFA: Bubble GOO? CLOUD: Or is it bubble go? SEPHIROTH: Bubbles go? Isn't it, like, bubbles blast? SELPHIE: This from the girl who has an anyeursm if you so much as HINT at a dubbed attack name... >(sephiroth is encircled by a mist. TIFA: He is also in lowercase. >He takes a deep breath and blows CLOUD: No. SEPHIROTH: But- CLOUD: NO( SELPHIE: You're a big mean spoilsport. :( >on it. The mist instantly dissipates.) SEPHIROTH: God-DAMN, you people suck! SEPHIROTH: I'm not REALLY that mean, am I? SELPHIE: Of course not. (She pats his shoulder.( >MINA: Jupiter...thunder...crash!!!! CLOUD: Oh, how cute...Makoto let Minako borrow her attacks. Wasn't that thoughtful of her? I do hope Minako sent her a thank(you note. >(sephiroth laughs as he eats the rocks trying to crash down on him.) ALL: ROCKS????? TIFA: (Starting to cry( I don't want to do this anymore( Make it stop, Cloud( CLOUD: I only wish I could... >SEPHIROTH: Very nice, blonde airbag, KYUKE: Oh, how cute( I didn't know airbags came in designer colors! >but I've got my OWN version! It's called...(he rises into the air) METEOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SELPHIE: You know, I think Callie's pretty much shattered all her anal retentivity when it comes to writing with this fic... >(sephiroth disappears as a giant orb appears in the sky.) CLOUD: Hell, not again. TIFA: (Cloud( Orson Welles is falling from the sky! >TIFA: CRAP! BARRET: CRAP! YUFFIE: CRAP! KYUKE: What's this fanfic, kiddies? ALL: CRAP! KYUKE: That's right! >VINCENT: ....! SELPHIE: (Vincent( Holy shit, Orson Welles really IS falling from the sky! >CID: I want some cookies to go with my TEA!!!! ALL: ... TIFA: That was just sad. >(the sailor scouts turn back to "normal") SERENA: Like, is this bad???? CLOUD: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! (he grabs for vincent's gun) I WANNA END IT ALL!!! KILL ME!!! KILL ME!!! CLOUD: If anyone makes an "At least Cloud's in character" joke, I will hurt them. >VINCENT: ..... CLOUD: (stopping immediately) I didn't think that word even existed!!! SEPHIROTH: Yeah, dotdotdotdotdot is a word, all righty. CLOUD: I guess it's implied. KYUKE: I guess it's stupid. >(okay well all that stuff happens like cloud loses his mind again and stuff blah blah blah boooooooooring we all get it, right?) SEPHIROTH: Ummmm... KYUKE: Huh? SELPHIE: Ooookay... CLOUD: I, for one, don't remember too well. TIFA: It would have been nice to have an explanation. >(the team and the sailors end up in the crater) KYUKE: (Random AVALANCHE member of Sailor Senshi( Gross, we're in one of Noriega's pores! >SERENA: Hey! This reminds me of a date I once went on with Da---aaaaaah!!!! (she trips and falls off a cliff) ALL: ... SEPHIROTH: There's one... >AMI: (calculating the depth of the crater) ... (Suddenly, her brains explode from over-use.) SEPHIROTH: Two... SELPHIE: (Southern( Whoo(eee! Kentucky Fried Synapses! >LITA: NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE CUTE ONE!!! (she dives after serena) SEPHIROTH: Three... CLOUD: (Irma( No great loss. TIFA: That was far beyond the limits of obscurity. >RAYE: Stupid bitches! (she turns around to walk away, slams her face into the wall, stumbles back and falls off.) SEPHIROTH: Four...that was REAL bright, by the way... >MINA: Well, I'm so boring, I might as well. (she walks off the cliff.) SELPHIE: MINAKO(SAMA IS NOT BORING( >(silence) TIFA: Yes, let's have a moment of silence for Callie's sanity... >CLOUD: That was so anticlimactical, it wasn't even funny. KYUKE: Well, the way Amy died was, sorta... >TIFA: Well, might as well screw it all up now. SEPHIROTH: Good lord, I think we passed beyond that point long ago... >(YMCA starts playing as sephiroth comes down upon them) KYUKE: Sepphy's gittin' some! CLOUD: It says COMING down, not GOING down! KYUKE: Same diff, Clod(boy. CLOUD: Don't CALL me that. >SEPHIROTH: Wow! They're dead! I'm so happy, I unsummoned Meteor FOR you guys!! TIFA: How sweet! >TIFA: What? How? SELPHIE: (Sephiroth( With this nifty Meteor(unsummoner thingie I got here! >SEPH: Don't ask, okay? It's an RPG. TIFA: Ohhh.....(blank face.) SELPHIE: Don't ask, don't tell... >SEPH: Oh, and I'm throwing a party! (YMCA plays louder. Doritos appear and all the ff7 characters start dancing.) THE END CLOUD: Well, should we? TIFA: I guess so... (Everyone starts dancing.(