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An online haven where Grissom Sara Romance is free
to flutter ... By KMnO4 Pictures of You Rating- PG Summary- A scrapbook of Geek Love... Lyrics by Maroon 5 It’s not always rainbows and
butterflies/ It’s compromise, that moves us along/ My heart is full and my door’s
always open/ You come, anytime you want/ I don’t mind spending everyday/ Out
on your corner in the pouring rain/ Look for the girl with the broken smile/
Ask her is she wants to stay a while/ And she will be loved/ And she will be
loved/ She turned her head and smiled at him. It
was broad, showing the gap between her two front teeth. He had always loved
that smile, it seemed to emanate from deep within her heart. Though it
sounded silly to admit it, he felt like she reserved it just for him. She laughed gently and winked at him. Then
she returned to her previous occupation, letting the coarse grains of sand
run through her fingers, falling onto her long legs. It made him happy to see
her so relaxed. Without the familiar signs of tension which she had worn like
a second skin, for so many years. Seeing her this way, made him even more
confident of his decision. He wanted this moment to last longer than a
weekend or a two week vacation. It just wasn’t enough for him anymore. He
wanted forever, and soon he would have it. She tucked her legs up beneath and rested
her chin on top of her knees. Her fingers drew lazy circles in the sand. He
lifted his camera, and captured her. Wanting to remember this instant, so
that he could go back to it in times when he needed courage. Getting on her hands and knees, she
crawled over to him. Gently lifting the camera from his hands, she wrapped
his arms around her waist. Closing her eyes and softly kissing him just below
the chin, she caught his surprised expression of joy, with a satisfying
click. He hated having his picture taken, but she
liked to see his face when he wasn’t around. So they compromised. That was
love. Later he stood by the shore, his feet
gently caressed by the undertow. He had his hands buried deep in his pockets
and she could see he was lost in thought. He listened to the endless stream of
waves, breaking against the bleachers. He loved the sound. It reminded him
that his life was no more than a drop in the ocean. The size of his worries,
began to shrink in the vastness of it all. Taking in a deep breath, he turned to go
back to her. But finding her standing just behind him, he looked at her in
bemusement. It was then he saw the stranger in front of them. ‘I begged him to take a photograph of the
two of us.’ Seeing his inquiring look, she added softly, ‘It wouldn’t be fair
to leave them without a hint.’ He stroked the back of her hand, which was
lying on his shoulder. ‘You’re right.’ He smiled, ‘You always
are.’ He kissed her just below her ear, as she handed the camera to the man.
Settled back into his embrace, she whispered into his lips, ‘Say Cheese.’ Three
months later Detective Jim Brass surveyed the room
which lay before him. After years of working side by side with a team of top
criminalists, he had learnt a thing or two about gathering evidence. The blonde in the corner, sat reading one
of the numerous varieties of fashion magazines that an image obsessed society
had to offer. While, two men were lazily placed around a central table,
animatedly discussing the outcome of last night's big game. 'Evening all.' Brass announced, snapping
them out of their idle pass times, ' I see I chose the wrong job. Obviously,
if I wanted to sit around doing nothing all night, CSI was the way to go.' Catherine put down her copy of Vogue, and
raised a sceptical pair of brows in his direction. 'I'll pretend I didn't
hear that Jim. I know you have an embarrassing tendency to speak first, think
later.' Warrick smiled, and Nick laughed aloud,
before addressing the older man directly, 'For your information detective. We
are waiting for the rest of our team to arrive, they should have been here
twenty minutes ago.' A glint developed in the corner of his
eye, indicating he understood the couple to whom Nick was referring, 'Our
resident love birds?' Brass voiced rhetorically, eliciting a wry smile.
