Okay, as young Gary pointed out, this has already been done. Don't ask ME by who, though...I remember one MSTing of it on SVAM. I think. I'll check if I have more time later. But. _I_ fucking wanna do it now. If you don't want to read another MSTing of FF6, then for chrissakes--don't read it! I've always wanted to MST this game (AND FF7 too), and I think I have some quality riffs here. Sorry for being so unoriginal in my MSTing material choice. >Final Fantasy VI (III U.S.) CLOUD: Audience, zero. MATT: Uh-oh, Cloud's in a pissy mood... CLOUD: **sulky** Stuff it, Goth Boy. MATT: HEY! I'm not GOTH, I'm Selectively Pale! CLOUD: Yeah, with black hair. MATT: THAT'S NATURAL! CLOUD: What a coincidence. SEPHIROTH: Wow, Cloud, you're even a bigger bitch than myself! >Transcript Compilation 1.01 Transcribed by CALLIE: ...Mr. Rogers! CLOUD: Lame. SELPHIE: 3-legged-donkey lame. >Noah E. Sproat SEPHIROTH: Ah, yes, on bright autumn mornings I often go sproat hunting... >Original Script (C) 1994 Ted Woolsey and SQU/\RESOFT, MATT: Skwuh-line-line-soft? CALLIE: This, my friend, is what is known as being "kewl". >Inc. This document (C) 27 November 1997 Noah E. Sproat . ______________________________________________________________________ MATT: ~ Lines, line, everywhere a line... ~ >Little Disclaimer: CLOUD: Little Disclaimer In Big Tokyo. >This document can be used for any purpose, SELPHIE: Oh, good! We need more toilet paper! >and can distributed by any and all who wish, as long as this file remains unmodified from this form, (Everyone looks ashamed.) >and not sold for any amount of money, CLOUD: ...or love... >or to CALLIE: ...take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them...to die, to sleep no more... >be held as an incentive for others to buy something, MATT: How the hell does THAT work?! SEPHIROTH: I got the FF6 script! Now go buy something! MATT: Yessir! (Matt runs out of the theater and returns with a lovely clay pot.) SEPHIROTH; What the...? It really works! MATT: I was somehow compelled to purchase pottery. CALLIE: Uh, are you okay, dude? MATT: Yeah, just a little confused... >without the previous express permission from the author, Noah E. Sproat. Since the author did not write the script presented in this document, it is SELPHIE: ...probably better than a fanfic? CALLIE: Don't bet on it... >available to all, but this document in itself is protected by CLOUD: ...an invisible force field eighty million more times sensitive than your own nervous system! >copyright laws. > ______________________________________________________________________ MATT: ~ It's a long, long way to Tipperary... ~ CLOUD: Cliche. MATT: Yet appropriate. >Created 27 November 1997 Last modified 10 March 1999 - Added notice (see below). _____________________________________________ _________________________ This is a compilation of a result of boredom about two years ago. KEIRA: That sounds familiar... >All the cut scenes are here (except for the game's ending), (Matt and Callie whine.) >but I didn't have enough time to get all the normal town script and such, so most of it isn't here. SEPHIROTH; (Noah) If you want to complain, feel free to bite me and like it at any time. >Also, some parts are missing, usually because I CALLIE: (Noah) Would get drunk and pass out, leaving my kitten Nurples to finish it. SEPHIROTH: NURPLES? CLOUD: Oh, NO! MATT: Huh? (A small, incredibly cute, fluffy purple cat jumps up from under Sephiroth's seat and curls up in his lap, purring.) SEPHIROTH: (cooing) Ooooh, it's my pwecious widdle Nuwplesh-wurplesh! Yesh it IS! Ooooh, I wuv you, shnookums... (Callie, Selphie, and Matt all shriek with delight.) CALLIE: It's- MATT: So- SELPHIE: CUTE! CLOUD: Gawwwwwd... >didn't have time to transcribe them (they proceeded automatically in the game), so until then, anyone who would like to email me those missing script segments is welcome to do so. ^_^ CALLIE: >_< SEPHIROTH: 0_0 CLOUD: ?