Identity Theft!
Can you believe this crap?  Read on...
I realize that many of you, my fans and well-wishers, keep track of my record over at rpsgame.com just to see how I'm doing these days.  I appreciate that, really I do.  I have noticed (I'm very perceptive) recently that there are others keeping an eye on me for more diabolical reasons.  That to gain an edge on me in Tournament play.  I have a longstanding match going with a colleague of mine and he'll tell you.  Not going to happen! My on-line play strategy is an entity unto itself.  Nothing to be gained there.  Except to learn how to be a sub-.500 player.  If you like to lose at RPS on the internet, go for it.  Urbanus is a winner on the tour, baby.

A few weeks ago the aforementioned colleague pointed out that he had electronically received two challenges from myself.  "Whoa, wait a second Urbanus...what the heck is going on here" I thought to myself.  So I looked into it.  I did not like what I found.  And then I got pissed. 

It seems one of my "stalker" fans (you guys know the ones I'm talkin' about) decided to go on over to rpsgame and register under the name C. Urbanus (C stands for cool!).  Not only that, but this guy and/or girl is awful.  Can't play RPS to save their poseur skin.  Check this record out: 2-5-2.  So I did what I had to do.  Send the challenge.
I didn't know how easy it would be.  But I have to hand it to Fake C.  He had some spunk.  It just didn't translate into RPS wins.  Here's what went down...these are the messages uncensored:

Me to him:
Your message to C. Urbanus (C stands for Cool!) was:
Dear sir,

How very flattering.  It is good to see that you believe me to be so
cool, and such a fierce RPS competitor that you go under my name as a means to swing the odds in your favor.  Too bad it hasn't worked as of yet (I see you have but one win), but persistence pays off.  Unless, of course, you choose to stop using my name immediately.  Which would be C. (stands for cool).  Incidentally, I quite like Arbiter.  Always have.
Who wouldn't want to be this guy?  Check him out, "rockin" away!
Next Challenge:
C. Urbanus (C stands for Cool!) has challenged you to a game of
Rock~Paper~Scissors.
This is serious.  C. Urbanus (C stands for Cool!) has already decided
on a throw.

There's a wager riding on this challenge.  The loser agrees to give
something special (see challenger message) to the winner.


Message from C. Urbanus (C stands for Cool!):
It seems that I would be taking the advantge into round II.

Start packing your bags! you are going down!

[He threw Rock, I threw Paper again.  Wrapped.]
Response to round 1:
C. Urbanus threw paper.
C. Urbanus (C stands for Cool!) threw rock.
C. Urbanus wins!

Message from C. Urbanus (C stands for Cool!) to C. Urbanus:
I am Sparticus!!!!

hmmm...playing againt you! what a trciky thing to do as we both tend to
enjoy losing the first round. So in this case, he who loses first would
have take the inital advantage!  I would suggest a nice best of three.
And "loser leaves town" should be our challange.

Well done!  Wanna crush C. Urbanus (C stands for Cool!) again?
"Another new twist to my strategy is a disinformation campaign.  I never intended to lose round two.  Looks like someone is headed out of town, eh Sparticus?"

Of course, I had to taunt him a little.  I mean, I beat him with consecutive Papers.  This guy obviously knows it's my favorite throw.  Just the whole premise is silly.  "Loser leaves town?"  It's my freakin' town! Then, Mr. crazyface has the nerve to keep playing saying things like "you're outta here!" and "I'm going to make you  pack all your things and drive away in your super cool car...that thing's totally hot and I understand why all the girls are on that".  In his own words, it was a "nice best of three".  I beat you, dude!  Get over it.  To his credit, he hasn't used my name since.  But he's still out there.  Luckily, I've got my "friend" Al Thorn on the case.  He's crazy enough that he might just catch a few (or in this case one of the) crazies.

So you guys, especially you reporters, are probably figuring "so what's the point"?  The point is, I'm nearly unbeatable.  I hope Old Master Lovering turns up his hearing aid loud enough to hear that one.
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