By Starlight * One Step Closer by Leah *

Title: ONE STEP CLOSER (Awakening From Within)
Author: Leah
Rating: Nothing bad…R?? Leaves off straight after Departure.
Disclaimer: Umm, the characters are not mine. Please don’t sue me??
Category:Liz based, M/L, tiny tiny amounts of Mi/M and K/I But that’s like literally one line. BIG TIME Mi/L friendship.
Author's Notes: Ok. This is my first. I haven’t seen all the episodes, so some of the info might be wrong. I’m english, so some of the slang might be a bit weird. Uh, I have tried to make the characters as realistic to the show as possible. But in some cases I don’t think it worked.

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PART ONE

I faintly heard Isabel’s question to Max, and as he answered I mused to myself that trying to save his baby would be yet another hard, emotionally straining task. I wasn’t sure that I could handle any more grief, and that surprised me. Have I come to my end? Has Elizabeth Parker, girl who would do anything for the three aliens in her life, lay down her life if she had to, and had, had she finally given up? I was too tired to dwell on that idea and so I stored that away for later inspection. I looked around at my ‘family’ so to speak.

There was Max, who was gazing across the desert, inevitably trying to think of a way to save his son; Isabel who was looking at her brother with concern, but underneath that, there was something like vacancy: like the worry on her face was just a mask on a robot. Kyle looked like I had never seen him before: he looked lost. The Kyle I knew had always been in control of himself, and even when he wasn’t in control of the situation, he seemed so sure of himself and his feelings. I had admired that in him and so it was quite disconcerting to me that he looked so confused and bewildered. Maria and Michael looked happy, and for that I was kinda glad. Michael looked at Max with the same concern as Isabel, and Maria looked sympathetic to Max’s dilemma, but as they shared a look I could see peace between them, and that did make me feel better…and slightly resentful.

These people were the ones that I trusted: we were all bound by a secret, and that made us closer than I was to anyone else in the world. However now I just wanted my real family: my mummy and daddy. I wanted my dad to make me some hot chocolate like he does when he knows something is wrong, and I want my mummy to sit with me and stroke my hair while I am in bed. I had been so distant from them since knowing Max, and I now realised how much I needed them.

No one seemed to want to move and so I openly sighed, ran my hands through my hair and started to walk away. To be honest, I didn’t care whether they followed me or not, but I for one wasn’t going to just stand around waiting for Max to move. In the past I had both waited for Max’s commands, and decided for myself, and I now realised that Max was only human and had made many bad mistakes and so I should rely on myself. Besides, I had succeeded in finding out the truth of Alex’s death by my own initiative and thus had more confidence in my own strength. There was one thing I knew for sure: things were going to change for me from now on.

As it happened, the others did follow me. We all crowded into the Jetta, and I was happy to drive so that Michael and Maria could snuggle in the back. I mean, everyone else had ended up in a quite shitty position, so it is nice that two of us can have some happiness. It was funny how Michael had complained that he had the worst situation but now he was one of the happiest people in our slowly decreasing group. That made me think: Who would be the nest person to leave our ‘family?’

I drove straight to the Crashdown because I knew that we would inevitably be discussing what needed to be discussed. All the way there I could feel Max’s intense gaze on me, but I ignored it. I just didn’t know how I felt anymore. I, like Kyle, was lost. I didn’t know what I felt because I hadn’t been in touch with my emotions for so long. I had been this machine since Alex’s death, and I felt that façade slowly slipping away now leaving me feeling vulnerable, something I did not like.

There was a crowd outside the Crashdown when we got there, and we all looked at each other in concern. As we walked up to the front door, myself in the lead, I noticed one of our local customers standing crying. I was beginning to get scared and so I went up to him and asked what was going on. He was a relatively elderly man who had been a regular Thursday evening customer since I could remember, and the look on his face when he turned to me was something that I was unlikely to forget. He just kept muttering how sorry he was for me, and if there was anything he could do he would do it. His grip on my arm was strong but I wrenched myself free and ran into the restaurant. Inside was the complete opposite of outside. It was silent and the only person in the room was Valenti, sitting at a booth with his head down. I stopped abruptly just through the door as he looked up at me. As the others poured past me I remember thinking one thing: I no longer had anyone to lean on: I was alone.

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Part Two

Um…ok. Where am I? I forgot for a second. For a moment there I was sitting by mine and Alex’s beach, sipping an ice cold lemonade watching Alex swim. A few years ago my kitten was run over. My parents weren’t that upset because they didn’t agree with having a cat in the flat, but I was distraught. It was the first time I had experienced death, and my cat was so young, I just couldn’t understand it. Maria didn’t really understand either, but because Alex’s grandfather had died the previous year, he could relate to what I was going through. My cat’s death made me think about things that I had previously taken for granted and I got so confused and messed up that Alex decided to get my mind away from reality for a while. So he made up this make believe place for us both: a beach. We described it with the most precise details so that it was perfectly suited for both of us. It was just ours, even Maria didn’t know about it, and when things got too much for either of us we would call the other up and describe what we would be doing on our beach. It helped us forget our troubles for a little bit.

But now I couldn’t call up Alex: he wouldn’t be able to take me away from this harsh reality. My eyes focused and I looked around. I saw Valenti; I saw Michael take Maria in his arms; I saw Kyle frown sadly as if he already knew what had happened. I saw Isabel fall into a stool; and I saw Max. I turned on my heel and left the building.

It was still fairly early: about nineish in the morning and the sun was already beating down causing an extreme heat. I briskly walked around to the side stairs up to the apartment and jogged up the steps. I got my keys out and went inside. I was not entirely sure about what I was expecting, but everything looked normal. I walked around the flat, finding nothing out of place. The only places I had left to look were the main bedroom and my own bedroom. It was at that point that Valenti and the others burst through the door. I turned to look Valenti straight in the eye, ignoring the others, before I went into my parent’s bedroom. I knew that I would find whatever I was looking for in that room and I was right. Everything was in perfect order: I got my neatness off my mother, and so there was not one thing out of place. Including my parents lying on the bed. It looked just as though they were asleep, and for a second I thought that maybe Valenti was just waiting for us and I had assumed the worst. Then I took a closer look at my parents.

They were pale. They were lifeless. They were dead. Oh and there was a tip of a silver hand print peeking out of the top of my father’s shirt and my mother’s blouse. Either a sick joke or an alien had killed my parents. I felt sick. That’s all I remember feeling. I had reverted back into my ‘machine’: don’t feel emotions, don’t have to deal with them. I had to get out of the room though. I walked calmly out of the room and closed the door. I then walked into my room, again knowing that there was going to be something there for me. I didn’t disappoint myself. On my bed there was a plain white envelope with ‘Elizabeth’ written on it in Tess’s big bold writing. I picked it up and sat down to read it.

‘Liz. As you are reading this I will be back on my home planet handing Max, Michael and Isabel to Khivar. They will all be killed and I will make sure that it is a painful, slow death. I have won and you have lost.

It is amazing how much of your life I have ruined for you really, isn’t it? I mean, I was Max’s first, something you would probably have killed for. It was me who he was thinking about as he thrust into me, and it was my name he called when he came. My baby is part of him. He learned how to pleasure a girl through me; he learned with me. And also by him coming to Antar with me, he chose me over you. You are just a human, so its not surprising how weak you were, and how you couldn’t keep him faithful. I mean, he turned to me last year as well. So it wasn’t shocking now was it. It just shows how unappealing you are.

However, you pissed me off royally so I decided to leave you a parting gift. Michael and Isabel secretly admired your strength, but I doubt you are strong enough to lose your best friend, boyfriend and parents all in a few months. I had actually come here to kill you, but you weren’t here and your parents were. Shame for them, but its ok, the only sad thing is that I don’t get to be there when you crumble. But it was worth it. Telling your parents twisted lies about you before killing them made it all up to me. Their last thoughts were how you had deceived them time and time again. I hope you can live with that Liz, well actually I don’t care

. Tess’ I couldn’t believe it. I really couldn’t. I had no idea that people were that evil. I just had no idea what to do, I was so confused. Confused and numb. I walked outside to see that everyone had found a place to sit or stand. Michael and Maria were curled up on our big chair, Isabel and Kyle were sitting on the sofa, Valenti had brought a chair in from the kitchen and Max was standing. They all looked up at me as I left my room. From their faces I knew that Valenti hadn’t said anything to them and so I realised that it was up to me. I sighed and began. ‘Um…’ I squeaked. I stopped, cleared my throat and began again. ‘Just don’t interrupt me until I am finished ok.’ I pleaded ‘I need to get everything out.’ They all nodded to me so I started. ‘Mum and Dad have been murdered.’ I stated, looking at the floor. ‘Um, it was Tess.’ Several people looked up at me sharply at that. I continued in a scientific voice, devoid of all emotion. ‘Yeah, um, she left me a letter’ emphasising what I had said by lifting the letter in my hand. ‘It just says how she wanted me to have as much grief in my life as possible and how she enjoyed killing them.’ By this time Isabel had begun weeping quietly on Kyle’s shoulder while Maria was bawling loudly. I looked Valenti dead in the eye, and with a cold tone, voiced the question that had been nagging at me since I had seen my parents’ bodies. ‘Why didn’t you move them?’ Valenti looked briefly at Max nervously before answering, ‘I thought we should let the handprints fade before taking the bodies in.’ ‘Why?’ I demanded. ‘So that the FBI wouldn’t expect something.’ Was the reply that Valenti gave me. ‘Why are you still trying to protect them? They aren’t even supposed to be here! They are supposed to be dying a slow painful death about now!’ Valenti stood up. ‘But I realised that if something did go wrong and they stayed it would be dangerous for Max because the FBI would still have him on their list.’ I went red. I could feel myself burning up, I was that angry. ‘You protect the aliens even when they may not be on earth, but you let me see my murdered parents? It’s great to know who you want to protect the most!’ Kyle stood up to defend his father. ‘Just don’t Kyle, ok!’ I interrupted him before he had a chance to talk, ‘I just don’t need it right now.’ I stalked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mind had shut down. I just couldn’t deal, so I wouldn’t deal. I just needed sleep. I took a deep breath and walked into the other room. ‘Look I am sorry. I…’ I couldn’t find the right words: sleep was now overcoming me. ‘It is just something I have to deal with. I can’t handle this now. Can you all leave.’ It wasn’t a question but a demand, but they all looked as though they objected. Maria was the one to voice that objection: ‘We all need each other now Liz, don’t shut us out.’ I looked at her for a moment, and realised that I wouldn’t be able to argue against all of them. ‘Fine, you guys can stay and try and find room, but I am going to sleep and if anyone tries to come into my room they will be sorry. Respect my feelings, I need to be alone, and at the moment I need to sleep.’ With that I walked into my room and closed the door. I had stopped thinking at all and just grabbed my stuffed teddy before curling up on my bed. I was asleep a few minutes later, regardless of the hushed conversation going on outside my room.

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PART Three

MAX POV

It was late at night. Liz hadn’t left her room since this morning when she went to sleep and no one had checked on her, respecting her wishes. So much has gone on in the last few weeks, and these last twenty-four hours concluded it dramatically. So much has changed that I don’t know how I can deal with it. There is so much going on now, loose ends to tie up due to the mistake that was Tess. I just can’t believe it. I don’t think I can stand anymore. As I held Liz as Tess flew off to Antar I just wanted to cry. I really did. I just wanted to go to Liz’s room, lie on her bed wrapped in her embrace and cry. I guess I am just a little boy like Tess said. I don’t deserve Liz. I am so frustrated, I know I am meant to be doing something but I don’t know what to do. I try to be the leader and to protect everyone but I just end up making mistakes and causing people harm.

I just can’t believe Tess would do something like that. I mean, fair enough to want to hand Michael, Isabel and myself over to Khivar, but to do so much harm to Liz when she thought we would be gone. And to rub it in that Tess was my first and not Liz. How I wish that I could take back a few months: If only there was such a thing as time travel!. I just don’t understand how anyone can be that evil. If that is what our alien sides are capable of doing, I want my human side to take control.

I can’t go to sleep. There are so many people here to look after, and it is my job to. I guess Maria and Michael have each other, but Isabel is all alone in a state of confusion, and Kyle must be feeling absolutely terrible. But there isn’t anything I can do about it. I wish I could take everyone’s pain away, but I realise that I can’t. It tears me up to think that I just have to sit back and watch as the people closest to me close up and try to deal with their feelings on their own because they don’t trust me.

And Liz, god, I have no idea what she is feeling. In the last few months we have gone from being intimate to being enemies, and if I thought we had stuff to deal with when Tess left, this is going to be even worse. How can she stand being with us aliens when one of us caused the death of her best friend and parents? I just, I just feel like it is all my fault. I just can’t get over this. I don’t understand this. It’s as if my brain doesn’t want to grasp this situation. I have no idea how Liz is feeling, I have no idea how she is going to react, and I have no idea what she is going to do. Is this really what has become of our relationship? I have no idea how she is going to take this when a year ago I would have known exactly, and she would have come to me for help. . All I want to do now is comfort her, but after the last few weeks she won’t want me around. I guess I will have to just stay back and let her deal and be there for her if she wants me. Yet how can I be of any use when I feel that I am about to crumble into nothingness?

ISABEL POV

I asked Max what we were going to do now but the truth is that I don’t really care. I don’t. It was why I didn’t mind going to Antar. It doesn’t matter to me where I am or whom I am with. The only person that matters to me now is Max. I mean, I can’t afford to love anyone else if they only end up getting killed. First Grant and then Alex. It’s a joke. Knowing an alien has killed them both and now Liz’s parents. I think that Max and I should have listened to Michael when Liz first found out about us and ran.

I can’t believe that Tess betrayed us like that. Max told us of what she had said in the chamber. I just don’t believe how stupid and gullible I was towards her. She killed Alex. For that I want to see her suffer; I want her to have this pain inside her that consumes her every waking day and dominates her dreams at night. It’s like a form of torture that doesn’t seem to end. It’s times like right now, when I am lying down pretending to sleep while hugging myself in loneliness, that I wish my alien side would be more in control. The side that doesn’t believe in human emotions except to feel that they are weaknesses. But, alas, the pain is still there inside me, overpowering me, engulfing me. I just wish that Alex were here; I feel so alone.

MICHAEL POV

God, how does anyone expect me to sleep when there is so much shit going on. Like anyone here is actually sleeping! Wait there is: someone curled up in my arms that cried herself to sleep. My angel. Ha! Michael Guerin being sentimental: That’s a first!

When I came out of that chamber I was so happy. For the first time in my life I felt that I belonged and instead of running away from it I was willing to leave the only family I had for it. I still just want to shout out to the world about how happy I am but I guess that wouldn’t really work out because everyone is so unhappy.

God that Tess really is a piece of work. If she were here I would quite happily strangle her…slowly. I mean, I can’t believe she would hand us over to Khivar, but what she did to Liz was incredible. I would not wish that on my enemy and Liz was always civil to Tess even when I would have bitch slapped her one for kissing Max. The worst thing is that Liz is so nice. I mean, I honestly don’t know a better person. And she wasn’t with Max. God. I mean, I never have really paid that much interest to Liz. She and I never had anything in common: we were, in fact, polar opposites. But now, I am pretty much the only one who could comprehend what she is feeling, and I wish that she wasn’t feeling that way. She doesn’t deserve this. GOD! I just wish there were something I could do to take away her pain. I wish it were me.

