Title: Gone
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Summary: Companion piece to 'Leaving'. Max is leaving...
Author Name: Liz
Email: [email protected]
Category: M/L
Distribution: All of my stuff is at Jessi's Page , and some
is at T
he Max and Liz Project.
Author's Note: In Max's POV
"I'm leaving, Liz."
The words roll from my tongue like liquid, sliding free from me before I can
even consider them. I know that they need to be said, but somehow it just
doesn't seem right, this way. It doesn't seem fair.
The phrase seems to echo emptily in the silent room, reverberating in my ears
and growing louder and louder by the moment. Why won't she say something?
Please, I need to know that you forgive me. Please forgive me.
She doesn't respond, though. She only stares. I feel like she's seeing into
my soul. I think that it can't be that bad, because I need her to
understand.
Each second that passes puts more space between us. As the minutes roll by,
I can see her floating farther and farther away.
I want to reach out for her, to pull her close to me and hold her forever,
but my arms are weighted down at my sides. I wonder if this is what leaving
will feel like.
If so, I'm already long gone.
I'm staring into her eyes, searching for some answer. Some reassurance. I
need her to reassure me, but she only stands there, silent, staring.
And then she looks away, past me, into the nothing that I know lies right
behind me. It breaks my heart.
I wish that she could just look at me.
Just look at me, Liz.
Give me a chance.
"Liz?"
I pause, and watch her.
"Say something, please."
She shakes her head. Finally, a response. Not what I was looking for.
I hold my breath, wait hopelessly for her answer that never comes.
I know that her heart is breaking.
It kills me inside.
There's no turning back, I know that.
"Look at me."
I wish that she would. I just need...something.
She doesn't, though. She just keeps staring away.
Soon I will be far away, too far to even look upon her beautiful face. But I
know that I will never forget this. The last memory I have of her, the most
painful. Everything rolled into one horrible day, one moment.
I wish that it didn't have to be this way. I wish that I could stay, that I
could take her with me.
But I can't, I won't, and in a very short while, we will say goodbye. This
time for good.
"I'm sorry."
And I am. I will always be sorry.
I know that I will never stop loving her, and I hope that some day she will
realize that she still loves me, too. I hope that she still does.
I see her as she tries not to look at me. I wish I knew what she was
thinking.
For the first time since the shooting, I can't even feel her. She's pulled
herself away.
It hits me that I will never feel her again.
I know that it will be the scariest thing I've ever expericed.
I reach out to her, needing to touch her, to feel some sort of connection
with her.
I don't want to forget the feel of her skin under my fingers.
But she won't let me touch her. She backs away, like I've burned her. My
heart breaks all over again.
The tears are fighting to the surface, and I struggle to fight them back. I
have to be strong for her. If I show how much this is hurting me, it will
only make things harder.
Aren't they hard enough already?
I watch as a tear falls down her cheek.
Please, don't cry Liz. Don't cry for me. Don't waste your tears.
"I think that you should leave."
Her words cut through me. My tears are almost overwhelming, and I have to
look away from her. Why can't I be strong? I swore to myself that I would.
I want to stay, to beg her to forgive me.
I want to tell her never to forget me.
But she has the right, doesn't she?
After all, it was my decision to leave.
I'm the one breaking my promises, and breaking her heart.
Maybe it would be better if she did forget me.
Love me, Liz. Just love me. Forever.
"Okay."
I want to kiss her, to have that one perfect thing to remember forever.
I can't do that to her, though. Or myself.
I can't just leave like this, either.
And so I lean over to her, closing my eyes as I kiss her forehead softly.
I turn then, already sketching a remembrance of her into my mind. My heart.
I will never forget her, I know. Never.
She doesn't say anything as I walk away. I pray that she will, but I am
already through the door and she still stands silent behind me.
I know that I will never see her again.
I know that I will always love her.