'Well, it's not like them to be late. Even with their recent consummation of
unspoken passion, they've always been punctual.' The room was silent. Catherine was the
first to snap out of the shock induced trance, that had descended over the
group, 'Jim, stop reading your daughter's old romance novels, and please
never create imagery like that for me again!' Brass made his way across the room towards
the coffee machine, but paused to take up the unopened packet of Blue
Hawaiian that lay on the side. He was just about to begin pouring it into the
filter, when he caught sight of a small envelope which lay beneath it. Everyone turned to face him as he began to
read aloud, 'I know you will be surprised, to find us gone. We could offer a
hundred and one explanations, but among friends words are never enough.
Instead, we'll say these were some of the best years of our lives and we'll miss
you. I promised there would be no cake, but my wife convinced me to leave
some Greg Sanders approved coffee. Come and find us some time, Love Grissom
and Sara.' A picture was passed, from person to
person. A kiss and an embrace, between two people which seemed like such a
small act but spoke volumes. It was more than giggled gossip around the lab,
and apparently more than a decade of pent up frustrations. In that photograph
they saw the same thing, and no-one could deny it's presence. Grissom and
Sara were in love. They were married and they were gone. This time, it was Nick who spoke first.
His voice filled the suddenly desolate break room, echoing against the walls,
'Well, I would have expected an invite to the wedding!' They erupted into
harmonious laughter, and Catherine wiped a stray tear from the corner of her
eye. Weeks later as they each sat miles apart
with another shift over, memory approached them all. Nick, thought of the
smiles Sara would give over a shared beer and problem. How a bear hug from
her, could brighten up your day. Warrick remembered Grissom’s hand on his
shoulder, or the pat on his back when he had done well. He had never had the
best of father’s, but he felt over the years he had found an apt surrogate. Catherine combed out Lindsey’s hair,
surrounded by all the new toys her position as supervisor had brought. She
smiled, thinking of all that time her two friends had wasted and how she had
seen through their charade, right from the very start. Brass pulled up outside his estranged daughter’s
apartment, ready to lay old demons to rest. He silently thanked the once
isolated and emotionless man he had known well, for proving that love held
the power to change. Out in his garage, carefully packing his
truck for the next night’s shift, CSI Greg Sanders paused to listen to his
favourite song. Naturally it was all about a girl, and it brought one in
particular to mind. He hoped she was happy, he knew she was
loved Five years later Sara tossed and turned in
bed. Awaking suddenly in a cold sweat, the screams of a female victim- still
echoed in her mind. A strong pair of arms, rose to tug her gently into their
embrace. For a moment she was confused, back in ‘That way when I wake up in a cold sweat, hearing Kaye’s
screams, you can tell me it’s nothing, just empathy’ The next morning she lay
in bed, listening to the sounds of Grissom’s early morning routine. Usually
she was up and about with him, getting under his feet. Abruptly, his
toothbrush fell with a clink back into it’s holder, and she knew that he
would be preparing to rinse. Sara patted her stomach
absent mindedly, still surprised by it’s swell. Now in her third and final
trimester, it would not be long before a new addition entered their little
family. Her job as supervisor on the Boston CSI dayshift, was put on hold
while she took her maternity leave. Grissom had often joked, that he would
take time off from But she knew he loved his
work, and even the energetic young students that came along with it. So she
understood his absence, though naturally she would have loved to spend a
couple of months in bed with him. ‘Sara, are you sure you’re ready to do this? We can
wait. I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks. I don’t want to
rush this.’ She moved across the couch, taking the wine glass out if his
tense hand, she replaced it with her own. Kissing him lightly on the corner of his mouth, she
replied, ‘Grissom I’ve been waiting over a decade to be with you. We couldn’t
have taken this slower if we tried. I love you. Please say you want to be
with me too.’ His lips answered her, as they gently covered her
neck. After he had left for
work, she sat alone at their kitchen table, looking out at the soft white
flakes. Sometimes she missed the sunshine on the west coast, but secretly she
knew it would never compare. Years before, when she had studied at Harvard,
she came to love the way the snow would create a whole new world over night.
