>>We wrote two diferent stories, CLOUD: Unfortunately, they both suck. >but once they follow the same line they >>have the same first part of introduction. ALL: ... SELPHIE: That's a baaaaaaaad sign, my friend. Incomprehensible grammar in the introduction? We're screwed. >But then, they follow diferent >>lines. CALLIE: -of cocaine. >This first Story is a real fiction one, MATT: As opposed to what, a fantastical nonfiction story? >>but it's bese in my very deep SEPHIROTH: -pants. CLOUD: Sephiroth... >beliefs about religion and life. CALLIE: Break out the Jim Jones Kool-Aid! >>Obviously, this Story features the Master of my Dreams: Sephiroth. SEPHIROTH: Eeeeeeew. MATT: What's so obvious about that? I could be the master of someone's dreams! CALLIE: You are, bunny ^_^ SELPHIE and CLOUD: Eeeeeeew. >> Dimension CALLIE: I Left My Pants In Dimension X. MATT: Bruce Coville's gonna sue you. CALLIE: Is not. I MET him. MATT: Cool! KEIRA: Stay on track, paeans. >> Giullia & Warlock CLOUD: That's a pretentious way of spelling "Julia". CALLIE: Not to mention there's no such thing as a warlock. >_<; >> The Last Battle and The Purgatory >> Giullia >>Eyes on eyes, swords in hands. SEPHIROTH: Hands on crotches, genitalia inside pants, pants on legs, legs below pelvis- CLOUD: Enough. >>Emotions were crossing those hearts as arrows going deeper and deeper >>inside. CALLIE: Kinky! >>"Cloud, I love you" Sephiroth thinks. SEPHIROTH: NO I DO NOT! >>"You're a part of me Cloud. MATT; ~ Dr. Pepper, you're a part of me! ~ SELPHIE:: ~ Bum ba ba bum bum... ~ CLOUD: (Sephiroth) The better part of me, anyways. SEPHIROTH: You wish, asshole. >>Why you lasted for so long, CALLIE: Nowhere in FF7 did it say Cloud was a minuteman... CLOUD: (Deadpan) The Revolutionary War's been over for over two hundred years, silly. >why I do you think I didn't kill you when I >>had the chance in the Reactor of Nibelheim?" SEPHIROTH: Cuz HE almost killed ME! MATT: Why do people write fics about games they haven't played? The logic escapes me... >>But Cloud couldn't hear his thoughts. SELPHIE: Seeing as Sephiroth was saying them inside his own head, and all. >Blind in sadness and anger he was >>suffering inside too, hearing his own thoughts. SELPHIE: (Cloud; thinking) I know if I stick my finger in a light socket, it'll electrocute me and I'll probably die. But what if I don't take my finger out? If I leave my finger in there, maybe eventually my body would adapt to the electricity, and maybe even feed off it. Maybe I could become a super hero who's powered by electricity. That would be sweet. Superheroes get ALL the chicks, man. (Everyone stares at Selphie.) SELPHIE: Oh, like that thought never occurred to any of YOU! >>"I love you Sephiroth... CLOUD: Piss on you, Giullia! KEIRA: That was unnecessarily rude. CLOUD: ...not really. >Please do not raise this sword, MATT: (Sephiroth) Okay, how about I raise...THIS sword...instead? CALLIE: That's a pretty HARD comment, Matthew. SELPHIE: Yeah, quit DICK-ing around. CLOUD: EEEEEEEEEEW! SEPHIROTH: Oh, would you PLEASE stop screaming like a pigstuck four-year-old every time someone mentions something dirty? >please don't, >>please, SELPHIE: (Cloud) No, please, please, don't, oh no...wait, I changed my mind. Do it anyways. >oh why they did it to you Sephiroth? CALLIE: (Magistrate) And who giveth away this woman? CLOUD: (Dr. Zubritsky) I do! CALLIE: (Magistrate) And Why do you giveth away this woman? CLOUD: (Dr. Zubritsky) Because he asketh me. And I noddeth my head. And he taketh her. SEPHIROTH: You just passed from obscure to INSANELY obscure. CALLIE: Neal Simon is just underappreciated. >>Let me explain, give