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The Magnificent Seven Quotes

GHOST OF CONFEDERACY (PILOT)
Virgil: You walk off with that rifle, and you're fired.
Vin: Hell, I'll probably get myself killed. Now, I got to worry about a new job, too.

Vin: Hell, I wasn't planning on dying with a broom in my hand anyway.

Vin: He with us?
Buck: Is he with you?
(Chris nods) There gonna be ladies where you're goin'?
Chris: I imagine so.
Buck: Then I imagine I'm in.

Mary: Where did you come from?
Chris: Saloon.
Mary: Hey, I want to talk to you! Where are you going?
Chris and Vin: Saloon.

Ezra: Well, sir, I abhor gambling and, as such, leave nothing to chance.

JD: My name's JD Dunne, and I can ride.
(Turns horse in circles)
JD: And I can shoot.
(Aims and shoots, startles his horse and gets thrown)
Ezra: And he can fly!
(JD jumps out of horse's way, lands in water trough)
Buck: And he can swim, too!

Chief: Welcome. We greet you with hostility.
Chris: I think he means 'hospitality'.
Vin: Nope, I think he means 'hostility'.

Chris: I thought you said there were twenty?
Chief: No, I asked if twenty would scare you.
Chris: Twenty? No. Forty? Yes!

Josiah: No, I was, uh... I was a priest once, but, uh... had a little trouble turning the other cheek.

Vin: You shoot a cannon pretty well, pard.
Ezra: Dreadful. I was trying to hit Anderson.

JD: Lower.
Vin: What'd you put in here?
JD: Rocks.
Vin: You didn't have to put so many in.
JD: It had to look right.

JD: Shouldn't we say something?
Vin: Say something?
JD: Some words?
Vin: It's a coffin full of rocks, JD.

Ezra: Nonsense. I was encumbered by the debris on the floor.

JD: Buck?
Buck: Yeah?
JD: You are full of crap.
Buck: You're just figuring that out now?

JD: You look awful.
Buck: Well, son, that's damn near impossible.

ONE DAY OUT WEST
Chris: Did he just call me a cowboy, JD?
JD: I think he did, Mr. Larabee.
Ezra: At least once.
Josiah: He hates that.

Chris: You just call me a cowboy?
Lucas: No, I... I was just saying that... that it ain't your fight.
Chris: Not yet.

Ezra: Well, sir, now that we are rid of that loathesome curmudgeon, you may effect my emancipation.
JD: Huh?
Ezra: Let me out.

Chris: You ran out on me once before. You wouldn't be thinking about doing that again, would you?
Ezra: I swear upon the grave of my sainted mother.
JD: Now, you told me your mother was still alive.
Ezra: Figure of speech.
Chris: Figure you're dead if you're lying.

Vin: It looks like a few more than we planned on.
JD: How many more?
Vin: The word 'regiment' mean anything to you?
Chris: Would you like to come back when there are less of them?

Josiah: Nice gun. Can I have it?

Ezra: Such a pity that I, as a convicted felon, will be unable to lend my services.
Judge: Well, how about if you got a pardon?
Ezra: Where do I sign?

Josiah: You sure know how to lead a man into temptation, don't you?
Chris: Can we leave now?

Ezra: Would you courtesans excuse us for just a moment, please?

WORKING GIRLS
Josiah: What I don't know about women ain't worth knowing.

Ezra: A lady would have slapped his oafish, drooling face.
Buck: I resent that!

Nathan: You know, it takes a bold man to talk about "dignity" when he's trying to sell women off like they're cattle.
Ezra: I'll ignore that.
Nathan: Yeah, you'd better do that - how else are you going to get some sleep tonight.
Ezra: Anything else?
Nathan: About making a profit off the back of another human being? Hell yeah I've got a lot to say! But it'd just be wasted on you.

JD: You know, there's more to those ladies than meets the eye. But hell if I can figure it out.
Buck: Welcome to manhood, kid.

Ezra: ...I'm an entertainer.
Man: Hey, darlin'. (man groaning )
Ezra: Not that kind of entertainer.

SAFECRACKER
Buck: So what are we, boys? Damn babysitters now?
JD: The language around the child...
Buck: That is not a child. That is a hellion.

Vin: How's your spanish?
Chris: No bueno. Yours?
Vin: What's "no bueno" mean?

Buck: What happened?
Ezra: Long story.
Vin: Where's Chris?
Buck: With the gang, on his way to rob the bank.
Nathan: What?
Buck: Long story.

Buck: Well, good thing I play dead so well, but tell you the truth, Chris, I think I could've handled that situation myself.
Chris: I should've shot you while I had the chance.

