I can't even count how many times I've heard someone say "the trouble with teens is..", I've said it myself.  Depending on the teen, sometimes they're right, But,  I've learned that it should be "the trouble with BEING a teen is...".

I've often thought the worst thing I can do as a parent is to forget.  Forget what it was like to be an impatient five year old.  Forget what it was like to be ten and begin realizing that life isn't what I want it to be.  Most of all, Forget what it was like to be a teenager.  Time has a way of erroding the memory.  I tend to remember the good stuff, parties, freedom, friends... I almost forgot about the rest.  I forgot about the pressure, the pressure to be a good student, the pressure to be a good friend and the pressure to try and decide, as a very young person, what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  These are only SOME of the troubles with being a teen.

Having my own teenagers has brought back many of the things I forgot, and for my own children the pressure is even more intense.  Along with feeling that they are under a microscope and being judged for everything from what they wear to who they hang out with, there's their grade point average and what extra-curriculars they are involved in.  Teens today are under pressure so much sooner to decide which direction the rest of their lives will take.  Now, as early as 9th grade, they have to plan ahead to try to get some college courses under their belts before they graduate and try to decide which ones will help them in their ultimate goal, a degree.

I don't know too many 14 year olds who can be confident in so many important choices, while having anxiety about so many other things. My kids are dealing with making adult decisions while dealing with raging hormones and peer pressure.  All of this change takes place in a very short period of time.  It's no wonder teens are left feeling overwhelmed and confused.  I was.  This is when things can be the most dangerous. 

As a parent I feel the pressure with them.  This age of change and discovery is sometimes scarier for me, because I have hind sight.  Trying to teach a teen about respect and responsiblility is a huge challenge.  These two things are essential to successfully maneuvering through this collision course.  

I never say "this is the best time of your life so enjoy it" or "You think this is hard, just wait!".  Although those statements in PART are true it leads them to believe that it doesn't get any better then this, and for a teen struggling with this time, it's utterly discouraging.  This can be a time of extremes, when things are going good, they are really good, but if things are going bad...to a teen it can feel like the end of the world.  Although, because of age and experience, I can see that it's a temporary problem, many times my teens can't.  

I hope they hear me when I tell them it won't always be this hard.  That although as adults we take on more responsibility it gets easier.  I pray they listen when I tell them that this is only a small fraction of the rest of their lives and that the choices they make now can influence the rest of it.  I wish I could be sure that they understand that I am not trying to ruin their fun but guide them safely through this important time.  Finally I hope they will emerge from this time of change and learning and discover themselves and what amazing young men they are, and have the confidence to contribute well to the world around them.