me the chance, the last chance, MATT: Give me one more dance, I'll get into your pants, and then in bed we'll prance... >let me save you from CLOUD: -high cholesterol. >>your blind anger... You know my answers, now I also know yours..." SELPHIE: (Cloud) I cheated off you on the SATs. Sorry, pal. >>"Why Cloud?" CLOUD: Yeah, why me? >>Tension in the air. MATT: That's not tension, it's methane. Sephiroth farted. SEPHIROTH: Did not! SELPHIE: He who smelt it dealt it! SEPHIROTH: Whoever made the rhyme did the crime! (Selphie stares at him.) SEPHIROTH: ...shit. MATT: Exactly my point! >>"Why Sephiroth?" SEPHIROTH: (Primping) Why anyone else? >>Eyes on eyes. CLOUD: Thighs on thighs. CALLIE: Pies on fries, flies on lies, knives on chives... >>No one knows who did the first move, and no one wanted to be the first >>to stop the madness. CALLIE: Cuz Dance Dance Revolution is a neat game. >>But everyone knows Cloud was faster. CLOUD: I at least wait until the third date to even attempt, Mister! >Or maybe Sephiroth really wanted CALLIE: ...a Furby? CLOUD: ...a drink. MATT: ...a porcupine. SELPHIE: ...a blowjob. SEPHIROTH: You're all wrong. I wanted Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears to have mad kinky sex in a bowl of whipped instant potatoes. But y'all were close. >>him to be. MATT: Cuz Sepphy wanted to get LAID! CLOUD: I should have at least bought you flowers first, Sepphy. Sorry about that. >Maybe he wished to die... SEPHIROTH: Actually, all I ever really wanted from the time I was a little kid was to go to Disneyland. >>The sword tore his body in two. ALL: IT DID NOT! SEPHIROTH: Dramatists! CLOUD: Play to the END of the game! >The pain broke his body and mind in an >>explosion of anguish. SELPHIE: (Sephiroth) Uh-oh, Sepphy have ouchie! :( >>Then... He felt he was falling down. MATT; ~ Sephiroth is falling down, falling down, falling down! Sephiroth is falling down, my fair lady! ~ >Crimson (Everyone screams) CALLIE: NO! NO MORE CRIMSON! I CAN'T TAKE THAT FIC RIGHT NOW! >blood, ALL: Oh. CALLIE: THAT I can handle. >endless pain. MATT: Endless Waltz! >>Cloud held Sephiroth's inanimate body in his arms, SELPHIE: I thought he got chopped in half. ALL: Eeeeeeew. >holding tight, and >>suddenly crying as a child. CLOUD: As a child did what, exactly? >>Vincent Valantine fell dawn on his knees. (Everyone blinks.) MATT: O-kaaaayyyy...I guess the sun really does shine out of Vincent's butt. >>"Why????" he cried out loud SEPHIROTH: (Vincent) My ass really hurts! >>Tiffa CLOUD: Hey, I didn't know Tifa had a twin sister. Cool. >just stayed there, CALLIE: Because someone had stapled her toenails to the floor. >a silent tear rolling down her face. MATT; ~ Rollin' rollin' rollin' roll-IN'! ~ SELPHIE: (Tifa) My toes hurt, too! >>Not for Sephiroth - who cares? SEPHIROTH: Well, fuck you, too! >> But for Cloud and Vincent, who were so hurt inside. CALLIE: Try some Pepto-Bismol and see if that helps. >>Cloud and Vincent looked one for the other, a complicity look, CALLIE: Well, you can tell Giullia's a Walt Whitman fan. MATT: How? CALLIE: She's makin' up words. >full of >>emotions and regrets. CALLIE: (Vincent) I never groped a supermodel. SEPHIROTH: (Cloud) I never tried anchovies on my pizza. CLOUD: (Vincent) I never got to use the can opener attachment on my prosthetic hand. MATT: (Cloud) I never got to sleep with Aeris, Tifa, OR Yuffie! CLOUD: Jerk. SELPHIE: (Vincent) I never got to read a halfway decent fanfic. CALLIE: Hey, me neither. >>They knew they had to live with this forever. SEPHIROTH: Or until they died, whichever came first. >>Sephiroth opened his eyes. But he wished to close