Its sad how alone she is. I mean, no one here but me knows what it is like to be without a family, and I was used to that, she just suddenly has to deal with it. It’s sad how obvious it is that no one can comprehend how she feels now. That became clear after she left to go to bed. Maria was upset about the way she had acted. I asked her how I dealt with a problem and she replied with a tarty: 'You don’t, you just ignore it and everyone who tries to help.’ That shut them all up.

I don’t know what things are going be like around here for the next few weeks. Everyone has so much on their minds at the moment anyway, its just too much. I have to make Maria and Liz my main priority at the moment because I doubt Liz will want Max near her and Isabel and Kyle have their own problems to deal with. I think it will be tense between Maria and Liz also, because Maria just has no idea what Liz is dealing with. Heck, I only have a slither of an idea.

But at the same time I feel guilty. I just want to spend some alone time with Maria. Last night was so special to me, that I just want to hold onto it for a little longer. That makes me feel so selfish! But I can’t help how I feel.

KYLE POV

Does this grief never end? I have too much to deal with. I can’t imagine how Liz is feeling. If I were her I would banish the aliens from her life. I mean, how can she trust them? I certainly cant. How can one person be so god damn evil? And I trusted her. I stood up for her. I helped her murder one of my best friends. And Liz, god, Liz has never done anything to anyone. Okay, except that thing with Evans but still! Knowing these aliens has only made things in our lives worse. I just wish they would disappear. I just don’t know what’s happening anymore. I always used to be in control: I thrived on that. In a sense I was like Liz in that respect: we both liked to be in control of our lives. And we were until Evans showed up.

When I walked into the Crashdown this morning, I just saw my dad and the world stopped for a minute. I just didn’t think I had the energy left to handle what ever else had happened. And from Dad’s look it was grim. And it was: it was the worst thing I could have imagined. I just need time to think. I need time to put some space between the aliens and me. Yet I also want to be here for Liz. I get the feeling that I am the only shred of normalcy she has left. I would do anything for Liz and now she needs me the most. I am going to have to put my emotions about everything and my feelings towards the aliens to the side and concentrate on Liz. That is what she would do for me.

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PART Four

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit. However, after a shower and about 20 aspirin later I knew exactly what to do. At first I thought that I wouldn’t be able to handle everything, but now I was confident that I could do just that. I walked out of my room in time to see everyone waking up. There were bodies all over my sitting room and they were all starting to move like a sea of snakes.

I half-heartedly asked if anyone was going to be going to school but I already knew the answer. My suspicion was confirmed as Michael shot me an ‘are you crazy?!’ look and Maria, Isabel and Kyle all shook there heads. I noticed that Max wouldn’t look at me but I didn’t want to study that now. ‘Fine, but if you are staying to help me out then just shut up and help me do the necessities. I don’t want to talk because honestly I haven’t thought about it, and I don’t intend to until I have time to. Got it?!’ I knew that I was being harsh but I also knew that I wouldn’t be left alone if I hadn’t stood up to them now, and I was tired of being walked over. Everyone nodded yes and I rewarded them with a small smile.

I saw that everyone had picked up a bag of clothes each yesterday and so I suggested that they got changed and met me downstairs while I phoned Mr Evans, my lawyer. I walked into the Crashdown only to notice that Max had also come down, having already been up and dressed. He gave me a soul searching look that for once didn’t get past my eyes and frowned sadly when he realised that I had raised a wall guarding my emotions. Despite wanting to put him at ease, I was angry with him over the last few months and we needed to sort it out. But that was just something else that I needed to put aside before I was swept up in this tide of grief that I was just barely controlling. I knew that there was a tough time ahead for me and so I really needed to just take one step at a time and everyone would just have to be ok with that because at this point, I just didn’t care. Max interrupted my thoughts.

‘Are you really sure that you are ok to do this?’ I rolled my eyes and put my hands on my hips. ‘Please respect my feelings. I told you I wasn’t ready to confront my emotions so please leave me be!’ Max nodded and apologised and I immediately felt bad. He was pretty fucked up too. I had given them the letter before I went to bed yesterday morning and he must have read it. ‘Look.’ I said trying to make peace. ‘Can you stay here with me whilst I call your dad? I kinda just need moral support.’ My efforts were rewarded with a shy smile and I was relieved, and happier than I care to admit. Maybe there was a possibility for us after all.

Half an hour later everyone was sitting around the counter looking at me expectantly. I had written a list of things to do and hoped that everyone would accept what I wanted and help me. I cleared my throat. ‘Okay, basically I have so much to do that I need you guys to help.’ I looked around nervously. Maria, Kyle and Michael were giving me compassionate looks, Max was looking at me waiting to know what they were, and Isabel, well, Isabel wasn’t really paying attention. ‘Okay, um. Here’s the deal. Michael.’ I looked at him as he raised his head. ‘I was wondering if you could be in charge of the Crashdown this week.’ I rushed on worrying that he would say no: ‘I understand that you still have school and everything, and that comes first, but just it would help if someone was around to be in charge.’ I looked at him cautiously, hoping that he would agree to help. I was surprised to find him smiling, and that made me confused. ‘You really trust me enough to handle this?’ He asked me in awe. I was again surprised. ‘Yeah Michael, um, my Dad was going to ask you if you wanted to be an assistant manager during the summer.’ I told him hesitantly. He looked so happy that I was glad that I had mentioned my dad’s plans no matter how hard it was for me to do that. ‘But why don’t you just close the Crashdown for a while. I mean no one is expecting it to be open.’ Maria spoke quietly, obviously trying not to piss me off. ‘I mean,’ she continued. ‘You really need to grieve, and you sound like a robot. Isn’t this just another reason to keep the Crashdown closed?’ Maria was right, I hadn’t even thought about that. She was waiting for me to explode in her face but I gave her a small smile. ‘Yeah, I guess that would make more sense, you’re right. I don’t know why I thought of that.’

She smiled at me then and nodded. I looked back at Michael. ‘Ok, well then if that’s settled can you help me find someone to manage this place? I mean, in the long run?’ He nodded. I really didn’t want to give up this place, but if I was to own it I would need someone to be in charge while I was at school. Besides I only barely knew how to run the Crashdown and I wasn’t ready for a full time job just yet.

I looked at Maria and then Isabel. Isabel was still staring into space and so I quickly changed my plans and addressed Maria: ‘I know this is a lot to ask but I was wondering if you and Kyle could help arrange the funeral. Obviously I will help but I wouldn’t be able to do the running about and stuff, plus I would need help choosing the different things.’ Both Kyle and Maria nodded but I was still worried. ‘You really don’t have to, its kind of morbid…’ I trailed off and waited for a response. ‘No that is fine chica, I am glad to help.’ Kyle nodded in agreement. ‘Anything for you Liz, just name it.’ I noticed Max glance up at that and Kyle threw him a dirty look. I sighed; I couldn’t handle those two like that.

‘Ok,’ I looked to the last two people. ‘Isabel, I would like you to help Maria with the party here after the funeral. Just the catering and stuff.’ She glanced at me and nodded, as did Maria. I finally turned to Max who was looking down. ‘Max,’ I said softly. ‘I would appreciate your help with the legal stuff. I mean, like the will, and I want to be able to live on my own like Michael.’ Max smiled slightly and accepted. ‘Thanks, most of the time you will just be there for moral support; I know you have a lot to deal with that’s your own, so I don’t want to crowd you.’ Max looked shocked at that. ‘No Liz, this is about you at the moment. I will help you in anyway I can.’ I smiled but that disappeared as I heard Kyle murmur ‘You already have done enough.’ under his breath. My eyes filled with tears at this. I guess Michael saw this because I felt him kick Kyle under the table, and I smiled at him in thanks.

‘I guess that is it really. I just want to thank you guys, I am kinda just struggling to keep on top of things and this will help a lot.’ Maria cleared her throat nervously. ‘Uh, Liz, you seem kinda normal. I mean, don’t you just want to stay in bed for a week? It seems like you aren’t dealing at all.’ I sighed and closed my eyes briefly. Maria looked worried that she had upset me so I answered her softly, showing her that she hadn’t. ‘Look, I know that it seems like I don’t care or that I am not dealing with it but the thing is there is so much to deal with. I have to deal with the fact that I have lost my parents, I have to deal with the fact that Tess did it, I have to deal with Alex’s death, I have to deal with the events of the last few months, I have to deal with all the secrets that are being kept from each other, I have to deal with the fact that I am now completely responsible and alone for the first time in my life, without my family. It’s just a little overwhelming so I am doing the best I can, in the best way for me.’

I blinked back the tears and rushed on with passion. ‘If I can just push all my feelings to the side for this one week so that I can get everything done that needs to be done then I can just come to grips with my feelings in my own time and I won’t have to worry about me being stable in all other areas. Does that make sense?’ Maria nodded but then added. ‘I know you have just lost your parents, and I can’t even begin to say how awful that is, but you aren’t alone, honey, you have us.’

I know she was trying to make me feel better, but it honestly made me feel worse. ‘That’s the thing Maria. I don’t feel like I have you guys. I know that sounds really awful, but I don’t. I see you and Michael, having just made this huge step in your relationship and I feel guilty for ruining this precious time, but also a little resentful of your happiness, and that makes me feel worse. I have never been close to you,’ I said turning to Michael ‘and I feel like I shouldn’t be burdening this on you, and I don’t even understand why you are here at all because you have never been nice to me, only barely civil and that was only for Max and Maria’s sake.’ I looked at Kyle next, as I was gaining momentum, my feelings finally releasing themselves, after weeks of being locked inside. ‘I don’t feel close to you because I feel guilty. You resent Max for bringing you into this world, but it was through knowing me and caring for me that did that. The only thing that Max did was save you. And I hate the snide comments and dirty looks aimed at Max, because I think they should be aimed at me. I don’t feel close to you when there is all this guilt hanging over me.’ I looked at Isabel. ‘I don’t feel close to you because I see Alex in you. And I see what losing Alex has done to you. And I resent that it has hit you so hard when all you did last year was play with his mind. Yet I know that you loved him and I resent life for taking that away from you. I have never felt close to you because you have never let me, and I really don’t know why you are here either, possibly because you feel you have to.’ Finally I turned to Max, ‘I obviously don’t feel close to you, and you know why. But another reason why I don’t feel close to any of you is because I don’t know who I am anymore and I don’t have my best friends or my ‘family’ around me like I was led to believe. I have people, with the exception of Maria, who are bound to me with a secret. We aren’t friends, we never have been, and it has taken this to make me realise that.’

I took a deep shuddering breath in. ‘I just, I know that you are all feeling exactly the same way as me, and we need to resolve that, but at a later date. Now, after what I have said, does anyone want to leave, because I can accept that.’ No one said anything, and I sighed realising that I had just made things so much worse.

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PART FIVE

23rd May 2001. Damn, this last week has been exhausting. I am so glad it is over. So many things have changed. It’s been a week and a day since Tess left and I found my parents dead, and I am only now ready to start dealing with that. That is why I have picked this up. It is now that I need to really examine everything and deal with it all.

But first I will talk about my week. I was pretty much with a different person each day; it was so weird. And very, very awkward. On Monday, after talking to the whole group, Maria, Kyle and Isabel started working on the funeral, Michael went about putting adverts out about the position of manager for the Crashdown, and Max went with me to see his dad.

Okay, first off, my parents did not tell me we were so rich. I knew so little about them. I was given everything owned by my parents, and Grandma Claudia had left me a summerhouse that was to be mine on my 21st birthday. However, because my parents died first, I get it now. That is something else I need to deal with. Apparently, I get all my grandma’s stuff too, so I am one rich young girl. That makes me feel better: that I am financially stable. Max was so good to me. He sat there and held my hand. He managed to make me feel comforted without cornered.

That evening everyone wanted to be with their parents. I think the effect of me losing mine made them want to re-bond with theirs. I thought that was really good, and to be honest I wanted to be alone. However, Michael stayed with me due to Maria’s incessant nagging. That was actually good. We talked for a bit about casual things such as the Crashdown and then we watched a video. It was quite awkward but also nice. It was just different I guess.

After that night, Michael stayed every night after. He has kinda adopted the spare bedroom! Its been nice having him here; I don’t feel so alone. Yeah, ok, we don’t talk that much but that was mainly because of me not wanting to as he has told me that he would be ok if I wanted to talk to him. I was surprised but also pleased. I think that Michael is the only one who has any idea of how I am feeling, and so I have a theory that I may need him around for a while. Poor him! I know how he hates to deal with the ‘emotional stuff’. He has been a good friend in the last few days, and its nice to know that even though we weren’t close at all, he would be there for me when I most needed it.

I spent Tuesday and Wednesday helping Maria and Kyle with the funeral plans. I sent Isabel and Max away on Tuesday and Wednesday because they really need to talk. Isabel rarely speaks and I know everyone is worried. Out of anyone, Max would be the person to get her to open up, plus Max needs to talk to someone and I think the person for him to do that is Isabel. I know for sure that they need to resolve the issues between them; they really are family.

It was nice working with Maria and Kyle on Tuesday. They made me forget for a little while. I really love the both of them. Maria’s choices were really tasteful, which surprised me, and Kyle arranged the after party. On Wednesday I divided my time between helping Maria and Kyle, and looking through applicants for the managerial place with Michael. There were a few people who looked good and we made appointments with them for Friday. Thats how busy I have been!

The funeral was on Thursday. It was a fairly quiet affair. Some relatives and close friends. I liked it that way. Maria stood by me the entire time, just holding my hand. Of course Michael had to be by Maria’s side because she was pretty hysterical! But it made me remember how close we were and I realised that or friendship had drifted slightly. Kyle was also there holding my other hand. God, he is such a good friend. Max and I still have unresolved issues, but despite his anger towards Max, Kyle kept quiet, just focusing on me. I don’t understand how good he can be after the way I treated…

I looked up at the knock on my door. ‘Come in.’ I called. Michael stuck his head through the door. ‘Can I talk to you?’ He seemed serious and so I told him to come in. I shuffled across my bed giving him room to lie down next to me and asked him for a minute. It was surprising how comfortable I was around him. I was perfectly happy to finish writing in my diary while he was there.

As I closed my book I turned round to lie on my front by his side. ‘What’s up?’ I asked. He too turned onto his front. ‘What do you say we get out of Roswell for a while? Just the two of us.’ I looked at him thinking that he must be joking but his face was completely serious. I no longer had school because they had given me leave, however he did still have a week of school. That was my first objection. He sighed. ‘Come on Liz, you know that I rarely attend. It won’t make much difference if I take the last week off. What would we be doing anyway?’ I thought about that. Normally I would say no straight off but I knew that I needed this holiday. ‘Are you sure though? I mean, I am going to want to sort out my feelings this week, and it may not be pretty.’ I really didn’t want him to feel like he was obliged to do this. He scratched his eyebrow. ‘Look, this isn’t just about you. I need to get away from everything. From Max and Isabel and their ties to my alien side, from Kyle and his bitterness towards us, from Maria and our relationship. I also need to deal with stuff. At the moment, you are the only person who I don’t have to put up some sort of front.’ He smirked and slightly nudged my shoulder with his. ‘Besides I think we could deal with certain stuff together, you know bounce stuff off of each other.’ I smiled at that. ‘Yeah, I might even get you to open up a bit!’ I said jokingly. ‘Quite possibly Parker, but then I would have to kill you!’ I laughed at that. Who would have thought that I, Elizabeth Parker, would ever be joking around with Michael Guerin? I sat up. ‘Okay then when do we leave?’ He looked up at me and then stood. ‘Get your stuff together Parker, we are leaving ASAP.’