Vin: ...Now, you look like a smart feller. How many times we going to have to drop you on your head before your neck breaks?
Buck: Now, Mister, I know you're not from around here but only a fool takes money from a stranger to do a killing. Now, I know you're not a fool, are you?
Villain: ( muffled groaning )
Vin: Huh?! Maybe we should ask his friend.
Buck: Yeah. Let's ask his friend.
( gunshot )
Villain: ( muffled yelling )
Vin: Well, too late for that.

WITNESS
(A woman is stepping of the stage coach with a lot of luggage.)
Vin: Who the hell needs that much stuff?
Josiah: Now that, my friends, is proof that there is a god.
Vin: Amen, brother.
Ezra: Mother?
Josiah: "Mother"? I always thought Ezra was raised by wolves!

Ezra: You dumped me, remember? At every aunt and uncle's house you could find. Unless, of course, you needed me... for a con.

Ezra: Raised me? Did you say raised me? Come now, Mother - you didn't raise me as well as a... as a stray cat raises a litter.

Ezra: Now, now... Listen, Mother. I've got this town believing they can trust me to protect it from people like you. Hell, from people like me.

JD: What're you trying to do to me, Buck?
Buck: Hey, can I help it if I've got animal magnetism?
JD: Animal what?
Buck: Animal magnetism. I read about it in a magazine. It's a power I've got no control over. Once women get a whiff of it, what can I do?
JD: Take a bath!

JD: Maybe you should try your animal maggotism on him, Buck!
Buck: That's animal magnetism, boy, and as you can plainly see, it only works on the ladies.

Buck: This animal magnetism - it's a curse.

Maude: ...What's that smell?
Buck: Smell?
Maude: Like animal, or something. (sniffs ) P.U.!

Josiah: All right, gentlemen, this game is called "Read 'Em and Weep."
Vin: I'm out.
JD: I'm already weeping.
Josiah: This game is called... "Solitare."

Josiah: Satan's up to his old tricks again, eh?
Vin: Yup. Apparently he's using a .44 these days.

Chris: I've met the devil. More than once. And he ain't beat me yet.

Vin: Purgatory. A real hellhole.
Chris: Sounds like fun.
Vin: Well, we're going to hell any way you look at it. Come on.

Steele: You wouldn't happen to have a card would you, Mr. Standish?
Ezra: Matter of fact, I would.

THE COLLECTOR
Buck: JD, if you were any blinder, you'd be running into walls.

Buck: And have you heard of something? It's called a dress.

Buck: I hear we got trouble.
Chris: Would you be interested in partaking in a little show of force?
Buck: "Show of force"? Well hell, that's my middle name.

Ezra: What are you attempting to suggest, Mister Tanner?
Vin: I'm suggesting that you have more than three hundred dollars tucked right there in that fancy boot.

Ezra: Which you think I'm going to donate to this wizened crone? No offense, ma'am. You taken leave of your senses?
Vin: Give her the $300.

Vin: ...Give her the money, Ezra.
Ezra: When the sanctified dead rise from their graves to receive judgment, I'll start doling out cash.

Nettie: Thank you.
Ezra: Oh no, don't thank me. Thank Robin Hood over there.

Vin: Man never drowned himself in his own sweat, Ezra.
Ezra: A gentleman does not debase himself by engaging in menial labor.

Tophat Bob: You been scared of running into me since we met.
Chris: There's a couple of ladies I'm scared of running into but you're not one of 'em.

MANHUNT
Rafe: Oh, yeah. Sure. Red devil's probably out there right now just waiting to jump us.
Buck: Oh, he'll probably just jump you. Indians always go for the loudest ones first.

Ezra: A head wound? That might be serious. Perhaps I should examine it.
Rafe: Get away from me!

Buck: Ezra, you read a medical book one time, didn't you?
Ezra: Actually I just looked at the illustrations. More gruesome images I have never seen. Oh my, this is serious. Why, you could collapse at any moment.

Mosely: Don't let these gun slinging scoundrels prevent justice! They're sinners! All of them.
Ezra: Was that intended as an insult?

NEMESIS

Steele: I've never seen a "man of the cloth" carry a gun before.
Nathan: Josiah can get very Old Testament on occasion.

Josiah: Now that there is divine intervention. Me, I was gonna shoot your hand off.

Buck: Who is this guy?
Chris: Nobody. Leave him.
Buck: You mind if I just shoot him?

INMATE 78
Buck: We can't all go riding out every time somebody decides to have a little fun. You'd be looking for me half the time, if that were the case!

