"You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a rollercoaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."

Nothing struck me quite as poignantly as the 1989 movie "Parenthood" with Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen. The scene where the senile grandmother launches into her rollercoaster analogy was my favorite part. That very pointed yet funny scene made me realize that when it came to kids, not only did we prefer the rollercoaster but we were down right adrenaline junkies.

The decision to have a large family for us was not a hard one. We love our children and each one has been a blessing. They are their own little or big individual people. It never ceases to amaze us how different they can be from one another. How large is our family? We have seven (6 surviving) children. Six boys and one girl. Their ages range from 20 to 2 months. Our youngest, our daughter, was born on our oldest son's 20th birthday. So we have 20 years of child rearing under our belts and we're still learning about our children and the challenges of raising them. I still avidly pour over articles on parenting issues because when it comes to parenting...NOBODY knows everything and not everything works well for every child. Parenting is a neverending learning experience. From our children we learn amazing things.

Having a large family in a small community that consists mainly of the core family having the 2.2 (Never figured out what the .2 stood for) kids, nice homes, and trendy suv's in the driveway has been interesting. We have been approached with many comments and questions from people who are both amazed and confused at our choice to have a large family.

"Are you Catholic or Mormon?"
I love this question, do only Catholics and Mormons have large families??? I personally know a few Catholic famlilies with only two children. No, I am not Catholic or Mormon, we are Lutheran and yes we believe in birth control!

"You know you can get birthcontrol free at the family planning clinic"
OK, can someone please tell me why having a large family must mean you are STUPID?  WHEN we use birthcontrol I am capable of getting it and PAYING for it as well.

"Were you trying for a girl?"
I got this question alot before we actually had our daughter, and it insulted my intellegence and took an effort not to snap at the honestly curious individual. No, I would NOT have children just to try to GET a certain gender. We had six boys because we wanted a large family, Boys OR girls. In fact, after #6, Ethan, was born we decided we were finished and our family was complete, but try as we may, not everything works out the way we plan it. Our daughter, Sarah, was an unexpected blessing.

"I could never do that to my children, I want to make sure I can give them what they need"
I got this comment enough that I started coming back with "Well I guess that depends on your definition of NEED". My children have everything they need. We provide well for them and they do not go without. Now, if the definition of need includes brand name $40 jeans and the latest game stations and $80 games to go with them, then I guess my children may be lacking. We provide what they need and they have to work for what they WANT. Many may disagree with that philosophy and that's ok. I have taught my children that they can't have everything they want, no matter how cool it may be. This way they won't see frivolous things as "NEEDS" as adults, and will understand that some things you just can't always have unless you're willing to work hard for them. They have had to learn patience and the value of earning things. Is that such a bad thing??

"How can you afford to stay at home?"
How can I afford not to? Can you believe the cost of daycare??? Having a large family takes more then money...it takes loads of time, organization and patience. I will be the first to admit I'm still trying to improve on these, especially the organized part. I do consider myself lucky that I have the choice because my husband makes enough to cover our needs. I realize not everyone can even choose, but please understand deciding to be home 24/7 wasn't an easy choice. I had a job I loved, and miss it dearly. Sacrifice, in a word, is how I can afford to stay at home. We do without many many things I would LOVE to have. We've never owned a new car, I don't buy things just because they're on sale, and I NEVER window shop. I KNOW I will come across a deal that will KILL me to pass up. So I simply don't do it to myself. I shop with a list and rarely "browse" which is the same as window shopping. I bargain shop for what we need and that is it. I also do little things like run around the house all day switching off lights, my kids think I'm nuts but wait til they have to start paying their own utlility bills.

"Isn't it unfair to the kids to have that many? How do you give them the attention they need?"
Anyone who has kids knows they have NO PROBLEM getting your attention, the trick is giving it before they figure out the wrong way to get it. Staying at home makes this easier as well. This question always feels like the asker is insinuating that we, as parents, are selfish. Selfish is something we can't afford to be. We didn't just have our children for us, we had them for them. Even though at times they may resent always having to share (God forbid), or feel jilted at not growing up under the dilusion that the world revolves around them(We should be shot), SOMEDAY when we are gone, they will have eachother. Now i know there is no guarantee that they will be the loving close knit siblings we hope they will, but at least the opportunity is there.

Well those are my favorites. Those of you who have large families can probably add a few to this list even, and those who don't, I hope you can understand a little better the choice to have one. It's not for everyone. I, for instance, could never be Mrs Dugger with her sixteen. She amazes me and inspires me. If she can do it...then I can handle mine. Having a large family is a personal choice and choosing not to have one is also a personal choice. There is no right or wrong answer, just simply preferences. Even though at times I've wondered if I will come off this ride sane, I still love this rollercoaster, and I don't regret my choice for a second.