By KMnO4
The Long Way Home
Rating- PG
Summary- Sara takes a pause, sings like a songbird and becomes a backseat butterfly...
Lyrics by Norah Jones
You know I love you baby/ More than the whole wide world/ You are my woman/ I know you are my pearl/ Let's go out past the party lights/ We can finally be alone/ Come with me and we can take the long way home/
‘I try to think of forensics as an art form. It draws you in, and it opens up worlds you never knew existed.’ He paused for breath.
‘But remember this, you can get personal with art. Never get personal with forensics. If you let your emotions play a part in your work you compromise lives, you don‘t save them. But the evidence is the key. The evidence will speak to you, and all you have to do is learn to listen.’ There was a patter of applause.
One by one, the Harvard science majors left the lecture theatre. Until only one was left sitting in her front row seat. Gil Grissom stopped placing papers into his briefcase and looked up as Sara Sidle approached.
‘That was inspired.’ She said teasingly, making him unsure as to whether she meant it, ‘I’m sorry you’re leaving. Who’ll discuss the paradox of DNA with me now?’
‘That’s flattering Sara.’ He smiled, placing his hands on the desk, ‘I wish all your class mates, shared your enthusiasm. But I guess it’s not the job for everyone. In fact maybe that’s a good thing.’
‘Why do you say that?’ She asked with a bemused look on her face, ‘Is this the last pearl of wisdom that you’re going to leave me with?’
‘I hope not.’ He looked hard into her trusting brown eyes, ‘But Sara, you can only see so many horrific things that man is capable of, before you become a little bit horrific yourself. You’re cynical and you’re isolated because you’re sceptical of everyone.’
‘I can’t believe that’s true.’ Sara laughed a little, ‘I have to believe that in seeing the bad, we’ll finally appreciate the good.’
‘And that is why you’ll make the most optimist CSI ever’, He broke a grin and raised his right eyebrow, ‘You’ll be annoyingly chipper all day long and a nightmare to work with, for all us long standing pessimists.’
‘Right!’ Sara joked, ‘ Sidle Sunshine. Soak it up…’
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Sara’s head was bent over the worktop. At first glance it appeared that she was intently studying the blue shirt beneath her magnifying glass, but on closer inspection, the tears streaming down her face could be seen.
‘Hey Sara! Found any foreign fibres on that shirt yet?’ Nick bustled in with the case file griped tightly in his right hand, ‘I’ve been talking with the girlfriend and she still maintains that there was a struggle.’
‘Um, nothing as yet Nicky.’ She said brushing a hand swiftly across her eyes, ‘But come back in 10 and we’ll see.’
‘Are you ok?’ He asked hearing the unevenness in her voice, ‘I think you should have stayed home today Sara. That case you and Grissom worked last week was tough…even on him.’
‘You think so?’ Sara spoke quietly, ‘He didn’t seem upset to me. In fact, he acted like there was nothing for me to get so emotional over.’
‘Come on Sara. That’s not true.’ Nick put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently, ‘Grissom cares, he’s just not too good at showing it.’
‘Maybe he’s right Nick.’ Sara sighed, ‘Maybe there is something wrong with me. It gets to me every damn time! I’ve been doing this for so long, I should be better by now. I should be stronger.’
‘Don’t do that Sara.’ Nick drew her into a hug, ‘Don’t beat yourself up. The fact that it still hurts after all this time is a good thing. It means you’re still human, you still care and you still have the hope that there are better people out there. People who don’t rape, don’t beat, don’t kill.’
‘It’s just so hard.’ Sara looked up at him, ‘What if I’m not strong enough? Not good enough to help them? The victims. The women who could have been me.’
‘Sara we’re a team. You’re never alone.’ Nick spoke sincerely, ‘What we do. We do together. We won’t work apart. Grissom’s the brain, Catherine’s the mouth, Warrick’s the eyes, I’m the ears and Sara you know what you are?’
‘No...but I’m sure it’s replaceable.’ She said softly.
‘You’re the heart, Sara. We need you to keep us alive with your determination and your spirit. And no, you’re not replaceable.’ Nick smiled. ‘We wouldn’t survive a transplant.’
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Grissom had never meant to become affectionate towards one of the youngest members of his team. He would like to think that it was simply a mild case of lusting, but he would find himself admiring little things. The gap in her teeth, the frown lines on her forehead and the way she would make her coffee. That was bad. Very bad.