Pure and Flawless- a land of second chance. Later, she busied herself
arranging the house, changing the order of her husband’s butterfly
collection. It always made her smile, to see that he noticed. Upstairs the
scent of fresh paint filled the air, from the baby’s sweet yellow nursery.
Sara smiled, thinking of the surprise shower, Grissom had thrown for her last
week. It had felt good to see
all her old friends again. They really didn’t get to spend as much time
together, as she would have liked. Nick had teased her growing bump, going
dutch with Warrick on a large, stuffed Giraffe. Lindsey was keen to rub Sara’s
stomach at every possible opportunity, asking her mother in amazement if she
was really ever that small. While putting away Grissom’s
clean socks, her eyes were drawn to the framed photograph which lay on top of
the chest of drawers. It had been their gift from Greg. She hadn’t even
remembered that he had taken it, at the annual department ball. It was
officially their first outing as a couple. They were dancing close, and had
that tell tale glow on both their faces. The memory brought about a soft
smile. In the distance, she heard
the shrill ring of the telephone, snapping her out of her daydream. Picking
up the handset, she answered instinctively, ‘Hi, darling.’ A short pause followed,
and it was broken by a low laugh. ‘Sara. How did you know it
was me? You could have been saying that to the cable guy.’ She knew he was grinning
widely, on the other end of the line. ‘Don’t be silly Griss, you
know the cable guy never calls.’ He happily sighed in
response. ‘Plus, I know I have a
lovably paranoid husband, who thinks that a hundred-and-one possible
calamities, could befall me in his absence.’ ‘Is that your way of saying
I worry too much?’ He asked teasingly. ‘Because if you want, I’ll take
Professor Hastings up on his dinner offer for tonight. I was looking forward
to further discussing, the influence of climatic changes on the validity of
entomological evidence in homicide cases.’ He waited for the adorable
laugh he knew would follow. When she had regained
control of her senses, he added, ‘I’ll bring home that fresh mozzarella and
olive pizza, you and the baby go crazy for, if you like.’ She smirked, and replied, ‘What’s
in it for you?’ He gasped loudly, in mock
surprise, ‘Sara Grissom! Is it a crime for me to want to see my wife’s beautiful
smile.’ She giggled gently, ‘Well
forget the Pizza then, just bring yourself back here. You can bask in it for
free, or at least at a discount rate. I might charge you a few kisses and a
back rub.’ Grissom murmured his
delighted appreciation at her proposal, ‘Who needs Professor Hastings? I’ll
hurry home! You’ve always been an impossible temptation honey, but I love you.’
She happily rolled her
eyes and returned, ‘I love you too Gil. I’ll see you later.’ After waiting for his
endearing goodbye, Sara placed the phone back in its cradle. Then gazed once
again at the image of their first breathtaking dance, before returning to her
small mound of freshly washed laundry. Five years later It was one of the first
warm days of the year. The sun caused the world around them to shine in a
fresh light. Trees stretched their young shoots into the air, flowers were in
blossom and birds warbled their beautiful songs. It was a Saturday, and that
afternoon they would celebrate their daughter’s fifth birthday. Sara was inside the
kitchen, baking the cake, a true domesticated women inspite of herself.
Looking out of the window, she could see Emily jumping around her father
excitedly. A quick snap, and the image was captured on film, a beautiful
addition to their album. Placing the camera back down on the counter, Sara
continued to watch their little world unfold. Gil had promised Emily a
new swing and they were currently engrossed in hanging it up in the large
oak, which lay at the bottom of their yard. She smiled at the sight of them.
Sara had never seen such adoration in a tiny child before, as she beamed up
at her daddy. Though he was reluctant to
admit it, Grissom was equally besotted. His baby girl had been able to twist
him around her little finger, since the day she had been born. The most frightening
day of his life- and yet the most joyous. 'I can't believe she's ours.' Grissom whispered to
his tired but glowing wife, 'We made her Sara, and she's so perfect.' He kissed the tiny face, which peeped out of a
swaddle of white blankets. A fluttering gurgle erupted, in place of the
expected sea of wails. Emily Marie Grissom never cried with her father. Sara had thought she had
passed the best five years of her life, in the time she had spent alone with
Gil. But Emily's arrival made it all perfect, in that complete kind of way.
She even brought out a new side to her father, which inspired more of Sara's
love and respect than ever before. She resembled them both in
so many ways, with her mother's dark eyes and Grissom's formerly fair hair.
He said that when she smiled, it was pure Sidle. 'What's this?' Sara fingered the velvet covered box
that he held out towards her. 'Oh Griss! It's so beautiful. I don't know what to
say.' The tiny diamond glistened in the bright 'Sara. I love you.' He paused, trying to transform
his feelings into apt words, 'After a while, I gave up hoping that I could
ever be with anyone. That I could ever be with you. But you never gave up on
me. You trusted me, when I couldn't even trust myself and if you'll let me,
I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Will you marry me?' She bent down and kissed him hard on the mouth,
knocking the speech from his lips. Then, looking him full in the face, she
turned on her brightest Sara Sidle smile-the one he would forever own-and
said without a murmur, 'Yes Gil. I will marry you. I love you.' The door flew open as her
daughter swept into the room, followed closely by her panting husband. Emily
was chatting a mile a minute, with so many words to get out, that she
scarcely stopped for breath. Sara never ceased to be amazed by how smart she
was. At barely ten months old
she had uttered her first 'da da', drew pictures with her mother at 2 years
old, and now just turning five, would spend hours reading books with her
father. It was no wonder Gil was bursting with pride. However, the entomological
gene appeared to have skipped a generation. Although she didn't admit, Sara
was relieved that Emily didn't share her daddy's interest in creepy crawlies.
That was only cute once, on a curly haired, blue eyed social recluse. 'Mommy it was the most
awful thing I have ever seen. It was huge, like a giant.' Emily stretched her arms
wide and frowned. 'It was sitting right on
my swing. Doesn't it know it's my birthday? You said that's my special day,
so shouldn't I get to sit on my swing?' Sara laughed at her
daughter's sense of logic. 'That's true honey. But
maybe the fly doesn't understand that the way we do.' She watched as Gil raised
an eyebrow in delight. 'I bet you that daddy
could tell you that fly's special name though. Then we could write him a
letter of complaint. Very officially.' Emily grinned and turned
towards her father, 'Could you really? Is it a long name, like all your other
bugs?' 'Sure it is.' Grissom began to organise
his thoughts, carefully focusing on the part of his mind, riddled with years
of meticulous insect research. But nothing came. He frustratedly rubbed his
face, now free from the beard, which used to tickle Emily's soft cheeks as a
baby. 'It was a black blowfly.'
He said slowly, still drawing a blank. 'You mean 'Phomina Regina'
Gil?' Sara answered, but she kept her tone playful, knowing how he hadn't
forgetting things. ‘Look Emily, we've made
daddy tired with all our excitement. I guess he won't be wanting any cake...'
