Siguro nga may kasalanan ako kung bakit kami naging ganito. Pero wala sa ‘kin lahat ng kasalanan. We always have a choice and Raymond chose to do that. Pinili nyang gawin yon kahit alam nyang masasaktan ako. Panloloko ba ang right term para do’n..? After ng lahat ng pinagsamahan namin, eto yung nangyari. Tama, love is not always a bed of roses. Tapos na yung mga oras na pinaramdam nya sa ‘kin na mahal nya ako, na importante ako. Tapos na yung mga panahon ng saya ko. This is the reality. Some good things never last talaga. Sabi nila, pag buntis daw yung isang babae, enjoy.. Pero bakit ako..? Mula nung nalaman kong buntis ako, hanggang ngayon puro sakit yung nararamdaman ko. Puro luha yung pumapatak sa mata ko. Akala ko mas patitibayin kami ng baby namin. Akala ko mas magiging masaya kami. Pero lahat ng akala ko hindi nagka-totoo. Hindi ito yung buhay na inaasahan ko kasama sya. Alam ko mahihirapan kami pero hindi ko inasahan na higit pa sa financial problem ang magiging problema ko.

          Everytime binabanggit ko sa kanya yung mga promises namin, balewala na sa kanya. Parang nilipad lang ng hangin lahat ng salitang nanggaling sa kanya. Lahat ng pangako are left undone. Nakalimutan na nga.. Nabaon na.. But I can’t be mad at him. He’s the father of my baby at hindi na mababawi yon. Now I’m just accepting the fact na lahat sa ‘min tapos na. I realized that it’s not the relationship that failed, but the persons who made the vows to make it last. Gano’n pala yon, kahit ga’no mo kamahal yung isang tao, dadating din yung time na isusuko mo sya kase sobrang sakit na.

          I never stop loving this guy. Mahal na mahal ko pa rin sya. Pero araw-araw tinuturuan ko yung sarili ko na kalimutan sya. Araw-araw sinasanay ko yung sarili ko na wala na sya. Mahirap and masakit. Hindi ganon kadaling kalimutan yung mga pinag-samahan namin, but I have to. The waiting is over. Tanggap ko na hindi na babalik yung Raymond na minahal ko. I saved all of his text messages, and everytime na binabasa ko yon, tear drops fall from my eyes. Kase lahat ng nasa messages na yon eh pangarap na lang. Hndi na matutupad. He’s gone and he’s not mine now. Now I gave up. A good soldier must learn when to fight and when to surrender. Mukha namang masaya na sya with his girl. Sa ngayon, kuntento na lang ako sa mga natitira pang oras na mag-kasama kami. Oh yes, nangako ako sa kanya na hindi ko sya iiwan kahit anong mangyari, but nasasaktan din ako. Hindi ko kayang makihati pa sa oras nya. Ayoko ng manlimos ng panahon at attention nya. Siguro naman sa loob ng six months na pinag-samahan namin, nagawa ko na yung part ko.

          No matter what happen, he’s still the father of my baby. Forever syang magiging parte ng buhay ko. Hindi ko makakalimutan that once in my life may minahal akong Raymond Morfe. Once in my life nakasama ko sya. I’m still thankful kase naging part ako ng buhay nya. Tapos na nga siguro yung role ko sa kanya. It’s now time para hanapin ko yung totoong makakapag-pasaya sa ‘kin. After I gave birth, hahanapin ko yung sarili ko sa ibang lugar. Four months from now, mag-uumpisa ako ng panibagong buhay. And lahat ng nangyari sa ‘kin this year 2007 will be treasured by me. Hindi ko makakalimutan lahat ng nangyari this year coz I’ve learned a lot of lessons. I now know how to value myself than anyone else. I love this guy and I’ll be loving him forever. Magkaka-hiwalay nga kami ng landas, but I will keep him and our memories in my heart. No hatred, no bitterness, just a bunch of good memories..

          SAYONARA RAYMOND.. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER OF MY LIFE..

          Here are some of his text messages that really touched my heart…

APRIL 21, 2007- Wawa naman strong cutie ko, umiyak. Mahal na mahal kita maniwala ka. Di kita iiwan kaya you don’t have to change your self. I fall inlove with the simple Rhoda.

APRIL 22, 2007- Hey, don’t be threatened by clarisa, ever. Yung emptiness na iniwan nya sa kin nag-hihilom na coz of her absence even before kita makilala. Dahil andito ka na, mas mabilis. Kaya wag mo alalahanin kung mag-pakita sya one day coz ikaw na ang laman ng puso ko ngayon. Iingatan ko yang puso mo promise. I love you baby ko.  

APRIL 28, 2007- House na ko. Baby, I will be with you whenever I can, trust me on that. Sana hindi mo ‘ko pag-dudahan anytime na iiwan kita coz I won’t. I love you.

APRIL 30, 2007- Not in this country and religion. Basta as soon as we have money let’s get our own small apartment. I will take you kung ayaw mo na dyan sa inyo.

MAY 01, 2007  -  Ang alin ba? Di ko maalala eh. Basta I know we will have a great future together despite my status. Walang iwanan. I love you.