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PART SIX

So here I was, on the back of Michael’s motorbike, heading to Grandma Claudia’s summerhouse. It took us all day to get there, only stopping twice, once to get some lunch, and again to fill up with gas. I had never been on a motorbike before and after the initial fear, it was incredible: I felt free. I made a mental note to get Michael to teach me how to ride. When we got there I made us a small dinner of gas station snacks, and then we took a look around the house. It was a shore-front bungalow, but it was huge! Michael was shattered from riding all this way and so he went to bed straight away but I sat outside on the porch listening to the waves crashing gently on the beach. For the first time in a year I felt at peace.

It was at that point when I realised that I needed to start writing. I made some coffee and took my place on the swinging chair on the porch. It took some time to write out everything that I needed to. I wrote about how guilty I felt about Max saving me that day two years ago and how I wished sometimes that he never had. I wrote about how angry I got when Isabel and Michael didn’t try to get to know Maria and myself, and how Isabel tried to scare Maria. I wrote about how bad I felt lying to Alex and how guilty I felt when I told him. I felt ashamed of myself then. I wrote about how frustrated I got with Max’s mixed signals; how freaked out I got when Tess entered our lives, and how jealous I was when they kissed for the first time. I wrote about the whole ordeal when Nacedo kidnapped me, and again how guilty I felt when Max was kidnapped. I loathed myself when he got caught, I kept thinking that if he hadn’t saved me. Every problem came back down to me. I wrote about the destiny; that summer in Florida; how I felt that Maria took Max’s side secretly; how I wanted to be anywhere but Roswell during that time. I wrote about Michael and Maria’s relationship; Alex and Isabel’s relationship. I wrote about Kyle, and the Sheriff. I wrote about Future Max; I wrote about Laurie Dupree and how I felt when we were all working together. I wrote about the prom; Alex’s death; and how only Michael and Maria had helped. I wrote about when Max came to see me before they were meant to leave and how crushed I had been. I then wrote about my parent’s death and how I felt guilty about that also. I wrote about the Dupes, and the Granolith. I wrote about all I knew on the aliens. I wrote about how Grandma Claudia’s words had caused me heartache. And then I wrote about the future and what I thought would happen, and what I expected. I wrote about how I wanted the group to come together as a family, like it never has done before. I then wrote about everyone individually. About what I thought of them: what I liked and disliked about them, how I thought I should try and resolve things between each of them and me. I then wrote about myself and what I wanted for me, and how I had changed. As I finished I felt this weight being lifted off me; for the first time in a year I felt hope.

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PART SEVEN

Having finished writing I went to bed and slept all the way through until Michael banged on my door at lunchtime the next day. ‘Come on Parker! We didn’t come here to sleep ok!’ I could hear him grumbling about the lazy women in his life as he walked back down the corridor and laughed. I scrambled out of bed and had a shower before pulling on my jeans and a jumper of Max’s that he had given me because I liked his smell.

I walked into the kitchen to hear a sarcastic ‘I thought that I would put the food away since someone can’t seem to move at the moment.’ I ignored his comment and Michael’s smirk to go to the fridge. I looked in it to find only a few chocolate bars and some soda. I turned round to him giving him a look. ‘That must have been so hard on you Michael, however can I repay you?!’ Michael just looked at me innocently and I had to laugh. ‘Come on then, let’s go buy some food.’ ‘Yeah well, I’ve been waiting for some food all morning, it’s 1:00!’ I stopped and turned to him. ‘You really are grumpy when you don’t have food, aren’t you?’ He gave me another smirk before replying, ‘Yeah, and don’t you forget it Parker.’

Luckily for me there were some shops a few minutes walk away. We got some basic groceries and then decided on some chips for lunch. I noticed how Michael’s mood suddenly picked up and realised that I would have to remember that. In fact, he was being quite fun, playful even. He wanted to go into one shop but wouldn’t let me go in with him so I had to stay outside with our bags and chips. He came back out looking mysterious so I just rolled my eyes and kept walking. We got home and left the groceries to unpack later, and went to sit outside to finish our chips.

‘So Parker, how come you slept so late. I would have thought of you as an early bird myself. I couldn’t believe it when I woke up and you still weren’t up!’ I stopped eating to look at him. ‘Late night.’ At his questioning glance I continued. ‘Last night after you went to bed I sat out here. I was just looking at the waves and I realised that it was time to start writing. I stayed up for about four hours just writing about the last two years. It was exhausting but I feel better now. But anyway, that’s why I slept so late today. But I feel good now. Raw, but good.’ Michael nodded slowly. ‘It really helps you to write stuff down yeah?’ I nodded ‘Yes, it’s like, once I have it down on paper I can step away from it and analyse it objectively. If I can describe the problem, I usually feel better about it and then I can come to a solution, or closure.’ Michael grunted. ‘I guess that’s the same for me and painting. If I have a problem I will paint or draw and the problem goes away for a bit.’ I smiled, ‘And here I thought that you just ignored the problem until it went away!’ He smirked, ‘Yeah, well, you sort out your problem, and I just avoid it or confront it. Your way works for you, mine works for me. My way just gets everyone else pissed off.’ I laughed slightly at that and Michael grinned.

We took the empty wrappers back inside and put away the groceries before settling outside again. Michael was sitting in the swinging chair to the right while I sat on the top stair leaning against the banister facing him. ‘So, what now?’ I asked him. Normally I was the one to take charge, but I felt like I could sit back and let Michael take control. It was stressful always being the responsible one and here I was comfortable enough to let go.’ Of course Michael wasn’t that much help: he shrugged and said he didn’t know. ‘Actually yeah ok I know. Look, the thing is, I don’t really know you that well and you don’t know me that well, except through what we have heard from our significant others, whose views are biased. So I think that maybe we should just ask each other questions. You know, like what you have always wanted to know about Michael Guerin but never dared to ask. And vice versa. It could get out some of the crap that we have been dealing with over the last few years and give each other at insight into out life before that day two years ago. What do you think?’ I blinked and then looked up at him. That was a really good idea. ‘Um sure that would be fine. But wait, is this going to be vague replies, personal, or things we have never told anyone?’ Michael shrugged and looked a bit uncomfortable, but I had to know how to take the questions. And to be honest I wanted to be completely honest with him and get everything off my chest. I guess he felt the same way because his reply was ‘To infinity and beyond, hold nothing back.’ He had seen Toy story. Interesting!

‘Ok, seeing that this was my wonderfully brilliant idea, I will go first.’ Michael smiled arrogantly at me and I rolled my eyes. ‘Ok, uh, I have been wanting to know the truth about this ever since I heard the rumour but I couldn’t ask Max because he wasn’t the one who had told me and Maria wouldn’t say: Did you really sleep with Kyle Valenti?’

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PART EIGHT

I looked up at him in surprise. How did he know to ask the one question that would be the hardest to answer? I sighed. We had agreed that we were going to tell each other the complete truth, I just hoped he believed me. ‘Okay, this is a long story so please don’t say anything until I have finished.’ He nodded his head in acceptance and I began. I told him everything. Absolutely everything. Even about going to the psychic and what she said to Maria. He winced at that but I kept going. I told him the facts, I told him about how I tried to get Tess to be more desirable, I told him how I had taken the idea from Maria and his problem with Courtney, I told him about all of it. And then I told him how I felt. I told him that I could pinpoint the exact moment when I realised that Max and I would never again be together. I told him about the agony within me that felt like physical pain each time I saw him. I told him about how conflicted I was about telling them all and how heavy my guilt was on my shoulders when Alex had died and Tess had taken off. Because of the way I handled things, Alex had died prematurely and if Michael hadn’t come out of the chamber they would be dead now. I started to cry. Last night when I wrote it down I stepped back from it to think about it rationally but talking about it, telling Michael made it so real. I now knew how Max felt being the leader: one wrong or stupid move could cause serious repercussions.

As soon as I started crying Michael slid down to sit next to me and held me in his arms. I just sat there and sobbed while he stroked my hair and made soothing noises. I had been why Alex had died. I had again had all of our lives in my hand, and I had failed them. I realised that I had to tell them all, but I was so scared of them hating me. In the end, they were just puppets playing to the beat that I set out; and it was the wrong beat. I couldn’t put all the blame on Tess because I was more to blame than she was. I caused the situation and she just acted on it.

I looked up at Michael. ‘Why did I have to do this? Why did I have to be the one responsible?’ I implored. ‘I am only a child Michael, I am not able to make decisions. Why me? Why Alex? It’s so unfair and I killed him! It was my fault, not Tess’s but mine. I am nothing but a murderer. I’d leave now before I harm you too.’ I looked out at the sea my tears slowing. ‘I don’t know how Max handles it. I don’t know how any of you handle it. You are so strong and I take that strength for granted.’ I whispered.

Michael pulled me around to face him and looked me straight in the eye determinedly. ‘Liz, we aren’t the strong ones here. You are. I can’t believe you carried this by yourself for so long. And to see Tess and Max together and know that it was meant to be but still love him. Any other one of us wouldn’t have been able to handle it.’ He swallowed thickly. ‘And all this guilt you have put on yourself Liz. It’s not for you. You only did what he told you to do. You were the puppet doing all you could do in that situation.’ He shook his head before continuing. ‘My God. You saved us from that other life. At least now we know our enemy. We can do something about it. You saved our lives Liz.’ He said that last part in whispered awe. ‘You gave up everything for us. And what have we done in return. Treat you harshly and order you about. We are the ones that have taken you for granted. You couldn’t have known that Alex was going to die. Okay? You didn’t know. So stop. You are such an amazing girl. None of us realises how incredible you are. How do you put up with us?’ He smiled lightly then. It was the longest speech I had ever heard from Michael and I was crying more by the end of it. It was so heart felt that I hugged him at the end. ‘Thank you, thank you so much.’ I whispered in his ear. I wiped at my eyes and Michael picked me up and placed me on the swing seat before disappearing into the house.

He came back a few minutes later with a washcloth and a glass of water. I smiled weakly at him and took them. A few minutes later I had got control again and we were sitting next to each other on the swing with me facing him with my legs crossed in front of me. ‘Well there you go. The answer to your question was no, I didn’t sleep with Kyle.’ I spoke self-consciously. I was terrified that he would think about it some more and hate me. He turned slightly to face me. ‘Yeah well, to be honest Parker, I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that you would choose Buddha boy over Maxwell, however dorkish he may be!’ I smiled at him and his face turned serious. ‘You really amaze me. You have no reason to be ashamed Liz. None at all.’ He leaned over and kissed me one my forehead. ‘So, your question.’

Um, I tried to think about it. What intrigued me about Michael Guerin? I started with something easy. ‘So what’s going on with Maria? I mean, over the last week or so you two have been attached at the hip when you can be, and I haven’t heard one insult fly between you.’ Michael smiled at that. ‘The lack of bickering. So that’s what gave us away!’ I smiled at him. ‘We uh, we cemented as you said, our relationship the night before we were meant to leave for Antar. I guess it took us to the next level.’ I nodded, and then asked. ‘Is that why you left the chamber?’ He shrugged and scratched his eyebrow, something that told me that he was uncomfortable. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’ I encouraged. ‘Nah, I am just trying to find the words. I guess it was partly the reason. But at the same time… it was a bunch of stuff. Yeah, Maria was a predominant factor, but also other things. All my life I had the shitty deal: no real family; the role of the ‘screw up’; nothing that I was passionate about. Then over the last few months things started clicking together. Okay, there has been loads of crap going down, but I felt apart of something and I didn’t want to give it up.’ He sighed. ‘This is really hard you know? Um, I guess everything started going right. Maria and I were close, I had a good job, people around me who knew what I was and didn’t care. People who looked out for me. I guess I thought about when you, Maria and myself went to Las Cruces and I realised that I was apart of something good. Yeah it’s not normal, but good. And I thought about it. Max, Isabel and I have been friends because we had to be. We were tied together as family, or what ever. You guys chose to be with us. I doubt if Max or Isabel had been humans we would have spoken. So it was either staying here where I finally felt I belonged, or go and be in Max’s shadow. I had only stepped out of it; I didn’t want to step back in yet. Does that make me sound selfish? I don’t care. That was how I felt. Either way I had to make a sacrifice, but staying on earth meant sacrificing less than going.’ I looked at him, and I felt like I was seeing him for the first time. He was a really decent guy. I had always thought of him as a stonewall, someone who doesn’t have any feelings. Obviously I knew he did, but I didn’t really think about it because I assumed that he just avoided them. I told him that and he smiled. ‘Yeah well, my human side began overriding my alien side. Go figure!’ ‘You know its funny. You were coming to grips with your human side just as Max was getting to know his alien side. That’s good! It’s funny.’ I commented smiling. ‘Yeah, I guess I am not such a screw up after all.’ He joked. I turned serious. ‘You aren’t a screw up at all Michael.’ I smiled then. ‘In fact you kinda rock!’ Michael feigned amazement. ‘Elizabeth Parker! Did you just say, and I quote ‘rock?!’ I giggled and nodded my head. He chuckled and scratched his chin. ‘My turn huh? Now I will try not to ask a serious one. Okay, here is one. Why are you so good? You can’t not know the nicknames I have for you!’ I smiled. ‘And what would they be?’ ‘Oh just for starters,’ he began listing them off on his fingers. ‘Perfect Parker, Little Lizzie, St. Liz (I think I read that in some other fic. sorry)’ I smiled. ‘So what’s the deal Parker?’

I sighed. This was going to be another emotional story. ‘You really know how to pick them Guerin.’ ‘What is this another sob story so to speak?’ I nodded. ‘You don’t have to tell me about it. I just assumed it would be something like ‘I have goals’ or something.’ Michael looked concerned and I sighed again. ‘No it’s not a huge deal. Well it is, but this is something that is over with. As in it was done a long time ago.’ Michael looked sceptical. ‘Its fine really.’ I assured him. I took a deep breath and began.

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PART NINE

‘Okay,’ I took another deep breath and turned to Michael. I chuckled. ‘You know, that it’s weird. I have never told anyone this except Alex and I want to tell you. It’s odd.’ I sighed. ‘You really don’t have to tell me.’ Michael assured. ‘Nah, I mean, its cool. It was something that happened a very long time ago, and I am pretty much over it. I have dealt with it already.’ I sighed again. ‘Ok, well to start, I was also adopted. I was adopted when I was five.’ Michael gasped in shock. ‘No,’ he said. ‘No way.’ I nodded my head slowly. ‘Yeah. But didn’t you notice how I don’t look anything like my parents? Both of them have fair hair and skin, whereas I have dark hair and skin.’ Michael widened his eyes in realisation. ‘Ok, yeah, I see that now.’ I chuckled. ‘Well, the reason I was adopted was because my father was unstable. Um, my real mother died when I was born and my father took it out on me. Apparently she knew that there was a risk before hand but went along with it anyway. My father didn’t want the child if there was a risk to her, but she did it anyway. So, anyway. When my mother died, my father was left with this child who he didn’t want and no wife. So he began to take it out on me. Little things. I don’t really remember what he did when I was a baby, but my medical record is huge. But I can remember a little towards the end. He was just hit me or push me around. He would only bruise me where no one could see it; he knew what he was doing was wrong and he didn’t want to go to jail. Anyway, I always tried really hard to get him to like me. You know, by doing stuff around the house and doing well at kindergarten. It never worked, but I tried anyway.’ I took a deep breath. ‘Um, anyway. One day, it just came to a head. My next-door-neighbour was taking her child and myself out for the day. She came over and heard a scream and so entered to find him choking me. Um, after that things moved really quickly. I was put in foster care and then adopted by the Parkers. My father was given a few years sentence and then I heard he had drunk himself to death a few years ago.’ I had been looking out to sea and I looked down to my hands. ‘So, that’s why I try to be perfect. Because I wanted to be loved. The less hassle that I am I thought the more they would love me. We talked about it a few years ago when I had a breakdown because my marks weren’t brilliant and they assured me that I didn’t have to be perfect. But now it is just a habit.’ I looked at him to find him crying silently. ‘Michael what is it?’ I exclaimed, shocked, reaching to hug him. I had never seen him cry and so it was a big shock. I held him for a few minutes just stroking his hair until he pulled away. He sniffed and wiped his eyes embarrassed. He gave a chuckle. ‘I guess we are more alike than originally thought. You just chose a better way to deal with it than I did.’ He looked at me seriously. ‘You shouldn’t have ever had to go through that. But never again. I’ll make sure of it.’