A smile began to twitch at
the corner of Gil's mouth. 'You wouldn't do that!' He cried in mock dismay,
'I'd have to do something about it.' He pulled Sara into a
tight embrace. 'Payement as usual? Will the charge be, five quick kisses or
one slow one?' She teasingly twirled his
greying curls around her index finger, before saying, 'We'll negotiate.' He met her halfway in a
gentle kiss. But before they knew it, their intimate bubble was burst by a
tugging on Grissom's leg. He looked down to see a giggling Emily, staring
back at him. 'Daddy, you and mommy
cannot kiss right now.' She sighed loudly. 'You do that all the time! Let's
have some cake.' Sara and Grissom smiled,
reaching down they each took one of their daughter's little hands into their
own and replied happily, 'Yeah butterfly, let's have some cake.' Five years later Looking at the man that
sat in front of them, Sara could feel her longheld fears rising up inside of
her. Dr.Matthews expression was as placid as ever, but his eyes betrayed a
sense of pity, which she found to be foreboding. She grabbed Grissom's hand
and squeezed it lightly. Hoping that a little physical contact, would
reassure him now as much as it had in the past. She wanted him to know that
no matter what the doctor said, she would be there for him. In return she received her
husband's gentle smile. Grissom was acting just as calm as everyone else, but
she could tell from his starkly upright posture, that he was afraid. She was
sitting in a room full of facades, her own threatening to crack. Inwardly she lamented over
her feelings of helplessness. She would do anything to drive away the shadow
that had hung over their lives for the past year. It arrived so suddenly, yet
all long it had been preparing to make an entrance, biding its time. Thinking back, there had
been little signs. Grissom would forget someone's name or number, and later a
birthday or anniversary. But she had told herself he wasn't young anymore, it
was probably to be expected. 'Today was perfect.' Sara lifted her arms and placed
them around his waist, before pulling him down to her. 'I don't want it to
end, Gil. You have to promise not to go to sleep.' He laughed gently, stroking the flowers which still
lay in her hair. Sara had been a beautiful bride. She had worn a simple white
gown, with straps and a bodice. It had taken his breath away and at the altar
he had suppressed a gasp. However, she passed most of the night in her bare
feet, after taking off her elegant, but painful shoes. He understood her fear of forgetting this moment.
But he knew she had no real need to be afraid of that. As their only guest,
an amateur wedding photographer had taken the perfect picture of them on
their special day. 'Don't worry honey.' Grissom replied, kissing her
lightly on the side of her neck, before following its contours upwards to
find her soft lips. 'Tomorrow you'll wake up and it will be even better than
today. From now on, everyday will.' The first time she had
truly been scared, was one Friday in August. Emily was supposed to be going
to a sleepover at her friend Laura's house. They had known each other for
only a few months, but were already inseparable. This worked out well for
Sara, because although she loved her daughter with all her heart, she still
longed for time alone with Gil. Their work stopped that from happening as
often as she'd like, but tonight they would have the whole evening to make up
for it. She had taken the day off
to make time for buying a new dress and some groceries for the special meal
she was cooking. Five years ago, when Emily had started school, she had been
able to go back to her job full-time. It was a stressful life, but she found
it had its rewards. Expecting Grissom at five
o'clock, when the hours struck six, Sara began to get worried. She paced
backwards and forwards across the living room, stopping every five minutes,
to open the front door and check outside. At seven o'clock, she finally gave
in. They had agreed not to
needlessly call each other at work anymore, as both found it dangerously
distracting. But this was an emergency. He answered on the third ring. The
sound of his voice, flooded her with relief. She spoke quickly, her
heart beating just as fast, 'Gil, are you ok? I've been waiting over two
hours for you to come home.' His reply sounded unsure,
'Sara? Is that you?' 'Of course it is! Where
are you?' She said anxiously. There was a pause. The longest she'd ever
experienced. Finally his voice meekly
came through, 'Honey, I'm lost. I can't remember the way home.' Sara knew that something
wasn't right. She could no longer deny the truth. After finding Grissom, she
called the doctor and an endless array of tests began. Then there wasn't a
day that went by, when she didn't feel like crying. Inconclusive results and scattered
incidents of confusion, peppered the next twelve months of their lives. Until last week, when he
had been found by students wandering in the corridors, searching for his
class. He had been placed on a cautionary suspension and the dean was just as
worried as everyone else. There had to be a cause. Sara had to find out what
it was, before it was too late. 'Sara, I don't know what to do about this.' She saw
Grissom's face, so defeated and confused. It hurt her to see him like that when she knew the
way to make it all go away, even if he was too afraid to acknowledge it. 'Well I do, and by the time you figure it out, it
might be too late.' Leaving him there in his office, she felt her heart
stayed behind with him. From then on, until the time they finally got
together, Sara became a hollow shell. In this new room of
anticipation, an answer arrived. It was the stuff every sleepless night had
been made of and Sara physically shook as her heart began to break.
