Having seen six boys through this very eventful and sometimes challenging milestone, I've learned a few things. I really hate the word training. A child is not a puppy, you can't swat him or her on the nose if they have an accident and expect results.
As parents all of us are told by pediatricians etc, every child has his/her own time table! We lovingly encourage and support our children as they take their first wobbley steps and say their first words. They fall down and mutilate words as they learn, it's so endearing. After all they are just learning. So then, why, when it comes to the potty milestone suddenly we are under PRESSURE.
Just because Grandma's cousin's sister-in- law's daughter's 18 month old is already potty trained, we feel we are now on the spot. WE, not our child, US. When did this milestone become a test of good parenting instead of the child's natural learning process? We've all heard this..."Can you believe that child is 3 and still in diapers?? I'd have that child trained if it were mine". How condescending and unfair. So now we are suddenly being judged as a parent depending on our ability to push our child through a process he or she is not ready for. Putting the pressure on the child and possibly setting him/her up to fail because if we don't conform to the thinking of many, we must be bad parents.
Having been through this six times I can honestly say not ONE of my boys graduated to the potty at the same age. They were all different, And I honestly don't remember having a horrible time with them because I let them lead the way. One of my son's didn't start using the potty until he was four! OH My goodness! Stop the presses! What is wrong with me? Or my son?? Nothing.
When he was ready it took two days to master it, and I mean master. Since then no accidents and no nightime worries, when he decided he was ready, he was ready all the way. Honestly this was the case with all of my boys. Of course with a few of them we had accidents occasionally and the occasional night time oops, but it never reached a point that both of us were frustrated and felt like failures.
Here are a few tricks I learned along the way:
#1: Make sure the child is ready. This means don't start the process because Grandma thinks it's time. Or because another child is on the way and you want to get through it before you have two in diapers. No matter when you start, the finish line will still be the same, and that is when your child is ready. The only thing that will be accomplished by pushing is a confused and frustrated child and a frustrated parent. TRY it for a day, if you are changing underwear constantly and the child isn't getting the hang of things, stop and try again in a couple of weeks. If the child is having more successes and only a few accidents, keep going tomorrow.
#2: Timing is important. Do not try to start the process while moving, or during any large changes for your child. Emotional upheaval can hamper your child's ability to cope with learning a new skill. And remember that change can mean set backs for a child who already has mastered the potty, ie: a new baby, a new daycare, etc.
3: Never scold only encourage. Always make a big deal out of successes and just calmly help your child change if he/she has an accident. Never make a child feel bad, he/she is learning a new skill. Accidents happen, just like falling down when learning to walk and making a mess when learning to eat.
#4: Keep the chair in the bathroom. I tried the putting the chair in front of the tv trick, it only encouraged my boys to play with the potty and did nothing to help them understand what it was for. Instead try getting a book and some small toys that can only be read or played with while on the potty, and keep them in the bathroom.
#5: REWARD REWARD REWARD. When your child is being successful, small rewards go a long way. We used sticker charts for a couple (Not all of them responded to this) and a new pair of favorite character big boy undies for others. It's important to let your child know that he/she is taking steps to being a big boy/girl and how exciting that is!
#6: If you believe your child is ready and just not responding, before assuming it's laziness, etc., make sure there isn't something physical going on. Especially if a child is 5 or older and cannot seem to meet this milestone, consult your physician. Remember toddlers inherently want to please us and make us happy, so don't assume the worst, find out the facts.
This blog is just a few things I've learned from MY experience. That means that I can't possibly know what would work for every child or that my experiences make me an expert in any way. I guess the point is follow your instincts, you know your child best, and always follow the advice of your pediatrician before anything else. And remember every child graduates to the potty eventually.