The rest of the week went quickly. Michael and I got closer and closer. He taught me how to ride his bike and I taught him how to swim. It was odd, I thought everyone would know how to swim, but I guess my real father had never done that with me, and so how could Michael know. We got to know each other much better, and we began to trust each other more. He told me about his life, just little things that he hadn’t told anyone before because he thought they were stupid. And I did the same. Michael didn’t really have anyone to talk to; Max was always the leader, even before that day, Isabel more listened at him than with him, and his father didn’t care. He told me that he felt the closest to Maria, but there were certain things that he didn’t want to tell her because he was scared that she would judge him. I never judged him and he cared about me. It was surprising, but it worked, and I was happy for the first time in a long time.

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PART TEN

We had been kind of naïve in the thought that if we were gone then the world would stop turning and the life we were involved in would stop. However, once we got back to Roswell we were in for a rude awakening that life was still going on regardless if we were present or not.

We got back Saturday evening planning on crashing at mine to find that the Crashdown was open. Michael and I looked at each other curiously and stepped inside. We could see Maria and Isabel in uniforms serving customers while I could see Kyle manning the grills. I turned to Michael. ‘Ok, I think we have just stepped into the twilight zone, because Isabel?! And Kyle working?!’ Michael nodded smirking. ‘I think we should just turn back now.’ He joked. Just then Maria saw us… and then promptly burst into tears. I ran to her with Michael close behind. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked her pulling her into an embrace while Michael led us both into the Crashdown.

When we got into the back Maria turned to us with an angry expression on her face. ‘God, I have been so worried about you two. What if you had been killed or something. You didn’t even to think to call. We had no idea whether that note was real or not.’ She fumed. ‘We have been waiting here all week scared out of our minds. Max has decided that you two had run off together and now has sunk into depression. Isabel is slowly slipping further and further into oblivion and all these people keep stopping by to see you Liz and what can I say? ‘Oh, I actually have no idea where she is because she’s run off with my boyfriend!’ She ended up shouting the last part as I sat down on the couch. ‘And you,’ She screeched turning to Michael. ‘How could you just drag her away from the people that she needs the most. We needed to get through this together, not with you running off. How do you think I felt about this?’ She trailed off bursting into more tears. Michael looked at me and I nodded, signalling him to comfort her.

I then went out to the main door and told the customers we were closing shortly. It wasn’t as busy as it normally was which was a good thing. I then turned the sign to closed and went to get a glass of water for Maria. I felt horrible. Everything she said was true. She was a little harsh but the gist of it was correct, I had wanted to get away and when Michael suggested it I didn’t think of anyone else. However, I was a bit fed up of having to think about the others the entire time. I glanced at Isabel who ignored my stare and then went in the back.

Maria was still venting to Michael who had stopped comforting her and was pacing around the small backroom. I handed her the drink but she just looked at me and glared. ‘A glass of water isn’t going to do the trick Liz.’ She spat. That was when I snapped. ‘Drink it.’ I ordered her and then left abruptly. By that time the last people had just left so I shut the front doors and beckoned Isabel who was now glaring at me and Kyle into the backroom. ‘Sit down and don’t say another word Maria.’ I ordered her. She went to say something but I cut her off. ‘I mean it Maria, I think you have said enough.’ I had rarely spoken to Maria like that and so she sat down. ‘Wow, Parker, obviously spending a week with Guerin made you pick up his attitude.’ Kyle commented bitterly. ‘Yeah, you two sit down as well.’ I glanced at Michael who was leaning against the lockers frowning at Maria and Kyle.

‘Okay, I am going to say this once so listen. First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for keeping the Crashdown open. You really didn’t need to but it means a lot. Second thing is that I am sorry. Yeah I understand that you were worried about us. And we shouldn’t have just taken off like that. But we did leave a note saying where we were so we did take you into consideration. But, yeah. We did mainly think about ourselves. So, for that I, we,’ I glanced at Michael, ‘are sorry. However, Maria some of what you said was out of line. Michael didn’t drag me off. I wanted to go. And also I needed it. I needed to be away from our group so that I could get things into perspective. And if you don’t understand that Maria then we really aren’t as close friends as I thought. Besides,’ I spoke softly. ‘I think you were more mad because I didn’t turn to you, and because it was Michael that I went away with.’ Maria went to speak but I again cut her off. ‘The thing is though. I was selfish but I think I am allowed this selfish act. My parents have just died and I don’t feel close to anyone in our group except for Maria, so I wanted to get away. In the last two years I have thought of all of you before me. Putting aside what I want, and my feelings for the ‘greater good.’ I sighed. ‘I just needed space, and Michael realised that.’ I turned to Maria. ‘I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings but I really needed this break. And it has helped me out so much. Michael has helped me a lot.’ I began crying. ‘I just hope you can understand that. I just, I now feel like I have walked right back in before this week.’ I turned to Michael who smiled sadly at me before turning into the main room to get a drink.

I got my drink and sat at the counter and began to cry quietly. I was so upset. I just felt like nothing had changed. I thought this last week was great but now I felt just as on edge as before. Michael stormed in and came to a stop next to me breathing in heavily. ‘God, Liz. After all that you have done for them. How can they treat you like this?!’ He raged. ‘Damnit! They make me so angry. If Maria and Isabel were guys, they would have their heads knocked off by now.’ I giggled and turned to him smiling. He visibly relaxed ‘well at least I got a smile from you. But,’ he turned serious. ‘It makes me so mad. They have no right to upset you.’ I smiled at him. ‘And I bet you told them that didn’t you.’ Michael looked sheepish. ‘Yeah, well I might have told them that they should be bowed down at your feet, or something along those lines.’ I giggled again. ‘I bet that went down really well.’ He shrugged. I don’t care Liz. They are all idiots.’ He went round the counter to get a drink.

I sighed. ‘What a great welcome home this is. Really, I can’t imagine one better.’ I spoke sarcastically and Michael smirked. ‘Maybe we really should head back out.’ I heard the door close behind me and I turned to find Kyle and Isabel standing there. ‘Look, if you are angry can it just wait until tomorrow? Cause I really can’t handle anymore tonight.’ Isabel and Kyle stepped forward. ‘No,’ Kyle answered. ‘You were completely right and I am sorry.’ Isabel nodded. ‘Yeah, me too. It was stupid, and we didn’t take your feelings into consideration. I mean, I would be a wreck if my parents died and they aren’t really my parents so I can’t imagine how you must feel.’ I exchanged a glance with Michael. ‘It doesn’t matter whether they were your real parents or not, Isabel, I think it hurts exactly the same. But thanks.’ Isabel nodded. ‘I am off now. Are you going to open up tomorrow?’ I shook my head. ‘But um, if you aren’t busy tomorrow because I would really like to talk to you. I mean, if you are free.’ Isabel nodded slightly surprised. ‘Cool, I am going to stop by tomorrow to talk to Max as well so will you be in?’ Is nodded. ‘Yeah, I was planning on staying in all day tomorrow anyway.’ I nodded. ‘Cool, could you not tell Max I am coming, I just need his gut reactions, and knowing him, if you told him, he would plan exactly what he wanted to say, and hide everything else.’ Isabel smiled slightly. ‘Sure that’s fine. You know my brother too well.’ I shrugged and she smiled before leaving out of the front door.

Kyle walked over to me and gave me a hug. ‘So, how you holding up with Mr. Stonewall here?’ He tried to say it lightly but it came off as fairly serious. Michael glared at him while I smiled trying to make peace. ‘Yeah, well. He warned me that if I told anyone how sweet and caring he is he would have to kill me, but its ok.’ Michael shrugged at Kyle’s disbelieving stare. ‘But I am ok. Is Maria still mad at me?’ I asked him, fearing the answer. Kyle shook his head slightly. ‘No, she’s mad at herself. She left muttering about how bad a friend she is.’ I sighed. I guess I will have to see her tomorrow some point. I turned tomorrow. ‘I’m going to have a tiring day tomorrow, you know that.’ I looked at Kyle. ‘Look, I am going to have to talk to you at some point, get everything out in the open. Especially why I asked you to help me make Max think I slept with you. I would do it tonight but I am really tired. Can you come over tomorrow morning? We could have breakfast and then you could drop me off at Maria’s.’ I grinned, and Kyle gave me a pretend glare.

‘Yeah okay.’ He agreed grudgingly. ‘But I refuse to cook.’ I smiled. ‘It’s cool. Michael will cook.’ Both Michael and Kyle turned to me surprised. They both spoke at the same time. ‘I am cooking?!’ ‘He’s staying the night?!’ I laughed. ‘Yeah, Michael is staying the night tonight. But we are just friends. There is really nothing going on there. And yeah, Michael, you can cook!’ I looked at him pitifully. ‘I am going to need you here Mickey.’ I pouted and he relented shaking his head. ‘Damn that look Parker. You aren’t going to get me with that every time. I am not Maxwell.’ I grinned and looked at Kyle. ‘That look worked the entire week.’ Kyle shook his head and turned to Michael. ‘Don’t worry man, you are one of the many men that Liz can wrap round her finger with that look. She is evil.’ He nudged me lightly. ‘What can I say. I am unstoppable. My mother taught me well.’ Michael and Kyle both chuckled. ‘Please, like you two could ever resist my charms!’

Kyle rolled his eyes. ‘I’ve resisted that look for a long time Parker, I can do it again.’ Michael warned me. I looked at him. ‘But now we are bestest buds so you wouldn’t want me to be upset with you, would you?!’ Michael glared at me. ‘I think Maria might have something to say about that.’ I frowned as Kyle went round to get himself a drink. ‘Look, we have got a lot closer over this last week. And my feelings towards you have changed. You are now one of my closest friends because you know me and you were there for me when I needed you. All this week you have been brilliant. Maria is always going to be my best friend. But you are now a part of my life too. Things aren’t going back to how they were before Michael, so don’t try to pull away from me. We just have to make sure that Maria doesn’t think there is something going on.’ I glanced at Kyle. ‘I might even get you two to being friends.’ I looked at Michael again. ‘It’s just like how Maria and Max became good friends last summer.’ I turned to Kyle. ‘Well, I am no longer tired. So how about you tell us what we’ve missed in the last week.

**********************************************************

PART ELEVEN

30th May 2001

Kyle and I talked for about an hour after Isabel left. It was really nice. Kyle told us about what had been going on which wasn’t much and then we just chatted. Michael and I told him about what we had done and we joked around together. It was really nice. I was having fun for the first time for a long time, and for that I am so grateful to Michael and Kyle. They even got on well together. Okay, so it was because they were ganging up on me, but that’s a small price to pay. Kyle and I ended up telling Michael about when we went out and stupid things that we had done when we were younger. I haven’t laughed so much in such a long time. It’s nice.

I finally feel like I am getting back to the girl that I was two years ago. I am devastated about my parents but I have accepted it and moved on. I am a bit scared about living here on my own. I have been thinking about asking Michael to move in here with me, but I am a bit scared of what he would think. He has told me that he is going to stay here for a while but I guess he likes his space and so I have decided not to ask him yet. Maybe I will feel better.

It’s weird being at home without my parents. It’s kind of odd having this freedom. I mean, I could go out whenever and no one would yell at me or ground me. It’s kind of liberating but really scary at the same time. I will have to talk to Michael about that. I wonder how he managed it. Okay, well its eight-o clock, so Kyle should be around soon so I should get dressed. I am really glad that I have Kyle and Michael in my life. It’s odd, but the people I value now has changed in the last few weeks to a very different mix than I could ever imagine.

I got up and took a shower before getting dressed. I looked in the mirror and finally felt like I could like what I was seeing. I heard a knock on the main door and I ran out into Michael who was just going to get the door. ‘Have a nice sleep?’ I asked him as I opened the door and gestured for Kyle to come in. ‘Yeah, comfy bed Parker. Could get used to it.’ I smiled at Kyle as he sat on the couch. ‘You two don’t look ready to cook me some breakfast.’ He commented smirking. Michael and I looked at each other. I was in my underwear with my gown tied up while Michael was in boxers and a T-shirt. Michael smirked and turned back to Kyle. ‘I’m more ready than she is.’ I slapped his arm. ‘Dry my hair?’ I pleaded. Michael rolled his eyes and then waved his hand over my hair. I felt it to make sure it was all dry then reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. ‘You are a star!’ Michael rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah yeah. I am just your portable hair stylist aren’t I?!’ I grinned and then turned back to Kyle who was sat in shock.

‘Kyle, what’s wrong?’ I asked sitting down next to him. He waved his hand absentmindedly. Michael smirked. ‘Was it that I dried Liz’s hair?’ He asked. Kyle looked up at him and nodded slowly. ‘You’ve seen them do powers before Kyle, what’s wrong with that?’ I asked. He finally spoke up. ‘That was so cool!’ He exclaimed. Michael rolled his eyes as I slapped him on the arm lightly before going into my room to get dressed. 10 minutes later both Michael and I came out of our rooms, all dressed. Kyle raised his eyebrows. ‘What’s up with that guys? You are certainly comfortable with each other.’ Michael shrugged while I glared at Kyle. ‘Living with someone for a week makes it comfortable. Plus Michael has already seen me drenched in sweat with little on when he woke me up from nightmares. Ok Kyle?’ I asked menacingly. Michael chuckled as Kyle grinned sheepishly. ‘Yeah, but that was only after the first few days, and they were when we were most uncomfortable with each other.’ I shrugged and nodded at Kyle to go into the kitchen. ‘Come on Michael,’ I whined tugging at his sleeve. ‘What are you doing still talking when we need breakfast.’ Michael frowned but turned to go into the kitchen. I grinned wickedly at Kyle and he let out a laugh. ‘Yeah Michael, step on it!’ Michael stopped abruptly and turned to Kyle who was smiling and me who was barely hiding my laughter. ‘Watch it Valenti, only one person gets to order me about.’ He paused for a minute thinking as Kyle and I exchanged looks and I guided him into the kitchen. ‘Actually wait. Maria bosses me about, Isabel bosses me about and Max bosses me about.’ He turned to look at me. ‘What’s up with that?’ He asked confused. I smiled. ‘You don’t let any of them boss you about. You yell at them.’ I told him slightly. ‘Oh yeah. That’s right I do.’ He replied smiling. ‘Well there you go,’ he said to Kyle while looking in the fridge.