back. MATT: Because he was like that guy in Wicked City whose ribcage came out of his upper back, and it hurt. >>Nowhere. Nothing. SELPHIE: New Jersey? >No one could ever imagine the death was so empty, MATT: (Death) You get what anybody gets-you get a lifetime. CALLIE: Good point. I always thought Death was rather deep. Delerium, maybe, was mentally empty... SELPHIE: We've got an awful lot of references to people named "Neil" today. >>no color, nothing... But the damn pain was there still tearing him in two >>again and again and again... CALLIE: Damn pain! Damn you all to hell! SEPHIROTH: DAMNED RASPBERRIES! CLOUD: NOT cool, dude. >>"LET - ME - DIE...!", he cried. SELPHIE: Nyah nyah, you didn't say "Mother, May I?" ! >He looked down. Blood was going out >>and out as a never-ending source of blood. SEPHIROTH: Hey, cool. I got my period. >>So he realized he was naked. (Callie's eyes glaze over. A long string of drool falls from her mouth as she begins muttering to herself.) (Matt glares at Sephiroth.) SEPHIROTH: Uh, sorry, dude... >>His silver hair was a mess, with blood on it. Blood on his very white face. CLOUD: I like the way people think Seph's both goth and gay. It's kind of funny. >>In his lips. SELPHIE: Of course there's blood IN his lips! Otherwise, they'd be little dried-up pruney things! (Callie snaps out of her trance.) >He felt the taste, the bitter taste of his own blood flowing. CLOUD: This IS an awful lot like "The Things I'll Never Get", isn't it? MATT: (Shuddering) Chilling. >>"So this is the taste of the death...", he thought. >>And once again he tried to cry, but he could only whisper: "Let... me... >>die..." >>"Oh, God..." he remained. >>Sephiroth couldn't be God after all. MATT: How Kefka-esque of him to try. >God feels no pain. SEPHIROTH: God's the best damn hockey player there ever was! >He thought about >>summon something over his own head >>to ease the pain forever but so he realized he has no magic power. ALL: ... CLOUD: What...the...HELL?! SEPHIROTH: Now I know why I keep pleading "Let...me...die" in this dumb fic. >>"My fate is to be here forever... felling the huge pain..." CALLIE: (Oar) I clear fields, Festina. That is what I do. The other fucking Explorers said clearing fields was a sign of civilization, so when Jelca comes back, he will see how civilized I am, because I have cleared many fields. SEPHIROTH: ...Callista, just shut up, okay? You're way, way, WAY too obscure. >>"You're only paying for your sins, Sephiroth." MATT: (Chipper) Will that be Visa or Mastercard? >>A voice coming right above his head. (Everyone makes orgasm noises.) >A kind of severity and irony nobody >>ever dare to direct to him. SELPHIE: Bad Sephiroth! Bad, bad Sephiroth! >But he has no conditions to complain. The pain >>was there hurting deep, the endless blood flow, dirtying his skin, coloring >>his hair. CALLIE: Well, it's cheaper than dye...I...guess... >>"Think about that Sephiroth... and then if you regret enough maybe I'll >>give you a second chance." >>"Where are you?" he whispered more to himself. >>"You have no right to keep your thoughts private here Sephiroth. I can >>listen to you. Some of the zillion kinds of life call this place a >>Purgatory. CLOUD: The universe may be specially diverse, but there's no such number as "zillion". >A place where you pay for your sins. MATT: (Chipper) I'm sorry, we do not accept payment in form of private thoughts. Thank you, come again! >But maybe a place to get a >>second chance. This is the "Limbo", Sephiroth. MATT: (Voice) So get yourself a Limbo girl, and then rock the Limbo world. Then you can do the Limbo Rock all around the Limbo clock. >>This