I went in talking to my manager about my future with my ideal organization. For the past few months I had donated two months of my time helping out the place and the third month as part-time in a great office filling in due to unexpected events. I was really grateful of the opportunity and had made it my passion to help make it awesome. I had ideas, I developed databases, I studied new programs to help others, I reorganized the accounting office, and I felt like I finally fit somewhere. In the past I have always been the youngest person in the building and even the only female in the office. I really never had friends since coming out of college and when Rana worked at Garmin, we began to meet new people and made “couples” friends. We were invited to a coworkers' wedding and ski trip, and had regular game nights with other Garmin couples. Once Rana left the company, despite our request to stay in touch, no one invited me back for game night. Once I got into this organization, I felt that this was finally it. Everything seemed right. I was invited for trivia night and small gatherings. People came to my office and congratulated me on getting in, and the director told me they were thankful for me stepping in when they needed someone in short notice. I was going to have a "family" again. Not only that, I LOVED coming to work. No.. I couldn't wait to go to work. I went around telling myself that I loved what I do and along with that I will finally accomplish my goal of independence! Today, three months later, I decided to bring in some (2) potted plants from my home, since I was moving I didn't want to risk killing them during the transportation. The manager and I went out to the cafe to discuss my future with the organization. I don't really remember the details of what happened but I can tell you how I felt. Basically, I was told they had recently hired a full-time accounting personnel and that this individual was starting this Monday (3 days from now). "Fine" I thought I had prepared myself for this.
Then he said "We are kinda running out of space and he needs a place..ssssooooo..." his voice tapered off on that last word. A lump grew in my throat and I kept swallowing to hold it back. I kept my eyes on the wall paintings to keep my eyes from watering and overflowing. I was ready to leave by then, but he continued "You have been great and we would love to keep you part-time. I would hire you in a second if we had the money." and other things like that. The truth was, they had the money but they didn't want me. If I was not qualified for the position, they should not have commented me so much or tell me how awesome I was at what I do. "I really like your enthusiasm. You’re a great person.” He continued.

”Ok thanks.” I said. I hear these comments all the time and they don’t pay the bills. Again I was ready to leave, but he kept talking. “Do you like gardening?” During that moment I saw my future wilt away. The home I have been eyeing faded away, the friends I was making turned and walked away, and I saw myself standing in blackness with a spotlight over me. I was alone without sanctuary and no nest.
Rana kept telling me not to worry so much since this was not suppose to be my goal in life. But it was. I’m almost 30 years old and I still have yet found my place on earth, I need to feel I fit somewhere and I thought I had finally found it. I have always thought I was an intelligent individual, but what kind of intelligent individual am I if I can’t even get a decent job where no one is constantly yelling at me. In my last job, my boss demanded that I say “Hello Simon.” instead of “Hi Simon”. I refused. He told me to go out and come back in greeting him the correct way. I lightly smiled and told him he was being silly and that it was cold outside. He took my coffee from my hand and told me to walk outside and come again greeting him correctly or he doesn’t want me there that day. In shock I said in my calmest voice. “No Simon, I quit.” And it was the last time I stepped foot in that place. Later that day he had his wife write me an email telling me it was silly of me to have argued with Simon and had asked me to come back to the store and Simon “may consider listening”. The job before that had promised me a week vacation after one year of service. When it came time for me to cash in on a break they told me they’d made not such promise. In dismay I found not reason to stay. And the before that, I was blamed for the office’s computer system failure the morning after a major ice storm. According to the boss’s brother-in-law’s diagnosis, it was due to the fact that I was using short keys on my computer instead of the mouse.


What was worse about the entire ordeal, than being told that a job I really wanted was given to somebody else after three months of dedication to the organization, was that everyone saw me carrying my plants to my office. They may have thought “How silly of that girl to get comfortable.”