MAY 03, 2007  -  Love you baby ko. Mas masarap ka siguro alagaan pag hawak mo na baby natin. Sarap isipin kaso di pa pwede. Mahal kita.

MAY 05, 2007  -  I never knew I could feel like this like I’ve never seen the skies before. I want to vanish inside your kiss. Everyday I want you more and more. Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing, telling me to give you everything. Seasons may change, from winter to spring, but I love you till the end of time.

MAY 05, 2007  -  You’re you. You are the only person now in this planet, who can tame me, guide me give justice to my aggressiveness. You think I am the one giving you directions, mahal kong dhada? You should realize it’s the other way around. You are the one who is giving me my direction.

MAY 05, 2007  -  Ako afraid din, dahil I’m slowly showing my softie inside. Kaya palagi ka malilito sa aking toughie outside. But yun ka sa akin, you are giving me my directions, the only person to tame me if ever I get so powerful I too need an angel to guide me. Mahal kita.

MAY 06, 2007  -  Baby, ayoko po kung pwede please wag na. I want you to be with me sa mag-hapon sana. Pero kung gusto mo wala akong magagawa basta ako ayoko. Mahal na mahal kita. Miss you.

MAY 06, 2007  -  Teka san ka? San yang studio? Baby, wag ka matutukso sa ibang lalake ha. Baka mabilis kang mahulog ulit habang malayo tayo sa isa’t-isa. Love you.

MAY 06, 2007  -  Tama baby. Pag yakap kita it represents my promise na aalagaan kita at di kita pababayaan. Ang sarap mo kase alagaan. Ang sarap mangarap with you. I love you.

MAY 07, 2007  -  Sabi ko di kita pababayaan eh. Well judging to experience may napabayaan kase ako last year and I lost her. Ayaw kitang mawala sa ‘kin, mahal ko.

MAY 07, 2007  -  I am not torturing myself noh. I am telling you how special your place is inside me. That was not about clarisa, she is past na. And I will do everything to keep you with me.

MAY 07, 2007   -  Well pag nabuntis kita then you can rest assured na di na ko mawawala sayo ever coz you’re a mother already of my anak. Mas mamahalin pa kita at aalagaan.

MAY 08, 2007   -  Good am baby. Nakatulog ka na ba? Sensya na ha. Don’t worry di ako mag-babago towards you. Lagi kitang mamahalin kahit mag-kalayo tayo. Sigh, sabi ko na nga ba baka ka mainip eh. Love you.

MAY 08, 2007   -  Alam mo kung ordinaryong lalake lang ako, bumigay na ko sa trend to stop this kase nakuha na kita, I can move on to my next victim. But di ako ganon. Kaya eto ako trying to save this.

MAY 08, 2007   -  Dada, if that is really how you feel, then I must let you go. Long term you may be happier. Just promise me you’ll be strong, sayang ang buhay mo. We can be the best of friend tulad ng script natin kay gema. Above all you would be free from this relationship, to get the love you deserve. I still want you in my future. Is this what you want, baby?

MAY 08, 2007   -  Di nya nabasa lahat ng text mo. I made sure na wala don anything about what we do together. Buti nga yung isa don ay you care about her. We are still free mahal if you’ll still accept me.

MAY 08, 2007   -  Yes, after everything, I still believe na may future tayo. I texted them for help coz they are our friends. Baby, I am sorry di ako nag-ingat ng sim ko. Come back to me and forgive everything.

MAY 08, 2007   -  To prove to you na I want you to have the future that you really want, i am empowering you to keep writing your compositions. The laptop is yours to keep. I want you to be yourself kase I love you very much.

MAY 09, 2007   -  Look. I didn’t know what really happened. All I did was care for you and loved you. But if my lies to others to keep our relationship, you believe to be true, sana reconsider mo all we had.

MAY 09, 2007   -  Dha, gusto mo ba na bumitaw na ko? Dati mo pa kase pinaparamdam sa ‘kin yan. Problem, matigas ulo ko eh, ayoko nga, mahal kita and I will take this all the way, and everyone must accept us. Answer?

MAY 09, 2007   -  Da, pareho natin pinasok ‘to and I am still willing to take this all the way, if you’d still have me. This is the only day we can decide this coz neither one of us wants to repeat what happened last night. But situations has changed, alam na ni gema hence we have to lay low talaga. Do you agree? It will take both of us to make this happened mahal.

MAY 09, 2007   -  Eh ano kung umuulan. Kahit na anong bagyo di ba? I want to see you before ka mag-pakita dito.

MAY 09, 2007   -  Sigh. Wawa naman ASAWA ko. Pano na lang kung buntis ka na? Maaalagaan mo ba baby natin? Baby, I’m really looking forward sa apartment natin kase kahit hindi kita officemate araw-araw tayo mag-kikita. Safe pa.

MAY 10, 2007   -  Kase you always think that the glass is half empty, negative. You fear it would happen, self fulfilling prophecy it’s in your subconscious. If that’s the case, then I have not done enough convincing to make you assured na that would never happen as long as we keep reminding each other how much we love one another. That is why I ask you often, but you have to answer often too.