So when she wasn’t at work the next day, he noticed. Ringing her apartment, he found that there was no answer and began to worry. First that she had been hurt, but then that maybe she was with someone special. He didn’t know which thought was more frightening. He had to find out what was wrong, so left his office in search of some answers.
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Sara heard ringing that sounded like it was coming from far away. Turning onto her back she realised that her head had been underneath her pillow. By the time she got to the phone, it had stopped. She knew it was work but she wouldn’t go in today. Nick was right, she needed a break. If that got Grissom worried…all the better. At least he was finally feeling something.
She climbed back into bed, but knew it would be a while before she could go back to sleep. She smiled, five minutes that’s it. She would think about him for only five minutes. Gil Grissom. Butterflies were followed by an ache. God Sara, I have so many unanswered whys…she remembered his first words to her on the day she arrived from San Francisco. So full of the spirit and determination Nick had reminded her of. But now all she felt was drained.
She knew Grissom thought that he was too old for her, always had. But Sara didn’t see it that way, age was just a part of who they were as people. He acted like it was everything, and when that excuse ran out, he’d play the supervisor card. Did he really think he would be taking advantage of her? She was giving herself to him on a plate!
Yet those thoughts were dangerous ones. The kind that made for heartbreak. She shook her head, resolving to get him off her mind for the next 24 hours. That was until she heard the door knock. What followed next was so ironic, she should have guessed it would happen.
‘I rang but you didn’t pick up.’ Grissom said boldly at first, but his voice caught in his throat at the sight of her. She had on a white cotton top with check pyjama bottoms. It wasn’t what he’d always pictured her wearing in bed, but it made him wish he could pick her up and join her there. Instead, he forced himself to continue speaking, ‘I spoke to Nick’.
Sara sighed and shrugged her shoulders dejectedly, ‘You better come in…’
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It had been 20 minutes since Sara invited him in, she hadn’t said a word since. She looked angry, but even more than that…tired. Now that he’d got over the initial hurdle of seeing her outside of work and entering her home, he found himself speechless.
She wanted him to say so many things to her, too many to ever be satisfied with the words that finally came out of his mouth. ‘So you should take a break, maybe even a vacation. Is there someplace you’d like to go?’
Sara drew in her breath, ‘And who should I go with Grissom?’ Silence was the only reply she received. He shifted uncomfortably on her sofa, making her dangerously aware of how close he was.
Sometimes she wished they had met in another life. A simpler time with no expectations. But she was sensible and realistic, she didn’t believe in all that new age stuff. It must have been her mother’s influence coming through.
Grissom coughed, snapping her out of her reverie. ‘Do you want something to drink?’ She asked trying to fill the void. ‘I’ve got water, beer or…well that’s about it. I don’t really, um, do this kind of stuff I guess.’
‘What kind of stuff?’ He replied, raising an eyebrow. ‘Your place is your own Sara, you don’t have to justify yourself to me. I’m not judging for the best home of the year award or anything.’
‘Right.’ She answered flatly, before walking off to the kitchen. She returned a few moments later with a glass of water. ‘Here you go.’ He thanked her quietly and started to drink.
‘Look Grissom,’ she began, ‘I don’t want or need an extended holiday. I’m not looking to slow down and I definitely don’t want to stop altogether. Just think of this day off- as a pause.’
‘A pause?’ He repeated sceptically.
‘Yeah.’ She finally smiled. ‘So…imagine I don’t exist for the day.’ She took the glass from his hands and ushered him towards the door. Once he was safely on the other side she whispered, ‘That should be easy for you.’
Standing 6 inches away her, separated only by a plank of wood, Grissom found his reply. ‘I can’t Sara, I can’t.’
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‘Can I talk to you?’ Catherine asked, causing Sara to look up from her seat in the locker room. ‘I hope you enjoyed your day off Sara, you looked like you needed it.’
‘Thanks.’ She replied, not quite sure how to take the comment, ‘It was good. I guess you don’t appreciate how much you need a rest, until you actually stop working, and feel the ache.’
‘Right…so you had time to think?’ Catherine questioned. ‘Clear your thoughts and consider certain things.’
Sara shot her a puzzled look.
‘What things would you be referring to Catherine?’ She raised her eyebrows, ‘They don’t sound very work related.’
‘Well, they’ve been affecting our working environment.’ Catherine quipped back, ‘That’s pretty damn related, if you ask me…’
‘I didn’t.’ Sara said curtly. ‘Look, if you want to ask me something about my personal life then go ahead do it, if not…’ she got up and brushed past her, ‘I’ve got to get back to work.’