Dr.Matthews repeated his statement, for a second time, making sure they both
knew it to be fact. 'I'm sorry, but it's
unmistakeable. Gil, you are suffering from Alzheimer's, a rare and degenerate
disease.' Five years later Be strong. That was what
she had to do. Even though everything inside of her screamed out the
contrary. But this wasn't just about her. It was about Grissom...and Emily.
They needed her now. It had been five years
since the day they had been told about his illness. Time since then had
passed in a hazy mixture of coping with its on going development and
cherishing what few happy days of normality its progression allowed. There were times when she
was convinced that all she needed was a pinch. Something to help her awaken
from the nightmare that stifled her and slowly drained the happy light that
had shone over their first decade, as man and wife. Daily she wondered how
long it would be before the memory of their life together, had been erased
from her husband's mind. For the last year, it had
been nothing but work. She would go from solving crimes to caring for Gil to
consoling Emily. It was like standing on the brink of disaster with nothing
to do but solemnly await its arrival. She had learnt that there was a price
to everything- but would she really have to pay for all her former joys with
the death of the only man she ever loved? 'It's sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us. Couple of
middle- aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives.' Grissom
spoke slowly, picking his words with care.' The only time we ever touch other
people is when we're wearing our latex gloves.' From behind her transparent barrier, Sara had
watched in awe. ’ We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years
we haven't really lived at all.' As she listened to him speak, his words
wound a tight pain inside of her chest. 'But then, all of a sudden we get a
second chance.' She held her breath, willing him to continue.
'Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody we could care about.' That was when she gasped aloud in the silent
interrogation room. That was the moment she stopped listening and decided
she'd heard enough. His voice had been defeated but he spoke of possibility. Sara knew now that she would make it come true,
even if she had to turn him against himself, so that he could finally
acknowledge his needs. That he wanted her as much as she craved him. Gil had been practical
from the very start. He had always been less emotional and more logical.
After the initial shock of Dr.Matthews diagnosis, he had arranged all their
financial details and secured the futures of his wife and daughter. He was trying to make
things easier, trying not to feel like it was all his fault, that his own
body hadn't consorted against him. Slowly but surely the changes came. Sara
would cling to him at night, while he mumbled in his sleep. In the darkness
she would stroke the lines of his face, while silent tears coursed down her
own. He became more and more
disorientated, as if the world had begun to close in on him and all he knew
had changed. Nothing fit together any more, he was losing himself. The first
time he ever shouted at her, she had fiercely held him down until he stopped.
Afterwards she left him in
bed, and fell onto the bathroom floor, shaking. Emily's graceful little form
surrounded her, as she joined in the lament. Mother and daughter sat rocking,
hoping the movement would push the sadness away before it became too
unbearable. But, on days when he
thought clearly. They became Sara and Grissom again. He told her of how he
hated the fact that Emily couldn't have a normal childhood, and how a
beautifully innocent person was having to pay for their mistakes. She asked
him if he regretted his decision to be with her, but he quickly silenced her
questioning with a kiss. The last time they made
love, a piece of Sara went missing. She left it with Grissom, knowing it had
belonged to him all along. She hoped it would comfort him in the dark and
confusing times ahead. 'Since when have you been interested in beauty?'