MAY 11, 2007   -  Undertime ako dito hehe. Nag-paalam na ko. Belat! Di mo ko mapipigilan na Makita ka muli. Hehe, love you. Be strong.

MAY 11, 2007   -  Oh, it must be magic how inside your eyes I see my destiny. Everytime we kiss I feel you breathe you love so deep inside of me. If the moon or stars should fall they’d be easy to replace. I would lift you up the heavens and you would take their place. Love you po.

MAY 11, 2007   -  Everyday I wake up, I thank god that you’re still a part of me. We opened up doors to which many people never find the key. And if the sun should ever fall to send its light, we would burn a thousand candles and make everything alright.

MAY 11, 2007   -  Okay, soundtrip ka na lang for tonight di ba. Dami kanta dyan. Malunod ka dyan hehe. Hey sya nga pala………………mahal na mahal kita.

MAY 12, 2007   -  Salamat din for you, dada. Ang galing mo, you knew may tao who had a hollow heart na need punuin. Broken heart that needs healing. Noble mind that needs guidance. Love you.

MAY 12, 2007   -  What time ka uwi? San kayo punta? Sino kasama nyo? Bike sana ako dyan now to kiss you first monthsary but flat yung bike ko sa tagal di nagamit. Gusto talaga kita makapiling. Miss you baby.

MAY 12, 2007   -  Inom? Kaw bahala po baby. Basta kaya mo ha at di ka mababastos. Mag-wawala ako pag may nangyari sayo masama. Love you baby ko. Ingatan mo sarili mo at ang baby natin ha.

MAY 12, 2007   -  Well gusto ko rin magka-baby tayo para siguradong walang iwanan. Kahit ano pang pag-subok balewala na kase we have a family na. But wala pa tayo pundar to support the baby. Di ba? Mahal kita.

MAY 13, 2007   -  Then I won’t let you. Kase what’s the different of going away, from us keeping it secret for a little while? It’s me I am gone in your way. Dada, pera is not the issue anymore pag andyan na yan. But sabi mo ayaw mo masira kami ni gema. Hence I have to time kung kalian ko pwede sabihin sa kanya. But I won’t leave you alone ever coz mahal na mahal kita.

MAY 13, 2007   -  Da, di mo ako maiiwan dahil hahabulin kita palagi, I will keep on talking till lumambot na ulit ang puso mo. Don’t worry about my family, di ako mawawala sa kanila. I love you baby.

MAY 13, 2007   -  Dada, mahal kita. Bakit ba tigas ng ulo mo? Ako ang lalake, will you please just let me lead? Wag mo na paandarin yang pagka-tomboy mo sa ‘kin. Magkaka-baby tayo and that’s final. Good night.

MAY 14, 2007   -  You don’t have to do that. Sa ‘kin ang gera nya at di sayo. Kase kung di ikaw dada, pag naghiwalay tayo, then I’ll just find another na sana katulad mo. Mahal kita.

MAY 14, 2007   -  Baby, someday magkakasama din tayo. Hold on please. I love you.

MAY 14, 2007   -  Dada, alam na ni gema di ba? Alam nya na rin na pwede ka mabuntis. And you know what? I will stay with you, aawayin ko sa tabi mo ang umaapi sayo. Magiging ina ka ng anak ko, hence I will fight for you.

MAY 16, 2007   -  Okay ako baby. Wala na pwede pa mangyari ngayong gabi. Bukas pa yung ibang prob. I will change my sim na next week. We will disappear.

MAY 21, 2007   -  Pinapayagan kita. Pero ayoko pa umuwi, so might as well tambay muna ako sa ortigas. Thankful nga ako ka-chat pa kita eh. I can’t afford to lose you so bakit pa kita sa-sarcastic-an.

MAY 21, 2007   -  Yep mahal, kakayanin ko talaga ‘to. Kung ordinaryong lalake lang ako, either lasing ako o nag-pakamatay na ‘ko. Just be here with me.

JUNE 28, 2007 -  Pag nasa one house na tayo minsan ipagluluto kita. Aral tayo sabay luto

JULY 20, 2007  - House na ko. Nakashorts na ko.naghilamos sarap aah.aba sarap ‘to binaboy na bagoong.kain muna ako kahit madami hehe. Sweet dreams mommy and my baby. I love both of you.

JULY 28, 2007  - That means magkakatotoo na yung ikaw na lang ang natitirang magpapatino sa ‘kin as I venture my plans..

SEPTEMBER 04, 2007- salamat sa alaga. You’re really one in a million.

          Many people hate this Raymond Morfe that I love so much, hindi kase nila maintindihan yung maraming bagay tungkol sa kanya. He’s a good person, marami lang siguro kaming hindi mapag-kaintindihan. Marami kaming pag-kakaiba kaya hindi nag-work yung relationship namin. But I know sa mga panahon na nakasama ko sya, he’s been a real and true person to me. Everything that we’ve been through will always be a part of me. All the pains and hurts, all the joys and laughters.. Now I’m ready to move on with my life. I’m ready to face the world and open the next chapter of my life..