_? MATT: X_x SELPHIE: *_* NURPLES: Mew? >This transcript is not meant for people who have never played the game; CLOUD: (Noah) It is meant for three-legged weasels born under the right side of a watermelon. >the game is really so complex that those who haven't played it through will likely find this confusing. SEPHIROTH: Not as confusing as half the crap the translators put in FF7, however. CLOUD: Really. Like I had ANY idea what I was saying. >This transcript records what many people like to collect, SELPHIE: (confused) Um, Pokemon cardses? >and that is the dialog of the story. CALLIE: No, THIS is the dialogue of the story. (Everyone sighs.) MATT: It's getting hard to riff, and we're only partway through the freakin' DISCLAIMER! >NOTICE: Because I am a generally busy person, I don't have the time or focus to complete this document. CLOUD: Well, aren't YOU special, Mr. I-Have-A-Life! CALLIE: The MSTier DOES have a life, thank you, Cloud... CLOUD: I know, I just felt like being snotty. >No further releases from me will be seen. However, if anyone wants to complete this document, they are SEPHIROTH: --stupid. >allowed to, as long as they leave SELPHIE: --a sacrifice upon the doorstep of an abandoned hovel in the dark of night in the middle of a forest. >my notes, notices and copyrights, and wherever they add their own, they must make it clear that those words are from them, and not from me. MATT: (Noah) Because I don't want to be held responsible for you numbnuts forking aboot with my script. >This means that you are allowed to modify the document under these circumstances, but the rest of my copyright still holds. _____________________________________________________________________ _ ____________________________________________________________________ __ SEPHIROTH: Wow! Two lines! KEEN! MATT: ~ We're moving on uuup...to the east side...in a deeee-luxe apartment in skyyy-yyyyy... ~ >Long ago, CALLIE: ...in a galaxy far, far away... >the War of the Magi reduced the world to a scorched wasteland, and magic simply ceased to exist. SEPHIROTH: (Narration) But since it never existed at all in the first place, nobody gave a shit. >1000 years have passed... CLOUD: (Narration) Bob Dole is still alive... >Iron, gunpowder and steam engines have been rediscovered, and high technology reigns... MATT: HA! THAT'S high technology? I MOCK THEE! CALLIE: (French) I unclog my nose at you! I fart in your general direction! I wave my private parts at your aunties! >But there are some who would enslave the world by SEPHIROTH: --forcing everyone to listen to Bon Jovi. >reviving the dread destructive force known as "magic." CALLIE: And "Watergate". SEPHIROTH: And "Karaoke". CLOUD: And "Tamagotchis". MATT: And "Peter Frampton". SELPHIE: And "New Mortal Kombat Games". >Can it be that those in power are on the verge of repeating a senseless and deadly mistake? ALL: (flat) Yes. >______________________________________________________________ ________ MATT: Grrrrr...I'm SICK of lines! From now on I'm gonna riff the lines with songs that have NOTHING to do with it! CLOUD: What's "it"? MATT: Anything! (He clears his throat.) ~ Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand...~ (Callie bops him.) CALLIE: I HATE EMINEM. MATT: It's either that or DMX! CALLIE: **sigh** Nevermind, I know where my dogs are at... >VICKS: There's the town... MATT: ~ Our house...in the middle of our street... ~ >WEDGE: Hard to believe an Esper's been found intact in there, 1000 years after SELPHIE: (Wedge) ...the invention of Esper-Away. SEPHIROTH: Yes, Esper-Away! The handy-dandy-anti-demigod spray! >the War of the Magi... CALLIE: Oh no! Jim and Della slug it out on Jerry Springer! SELPHIE: I doubt anyone will get that. >VICKS: SEPHIROTH: Vap-O-Rub? >Think it's still alive? MATT: (Wedge) I dunno! Let's poke it with a stick and find out! >WEDGE: Probably... ...judging from the urgency of our orders. CLOUD: (Wedge, panicked) Quick, give me three double-bacon cheeseburgers, on the double! >VICKS: And this woman, this... SELPHIE: ...is gonna turn into a Shania Twain joke, isn't it? CALLIE: Well, no, not now... >sorcerer. Why's she here? CALLIE: Typical stupid but beautiful RPG magic user. Pay no attention. >I heard she fried 50 of our Magitek Armored soldiers SEPHIROTH: (Vicks) Yes! She made them chicken-fried steak! They all died from cholesterol poisoning! >in under 3 minutes. >WEDGE: Not to worry. The Slave Crown on her head