Sara said curtly, mocking him once again. But, a thousand lifetimes wouldn't have prepared
her for his reply. 'Since I met you.' Grissom's voice was like
lightning inside the hollow space that had made up her heart. The last photograph Sara
added to their album was one him sleeping. Peaceful and momentarily at rest. Two years later Sara stirred on the hard
and uncomfortable chair. Her whole body was stiff and numb. She had been sitting
almost motionless for the last few hours, but she was beyond caring. Her gaze
rested steadily on the person in the bed before her. Outside Grissom's room,
the first rays of sunshine were warming the pleasant gardens around his new
home, and a fine mist dissipated slowly into the ether. Today would be
another pleasant summer's day, yet none of its light would be able to banish
the shadows which clouded her heart. It had been a year since
he had said her name and understood of whom he was speaking. Long before
that, Emily had become a beautiful but mysterious stranger to him. He was
relaxed around them, but he was never fully aware of the significance of
their presence. Didn't he know that they
were as much a part of him as his eyes which barely saw now or his lips which
barely spoke? 'I'm so in love with you.' It was little more than a whisper and yet the sound
of Gil's voice reverberated loudly in her ears. 'I try not to be. I try to
stop. But I can't.' His breath warmed the back of her neck and she
could tell he was no longer driving towards the crime scene, while smiling
occasionally at her exhaustion. Sara tried to keep her breathing slow and
steady, so that he would think she was still sound asleep. That his words
were falling onto deaf ears. But how could she stop the tears from falling, now
that she was hearing the words she had so longed to hear? 'You don't
have to be sorry.' She heard his sharp intake of breath. 'Not when I love you
too. Not when I need you. Not when I want you.' She kissed him gently at first, then with years of
longing. He mumbled back into her mouth, between sighs, 'So
I don't suppose you'll agree to go out on a date with me tomorrow night?' 'Did you even have to ask?' Sara laughed. Memories were all that
remained. They were strong and familiar to her, yet they survived only in her
mind. She could not bring them back to life, no matter how hard she wished
and hoped and tried. A month ago, when she brought Gil to the hospice, she
had accepted all this. But it didn't stop her
from spending every night in his room, leaving only to shower, work and
return. Sleep was a stranger. Hearing the door open gently, she stood to see
her daughter's face. So full of youth and yet beneath that lay a maturity
forged by heartache and pain. She kissed her mother's
cheek gently and then her lips found the soft but worn skin of her father's
forehead. Afterwards, Emily went to sit in the only other available chair in
the room, never saying a word. She followed Sara's gaze and her eyes lay to
rest on Gil's reposing face. Fire flickered across the
room, casting soft shadows over the contours of Grissom's face. Sara snuggled
down into his arms, and tried to forget the cold winter's night which raged
outside like a savage beast, loose on a helpless flock. The dancing and sparkling
of the flames reminded her of the glint she first saw in Grissom’s eyes when
he'd look at her over a sample of evidence. She smiled with remembrance and
suddenly felt him kiss her neck gently. 'Honey?' His voice wavered, as if unsure of his
request. 'Yes.' Sara answered delicately, trying to give him
the confidence to continue. 'Please, don't let me go alone. All my life I'd
been alone. But now I have you and Emily, would you be there at the end?' His words arrived in sorrowful gasps. 'Until the very end, Gil. God knows I would have
waited for you forever, I'm not letting go of you that easily...' She silenced his fears with her kiss, and neither
of them heard the gentle click of Emily's camera in the half-open doorway. A soft voice cut through
Sara's reverie, as Emily finally spoke. It was words Sara had never wanted to
hear in her lifetime and only one feeling remained, the desire that she could
have gone first. That he was still here. That she had taken his place. 'Mom. He's dead. Dad's
gone. We have to go too, they're coming for him.' Her daughter whispered
bravely, reaching across the room for her mother's shaking hand. Three days later It was a cloudy morning
and a strong wind rustled through the leaves of every tree in the tiny
cemetery. The small company that had assembled there were packed tightly
together around an open grave. The day wasn't so cold, but they all needed
the emotional support that their closeness would provide. Ashes to ashes and dust to
dust. The words came out slowly
and each syllable seemed to be accentuated by the sombre priest. A thousand
funerals could never have prepared Sara for this one. She could not suppress
a gasp as they lowed her lover into the ground. 'All I want is to be with you.' She whispered her confession into his ear as he
slept, just as he had to her just months ago in his Tahoe. 'I'll never want anybody else. I love you so much
that I can't see anything or anyone but that. Why can't you understand?' Grissom rolled over in his sleep and came to rest
impossibly close to her face. Sara reverently kissed his closed mouth,
wishing she could wipe away all his jealousy and fear. She almost laughed,
thinking of how upset he had been by her joking with Greg that morning. He had never been like that before. But then again,
they had never been lovers before either. Sara sighed and gently closing her
eyes, she followed Grissom into a land of blissful dreaming. They had all come out to
pay their respects to Gil Grissom. Beloved husband, father and friend.