Catherine rolled her eyes, in the empty locker room and said aloud, ‘I was just sick of Gil mopping around here yesterday, looking all melancholy. But that’s what I get for trying to help!’
‘Trying to meddle don’t you mean.’ Warrick’s voice cut in, as he came out of the shower room. ‘When are you gonna learn Willow’s…nosy doesn’t suit you.’
‘But apparently it’s fine for you!’ Catherine exclaimed, ‘You were eavesdropping.’
‘Hey, you can’t blame a guy for wanting to remain hygienic.’ He grinned, ‘Anything I happened to overhear was totally out of my hands.’
‘Oh right!’ Catherine said smiling, ‘That’s why you had the fosset on low, right…you were too much of gentlemen to interrupt?’
‘You know me so well.’ Warrick laughed, and finally, so did she.
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‘You’re back.’ He said surprised.
‘Don’t be so shocked Nick.’ Sara said smiling, ‘Just because you didn’t believe I’d ever take a day off, doesn’t mean I’m planning on running away too!’
‘Of course not.’ He laughed. ‘I missed you yesterday. But I’m glad you got some time to yourself. Will you come out for a drink tonight?’
‘Um, I don’t know.’ She hesitated, not wanting things to go back to the way they were before. Work, drinks and home alone. ‘Who’s going?’
‘The usual suspects…’ Nick replied grinning, ‘Catherine if she can get a baby sitter, Warrick, Greg-’
‘Greg!’ Sara exclaimed. ‘Since when has he been part of the line up?’
‘We needed someone to replace you at Rick’s last night.’ He said guiltily, ‘There was that quiz competition. Remember?’
‘Oh.’ She muttered. ‘Well I guess it would be rude to dump him now.’
‘Well after one night with you…’ Nick joked. ‘He’ll be happy for life.’
She playfully hit him on the arm, ‘Don’t be gross Nicky. So, anyone else.’
He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to elaborate.
‘Grissom?’ She asked quietly.
‘Grissom goes out?’ Nick questioned back.
‘Right.’ Sara returned, smiling, ‘I forgot that joke.’
‘So you’ll be there.’ He asked, looking at her hopefully.
‘Fine.’ She sighed, watching him rejoice. ‘But don’t get too excited, I’m not going to pretend to be your deaf sister again, to help you get women!’
His grin faded slightly. ‘We’ll see…’ He said under his breath as Sara walked off in the direction of Grissom’s office.
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Sara raised her hand to knock on his open door, but suddenly decided against it. Instead she watched him work, trying to search him over and find that one thing that made her so incapable of getting over him.
But it was everything, too much to single out and describe.
‘Grissom?’ She said softly.
He lifted his head disbelievingly, ‘You’re back?’
Grissom had thought the day off would have mellowed her out a bit, allowed her to relax. But it seemed to be wearing off already. ‘Sorry. I’m not really I guess. Look, here’s your assignment. You’re on with Nick.’
Sara scanned the case file, ‘You need the both of us for a radio shack robbery?’ She sighed, ‘Come on Grissom. Get real.’
‘Fine. You’ll have to work with me then.’ He watched her face, trying to gauge her reaction. ‘If you want to.’
‘Of course.’ She replied. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’ Sara arched her brow defiantly, before adding, ‘But then you should really agree to come out for a drink with us tonight.’
‘What?’ Grissom said, almost as shocked as she was at herself for asking.
‘Everyone’s going.’ She said trying to sound as confident as possible, not looking directly into his eyes. ‘Please come.’ She prayed he wouldn’t make her repeat the offer.
‘Um, Ok.’ He said after a long pause. ‘So you can go and familiarise yourself with the case, then check in with Greg on our evidence.’
He swapped case files with her, flashing a quick smile. She returned it before quickly exiting the room and closing his door.
Gil Grissom sat back in his chair, shaking his head and wondering what had just happene. He could be wrong, but he believed that he’d just agreed to see Sara outside of the lab…even if the rest of the team would be there too.
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She looked her outfit twice over in the mirror. A deep necked purple vest with low slung dark jeans. She had kept them in her locker for a month, waiting for an occasion to bring them out. But drinks with Nick and Warrick, didn’t usually warrant the effort.
Twisting her hair upwards, she fastened it at the top with a ornate butterfly clip. She smiled slightly, knowing he would get the message. Taking out some plum coloured lipstick, she applied the finishing touches to her ensemble.