Kyle and I turned to leave the room when Michael moaned ‘Elizabeth!’ I turned to him frowning. ‘I have told you before. Don’t call me that. What’s wrong?’ He opened the fridge door in reply showing no food. I whacked my head. ‘Downstairs?’ I asked. ‘Downstairs.’ The other two chorused. I left the apartment with Kyle following me. He paused outside the door but I continued down. ‘Uh Liz,’ he called to me. ‘Don’t you want to lock up?’ Just then Michael came outside and locked the door. ‘He has his own keys.’ I said shrugging. Kyle too shrugged and we headed downstairs.

Kyle and I settled in a booth with juice as Michael went to cook us some breakfast. I took a breath and began. ‘Okay, basically what I am about to tell you is kinda unbelievable and I know the questions you are going to ask so before I start I will say that I knew that it was him.’ Kyle looked confused. ‘Who was him?’ ‘A few days before I arranged that set up with Max, a Max from the future came to me. He was Max from 14 years in the future and he wanted me to change the future by making Max fall out of love with me. I didn’t believe him at first but he knew things that no one could know and he knew exactly what was going to happen a few seconds before they happened.’

I sighed. ‘Anyway, he told me that everyone except for me in the future had died. Isabel a few weeks beforehand and Michael just two hours before he came to me. Michael had died in his arms. So I realised I had to do what he said to save the world. The skins had attacked and the world had been destroyed.’ Kyle nodded. ‘So you turned to me?’ I shook my head. ‘Not immediately. First I went to Tess and tried to make her more attractive to Max. Then I tried telling Max that I didn’t want to be with him because I wanted a normal guy. I told him that I wouldn’t die for him.’ I took a sip of my juice. ‘That night I broke down and told the future max to go to someone else but he told me that I was the only one he trusted. Then Maria came to me heartbroken because Michael had kissed Courtney. That’s when I came up with the plan. That’s when I came to you.’ I sighed and took another sip. ‘As it turns out, what future Max didn’t know was that Tess was always on the other side. What happened was that night that Max saw us, Max and I were meant to sleep together for the first time. After that apparently we were inseparable. That, they thought, made Tess feel left out and leave. Future Max thought that if we stopped Tess from feeling left out then everything would be good. But had we just left things to turn out as they were meant to then Alex would still be alive. I’ve had to deal with the fact the Alex could have had 14 more years. I cut his life short. That’s something I have dealt with over this last week. I realised that it wasn’t my fault but I still feel bad about it.’

Kyle just looked at me. ‘Wow.’ He shook his head. ‘Just, wow. That’s incredible. Damnit Parker, you do so much for these damn aliens. Don’t you ever get tired of it?’ I nodded. ‘Yeah, last week, which is why I decided to get away.’ Kyle shook his head again. ‘I just can’t think of anything to say Liz. That is so amazing. You lost everything didn’t you? Did you know what would happen to you and Max in the future had you left it?’ He asked me. Just then Michael came out with three plates of pancakes. He slipped in next to me and handed us plates. ‘Dig in.’ He ordered. I took a bite. ‘Impressive Michael, as always.’ I turned to Kyle. ‘Michael made me breakfast each morning. If I’m not careful I’m going to get fat!’ Michael scoffed. ‘Please Parker.’ He poked me in the side. ‘Look at you. Girls would kill for your figure.’ I looked at him oddly. ‘Okay that was a really feminine thing to say, you know that right?’ He looked at me shocked. ‘Are you joking? Damnit woman, I’ve finally buckled under the influence of the women in my life!’ I giggled and Kyle chuckled while Michael glared at us.

‘To answer your question Kyle. I kinda knew. I mean, he didn’t tell me much, just our wedding.’ Kyle nodded to keep going. ‘And? What happened?’ ‘We eloped to Vegas and got married when we were 19. You guys were all there and our wedding dance was to ‘I believe.’ We danced all night.’ Kyle looked at me sadly. ‘Shit Liz, and you missed that.’ ‘That and more. But you know, I just, I couldn’t not do anything when I found out what was going to happen, but it just seems that we have more serious problems now and we might possible have war later. I just can’t seem to feel like the world benefited by what I did. But still,’ I shrugged. ‘Lets see what happens.’

We went back to eating. ‘So what are your plans today guys?’ I asked them. ‘Well I thought I would have to work. So I don’t know what I am going to do.’ Kyle said. ‘I thought I would go see how messy my place is, get changed and then go over to Maria’s. You should be done then shouldn’t you?’ Michael asked me. ‘Yeah, It won’t take long. I just want to get the chats out the way with.’ I looked to Kyle. ‘You know, if you want you can come with me. It won’t take long to talk to the others and then we can do something. What do you think?’ Kyle nodded. ‘I am up for that spending time with my gorgeous ex.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Uh, ok Kyle.’ I said while chuckling. ‘I’d prefer to just be called a friend now. But you have a hang up on calling me your ex so whatever.’ Michael raised his eyebrow. ‘Alright, alright. Friend is good. I just can’t get out of the habit.’ I looked at him hard. ‘Well try.’

After breakfast, Kyle dropped Michael off at his flat and then took me to Maria’s. We went up to the door and Sean ushered us in. ‘Maria’s in her bedroom but she is in a crap mood so be wary.’ Sean warned before settling in front of the TV. ‘Can I join you?’ Kyle asked him, to which Sean nodded. As I knocked on Maria’s door I stood there nervously. The door was flung open as Maria shouted, ‘Sean, I told you to leave me alone!’ She sighed when she saw it was me. ‘Come in.’

*********************************************************

PART TWELVE

She sat on her bed while I paced around nervously. ‘Wow, you really have picked up Michael’s comments.’ She commented. I shook my head, ‘No Maria this is something I did before last week.’ I sighed and knelt next to where she was sitting and took her hands. ‘Look Maria I am sorry. I can’t take back time and I really need you at the moment. Please don’t push me away. There is absolutely nothing going on between Michael and I if that is what you are worrying about and ultimately he is going to understand me more than the rest of the group because he has been there himself.’ I looked up at her. ‘But I need you more. You are my best friend and you are the only one that can give me everything I need. Because I need you.’

She looked down at me tearfully. ‘God Liz I am so sorry. I can’t believe I acted that way yesterday. I love you so much, and I just thought that I couldn’t help you. I don’t think there is anything going on between you guys. I know that he will be able to understand things that I can’t but I want to be able to.’ She babbled. I smiled and pulled her into a hug.

‘Michael may understand me, but I don’t need him like I need you Maria.’ I sat up next to her. ‘Look, I have to go and talk to Isabel and Max today and then I am spending the day with Kyle who at the moment is getting pally with Sean but how about we get together tomorrow. I will tell you everything and we can have some girl talk.’ She nodded, ‘Yeah that would be great.’ I smirked. ‘Besides, I think someone is going to be busy today!’ Maria looked at me in confusion. ‘I think Michael is planning on coming round here later, and you guys really haven’t spent much time since the night before Tess’s showdown.’ I wriggled my eyebrows at her and she blushed and then got up in a panic. ‘Oh my god. Michael is coming over. Look at me, I’m a mess!’ I took her hand again. ‘Maria, he loves you. He doesn’t mind what you look like. He loves you because you are you.’ She sat back down next to me. ‘Everything has changed hasn’t it?’ She asked me. ‘Yeah, I guess it has.’ I replied and pulled her into a hug. ‘But we’re getting through it. I shouldn’t have pushed everyone away but I needed to. But I won’t ever do it again Maria. I’ve realised talking to Michael how much you mean to me. Now that my parent’s have died you are the most important person to me. I can’t lose you Maria.’ I begged her tearfully. She began crying as she pulled me into another hug. ‘You never will Liz, never.’

After a few minutes the doorbell rang and I pulled away from her tearfully. ‘That will be Michael.’ I said and we both went into the living room wiping our eyes. ‘Don’t blame him for taking me away Maria, he knew what I needed.’ I whispered to her before greeting him. He looked at me in concern and I smiled at him showing that I was ok. ‘Alright Kyle. Onto the terrible twins. I leaned down to give Sean a kiss on the cheek. ‘Hi Sean.’ I said smiling. He smiled back at me. ‘Can I talk to you for a minute alone?’ I turned to Michael, ‘Now don’t escape into Maria’s room until I get back ok? Be nice to Kyle.’ Michael rolled his eyes while Maria giggled and Kyle smirked. ‘Liz, you aren’t my mum!’ I gave him a mock-stern look. ‘Just do it! Or else its back to the cold flat for you!’ Michael looked at me hard. ‘Like that will ever happen.’ He muttered. ‘Sorry?’ I asked, pretending not to have heard. ‘Nothing.’ He replied pleasantly. I gave him a look and then motioned to Sean to follow me outside.

‘Look Sean, I just want to say that I am not very proud of how I have treated you.’ Sean gestured with his hand to forget it. ‘It doesn’t matter Liz, I’m used to it by now. No sweat.’ I shook my head frowning. ‘No, it does matter Sean. You were there when barely anyone else was. And yet,’ I looked down. ‘And yet I used you time and time again.’ I looked back at him. ‘I caused you to be arrested, I used you when I was hurting from Max. You have been there again and again when people I consider friends haven’t been. I just wanted to say thank you and I’m sorry.’ I smiled at him, ‘I hope we can still be friends. You know, like go bowling together.’ I turned serious again. ‘I just, I had a lot of fun with you. And I can only say that I have fun with four people, and the other three people are in your house. That means a lot to me.’ I reached up and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. As I pulled back I whispered to him: ‘What do you think?’ Sean grinned. ‘Liz, I gotta say that your speech was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. It would be my honour to be considered your friend.’ I ducked my head and blushed. ‘Well now I have got to have a serious talk with the Evans’ twins and Kyle is going to kill me if I leave him with Maria and Michael for too long!’ Sean smiled and I kissed him on the cheek again. ‘Thanks for everything Sean.’

We walked into a round of laughter. ‘Its true!’ I heard Michael exclaim. ‘She just fell off. Wasn’t even going and she fell!’ I glared at him. ‘Thanks Michael for telling them my most embarrassing moment.’ I snapped. ‘You are such a jerk.’ I turned to the others. ‘Do you want to know what he did while I had this big motorbike on top of me?! He laughed. And then he giggled. And then he laughed some more. It was only when he was crying with laughter and I was crying with pain that he decided to help.’ I turned back to Michael. ‘Not your finest moment Mike!’ Maria, who was sitting next to Michael, slapped his arm. ‘I can’t believe you did that!’ She then tried to hide her smile. ‘But it does sound kind of funny.’ Michael got up and walked over to me. The truth was that yeah I could see the funny side. But it really hurt. Michael took me in a one armed hug. ‘I know. I was a prat. Forgive me?’ He gave me his version of the puppy dog look. I glared at him. ‘It was bad enough that you laughed then, but to laugh when you were retelling it was harsh.’ Kyle spoke up. ‘Did you hurt yourself Liz? He asked. I glanced at Sean. ‘Nothing that couldn’t be fixed.’ I emphasised the word ‘fixed’ to give Kyle and Maria the meaning that Michael had healed me.

I shrugged Michael’s arm off me and looked at Kyle. ‘Shall we get going?’ He stood up. And I turned to Maria. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow. Just come round when you are up.’ Maria nodded. ‘And I’ll speak to you soon Sean.’ I turned to leave when Michael caught my arm. ‘Are you really mad Liz?’ He asked me seriously. I sighed. Actually I was. I was really hurt. I had a big gash on my leg and the bike had been crushing it making it worse. Michael had felt awful afterward and had healed me. The only reason he had laughed was because he thought that I was ok, but to laugh at it again just made me think that maybe we weren’t as close as I thought we were. Despite not wanting to tell Michael why I was upset I realised that Michael wasn’t the sort of person who would get it. ‘Yeah, Michael, I really am upset. Ok? I just. It hurt me, and to laugh at the time was fair enough but you knew how hurt I was after, and the thought that you still felt it was funny kind of upsets me.’ I looked at him once more before following Kyle out of the door. I guess that was kinda Michael and my first fight as friends.

As we got to the bottom of Max’s road Kyle glanced at me. ‘You ok Parker?’ He asked. I smiled. ‘Yeah, I am just not looking forward to this.’ ‘No I mean. Ok, you seem better than before you left so it obviously has done wonders for you, but you still don’t seem to have grieved. Are you sure you are ok?’ I looked over at him. ‘I just need to get everything sorted, then I can let go. But I am scared that once I do I will never get back again.’ We pulled up and Kyle pulled me into a hug. ‘I’m always here Liz, always for you ok?’ I smiled. ‘Thanks Kyle. I think this might take longer than I realised: Um maybe you should do something else?’ Kyle thought for a minute. ‘How about I go get some lunch. I can go see dad and then if you finish early you can give me a call. I need to spend some time with my dad anyway so it doesn’t really matter. ‘That’s great. Thanks Kyle.’ I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. I was a lot more affectionate to my friends now purely because I wanted to show them how they meant to me not just through words but through actions. As I watched the car drive off, I took a deep breath and turned to face the Evans’ house. It was now or never.

**********************************************************

PART THIRTEEN

I knocked on the door and took a deep breath. Diane Evans opened the door and looked at me in surprise. She then smiled and ushered me in. She told me that both Max and Isabel were in their rooms and asked to speak to me for a minute. I nodded my consent and followed her into the kitchen. ‘I haven’t seen you around for a while Liz, did you and Max have a fight?’ I nodded. ‘Yeah, I guess. I mean we were still friends but after Alex died all the relations in our group were strained. I guess everyone was to busy trying to pull themselves together to worry about each other.’ Diane looked at me sadly. ‘That’s such a shame. I have never seen my son happier than he was when he was with you.’ I smiled. ‘I am glad to hear that. Max needs as much happiness in his life as possible. I hope to clear the air with him today, and with Isabel, that’s why I am here today.’ She looked surprised. ‘I didn’t know you were that close with Issy.’

I shrugged. ‘We aren’t really. But I think that we now need each other. We both cared a lot for Alex and his death his us both hard. I think now we have some common ground.’ Diane nodded in sympathy, ‘Alex was close to you wasn’t he?’ I nodded. ‘Yeah, he, Maria and myself were best friends. While Maria had Michael to lean on, Isabel and I didn’t.’ Diane nodded again before looking at me seriously. ‘I am so sorry about your parents Liz. I just, I can’t even imagine the idea of losing one’s parents at such an age.’ I smiled slightly. ‘It’s going to be hard but if I can clear the air with my friends then hopefully I can lean on them when things get rough.’ She took my hand in hers. ‘You are always welcome here Liz, don’t forget that.’ I smiled and nodded. ‘Thank you Mrs Evans. That means a lot. It,’ I shook my head. ‘It really does.’ She smiled and patted her arm. ‘So who are you going to see first?’ She asked me. I smiled. ‘Well if Max sees me then its him first. But unless he does then its Isabel.’ Diane raised her eyebrows in question. I chuckled slightly. ‘If Max knows that I am here before I get to talk to him then he will plan what he has to say, and it may be different from what he is feeling. I just want him to be honest.’ Diane smiled. ‘You know my son.’ She commented. ‘That’s what Isabel said last night!’ I exclaimed in mock indignation. Diane chuckled.