MATT: (Wedge) ...will allow us to ravish her without her even noticing! SEPHIROTH: Say, where can I get one of those? MATT: Hmmm... >robs her of all CLOUD: --her American Express traveler's checks. >conscious thought. SEPHIROTH: Wowie, Cloud, is that what happened to you? (Cloud mutters something unprintable.) >She'll follow our orders. (Sephiroth, Callie, Matt, and Selphie all open their mouths at the same time.) CLOUD: NO! ALL: Damn! >WEDGE: We'll approach from the east. Move out! >______________________________________________________________________ >WEDGE: Let's put her on point. SELPHIE: Terra's playing point guard? Is this a basketball game? SEPHIROTH; Ditz... >No sense taking any risks. Forward! CALLIE: (Empress Nympho) Quicktime Harch! SEPHIROTH: QUICKTIME HARCH! CALLIE; (Pretending to watch something bobbing away) I love Quicktime Harch... >(If you try to leave...) MATT: ~ If you walk out on meeeeee...I'm walking after yoooouuu... ~ >WEDGE: The Esper's gotta be in here. Move out! ALL EXCEPT CLOUD: LET'S MOSEY! CLOUD: Aw, fuck me. CALLIE: Okay! SEPHIROTH: Sure MATT: You mean it?! SELPHIE: WHOOHOO! CLOUD: AAAAUGh! FIGURE OF SPEECH! FIGURE OF SPEECH, DAMMIT! >(Guard) Machine-riding, self-important swine! Take this! MATT: (Vicks) Where should I take it? SEPHIROTH: In the ass. CLOUD: SEPHIROTH!! SEPHIROTH; Calm down, Chobo-head. >(Battle with Lobo.) CALLIE: Los Lobos? Say, they were at Woodstock. I think I might have caught the tail end of their set, but I was really sleepy and Everclear was about to come on, so... (Everyone stares at Callie.) CALLIE: Oh, nevermind. >(Guards) Imperial Magitek Armor? MATT: (Guard, femmy) Guh-hawwd! That cuh-LASHES with my CURtains! CALLIE: O_O Too good, far, FAR, too good at that, you are. MATT: I am! >Not even Narshe's safe anymore! SELPHIE: (Guard) Not that it was safe in the first place, but who cares? It's STILL not safe! >(Battle with 2 Guards.) CLOUD: THRILL to the endless action! >(Guard) Narshe's freedom depends on us! MATT: ~ We shall overcome... ~ >(Battle with 2 Lobos.) SEPHIROTH: GASP at the fast-paced battle sequences! >(Battle with 2 Guards.) SELPHIE: ...and HANG ONTO THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT! >(Guard) We've got 'em trapped, now! CALLIE: AS CHYNA AND THE OTHER LOVELY LADIES OF WRESTLING SLUG IT OUT IN A GIANT VAT OF PICKLES! ALL: Huh?! CALLIE: I couldn't think of anything else. >(Battle with 2 Guards and Lobo.) MATT: Funny, it didn't feel like the game took this long... >(Guard) We must defend the mines! SEPHIROTH: Because a mine is a terrible thing to waste. >(Battle with 2 Guards and 2 Vomammoths.) SELPHIE: Vomammoth's so fat she went through the drive-thru and got stuck! >WEDGE: According to our source, the frozen Esper was found in a new mine shaft. CLLOUD: He is one bad motha- SELPHIE: Hey now! CLOUD: I'm just talkin' 'bout Shaft. SELPHIE: Then I can dig it! >...Maybe this one... _____________________________________________________________________ MATT: ~ Hit me baby one more time! ~ >VICKS: I'll handle this. Stand back! CLOUD: (Vicks) For I am the mighty ANTI-CONGESTION CHEST BALM! >(VICKS slides his armor through a barrier.) SEPHIROTH: Which makes a whole heap 'o sense. >(Guard) We won't hand over the Esper!! Whelk! Get them! SELPHIE: (Whelk) I'm on my coffee break! >(Begin battle with Whelk.) CLOUD: Yeah, down with those bastard snails! >VICKS: Hold it! Think back to our briefing...... CALLIE: Not wearing any! SEPHIROTH: (Looking into his pants) Tight purple briefs. CLOUD: (looking into his pants) White cotton boxers. MATT: (looking into his pants) Red plaid with Scooby-Doo. SELPHIE: (peeking up her skirt) Pink lace panties. >WEDGE: What about it?! SELPHIE: "It" a pronoun you should never end a sentence "with". >VICKS: Do you recall hearing about a monster that eats lightning...... >WEDGE: ......and stores the energy in its shell! MATT: Janet Reno? >VICKS: Right. So whatever you do, don't attack the shell! CLOUD: Go for the jugular! >WEDGE: Alright already! CALLIE: (Wedge) You numbnuts! It ran away by now! >(End battle with Whelk.) CLOUD: Unless you lose said battle. ______________________________________________________________________