‘Sara?’ Catherine asked loudly. ‘Is that you! Wow! You look really great. Is that a new top or something?’
She shrugged and replied awkwardly, ‘Not really. It’s just something I had lying around.’
Catherine raised her brows disbelievingly. ‘Well if you say so. In that case you shouldn’t have waited so long to bring it out into the light of day!’
Sara closed her locker and grabbed her purse. ‘So, I’ll see you at Rick’s?’
Catherine nodded, taking off her boots and swapping them for some strappy sandals. ‘I’ll be five minutes behind you. But the boys have already left.’
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She spotted them immediately, squashed into a corner booth. But they didn’t see her until she appeared in front of their table.
‘Damn!’ Warrick said. ‘Sara?’
‘I’ll second that.’ Nick added as Greg just blinked and gulped.
‘Relax.’ She laughed. ‘Don’t make a big deal guys. I just felt like a bit of a change.’
They exchanged sceptical stares but said no-more.
‘So what’s on tonight?’ Sara asked, hoping to change the subject.
‘Open mic night baby!’ Greg bellowed, finally coming to life. ‘I’ve already prepared a little number of my very own.’
‘Spare us!’ Nick and Warrick exclaimed, laughing.
Just as things were beginning to lighten up. Catherine arrived and she wasn’t alone.
‘Look who I found skulking around outside.’ She said smiling, before taking a seat next to Warrick at one end of the booth, and pushing Grissom in next to Sara, at the other.
‘I wasn’t skulking. I was just making sure I had the right place.’ He said quietly, noticing how close Sara was sitting to him and the different way she had arranged her beautiful brown hair.
‘Well, um, at least you made it right.’ Sara interjected, reaching for one over to the stash of beers in the middle of the table.
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They had been there two hours. During that time they had consumed a lot of alcohol, endure two songs from Greg and a country love duet from Nick and Warrick. It was getting late and Sara knew that time was running out. Grissom had spent the first half hour, fidgeting in his seat and flinching every time their legs brushed.
After her fourth bottle, Sara was feeling dangerously fearless. She excused herself for the ladies room and lingered longer than necessary in Grissom’s lap while making her exit. But it was on her way back, while passing the stage that the trouble really struck.
Flying with her impulses she went up to the hostess and asked for a look at the song list. As the lights dimmed, the four CSIs all had their attention focused on the animatedly mumbling lab technician, who had proved himself to be quite the light weight drinker.
It was Nick who first recognised the voice which rose over the crowed bar, carrying an unwavering melody. He had heard it over a microscope in the lab or during lunch in the break room, many a time. All eyes turned to look at what was holding his fascination.
On seeing Sara, sat in the spotlight, eyes closed and so captivatingly singing. Grissom’s jaw dropped a few feet.
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She returned to the table amid a shower of applause and several offers of marriage from nearby strangers. Blushing profusely, she sat back down beside Grissom.
‘I had no idea.’ He said softly. ‘Sara, you were-’
When words ceased to come, the others filled in the blanks. ‘Awesome’ ‘Amazing’ ‘Off the hook’ ‘On fire’. But it was his praise that she wanted to hear.
Hoping to invoke more of a reaction, she downed the last of her beer and sighed, ‘Well, I’m going to get going, because I have some things to take care of.’
‘Really?’ Grissom’s face fell momentarily, she could see his mind racing. ‘Well, I don’t think you should drive Sara. You had quite a bit to drink tonight.’
Bingo. She smiled. ‘Well no-one looks ready to go.’ She indicated towards her co-workers who were engaged in a rowdy drinking game, involving tequila.
‘I could take you.’ He said hesitantly, not believing that for the second time in one day he had agreed to spend personal time with her. That was dangerous territory.
‘Oh, you could.’ She got up and grabbed her purse. ‘Well then let’s go.’
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Who knew silence like this could exist. It hung so heavy in the air, that she could almost reach out and touch it. Her body was tense and alert, sensing for the slightest movement. He would frown over the steering wheel, gripping it tightly between his fists. Her heart would flutter.
Halfway home, she realised that the time was passing far too quickly. This time, she wouldn't blind him with her talents, she would attempt a slow approach. 'Actually, you can turn here Grissom, we'll take Cedar Oak.'
Knowing that this way was much longer, he looked at her momentarily. When he saw the flicker of vulnerability that passed over her face, he slowly indicated and turned.
She looked out of her open car window, watching the trees pass her by. Inside she was frantically thinking, but her once quick mind was letting her down. 'Will you stop.' She asked suddenly. 'Stop the car please, Grissom. I need to get out.'