‘Well you do. I hope everything works out for you. I heard that you and Michael went off somewhere last week. Did it do you good?’ I nodded. ‘Yeah. Michael is the only one that can understand the loneliness I am feeling at the moment. Plus, like I said before, relations were tense so I really needed to leave for a while and clear my head. Surprisingly enough Michael really helped me. He was a brilliant friend.’ Diane smiled warmly. ‘I’ve always liked Michael. He just had a rough start.’ I nodded. ‘He’s great. While Maria was upset he was her rock. It was really heart warming to see.’ Diane nodded and stood up. ‘Well you go find Isabel and I won’t tell Max that you are here.’ I laughed. ‘Thanks Mrs Evans.’ She waved her hand dismissively. ‘Oh, just call me Diane.’ I smiled and headed up the stairs.

I knocked quietly on Isabel’s door and she called for me to come in. I stepped through to see her going through some pamphlets of universities. She looked up at me and smiled. “I just don’t think it is such a good idea to go away to college anymore. I need to be here” I smiled and sat down on her bed. “So what are you thinking of doing?” I asked her. “Well possibly a community college nearby. What do you think?” I smiled again. “I think that Community College would be a good idea. Max will be so happy.” Isabel nodded. ‘I hope so. We haven’t really seemed that close recently. Just before we were meant to go to Antar we settled things but then after that…” She drifted off. “I guess everything has just been overwhelming.” I nodded. “Yeah I understand that. Everyone is dealing with their own grief that we aren’t really dealing with helping each other.” She nodded and smiled. “That’s exactly it Liz.”

I smiled. “Look Isabel. We’ve never been close before. At first it was because of Max but we have never clicked. But now I have realised that you guys are my life. I mean, yeah we are bound by this secret but our group is now my family. I just want to feel close to you.” Isabel smiled. “I have been a bitch to you in the past and I’m sorry. But I would also like to be friends.” I smiled at her. “Look, I know you probably heard the rumour about Kyle and me. But I need to tell you the truth.” “You didn’t sleep with him did you?” Isabel asked me. I shook my head. “No, no I didn’t.” I told her all about future Max, how I tried lots of different things to get him to stop loving me, how I broke down and told him to go to someone else, how he had told me the future, about Isabel and Michael dying, how I had set things up with Kyle, and how I felt guilty for Alex’s death. “I am so sorry Isabel, so sorry” I finished holding back my tears. It didn’t seem to get any easier the more times I told it. But at least it was getting out.

Isabel wiped away her tears and crawled over to where I was sitting and embraced me in a hug. “No wonder Max was so screwed up.” She commented. “But thank you. You risked your happiness for us again Liz. I don’t think I could be able to do that and I am a princess of another world.” I smiled. “It just got all screwed up Is, I mean. It shouldn’t have turned out this way.” Isabel smiled gently. “But at least we now know that Tess was bad from the start.” I nodded. “But Alex could have been here. I hurt the whole group.” Isabel looked at me seriously. “You had no idea what was going to happen. You put blind trust on my brother and it didn’t work out, but now we can be prepared. I mean, I miss Alex so much. To the point where I feel engulfed by my loneliness, but, as much as it hurts to admit it, maybe this timeline was better. We have more time to prepare. I just,” She looked down. “I just miss Alex so much.” I was the one that took her in my arms this time.

“I blame myself too.” Isabel suddenly said. I sat up. “Why?” I asked shocked. “I was the one who befriended her Liz. I was the one who bought her into my home. I was the one who bought her into our lives.” I shook my head. “How could you not Is? I mean, she was controlling you right? How could you go against that. You were strong enough to not go to Michael. You don’t give yourself enough credit.” Isabel smiled at me gratefully. “Neither do you Liz.” She gently accused me. I smiled. “Well maybe that’s something we can work on together. You don’t have to be alone Is. We all care for you. All of us. And maybe you could go to Maria or come to me to talk about Alex. To share your pain. I don’t know, but it could work.” Isabel smiled. “I’d like that.”

She again turned serious. “But how are you Liz. You seem to be putting the group first again. What about your loss. If it was me I would be a wreck.” I nodded slowly. “I am about a thread short of losing it. I just need everything good before I can lean on you guys. And that’s what I need to do. I just want to get everything good so I can just collapse. Going away with Michael was really good for me because we got to talk though my feelings, but I really need Max. I need him so much but there is this huge gap between us so I need to sort that out.” I admitted.

“I am just so scared. I mean, I can handle this. Just going though everything but now I am starting to realise that my parents aren’t ever coming back. What am I supposed to do?” I asked her brokenly. “I need them here. I need my dad to get all flustered when a guy picks me up on a date, and I need my mum to constantly go on about my sex life. I want to see them each day. I have been so distant from them since I was shot Is, it’s just, I wasted two years, and I am never getting them back. It’s just…” I trailed off wiping at my tears. “I just keep imagining that they are just on holiday to Florida and that they will be back in a few days. It’s so scary to think that I am going to be on my own.”

Isabel nodded, also crying. “God, it’s horrible. I just, I can’t imagine Liz. I hope Max will be there for you. And if he ever hurts you again Liz, I’m going to beat him up!” I laughed through my tears. “But he is your brother!” I exclaimed. Isabel shook her head. “It doesn’t matter Liz. We have hurt you too much. He has hurt you more than too much.” She shook her head. “She got Tess pregnant. That’s just not on.” I looked at her. “God that’s something else I need to think about. He really has been on a role in the last few weeks hasn’t he?” She nodded

“Yet now he has pulled away from everyone. He really is hurting himself. He just won’t do anything. It’s scaring me,” She admitted. I nodded and got up. “Well, this talk is not going to be pretty. But I need him. I need him so much.” Isabel smiled and got up. “And obviously he needs you too because he turned into a prat when he wasn’t with you!” I smiled and hugged her. “Thanks Isabel” I whispered pulling away. She smiled and nodded. “Thank you Liz.” I smiled at her left her room, dreading this next confrontation.

*********************************************************

PART FOURTEEN

I knocked on his door but got no answer so I tried the doorknob. Duh, it was locked. I knocked louder and hurt a grunt. “Go away.” Why did people keep saying that to me? First Maria then him. Isabel had just left her room and I motioned her over. She sighed and clicked the lock with her powers. She smiled at me and I grinned back. “We should really work on my powers.” I commented and she grinned. “Yeah, that would be so fun!” I smiled at her and then opened Max’s room into darkness. I could see his outline on the bed and so I shut the door behind me and went to put his desk lamp on. It cast a warm glow towards the bed without being to bright. I gasped when I saw Max.

He looked awful. His hair was longer than normal and looked messy and tangled and he had a few days at least worth of stubble. Because he had one arm draped over his eyes he couldn’t see me yet, so I walked over to the bed and sat down next him. “Max” I said softly. He smell was powerful which led me to believe he hadn’t washed in a few days. “Look at me - please” I begged. He didn’t go to move and so I pulled his arm down from him eyes and turned his face towards me. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was void of any emotion. “Please Max.” I begged beginning to cry. “I need you.” He blinked and looked up at me. “Liz? Are you really here?” He asked me and I nodded. ‘Yeah, and you look awful, you know that right?” I told him lightly, trying to lighten the depressing mood. He gave me a hint of a smile. “Yeah, well I thought you had run off with Michael so I didn’t feel the need to bother.” I half laughed half choked. “Please! Michael?! I don’t think that would be possible. Besides, he is going out with my best friend. I am not that bad of a friend. And Michael and you are best friends. How could you think he would do that to you?” I admonished softly. He gave a hollow chuckle. “We haven’t been best friends for a long time Liz. You know that.”

I looked down and drew in a breath. “A future version of you came to me Max.” I said abruptly. Max looked at me in confusion. “A future version of me?” He asked. I nodded. “Yeah. He came from fourteen years in the future. He had long hair in a ponytail and was wearing leather. He actually was very attractive.” I said trying to again lighten the mood. “He said that he had come back using the Granolith and that he had just seen Michael die in his arms, while Isabel had died two weeks before he came. He told me that on the night of the Gomez concert we had slept together and after that you weren’t very nice to Tess so she left. Then the skins invaded and you three needed Tess to be a complete unit so you failed. He told me that I had to try and make you fall out of love with me.”

“So I tried. I told you that I wouldn’t die for you. I tried to make Tess more attractive to you. I even broke down and told the future version of you to try someone else. He told me that I was the only one he trusted. So I set up sleeping with Kyle so that you would see it. Future Max knew you were coming that evening so I just had to make you think that what you saw was true. It worked. Future Max vanished, that future no longer happened. At first I thought that he was a shapeshifter but he knew intimate things about us and he knew exactly what was happening, from when my dad appeared, to you changing the flowers mid throw because you remembered I like white roses rather than red. It broke my heart, but he told me that I couldn’t tell you because of the quantum physics of it all.”

“Did he tell you anything of the future? Of what you would miss.” I nodded. “Tell me.” He demanded. I sighed. “After we, uh, cemented our relationship, we were pretty much inseparable. At 19 we eloped to Vegas to get married. That’s why you saw that vision, it was true. Everyone was there and we danced to ‘I believe.’ We stayed up all night. Apparently it was the best day of our lives.” I looked down just as Max let out a sob. “God, what have I done?” He cried out. I could hear the anguish in his throat and put aside my emotions to help Max. I took him in an embrace and smoothed his hair back as he cried. He finally sat back and took my face in his hands while I wiped away his remaining tears. “God, Liz,” He groaned. “What have I done?” I looked into his face and saw the pain and self-hatred lying just behind his eyes and sighed.

I got him standing on his feet and led him over to his bathroom. He was so out of it that he didn’t realise what was going on. I sat him on his toilet and turned on the shower. “Have a shower ok, and then come out and we’ll talk.” He nodded his head mutely and I closed the door to give him some privacy. While he showered I sat on his bed and thought about my feelings towards him. He had messed me around a lot. Ever since the beginning he had been on again off again with me and this was his last chance. If it had been anyone else I would have thought that it wasn’t worth it and just stopped it but Max was different. I sighed. He had so much to deal with. He had always been the leader but then when the hologram of his mother told him that he was a king he never recovered. Which was understandable I thought.

To be told that you are a King to an entire world must be terrifying. On earth it is bad enough just ruling a country, but the entire world. And they are at war. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it but Max has to, and ultimately he is the same as me, except he has some nifty tricks. He is just a teenager, with no guidance and people telling him to trust him then stabbing him in the back. No wonder he was like this. I know that he needs someone to stand next to him. He looks to Isabel and Michael as people that he is responsible of, but he doesn’t need to think of me like that.

Yeah, he has made some really awful mistakes this last year, but, how could he not? We all make mistakes, but Max’s mistakes mean a lot more. I looked around his room; it was just a teenage boy’s room. Max didn’t deserve this. My eyes filled up with bitter tears; none of us needed this. And I bet Max thinks he is responsible for my parent’s deaths. That’s why I can’t push him away. Because, as much as I need him, he needs me. But one thing is for sure; He will never get the chance to hurt me. Allowances or not, he has hurt me too many times, and this is his last chance.

Max came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. I averted my gaze as he whispered a “Sorry” and got some clothes. A few minutes later he came out of his bathroom washed and dressed but still looking ragged. I let out a low laugh. “Okay, you still have some way to go before you look presentable” I stated. Max just stared at me blankly. I sighed and got up. Taking his hand I led him into his bathroom and hopped up onto his area next to his sink. I reached down to grab some scissors and turned him round. Isabel normally cuts his hair but one day I had asked to so I knew how to do it. I used to love cutting my father’s hair, and so this was soothing for both of us.

I slowly methodically cut his hair while he leaned slightly on me. I slowly turned him round to do his fringe to find him crying silently. “How can you stand being near me?” He asked. “Because I love you. I have never stopped.” I wiped away his tears with the pads of my thumbs until he stopped crying. He went to say something but I put a finger to his lips. “Please don’t question it Max, just let me look after you ok?” He nodded his ascent and I cut his fringe. When I had finished I combed his hair back off his face. He opened his eyes and looked at me in question of what next. I smiled and rubbed a hand up and down his cheek. As much as I like the texture, a beard is just not you.” He smiled faintly at me and I inwardly sighed. I leaned over and turned the faucet on and tested the temperature.

When it got warm I filled the sink and grabbed his shaving stuff. I wet a flannel and stroked his face and smiled slightly when he leaned into my caress. Reaching over I grabbed his foam and again stroked his face with some shaving foam. Again, this was something I used to do to my father, although the sexual tension hadn’t been present, but I loved shaving my dad, and I loved shaving Max. I watched in fascination as the razor glided over his face again and again. I tipped his head up slightly to do his neck and then wiped his face again. I had to admit that I was good, it was almost perfect, and Max looked reasonably normal again. When it was done, I guided him over to the mirror. He smiled slightly as he touched his face and hair, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Good as new” he said quietly. I hopped down and guided him back into his room. I sat him down and he lay down, flopping his head back against his pillow. I sat Indian style on his bed next to him and waited for him to talk.

When I realised he wasn’t I took his hand away from his face and held it in my own. “Come on Max, talk. Say something. Tell me how you are feeling. We haven’t had a decent conversation in so long. Just talk. About whatever.” Max turned to look at me. “I missed you.” He said in a calm voice. “So much. When I needed someone to just talk to. Sort out my problems.” He looked up to his ceiling. “I felt like my control was slipping away. Michael never listened to me, but when I thought that you and Kyle were together. That was hard. The summit meeting made everything more real. And suddenly I wasn’t prepared. I had no idea what was going on or anything. Isabel was drifting away from me, I didn’t feel like I knew you anymore. And Tess was there. She was always near me, supporting me. Then when Alex died I felt like I had let everyone down. Like it was my fault. I know rationally it isn’t, but at the same time.”

“And then you stated my greatest fear: That an alien was involved with Alex’s death. My world came crumbling down at my feet.” I let him talk, just stroking his hand to let him know I was there for him. “Everyone was pulling away from me. I tried getting the control back; I tried every way I could: Shouting, blackmail. I began forgetting that our group were people. Human or no, they have their freedom and I was trying to suppress that so that you would do what I wanted. I realised I was a failure. I just wanted to forget. So I turned to Tess. She made me forget for a short time and then it hit me full on. I had slept with Tess. I was no longer talking to any of our group. I finally broke down outside our house when I heard Tess was pregnant. I had screwed up. There Michael was supporting you and being the rational one and I was screwing up again and again. I just. I don’t want to be some King.”

“All my life I have wanted to be normal. I just want to hide and let it blow over, but it wont. It’s just so unfair. Why me? Why did I have to be King Liz? Why not Michael? He could handle it. I just want it to go away but it just keeps coming. Why wont it stop?” By this time he was crying openly and I held onto his hand tighter, silently crying until he finished. “And then Tess. She was going to hand us over. I had given myself to her and she was evil. She told me that I was a little boy. It’s true. And then with your parents. I just…I wish it would go away. Make it go away Liz, please.” I broke down and pulled him into an embrace.

After a while I stopped crying and sat up wiping his cheeks. “All your life you have had something over your head. And you have just done what you think you should.” I looked down briefly before meeting his eyes again. “Yeah, you fucked up a couple of times, but no one can really expect anything else. You have always been in over your head Max with no one who can really understand you. You can’t blame yourself anymore than I can blame myself for the last two years. You aren’t expected to deal with it all on your own. You have Isabel and Michael for the alien stuff, and you have me and Maria and even Kyle for the human stuff. You are, were, never alone. Even when we were arguing I would still have been there. I love you.” He burst into tears again and pulled me close. “You amaze me Liz. Again and again. I think you do understand me.” He looked at me with watery eyes. “I love you too. I know I haven’t shown that recently but I do. I always did.”