fog place is where you will enjoy your pain for a while." >>"Is this what some calls hell?" >>The voice laughed loud. >>"No, stupid. SEPHIROTH: You're MEAN. SELPHIE: Maybe they're in San Francisco. Or London? CALLIE: England! You know, bad food, worse weather, Mary-fucking-Poppins, ENGLAND! MATT: You're being obscure again. CALLIE: Not AS obscure. >The hell is worst. SELPHIE: Liverwurst? CLOUD: Bratwurst. >In hell you won't feel only this pain. >>You'll feel the pain of everyone you touched bad someday... MATT: (Childish) Uh-oh, bad touch! >>all in the same time." >>Sephiroth closed his eyes and wished to die once again. SEPHIROTH: Jesus, I'm boring. >>Time seemed to last forever, CALLIE: Cuz, um, it sort of DOES. >>but once the place was timeless, it made no difference. SELPHIE: I have no fucking idea what's going on. ALL: Us, neither. >>So the voice came from above again. (Everyone makes orgasm noises, only this time apathetically.) >>"Against my wish, Sephiroth, but you're leaving this place. You are going >>to another dimension. Of course I recommended hell but someone above >>had mercy on you... But wa, ha, ha... >>Guess what... Maybe you will wish the hell down there..." CLOUD: Why would he? MATT: I guess this is where you need one of those thingies...those, um... SELPHIE: Seasons? MATT: No...sounds like that, though... CALLIE: Lesions? MATT: not quite... SEPHIROTH: Oh! A REASON! MATT: Yeah, that's it. You need a reason. >>Sephiroth felt no more pain all of a sudden. MATT: Marijuana is your friend. (Callie bops him.) SELPHIE: (Mr. Mackey) Mari-joo-wana's bad, mmmkay.... >He opened his eyes and the >>blood flow has gone, leaving only the dirt in his body and hair. SELPHIE: Eeeeeew. >His sword >>fell down of above, the handle hitting his head before hitting the ground. (Sephiroth winces) CLOUD: Wow, you'll NEVER have kids! >>Sephiroth grabbed Masamune, but do what, CALLIE: Heh heh, what do you THINK? >hit what? MATT: So he hit himself. >>He abandoned himself to >>the voice that was laughing. SEPHIROTH: (Himself) Oh, no, no, this is WRONG...oooh...ooooooooh... YES! YES! WRONG ME, WRONG ME, WRONG MY BRAINS OUT! CALLIE: NOW who's being obscure? SEPHIROTH: Oh, shut up. >>"Stupid Sephiroth... >>Wa, ha, ha... SEPHIROTH: You are a MEANIE HEAD! >>When leaving this place people usually forget where they are from, and >>what happened here. But your fate is different, Sephiroth... You are >>cursed to never forget where you came from and all you did! All you'll >>forget is you were here once. ALL: Okay... >You won't forget Midgar, Cloud... CLOUD: Why would I? SEPHIROTH: My NAME is not CLOUD! >You'll >>remember the last battle..." >>Sephiroth was frightened enough to say something. (Everyone waits.) (Silence) (More silence) (Callie eventually gets sick of the silence and jabs Sephiroth in the side with her elbow.) SEPHIROTH: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUCH! CALLIE: There we go! He said something! >>>He only has time to grab Masamune before having that weird sensation >>of falling down in an endless dark hole. MATT: How Freudian. He's masturbating to a vaginal symbol. >>The voice told his last words: >>"...And in the place you will be... you will wish the hell!" SELPHIE: I am honestly wondering here if Giullia's native language is English...these grammar mistakes are really just too weird to be an English-speaking person's. SEPHIROTH; Dr. Thinker... SELPHIE: Oh, yeah...nevermind. >The voice kept >>on his ears: >>"You... will... wish... the... HEEEEELLLL...! >>"Wa, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaaaaaahhh... CLOUD: I think Kefka's coming back to haunt him.