He pulled over into a little inlet by some hedges on the side of the road. Looking on with a mixture of concern and fright, he watched as she leap from her seat and flew out into the night. 'Sara!' He called out, but his words returned to him in the emptiness.
Some moments later, he found her sitting on piece of granite rock. She had her back to him and her head was held in her hands. The all too familiar sound of a woman crying, came to Grissom's ears. But Sara's voice was so different from anything he'd heard before.
It felt like a part of him cried with her, and he didn't know why. Nothing about the way he felt for her made sense. He was lost and couldn't find his way towards her or away from her. He was stuck in limbo. Self inflicted purgatory right here on earth.
As the knowledge of Grissom's presence came upon her, Sara stopped crying and lifted her head. Only a few feet away from each other, she could feel the heat he let out comforting her. She reached out behind her, groping for his hand. Before knowing what he had done, he gave it to her.
She felt her way up the length of his arm, savouring the soft fabric of his shirt. Pulling him down to her, she gasped as his lips touched the back of her neck. It was barely a kiss, shared between them. Yet it was enough to ignite a spark which overpowered them both.
Without warning, she was on her feet and assaulting him with fevered kisses. The corners of his mouth and gradually his lips. Breathing quickened and the beating of hearts rang loudly in their ears. It was so that she couldn't work out where her's ended and his began.
He too was standing now and drew her into him. They were unconsciously stumbling backwards, towards the abandoned SUV. Her hands attacked his chest and back, as he moaned into her kisses. When he felt the car door behind him, he began fumbling with the handle.
In a twist of sighs and caresses, they fell into the backseat. Sara drew in her legs to shut the door and Grissom pulled her towards him, gently fingering the clip in her hair. It was then he whispered his first words since offering to drive her home, 'I guess you're, my backseat butterfly, Sara.'
She looked into his eyes in amazement, loving him completely in that instant. Shifting her weight so that he lay on top of her, she quickly loosened the clip from her hair and threw it onto the dashboard. Wanting to leave a memory of herself behind for him to hold onto.
He murmured softly as he ran his fingers through her hair, and gently lifted off her top. Sara couldn't stop smiling, inspite of the tears forming in her eyes. She reached for the buckle of his belt and sighed into his chest. Their clothes were shed, faster than they could work to remove them.
Then hopelessly crushed in back of Grissom's SUV, they made love to for the very first time. It was achingly sweet and too much to express with their bodies alone. Laying intertwined, covered with a softer more satisfying silence, Sara breathed out quietly, 'I'll say I love you. But Gil, you know it's so much more than that.'
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They sat together in his small wooden chair, ignoring the fact that it groaned beneath them. She was on his lap, her legs hung lazily over the side. Lifting up her fingers, she traced the worry lines on his forehead, gently smoothing them out.
He reached for her chin, interrupting her little reverie. Bringing their lips together in a chaste and fleeting kiss, he audibly sighed. Allowing her to return to her previous occupation, he began to work his fingers through her hair, pausing at the nape of her neck.
Stroking became caressing, and soon it was a full on assault. Their bodies became tangled up in the chair. Her hands flew to the buttons of his shirt, and he gazed longingly at the waistband of her trousers.
Realising themselves, they suddenly sprang apart. She worked to smooth down her hair and he redid his buttons, trying to think of things like cold showers and dry rot. But he could still glimpse her out of the corner of his eye, inviting him by simply being.
He smiled and raised an eyebrow suggestively, knowing it would make her laugh. She erupted, just as his door began to knock and Catherine Willows entered. ‘Gil? What’s so funny? I’ve got your-’
She turned to the corner of his office, noticing Sara practically doubled over in a fit of hysterics. ‘Sorry Catherine, I was just going.’ She gasped out between giggles, not knowing what had come over her these last few months.
‘Don’t worry. I’m not stopping, I just came to hand in this case file before I went to pick up Lindsey.’ Catherine shot Grissom a bemused look, and left grinning to herself. She had seen it in his eyes, all she needed to confirm her long held suspicions. Grissom and Sara, were in love.
As soon as the door shut, he crossed the room. Taking her up into his arms, laughing softly, he whispered into her hair, ‘We’d better go home before you really start to make a scene.’
She turned in his embrace, so that their faces were inches apart. No longer laughing, she placed her hands onto his cheeks and kissed him softly. ‘Ok, but only if we can take the long way home.’
He smiled and replied, ‘Of course.’