AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, I have one teensy tiny little favor to ask: please, when you review this, say that you don't like the fic that's being MSTed. I'm doing this story, which is one of my favorites and by a good friend, with his express permission. I personally think the fic is actually very good, and I love it madly :) So everyone go read the original by A.C.P. and marvel at it's wonderfulness. Oh yes...Kan is Alex's character, not mine, so he's copyright him. He also touched up a few of Kan's lines, so some stuff in here belongs even more to him. >_0 Ahhh, errrr, mmmm. He disclaims, I won't bother, not that I do anyways. ***************** I do not own Gundam Wing or any affiliated charicters or franchises. MATT: That's probably a good thing. >I do not own Jepordy, CALLIE: (Who is wearing a shirt that says 'anal retentive".) THE WORD IS "JEOPARDY"! AAAAAAAAAAUGH! SELPHIE: Hate that, don't you? CALLIE: ...no, not really. I just feel nitpicky. >that is the property of NBC, I think... All of these Author's Notes will be CALLIE: Silly! SEPHIROTH: Infected! CLOUD: Cheesy! MATT: Tasting like chicken! SELPHIE: Pulchitrudinous! KAN: Sexy! KYUKE: Subject to overdone lame group riffs! >in <>, all thoughts ALL: YEAH, RIGHT! >will be in (), all sounds and music will be in ** and all words will be typed in letters.> KAN: (Sarcastically) Oh, GOOD. I wasn't quite SURE about THAT. >*Jepordy theme* CALLIE: "Waltz of the Sugarplum Fairy"? What the hell? MATT: Lame, Callie. CALLIE: Oh, go choke on a glowstick. MATT: Hey, I've DONE that... KYUKE: (To Kan) I'll choke on your glowstick ANYtime, newcomer! KAN: No thank you. I don't pillage that village. KYUKE: (With a theatrial sigh) Oh, well. Sephiroth? SEPHIROTH: Let me think about it... KEIRA: You know, we have too many characters... (Selphie and Kyuke disappear) CALLIE: HEY! KEIRA: Much better. (Kan looks around nervously) >Announcer: Welcome to another episode of Celebrity Jepordy! (Kan makes gunshot noises) >Now here's your host, Alex Trebek! (Everyone boos except for Cloud, who cheers.) CLOUD: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! MY HERO! EVERYONE: O_o;;; CALLIE: That's a joke in itself... CLOUD: Shut up! >Alex Trebek: Thank you and welcome to another painful edition of Celebrity Jepordy. Tonight we have SEPHIROTH: ...gonorrhea. >with us three members of the anime "Gundam Wing" (Callie gags.) >let's meet them.... If we must. First we have with us Quatre Winner, who I cannot pronounce your middle name. MATT: And who I cannot pronounce your grammar. KAN: All your base are belong to us! >Quatre: It's a pleasure to be here, Alex. I love you all! I really do! CALLIE: I HATE YOU, YOU PANSY! SEPHIROTH: What was that joke about the lemon? CALLIE: Ahhh...mmmmm...it was at that yaoi MSTing site, wasn't it? Someone said something about "the yellow fruit" meaning a lemon and then the other one said "You mean Quatre"? SEPHIROTH: Yeah. (Silence.) CALLIE: That was funny. SEPHIROTH: Yeah. (Silence.) >Alex Trebek: Okay... calm down... Next we have Wufei Chang.. Wufei: IT'S CHANG WUFEI!!! MATT: With the proper suffixes, mind you... >Alex: .....Whatever... Finally, we have Duo Maxwell. Duo: What do YOU want?! KYUKE'S VOICE: Your ass! CLOUD: Speaking of fruit... CALLIE and MATT: He's BI! >Alex: Nothing... I was just introducing you. Duo: That's what you always say. KAN: (Duo; crying) You bastard! You never really loved me, did you?! >Alex: ......Right. MATT: We've secretly replaced Alex Trebek with Lorne Michaels, let's see if anyone notices. >Let's move on to our categories, they are; Potent Potables, CALLIE: Now, what the FUCK does that mean, anyways? KAN: Nothing and everything... Or some other intelligent sounding jibber-jabber SEPHIROTH: Drinkable. CALLIE: Huh? SEPHIROTH: "Potable" means "drinkable", so I'm assuming it's a category about alcohol. KAN: Well, I'VE never heard anyone said they're poting beer. >Things That Are Sticky SEPHIROTH: Like Cloud's pants after he watches those Herbal Essences commercials? CLOUD: HEY! >Numbers, The Wonderous Alphabet, Fast Food Restarunts, MATT: I'm assuming that's where midgets sleep and eat burgers. Rest-A- Runts, get it? GET IT?!?? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! CALLIE: (hugging him) It's okay, bunny, it's okay... CLOUD and SEPHIROTH: BUNNY?! KAN: That's so cute. Mind if I puke? >Sharp Objects, MATT: AKA Stuff You Should Never Let A Gundam Wing Character Handle For The Love of God. SEPHIROTH: Well, that was stupid. MATT: Bite me. SEPHIROTH: Okay. MATT: Promise? CLOUD: All RIGHT, you two... >_< KAN: (to himself) What have I gotten into...?! >Album Covers, CALLIE: I hope they aren't crappy albums... MATT: The Best of Air Supply...Jennifer Love Hewitt's 'Let's Go Bang"... Alanis Morisette- CALLIE: HEY! MATT: Eeeep O_o;; CALLIE: (snidely) The Marshall Mathers LP, all of Dr. Dre's crap- MATT: HEY!! WHY YOU LITTLE- (Callie and Matt start wrestling.) KAN: That's gonna be dirty in a minute. >and Months that Have 28 Days. CLOUD: That's a trick question. ALL months have AT LEAST 28 days. HA! SEPHIROTH: (Quite cheerfully) Stuff it, you anal-retentive weasel. CLOUD: You bastard! (He leaps on Sephiroth and THEY start wrestling under the seats.) KAN: Looks like it's up to kan the Wondrous to save the day again... (Callie and Matt roll under the seat and continue "fighting".) >Duo, you, regretfully, KAN: ...exist. (Sephiroth, Callie, and Matt leap back into their seats. Sephiroth is a bit tussled but otherwise unharmed. Matt is nursing a bitemark on his left cheek, and Callie is scowling and brushing off her pants.) KAN: Who won? ALL THREE: ME! CALLIE: Matt and I tied. CLOUD: (from under a seat) I hate you, Sephiroth. SEPHIROTH; C'mon, it isn't like you even had a chance to begin with. (Long silence. Cloud sits back on his chair. He has a black eye and a bloody nose.) CLOUD: Fuck you. CALLIE: Oohhhh, Cloud, your poor little face! CLOUD: Shut up. >_< >won the coin toss, so you get to pick. CALLIE: (Duo) Pikachu! I choose you! >Duo: I'd have it no other way. I'll take The Wonderous Alphabet for 200, you bastard. MATT: (Duo) YOU DAMN DIRTY APE! >Alex: That was unneccary. KAN: And THIS was written without a spellcheck! ((The real Alex whaps the Mstier over the head.)) >The answer is, This letter comes after "B" *Beep* ALL: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! >Alex: Wufei? MATT: (Alex) Is that your hand? >Wufei: Flordia. Alex: .....No... SEPHIROTH: (Alex) ...you retard... >*beep* KAN: Hey, same to you! >Alex: Quatre? CALLIE: Un, deux, trois, Quatre, cing, six, seize, huit, neuf, dix- SEPHIROTH; What's with the numerical naming system? Treize, Quatre, Zechs... >Quatre: WHAT IS Flordia. CALLIE: Uglier than sin. >Alex: ..........That was just guessed. CLOUD: A winner is you! >*beep* SEPHIROTH: Oh, YEAH?! Well, same to your OLD MAN! >Alex: *sigh* Duo? KAN: (Alex) Is it YOUR hand? >Duo: WHERE is Flordia. MATT: In Disneyworld. >Alex: Dammit, no! The answer is C. C comes after B... CLOUD: (Alex) You know, "C", the best grade you lunkheads ever got in school?! >Duo, pick again. Duo: I'll take CALLIE: ...my nose! KAN: Well, THAT was mature. >sharp objects for 400. MATT: (Alex) Oh, no you won't! >Alex: The answer is, This object sounds like "Nife" CALLIE: (Duo) **beep** What is, "wife"? KAN: (Alex) No, you freak. CALLIE: (Duo; incensed) **beep** What is, "I did Alex Trebek's wife"?! KAN: (Alex) WHY, YOU LITTLE--! (He mimes strangling Callie.) >*Silence* SEPHIROTH; Let us pause to mourn the passing of Alex Trebek's dignity. >Alex: I just said the answer. It sounds like "Nife" CLOUD: How insensitive, Alex, they're deaf! >*Silence* MATT: What this fic should have been in the first place. ((AUTHOR'S NOTE: That's a lie. I