It was my turn to let out a sob. “I need you so much Max. I really need you now.” I got out between my sobs. “I will always be here Liz, always.” He went to kiss me but I pulled away. “No Max. You have hurt me. Can I really trust you not to hurt me again? My heart just keeps breaking and it is so weak now as it is. I wouldn’t be able to live if you broke my heart again. Can I really trust you?” I couldn’t do anything until I was sure. I had realised that I had to make sure before I let him in again. He nodded. “Never again Liz. Never will anything get between us. I won’t let it. I am a better person with you by my side, I can’t do it without you.” I let out another sob and pulled him close. I felt his arms slowly wrap around mine and pull me to him tightly. We just lay there, Max hugging me close to him, slowly soaking each other’s shirts, healing our faith in each other and ourselves.

*********************************************************

PART FIFTEEN

Later on we made our way downstairs to get a drink and something to eat. We both looked awful but we had now sorted out our problems and could move past it. We sat drinking a soda quietly in the kitchen when Isabel walked in. “Jesus, what happened to you two?” She asked in shock. We looked at each other and smiled slightly. “Yeah you do look kinda messed up.” Max commented. I gasped in mock offence. “Yeah well, what about you mister?! You must look just as bad as me!” I exclaimed. Isabel grabbed a drink and sat down with us. “So are you two good now?” She asked us. Max and I shared a look and nodded. “Yeah, we sorted things out. And if Max looks guilty then you have to whack him over the head ok?” I told her. She laughed and Max smiled.

That afternoon Max, Isabel and I sat on the sofa and talked everything through. I told them about Michael’s and my holiday and then we talked about the last few months. We hadn’t really been communicating then so I told them about going to Las Cruces with Maria and Michael, and how Michael had saved us, and then about how I had figured out it was Tess who had killed Alex. Max told us about Tess and how he had felt about everyone’s choices and Isabel told us about seeing Alex in her dreams. We got it all out and just talked. We were just talking about how Michael had pissed me off when the phone rang.

“I’m at the Crashdown with Kyle. Where are you?” It was Michael. “Hello?! I am annoyed at you. You aren’t supposed to call me.” I exclaimed. I could picture Michael rolling his eyes. “Look Liz, the one good thing about you over Maria and Is, is that you tell me what is wrong, however, this is stupid. Just tell me where you are.” I got annoyed again. “It’s not stupid Michael. You hurt my feelings. I thought we had become good friends, but obviously not if you find my pain amusing. Just leave me alone.” Michael sighed down the phone. “Look Liz, I am sorry. You mean a lot to me and I don’t want to lose you just when I realised what I have. It would have been funny if you hadn’t hurt yourself but you did so no I guess it wasn’t funny. I promise to take your feelings into consideration in future. I’m still new to this whole ‘nice’ thing.” I smiled. “You are the best Michael!” I exclaimed and I heard a chuckle. “Well that wasn’t hard. Are you going to tell me where you are now?”

I looked over to Max and Isabel to see them staring at me in shock. I covered the mouthpiece and asked them what was wrong. “You and Michael. That is just odd. You got him to apologise, without even nagging at him.” Isabel said astounded. I giggled and put my ear to the receiver. “I am at Max and Isabel’s.” “I was just wondering what you were doing tonight, you know, when I can expect you home.” “I don’t know Michael.” I then realised something. “Hey! You just called my home ‘home’.” “Uh, yeah. You know, slip of the tongue.” I sighed. “Look Michael, I really appreciate what you are doing but you are going to go home at some point so you might as well make it now. I have to face the fact that I am going to live there on my own for now.” I leaned further into Max’s embrace. “As much as I hate it, I am going to have to get used to it.” I could hear Michael sigh.

“Okay, fine. But you have my number if you want me ok? I am like 10 minutes away.” I smiled. “Thanks Michael.” I said warmly. “I think you made the first five of my speed dial numbers yours so I don’t think I have a problem.” Michael chuckled. “Yeah, well. I just want to make sure.” I rolled my eyes. “okay fine. Oh! Wait there a second.” Isabel was gesturing to me. “Hey maybe we could have everyone over tonight. You know, like a big thing. I smiled but Max frowned. “Actually Is, I was thinking of spending some time with Liz, if that’s ok?” He directed to me. I nodded my head. “Maybe tomorrow evening Is?” I asked. As Isabel nodded her head I could hear Michael humming an annoying tune down the phone. “What are you doing?” I asked him. “Getting your attention. You don’t leave Michael Guerin waiting.” I laughed and told him the plan for tomorrow evening.

That evening Max came back to mine. As we made our way to my room I shivered slightly. “It’s eerie without my parents here.” I commented sitting down on the bed. Max sat down next to me and pulled me up between his legs, so that he was leaning on my headboard and I had my back to his chest. “So you going to talk about your parents?” He asked me softly. “What do you want to know?” I replied. “Why you aren’t dealing with it. You have pushed it to the side to deal with everything else. But now everything is sorted Liz, you have to face it sometime.” “But why?” I asked in a small voice, turning round to face him. Max smiled affectionately. “Because you can’t start to heal if you don’t grieve.” I shrugged. “I just don’t want to talk about it.” Max kissed me lightly on the lips and got up. “Okay then.” He walked around then turned to me. “I have to say that it has been a long time since I have been in your room.” I ducked my head. “It’s the same as always.” I replied.

Max turned to me. “Yeah, but at the same time it is different. I perceive it differently.” He climbed up the bed so that he was above me. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me lightly. The kiss was gentle and loving. We weren’t ready for anything else but I sighed in happiness that we were back to this. I could have stayed mad at him but I realised how bad he felt and the truth was that I wanted him in my life. I needed him here. However, there and then I made a pact that if he ever hurt me again I would take up Michael, Isabel and Kyle’s offers to beat him up. “I can’t believe I can do that now. I can just touch you and hold you.” I smiled as I got up. “Yeah you can. Always. Just not during school hours!”

He chuckled as I went over to my desk and retrieved my journal. I pulled a box underneath my bed and placed it on the bed. “What’s that?” Max asked me looking into the box curiously. “This is my memory box. Everything in here has a special meaning.” I picked up the pendant he gave me. “See. Photo’s, special gifts, notes, letters, whatever else is in here. And now my journal is going in.” “Why?” “I wrote everything in here from the last two years. And now that part of my life is over. Michael got me a new journal so I am going to use that.” I put the journal in and closed the lid. I left it out so that I could go through it later and lay next to Max on the bed. “What’s wrong Liz?” Max said after I hadn’t said anything for a while. “I guess I am just feeling empty. Before now I always had something driving me but now there is nothing.” Max pulled me on top of him and we remained like that until evening.

That evening Max stayed until I had gone to sleep and then Michael woke me up with breakfast. As Michael came in with my favourite I sighed. I realised that they would never leave me alone, so this was what my life was going to be like from now on. So far it was just like when my parents were away, except that I didn’t get such good treatment from Michael. “So, you going to do this everyday for the next year?” I asked him as I sat up in bed and made room for Michael to sit. He shrugged. “Nah, I only get up early during the holidays. When school comes by I’ll be sleeping in everyday.” I raise my eyebrows and laugh while he digs into his plate.

We talked about what happened yesterday. I told him what had happened with Max and he shook his head. “I don’t know why you let him off that easily Liz, I would have made him sweat, if anything.” I smiled. “Yeah but Michael, I could do that but I want him in my life. Besides, he has to go through so much more than most kids, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. We don’t give him enough credit, we just expect it from him, It’s got to be tough.” Michael gave me a small smile. “Yeah, you are right. It’s true. I just expect certain things and then when he fucks up I get angry. I have screwed up enough to know that people make mistakes.” I smile. “There’s hope for you yet Michael!” He chuckled and scratched his eyebrow. “Yeah, well don’t go spreading it round. I like my ‘Stonewall Guerin’ reputation, I don’t want to lose it!” I smiled. “Your secret is safe with me. So how did things go with Maria?” Michael smiled slightly. “Uh, good. Things with Maria are good!” I smiled. “Did you kick Sean out of the house?” I asked knowingly. Michael looked up at me in shock. “Is it that obvious that I got some?” He asked me crudely. I giggled and nodded. “You may be nice to me but that smile never ever appears unless you are really really happy!”

He told me about what happened and was just trying to convince me to go to his flat to tidy it up for him when there was a tap at the window. Max and Isabel appeared. Michael whistled. “How the hell did you get Isabel to climb the ladder?” He exclaimed. Isabel gave him a glare before spotting the food on the bed. “Mmm!! Breakfast!” She grinned and stole the tray off the bed and put it on my desk. Max shook his head and sat down on the other side of the bed. “Sorry for just turning up but I wanted to see you and Isabel decided she wanted to get out of the house.” He whispered so that only Michael and I could hear but Isabel was too occupied with eating to notice. “What did you say yesterday, she has been in a better mood since then.” I shrugged. “I don’t know.” Michael shrugged. “Ah well, never mind.” Just then there was a knock on the door. Michael tutted his tongue. “Does everyone just gravitate to you Parker?” I shrugged and he went to get the door. I shared a quick kiss with Max and he settled next to me with his back to the headboard so I could lean on him.

Michael came into the room with Kyle and Maria on his heels. “Sorry, I was just coming to see you and I saw Kyle walking down the street so I picked him up. What’s going on?” Maria asked noting all the people in the room. “Uh, I really don’t know Maria” I said while giggling. Maria pushed Michael off the bed and sat in his space while Kyle gravitated towards the food. “You know, if I wasn’t your best friend and hadn’t got a call last night, I would have thought that you two were back together.’ She said pointing between Max and I. “Well we are back together, and the reason you didn’t get a call was because I was with Max last night.” Maria smiled, “but I am the first to know right?” She asked naively. I winced as Michael coughed. “Maria, look around. Do you honestly think we don’t know about it?” Michael stated.

I shot him a glare before turning back to Maria. Maria looked at Isabel. “I knew, I was the first to know!” Isabel said proudly. “Only, because we were at her house.” I rushed to fill in. Maria looked at Michael, “When did you find out?” She asked him. “Last night on the phone.” Maria sighed. “Well at least I knew before Kyle.” Kyle looked up at the mention of his name. “Actually I knew too, I was here with Michael when he called her.” Maria fumed “I can’t believe I was the last to know!” She reached over and slapped Max on his arm. “That’s because I don’t want to hit Liz and Michael is too far away.” Michael chuckled as Max rubbed his arm.

“So, not that I’m not happy that you are all in here, taking up space and eating my breakfast, but why are you all here?” I asked them. “To see you,” Was Max’s reply “Making you breakfast is habit now” Was Michael’s “Bored” Was Isabel’s reply “Yeah, bored, figured this was where the party would be” was Kyle’s response. “Had a date Chica.” Was Maria’s.

I sighed. “Okay, well now that all my friends and boyfriend has seen me first thing in the morning, I think the least you guys could do would be open the Crashdown for me while I talk to Maria. Michael, you’re in charge.” There were a few moans but they slowly shuffled out of the room. Michael left last and I jumped up to speak to him outside the door. “Do you think I should tell Maria about my childhood?” I asked him. He scratched his eyebrow. “I don’t know. Why don’t you leave it for a while? Just have a girlie chat, find out everything about last night that I wouldn’t tell you!” I smiled. “Thanks, now go make sure that Max knows what he is doing, he is the only one who hasn’t worked here before.”

I went back into my room and settled back into bed. Maria settled in next to me and we spent the next hour or so just catching up. I told Maria about the holiday and my talk with Max and Is, and Maria told me about the week without Michael and myself, and yesterday. It was nice just to catch up with Maria, she was my best friend, but lately we hadn’t been speaking as much. Maria also said that she missed it and we made a pact to see each other on our own at least once a week for a girlie night. Maria waited while I got changed and we went downstairs to help the others out.

**********************************************************

PART SIXTEEN

Two weeks had passed and I had got myself into a routine. The sympathetic looks from customers were still there, as were the whispered comments, but I just ignored them and I was fine. The other cooks and waitresses had come back yet Kyle, Max and Isabel still spent most of their time at the Crashdown. After we all went to Isabel’s and watched films, we came back to mine and just talked about everything. Alien stuff, Tess, just getting everything out in the open. Isabel then stayed over and we went through all my pictures of Alex and told each other about our experiences.

We had both been able to tell each other what he had really thought of the other, and we spent the entire night just laughing and crying over Alex. It was nice, and Isabel opened up more after that. We confided in each other that night, Isabel about how she was so scared of getting close to people and me about being to blame. We finally were able to have piece about Alex’s death and Isabel hasn’t had a dream since. She had also got closer to Maria, so our group was more together than ever before. Surprisingly enough Kyle had a heart to heart with Max, and they had resolved their issues.

However, Kyle had told him that he hurt me ever again, he wouldn’t live another day! The most surprising change was Kyle and Michael’s friendship. They had become really good friends, just hanging out watching sport. Max spent most of his time with Isabel, or me and he was also trying to find a way to save his son, so Michael had been at a lose end. I was happy that our group was ok again. I wasn’t entirely sure whether we would ever be a group of close friends, but it had happened. Michael still came over each morning to cook me breakfast, unless Maria stayed over, when he brought her along too.

I had managed to block out my parents. However, today was a month since it had happened, so it plagued on my mind all day. Michael wanted to stay the night, as did nearly all the group and finally I relented to just Michael. I thought I could handle it, but Michael was having none of it. That evening I went to sleep early, just wanting to sleep through the entire thing. I had never had nightmares about the situation. I guess I had always been able to block it. However, tonight I had a dream that I would never forget.

*** There were flashes of Tess slowly burning my parents from the inside out. “Isn’t is a shame that you don’t really know your daughter; you are going to die without knowing her. She pulled away from you in the last two years, didn’t she.” My mother screamed in agony while my dad kept silent, but looked in just as much agony. “Always running off, bunking school, sleeping with Max and Kyle. Where did your little angel go?” Tess asked innocently. “Always the pride and joy of the family. But recently her grades have been slipping. Probably because of the amount of action that ladder saw. Bet you didn’t know that. Did you.” Tess shook her head in mock disapproval.

“Little Lizzie Parker, all grown up and a slut. That isn’t that bad though is it? The worst thing is that she pushed away from you. Hasn’t spoken to you for about two years. Wouldn’t come to you when Max broke up with her again and again and again, wouldn’t come to you when Alex died.” My mother fell to the bed dead and she turned to my father. “You thought it was drugs. If you even knew. You still are convinced that it is drugs. Well I will tell you one thing: She definitely got herself mixed up in the wrong group. Michael Guerin, and Max and Isabel Evans. And me. I’m part of her group, we are friends. And the worst thing is…she asked me to do this. So she can sell the Crashdown. You could say it’s a present from me to her!

You sucked as a parent and we all know it, in fact the whole of Roswell knew it. Letting her out all night, leaving her in jail. No wonder she turned out like she did!” My father’s eyes opened wide and seemed to look directly at me as he then also fell onto the bed lifeless. Tess turned to me. “Just feeding off their ideas Liz, that was all them. Isn’t it sad that you could never say what you wanted to say to them? Imagine what they must have thought about you when they died.” Tess smirked and then disappeared. My parents then appeared. My mother looked disgusted while my father stepped forward with hate. “We wish that we had never adopted you. You should have died at the hands of your real father. You are nothing but scum. You killed your real mother and father, you killed Alex and then you killed us. How many more people are you going to kill Liz? Your entire group of friends.” ***

I screamed trying to block out his voice but it was still there. I knew it was a dream but I couldn’t get out of it, it was like I was trapped. Suddenly I was given a little shove and Michael was there hugging me while I cried and cried and cried. A while later Isabel slipped in through the window and I knew that she had been dream walking me by the tears running down her face. I turned to her still crying. “Was it true?” I asked her. “Is that really what she would have done? Should I have died at the hands of my father?”