Ezra: Y'all are worse than General Sherman on a Georgia plantation.
Buck: What?
Ezra: If I may, allow me to interview the deputy.
Buck: Why you?
Ezra: Don't take this the wrong way, but you gentlemen occasionally lack the essential skills of tact and diplomacy.
Buck: What are you saying?
Josiah: I think he's saying we're rude.
Ezra: Rude? No. Rude would be a definite improvement. I'm saying you scare people. And perhaps terrorizing them won't buy you any answers this time.
Vin: What have you got in mind?
Ezra: I believe a little subtlety is in order.

THE NEW LAW:
Ezra: I suggest we leave before the cold shroud of puritanism smothers us all.

Maria: So, cowboy... what can I do for you?
Chris: You can start by not calling me cowboy.

JD: Ma'am, I'm a gunslinger, not an ink slinger.

Mary: ...He went down to Purgatory, right?
Buck: Well, they should of just named it Hell and been over with it.

Vin: Any idea where Ezra slithered off to?

Ezra: Uh, I neglected to abide by a fundamental tenet in my line of work. Never gamble with an entire clan.

Chris: Well boys, what say we head over to the saloon and ponder the Judge's proposal?
Ezra: Wonderful idea.
Vin: Reckon I could use some pondering.

SINS OF THE PAST:
Josiah: Money is like manure. Not good except to be spread.
Ezra: May I take that as an affirmative?
Josiah: No.

Ezra: What does eveyone in this town want to do? What does every visitor here want to do?
Nathan: Leave?

Vin: Stupid...stupid...stupid...how could I be so stupid. I got too wrapped up with this town and these people. I should have never quit hunting that bastard Eli Joe 'til I cleared my name.

Vin: Ah, you know me, Chris. I ain't afraid a dyin'. I just don't want to go out like that. Strung up like some mangy dog.

Lucy: Buck, honey.
Buck: I think you can drop the honey part.

Josiah: Woman like this renews a man's faith.
Ezra: In what?

Ezra: He'd eat you like a half a sandwich.

Ezra: I was not made for honest labor.

LOVE AND HONOR:
Ezra: Why, it calls to mind the decline and fall of Rome, which--
Josiah: Ezra? Shut up.

Chris: You ready?
Buck: Not even close.

VENDETTA:
Vin: You all right, Kid?
JD: Yeah , I'm fine. Just dustin' the floors.
Ezra: And I thought my mother was bad.

Ezra: We've been most inhospitable. I intend to offer our guests a libation.

Josiah: An eye for an eye leaves us... blind.

WAGON TRAIN part one:
Chris: You gonna pull that piece or are you just resting your hand on it?

Buck: How long are you gonna wait before you spill the beans about a certain married lady?
Ezra: Oh, for shame, Mr. Wilmington, you know a gentleman never tells. Which is why I was hopin' Vin might.

WAGON TRAIN part two:
Chris: Gettin' itchy, Buck?
Buck: Oh, yeah. This place is peaceful as a prayer meetin', and I miss the smell of beer.
Chris: I'll bet you do.

Chris: You all right?
Vin: Most of me.

THE TRIAL
Ezra: Well...sleep tight. Don't let the, uh... ah, you know the rest.

CHINATOWN
Ezra: Sir, I take umbrage at that heinous accusation.

Chris: ...Guns and hate... it's a bad mix.

Ezra: Well...as always, Mr. Tanner, your timing is impeccable.

Ezra: Amongst my many misdeeds, taking advantage of a woman has never been one of them.

Nathan: It's not like you, ridin' off alone to save the day. What's come over you?
Ezra: I'll, uh, I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Josiah: ...I just told him he's got a place in heaven.
Wo Chin: (laughs) You just told him he's an idiot.

ACHILLES
Buck: A deck with 6 kings! That is somethin' that you don't see every day.
Ezra: You, sir, have violated me.

Ezra: ...Oh, you're an accomplished cheater, I'll give you that, but you're still a, uh... help me out here, Buck.
Buck: You are crookeder than a yellow-bellied snake making his way through a prickly pear patch.
Ezra: Thank you.

Ezra: 6 kings. Nobody's that damn proficient. I'd have seen him palm it. I know every trick in the book. Hell, I wrote the book.

Vin: Lose your shirt, Ezra?
Ezra: He cheated. He cheated! I know he cheated! What are you lookin' at? Boo!
Women: Aah! (giggling)

Buck: That turn was perfect.
JD: Ah, Buck, come on. You know nothin' I do is perfect.
Chris: If he was perfect, he wouldn't be one of us.
Buck: But you are one of us.

EPISODE: ?
Chris: The guy we're hunting for was close enough to sneak into my room and leave a dead body, and we're just sitting here eating breakfast!
Josiah: It's the most important meal of the day.

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