really love this fic; it's just a good place for that riff. Alex, forgive me! ^_^;;;;)) >*Boop, boop* KAN: (Betty Boop) Boop-boop-be-doop! SEPHIROTH: Well, THAT was terrifying...! >Alex: .......The answer was knife. Knife sounds like nife. Duo: Well, NOW it seems obvious. Alex: ....Duo... please pick. CALLIE: (duo) No! HAHAHAHA! That oughta fool ya, you bastard! >Duo: This one has me baffled, could you explain the properties behind the Anal Bum Covers? CLOUD: To keep out perverts like Sephiroth. SEPHIROTH: Moi? >Alex: The WHAT?! ......no...... um...no.... That's ALBUM COVERS. KAN: Say, Duo's hooked on phonics! CLOUD: More likely, Duo's hooked on CRACK. >Duo: Well, that's not what I asked. I asked about the anal bum covers. SEPHIROTH: (Duo) Can I order a set? Heero's really starting to bugger-I mean, BUG me lately. >Alex: ...... There is no such thing. Duo: I bet there is somewhere. CALLIE: Try Spencer's. No, seriously! >Alex: Well it's not here! The answer is, The Beatles' White album, was this color. *beep* MATT: Ringo! KAN: Um, that's not a color... MATT: Well, it SHOULD be. (Kan shakes his head.) >Alex: Quatre? Quatre: The answer, of course, is the movie Jaws. Alex: ......That makes absolutely no sense. CALLIE: Sure it does! See, the movie Jaws has a Great WHITE Shark in it, and the Beatles' WHITE album is WHITE like the shark! Get it?! GET IT?!??! AHAHAHAHAA! CLOUD: You were really reaching there. CALLIE: Too damn bad. >*beep* Alex: Wufei? KAN: (Alex) Wufei, please try to tone down the language. This is a FAMILY show. >Wufei: What are your theories on quantum physics? Alex: That's not important right now! *beep* Alex: Oh hooray. Duo wants to say something. CALLIE: (Deadpan) And there was much rejoicing. ALL: (Even more so) Yaaaaaaaaaaaay. CLOUD: That's such an old riff. CALLIE: I know, but I still like it. >Duo: I still want to know about those Anal Bum Covers. Alex: There are none! Errrrghhh... Let's move on to Final Jepordy. The category is, you know what? SEPHIROTH: That's a good category. The answer for these bozos, of course, would be "not one damn thing". >Forget the categories. Just write down where you are right now. Where ever you are now. MATT: ~ Darling, so there you are... ~ >*Music begins to play* CALLIE: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGH! It IS Air Supply! (Everyone screams.) >Alex: Could be a number of things. A game show. A TV studio. Earth. Perhaps the word "here" I've just given you the answers, you shouldn't be able to get them wrong. CLOUD: Obviously he hasn't been paying attention to the game. >*Music ends* Alex: Let's start with Quatre. SEPHIROTH: Let's not. Please? >What did you write? ...You wrote all the correct answers to the previous questions. KAN: He should get credit for that. >Fantastic. You wagered.... What appears to be a picture of half of a horse. Quatre: His name is Lance. Alex: ...... Very good. Now on to Wufei, what did you write? ....You drew a picture of a toilet. Wufei: You got a problem? CALLIE: (Alex) With you shitting in the studio?! Yes, I do. >Alex: ....Your wager? ...You wrote "fart" Wufei: HAHA! Alex Trebek said fart!!!! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! CLOUD: Apparently Wufei is a sixth grader. (Everyone else is giggling.) CLOUD: Retards. >Alex: I want to shoot you in the head. CALLIE: And apparently Alex is the same age, only HE goes to PUBLIC school. >Next we have Duo. What did you write? You wrote... my god, you wrote indoors. That's amazing. A correct answer. What did you wager? ... I heart boobs... MATT: Gee, THAT seems familiar. CALLIE: **cough cough** SNL sketch! **cough cough** >Duo: HAHA! CALLIE: (Duo; Sean Connery) The day is mine! >Alex: Great. Well, this ends another game of Celebrity Jepordy, I'm going home and hanging myself. good night. ALL: GOOD NIGHT, ALEX! >*Jepordy music starts to play (Callie kicks the speakers.)