I turned to Michael. She knew about it. She knew everything.” I told him painfully. “Michael. I saw it, I saw everything. She burned my parents while telling them about me but they were lies.” I sobbed against his chest as Isabel crawled up to be nearer to me. “I can’t believe they are gone. They are never coming back. I need them Michael, Is, how can I live without them.” Tears were pouring down my cheeks. “They must have thought awfully of me. It was true. I haven’t spoken to them in two years. Ever since Max shot me I have pulled away.” I looked at Michael. “I deserved to die when my father wanted me dead.” I cried, bursting into a new set of tears.

Michael took my head in his hands and formed a connection. I saw the dream flash through my mind into his. He pulled back. “No Liz, never. Your parents never thought any of that. I promise you and you never ever deserve to die.” He said passionately pulling me close. I cried while looking at Isabel. I knew she was confused but at the moment I didn’t care. “I want my parents Issy.” I said crying. “I want them so much!” I buried my head in Michael’s shoulder and cried. Isabel came up to sit in front of where Michael and I were sitting, me in his lap, and took one of hands in hers as I cried for the loss of my parents and my loss of innocence and time.

The next morning I awoke to find all three of us on the bed at an awkward angle. I had cried myself to sleep on Michael’s lap and they must have fallen asleep shortly after. Isabel was lying on the bed, looking the most comfortable. I could see the sun just on the horizon. I slowly got up from Michael’s embrace and put some jeans and jumper on. I slipped out of the window and down the ladder, and then took the quick walk to the cemetery. It was finally time to acknowledge their death and say goodbye. I got to their graves and knelt by them beginning to cry. “I am so sorry.” I cried. “I am so sorry for giving you grief as a daughter.”

“I tried so hard, but there were just too many things going on. I love you, I really do, and I am so sorry that because you took me in you got killed. I wish it had been me.” I could no longer talk as I succumbed to the tears. A few minutes later someone picked me up. It was Michael. He took me home as I cried silently. He carried me up the steps with me in his arms and let himself in. Putting me on the bed next to Isabel, he climbed on next to me and took me in a friendly embrace as I continued to cry. I finally looked up at Michael. “Why?” I asked him, meaning everything. Michael shook his head. “I don’t know Liz. I just don’t know.” The phone rang but we ignored it and just lay there looking at the sunrise out of the window.

Suddenly there was a noise outside the window. Max, Kyle and Maria stood on the balcony. I sat up, Michael following me as Isabel slowly woke up to the noise. They all came in and took up places around the room. “I was so worried.” Max exclaimed looking at me closely. “Isabel was gone and you didn’t answer the phone.” “Sorry, Max, more important things going on here to answer the sodding phone.” Michael spoke harshly. I looked down. Isabel sighed. “Look I am sorry for not telling you but I dream walked Liz last night and I felt I needed to get here as soon as possible. She was having difficulty getting out of the dream.” I turned to her. “That was you wasn’t it.” She nodded.

“I’m really sorry its just I wanted to make sure you were ok.” I smiled sadly at her. “For once I am glad you did it, I wouldn’t have been able to get out of it without you.” Michael sighed. “That’s true. I had been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to get you to wake up. You wouldn’t stop screaming.” Max paled and Maria came forward. “Chica you ok?” She asked concerned. I smiled slightly and glanced at Michael who was looking at my hair deliberately. “I think I have finally accepted that my parents are never coming back.” Kyle sat down. “What happened?” He asked. “Um, I had a nightmare. I don’t really want to relive it if that’s ok. It kinda hit me a little hard. I wrote it down but I don’t want to think about it again.”

Kyle nodded. “Look, I’m not really up to opening the Crashdown today. Maria can you call Laura, Jose and Michelle and tell them not to bother coming in today. I’m going to leave it shut.” Michael hugged me closer. “You have to tell Is something about your real dad.” He whispered. I glanced at Isabel who was looking at me with an unreadable expression on her face. “I guess I have to tell everyone. No more secrets and all that.” I said back. Michael nodded and I looked to Maria. She was going to take this the hardest of all of them. “Uh,” I cleared my throat, still feeling fragile from the previous night. My eyes and throat were so sore from the crying.

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PART SEVENTEEN

“One thing came up in my dream that Isabel didn’t know about. Um, that none of you know about. Uh, I told Michael when we were away but that was just because um he probably would understand it and I am ashamed of the whole situation.” I looked down and then glanced at Michael who squeezed my hand and then looked at Max. I needed his support now. Max realised that because he came and sat next me. “Uh, okay, the thing is,” I looked at Maria begging her with my eyes to forgive me. “I was adopted by the Parker’s. Um, it was a really quiet affair and was just not spoken about because of my past. That was the year we moved to the Crashdown, so people here either knew of the truth and didn’t say anything or they just assumed I was their child.”

I looked to Maria again, who was sitting on my desk looking at me with a blank expression. I started to cry. “Um, I was adopted when I was five.” I got out. “Uh, my real father was abusive towards me. One day the next door neighbour found him strangling me and I was taken away immediately. I only remember the last two or so years, and then I was taken away.” I turned to Isabel. “My real father thought I shouldn’t have lived. That’s why you saw my dad saying that.” I looked up at Michael who hugged me tighter in response. Isabel squeezed my hand. “But why did your dad want you dead?” She asked quietly. I sighed. “My real mother knew the risks when she became pregnant with me. There was a small chance that we both would live. She had been told that she wouldn’t be able to have kids so she was determined to have me. She died on birth.”

“My father never really wanted me. From the beginning he had told my real mum that he would rather keep her. But she didn’t listen.” Kyle looked at me angrily. “How could he take it out on an innocent child!” He exclaimed angrily. I smiled at him. “I don’t know Kyle. I don’t know. I tried so hard to be the perfect child. Cleaning up, being quiet and neat. I stayed in my room the whole time, just trying to make him love me. But he never did. He never saw me for who I was, just the reason that my mother died.” I never told you Maria because I was scared you would hate me. All of you. I know it sounds stupid, but I was the reason she died. It’s irrational but true, and I have always kept that thought. Alex found out because one day I was reading an article about my real father dying and he saw it. My father and I looked similar and he pointed it out. It came out.”

I turned to Max. “I thought I should have died that day. That God really did want me dead. You saved me Max, and that got you Michael and Isabel in trouble. Because of me your lives were ruined. I got Maria involved, and Kyle and Alex. If it weren’t for me Alex would be alive, as would my parents. Maybe I deserved to die then. Maria and Kyle wouldn’t be involved in it and you all wouldn’t have had the grief of the last two years. I am so sorry.” I broke down and Michael again pulled me onto his lap to comfort me. Isabel turned to the others. “The dream last night really was horrific. It has really hurt her.” I could hear her muffled voice through Michael’s shirt. I looked up at him. “I tried so hard. I did. I tried being perfect so people would love me but it didn’t work. Everyone I know gets hurt. I should have never been born!” I cried. He hugged me to him. “No, no! Liz!” He whispered to me forcefully. “We talked about this. The Parker’s loved you, you were an angel to them, and you are an angel to all of us. We wouldn’t have been able to survive without your planning.” Max took my head in his hands. “Liz, if you weren’t here, we would be dead by now. If not by the FBI then by Tess. We would have gone to Antar and then everything would be shot.”

He sat back on the bed. Isabel squeezed my hand. “If you weren’t here Liz, I would still be an ice queen. I wouldn’t have known Alex and if I had then I would still be mourning him, not dealing with it properly.” Kyle coughed. “I wouldn’t have had the pleasure of dating you, I wouldn’t have been as close to my dad as I am. He would have always thought that his dad was crazy, and I would never have a group of friends that are like a family. Liz, without you I would never have found Buddha or my inner peace.” He said it so seriously I had to let out a laugh. Maria came over to me and took my face in her hands. “Without you I would never have had the two best friends in the world. I wouldn’t have you in my life or Alex. I wouldn’t be as confident, and would have been failing in school. Without you I would never have met Michael or Max or Isabel.”

She kissed me on my forehead. “Don’ t ever think that we would be better off without you because we wouldn’t. We all need you Liz, don’t ever think that I could hate you.” I let out another sob and reached to Maria. She pulled me into a hug and whispered that she loved me in my ear. “I need you so much Liz. I couldn’t handle it if you weren’t with me, in my life.” She said sobbing. I pulled back and looked at her. I began sobbing again and leaned back on Michael’s back. Max turned to me. “If you weren’t here Liz, I would never have experience real love. I would be the idiot that I have been in the last few months.” I sent him a small smile but remained silent. Michael smiled. “Okay, how about everyone goes outside and settles in the main room. I just want to talk to Liz for a minute alone.” The others nodded and left, with Kyle shutting the door as he left.

The minute the door was closed I slid off Michael’s lap and curled myself into a small ball. Michael turned to me. “You don’t believe us.” He stated. I looked at him. “No I don’t. Everyone would be happier.” Michael stood up and began pacing. He stopped and looked at me. “That’s wrong Liz.” He said and strode over to me. He took my face in his hands and formed a connection. I saw Max, Isabel and Michael talking before I was in their life. Max was miserable, Isabel was a bitch and Michael was a stonewall. I then saw when I entered their lives and how things I had done changed them. I saw Isabel and Michael talking about me, saying that it was better they had me involved. I saw Isabel becoming friendlier and more accepting and Max slowly becoming happier.

I saw Max’s parents asking Isabel and Michael what was making him so happy, and them looking at each other and simultaneously saying my name. I then saw Michael, and his feelings. I saw that he was lonely, but once I knew and got Maria involved, he felt like he wasn’t such a freak because we had accepted him for what he is. He also slowly began to open up and let us into his heart. No longer was it just the three of them, and he realised that, and was thankful. Then I saw Michael and felt his emotions in the last few weeks. How he completely opened up to me and was happier because of it. How, through me, he formed a friendship with Kyle, and how Max had gone to see him and told him that I had reminded him that they were best friends for a reason. I felt how he saw Isabel smile for the first time since Alex died, and knew it was because of me. I saw how the group had come together in the last two weeks through me and again felt gratitude.

Slowly Michael let the connection fade. “You are so important to us, to me. Without you, I would still be the lonely bitter alien that I was when you first came into our lives. Through interaction with you and Maria and Alex, I have developed my human side. That wouldn’t have happened.” Michael shook his head. “I, we, would be in so much shit with out you here. It’s Tess, everything is Tess. Not you.” I nodded slowly. “I accept that Michael. It’s just hard. That dream was so real.” Michael nodded his head and took me in a hug. “I know, I saw it. But it was a dream. I doubt that really happened. And your parents would never think badly of you Liz. They worshipped you.” I smiled through my tears. “I guess so.” Michael smiled a small smile. “You ok?” He asked. I smiled. “Thank you so much Michael. You have been my rock in the last twelve hours, as well as the last few weeks. You didn’t have to and I just, I love you for that.” I said, beginning to cry again. I laughed. “I wish these would stop coming” I exclaimed brushing my eyes furiously. Michael put his hands up to stop me and gently wiped the tears away. “Gently Elizabeth.” I smiled up at him. “You know that I am glad that you have trusted me enough to lean on me. It meant so much today that you turned to me again and again when you were hurting. I love you too Liz.” He said bending down to kiss my forehead. “I wanted you to turn to me and you did. That means more than I can ever say.” I smiled and reached up to hug him. “I really appreciate it. You are an amazing person Michael Guerin. I am glad that you are in my life. It would be more empty without you.” Michael smiled. “That’s good to know. No one has ever said that before. I have never felt needed.” I smiled. “I will always need you.” I went into my bathroom and washed my face. I took a look in the mirror and sighed. My eyes were bloodshot and felt raw. My skin was blotchy and my nose was red. I wrinkled up my nose and dried my face. As I walked out I took Michael’s hand in mine. “I need you in my life Michel. It’s obvious that I do.” Michael smiled and pulled me into a hug. “I like feeling needed. I will always be your rock Liz. Whenever you need me.” I smiled up at him. “Come on, let’s go get some food, I am starved.” I said wearily. I opened the door and followed Michael out. When we got to the main room Kyle, Isabel and Maria came up and hugged me. I smiled at them. Then Max came over to me and took me in a gentle embrace. I sighed and snuggled deeper. He gave me a gently kiss and then gently tugged my arm over to the couch and pulled me down on top of him. I snuggled up to him and heard his whisper “I love you so much” in my ear. I looked around the group. Isabel was sitting next to me with Kyle sitting on the floor and Maria and Michael sitting in the chair opposite. I smiled at them all, this was my family.

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CONCLUSION

A year later:

I stood on the platform looking out to my fellow classmates, the Graduating class of 2002. I, being Valedictorian, was standing there about to make my speech. I looked round to my friends. I saw Isabel and Max sitting next to each other, and my lover blew me a kiss while his sister sent a grin my way. I searched for Maria and Kyle who were also sitting together due to the fact their parents had married the previous New Year. I then looked for Michael, sitting in the friends and family area. He gave me thumbs up and I smiled.

“Faculty members, classmates, friends and family.” I addressed the crowd. “This is a happy day. We, the graduating class of 2002 are witnessing the end of an era. After today, we will be spreading far across the land, but I assure you, that whatever we do, and whoever we become, we will be successful. School has been a chore at times. Fun at other times. I, for one, have experienced good times and bed times in the last four years. But overall I will look back with fond memories of the school, faculty and of you all.” I took a deep breath. “One person couldn’t be with us today, and I would like to take a moments silence in memory of him, Alexander Charles Whitman.”

“He was a special guy that not many people knew that well. But he will be remembered most for his humour and his calmness.” I took a breath and waited for a few moments in silence. “The most important feature of my life here has been my friends. I can only hope that you all had friends like I did, and I would like to thank them for being there for me; I love each one of you.” I took a breath. “So my wish to you all, the graduating class of 2002, is that whatever you do you will be happy. Reach for the stars!” I finished my speech to a loud applause. I smiled at the year and sat down in my seat.

The last year had flown by. Michael moved in with me two months after my parent’s death and decided that school wasn’t for him. He took over the Crashdown, and through him, it has become more and more prosperous. Kyle and Isabel started to date when the school year started. They are still happily together and are planning on moving in together when college starts. Maria and Michael are also happily together, as are Max and myself. We all, with the exception of Michael, have decided to go to the University of New Mexico, so that we can be near our homes.

It is only a half an hour drive and so I am going to stay at the Crashdown and Maria and Max are going to move in with Michael and myself. I can’t say that things have been easy, because they haven’t. Max soon found out that there was no way to get back to Antar, and Khivar had taken over and destroyed Antar. He hunted Nickolas down and killed him and then hated himself for a while.

He finally managed to get over it, but he felt it when his son was killed, and that hurt him a lot. Now he had reverted back to being serious, but through our group had started to open up again. Maria and Kyle had not been happy when their parents decided to get married but they enjoyed bickering at each other, so they are happy now. I still miss my family, and I sometimes get panic attacks when I think that it is all my fault. For a few months last year I went to see a therapist, but Michael or Max or one of the others are nearby and they can talk me through it. I have decided against becoming a scientist, and am going to be studying English and journalism at University. My life isn’t what I expected it to be, but I am happy with my family and that’s all that matters.

**END**

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