Name: Lilah
Title: My Favorite Mistake
Email: [email protected]
Description: Michael falls into his old patterns...can Maria hold on
to him? Future fic.
Category: M/M
The door slammed behind me, and I could smell Cyprus oil in the air.
She was home. Good. We needed to talk. The orange linoleum was freshly
mopped, and I almost lost my footing, my heavy black boots slipping slightly.
Goddam clean freak. Cheesehead. I smiled, thinking of her excitement
about us moving in together. She had completely scrubbed the place from
top to bottom, everything gleamed, and she'd been so proud. My Maria.
Kooky.
We'd been doing so well. I guess I curbed my compulsion to run, and
we settled. At least we settled as much as twenty-year-olds could.
We watched T.V after dinner. We cooked dinner. Hell, we even bought
the groceries to make dinner. We were, in my eyes, as domesticated as
you could get. For an alien and a kooky cheesehead.
Max and Liz and Izzy and Alex came over to celebrate her birthday the
other day. They all looked so stunned, so amazed that we had it together.
That the place wasn't a warzone, with us flinging insults this way and
that. I can't blame them. We've always been tempestuous. But things
have changed. Ok, not that much has changed, we still pretend to hate
each other most of the time. But lately, since the news, things have
mellowed even more. And the stares she was giving me over the birthday
cake, wow. Hot. I have to admit I couldn't wait for everyone to leave,
so I could spend time with my dorky girlfriend.
But now, I think things are gonna change. Shit, things have changed
so much lately. But I'm scared. For the first time in, like, ages,
I've got this ball of fear in the pit of my stomach. It's too much,
too fast. I have to get out for a while. She's gonna go mental. Especially
with the recent.developments. They're the real reason I've got this
urge. Because I know, that in the end, I can't be what she needs.
"Michael, is that you?" Her voice calls out from the bedroom. Even
her voice makes me go weak at the knees. Me, Michael Guerin, weak at
the knees. Not something I want spread around the halls of NMU.
"Yeah. Babe, can we talk?" I say gruffly, trying not to sound needy.
I do need her. God, I need her to take me in her arms, and cradle me
next to her breast, and tell me everything's gonna be ok. I need her
to be the person I should be for her.
"Come in here, I'm lying down." Panic wells in my throat.what's happened?
Is she ok? Quickly, I make my way down the narrow hallway, recently
painted cream. The door is ajar slightly, and her heady fragrances pull
me into the dark room. "Hey. Don't worry. I'm just tired." She's
lying there, in a singlet and panties, with the small fan going, her
hair ruffling in the artificial breeze. God she's beautiful. And she
can read my mind.
"Maria. We need to talk." She sits up slowly, a look of suspicion appearing
on her flushed complexion. Her arms behind her, she holds herself up.
"What about? Michael?" Her forehead creases in the delightful way it
has, and I hate that with four words I can do this to her. I can make
her fear everything. I hate the way she loves me so much.
"I've been thinking about, everything. And.I'm scared. I'm frigging
scared Maria. Things are changing so much at the moment. And I'm not
in control of them." She lets out a long breath, and puts her arms around
me. Her burgeoning belly makes this particularly hard, but she knows
it's the only way to comfort me when I'm like this. Pregnancy has been
hard on her. Her tiny body is struggling to support another life, and
every day she gets more and more tired.
"Spaceboy.dog breath.look. Look at me. I would hardly be lying here,
carrying your child, which may, I must point out, have disastrous consequences
on my gorgeous ass, if I wasn't completely in love with you. And that,
is all that is keeping me from completely freaking out. I'm 20 years
old. I don't want stretch marks." She's gone for the humorous approach.
One that always gets a smile, but inadvertently avoids the burning issues.
It used to be my trick. Either that or sarcasm.
"I love you too. You know that. But.I feel like running." The last
words edged their way past my lips before I could even stop them. The
look on her face was punishment enough. Still holding on to me, in fact
I think her arms even tightened, her lip quivered. She was close to
tears.
"Michael, we've come so far. Please." She pleaded, not only with her
words, but also with her eyes. Those eyes that I knew would be the eventual
death of me. So big and bright and eager. They betrayed all her emotions
so well. If only she knew that I fell for her eyes before I fell for
her.
"I just don't want you to look back in five years and say you made a
bad choice with me. That I was your worst choice. Because you deserve
more than that." I managed to spew out the worst in rapid succession,
leaving Maria sitting on the bed in a stupor.
"You think I'll regret this? Having your baby? Being with you?" I
nodded, looking at my feet ashamedly, knowing I had no right to put her
through this when she was in this condition. "To tell you the truth
Michael, it wasn't a choice. I couldn't NOT be with you. I had to be
with you. I can't sleep unless you're next to me. I don't laugh like
I do when I'm laughing with you. And this baby, that wasn't a choice
either. But it's never gonna be something I regret. Never." She reached
for my hand, took it and placed in on her stomach, stretched and amplified
with the life inside it. I could feel the butterfly movements inside
her. Our child.
"Sometimes, I just think I'll never be enough for you. I can never give
you what you need." She shook her head vehemently.
"No. You are what I need. Nothing more, nothing less. And even, when
all's said and done, we don't work out.you'll be my favorite mistake."
With that I smiled, loving the way she put things. I looked at her,
really looked at her for the first time since I'd entered the room.
Despite her weariness, she was radiant. Everyone had commented how good
she was looking. Her olive skin, stretched to its capacity over her
belly, was smooth. Her feet, with toenails I'd painted the other night,
because she couldn't reach anymore, still had faint traces of tan lines
from her favorite sandals. Her breasts added to her voluptuous pregnant
look. Pregnancy had simply enhanced her vibrancy. The white cotton
singlet, all she could bear to wear in the height of the summer, came
only over the top of her stomach. Her briefs fitted perfectly around
her still slim hips. Stretch marks or not, I loved her body, pregnant
or not pregnant.
Her hair had grown longer, reminiscent of the elementary days we spent
tormenting each other. The curls had come back, not as the spirals they
had been, but still curling at the ends. Her face, slightly fuller than
usual, was so luminous with pregnancy. She's changed in subtle enough
ways that she was still my Maria, and yet she was foreign all at the
same time.
"Stop staring and kiss me Beetle brains. I won't have any time for kissing
when baby comes." I groaned loudly, and lunged at her as gently as I
could. This, I must warn you, is not easy. Lunging is in essence, fierce,
and therefore to say I lunged carefully would be a complete contradiction.
But lunging is a lot more romantic than 'I leant forward and kissed
her'. So I lunged at her, and we kissed like we were sixteen again.
Four years on. How much had we changed? I hoped not too much. My
dumb cheesehead would never change. I guess I wont either, as long as
she's around. And until then, I'll be her favorite mistake.
My Favorite Mistake-Sheryl Crow
I woke up and called this morning
The tone of your voice was a warning
That you don't care for me anymore
I made up the bed we sleep in
I looked at the clock when you creep in
It's 6 a.m. and I'm alone
Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day I was just beginning
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake
Well, your friends are sorry for me
They watch you pretend to adore me
But I'm no fool to this game
Now here comes your secret lover
She'd be unlike any other
Until your guilt goes up in flames
Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day I've gotten used to spending
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake
Well maybe nothin' lasts forever
Even when you stay together
I don't need forever after
It's your laughter won't let me go
So I'm holding on this way
Did you know, could you tell
You were the only one
That I ever loved
Now everything's so wrong
Did you see me walking by?
Did it ever make you cry?
You're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake