I remember when the first four boys were little how Kirk and I would sit and daydream about the day the kids would be grown.   What parent doesn't imagine that day and think of all the things we will finally get to do, vacation in the Bahamas, travel across country, join a bridge club?  Whatever we want,  right?? 

It's funny to me now when I think about that, like there is some glorious parenting finish line and like a job we get to retire.  Wrong wrong wrong!  I've discovered there is no finish line, we never stop guiding, never stop worrying, never stop teaching and never stop learning.

Our first and oldest son left the nest two years ago for the Air Force and it was NOTHING like I had imagined so many years ago.  Why didn't anyone warn me?  I raised my son to be independent and responsible, and now that he was I just wanted my little boy back.  Just like taking his first steps and falling down I wanted to protect him, hold him tight and not let go.  The day he left was probably one of the hardest, most difficult days of my life.  Yet, I knew I had to watch him spread his wings and it was terrifying and heartbreaking and yet I was so PROUD of him and so excited FOR him.  I now truly understand the meaning of "bittersweet".

I was told "you have to let go", right!  If any parent of grown children are honest with themselves they will admit they never REALLY let go.  Just the term "letting go" is so final.  In two years there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about, worry about and miss my son.  I am so proud of the man he has become and yet I miss the little boy he was.  Of course it's easier now then it was when he first left home, but he's still my son and I am still his mother and that will never change.   It's not that much different then when he was little in the respect that I am still watching him grow and learn, it's just that my role is more that of spectator.  I still offer advice when I can, listen and comfort but the days of kissing away his hurts is long gone.  One of the hardest things a parent can do is sit back and let their grown child make what they know is a mistake, but it is the only way we truly learn in this life,  making mistakes and learning from them.  If we could learn from our parents mistakes and their parents mistakes we'd be a generation of geniuses.

Being a military "mom" has taught me so many things, patience being the first.  I can't do anything but pray and wait.  When the calls come and the visits when I get to look at his sweet face arrive, those moments are more precious for the waiting. 

Now it will only be a few more years before another will spread his wings and I look at him and feel that internal clock ticking.  I want to enjoy this time because he will be on his own all too soon.  I pray that we have done our job and taught him all the things he needs to be a productive and caring adult.  I somehow doubt that the second leaving the nest will be any easier then the first, but at least this time I know what to expect.

Now when I imagine the day when the kids will be grown,  I see us traveling to see grandchildren and even though I'm sure we'll manage to do some things for just ourselves, I'm in no hurry what-so-ever to get there.  I want to enjoy each and every moment with the ones who are home and look forward to the precious moments with the one who isn't.