Catherine had delivered a eulogy on his impeccable ability to support those
he loved. Emily had read a poem about longing for more time to love him.
Warrick, Nick and Greg sung a favourite blues song of his 'Bye, bye
blackbird'. While Sara had tried her
hardest to just stay in one piece. She couldn't speak. No words, or poetry,
or song could ever express the grief she felt. The world for her became
infinitely smaller. Even though she was surrounded by so many people who
loved Grissom, she felt utterly alone. No-one could possibly
understand. They were combining their
memories in an effort to recreate a picture of who Grissom was. But Sara knew
they could never bring him back. His calming voice in her ear when she awoke
in the night. His soft caress which ignited such passion within her. His
kisses which soothed every pain she bore. 'Thanks for the lift professor.' Sara turned to find herself starring into his bright
blue eyes they seemed to see right through her disguise. He must know what
she was thinking. He must be able to feel the desire in her gaze. 'That's ok Sara.' Gil Grissom returned, offering a
polite smile to the beautiful brunette. She flashed him one of much greater magnitude and
he fought to ignore the flutter in his chest. 'I guess I'll see you tomorrow in class.' Sara
voiced hesitantly. 'Unless... would you like to come up for some coffee?' She didn't dare breathe why she waited for his
reply. The seconds became minutes and still he did not reply. Finally embarrassed she said hurriedly, 'Never
mind. Forget I asked.' He watched as she jumped out of the car and headed
off to her dorm room, never looking back. 'Yes.' He said quietly, in a tone laced with agony.
'I would love to come in Sara. But I can't.' His words reverberated around the now empty car,
knowing that he could not see her in class tomorrow. For both their sakes he
could never see her again. There was a soft thud as
the first grains of dirt hit the wooden lid of the coffin. One by one the
others left the grave side and headed for the memorial dinner. Finally Sara and Emily
stood alone. 'You can go on ahead of me honey, with Uncle Nick and Aunt
Sharon.' Sara dictated to her daughter. 'What about you mom?'
Emily replied with concern. 'I'm waiting for them to
finish.' Sara disclosed softly. 'I want to watch until the end. I want to be
with him as long as I can.' 'Me too.' Emily responded,
taking her mother's hand for the second time that week. 'I won't leave you,
or him.' Sara didn't try to stop
the tears which now coursed down each cheek like an Indian monsoon that spoke
of both a blessing and a curse. 'Thank you butterfly.' Seven years later Sara swayed in her rocking
chair and softly hummed a half forgotten lullaby to the tiny bundle that lay
in her arms. Together they sat until the starlit sky slowly made room for
another bright spring day. The soft yellow baby book in the corner of the nursery
glinted temptingly in Sara's direction, though she knew by heart every detail
that had been placed in there. The first photograph in Eve's album was of her
grand-parents sitting together on a beach. Sara wrapped in Gil's embrace,
laughing at his stolen kiss. Eve was teething. Emily
had long since broken down to her mother in frustration. So Sara had offered
to take care of her Grand-daughter for the weekend to enable her daughter and
son-in-law to catch on some much needed sleep. After all Mrs Grissom remained
a night lover at heart, so the sweet company would be welcome. Next came Emily's favourite picture of her parents
as a child, it was a fleeting image of the two of them dancing, each
enraptured by the other. After the burial, Sara had
been at a loss. She felt as though Around her old friends and
colleagues again, Sara's spirits began to rise. A few years passed and the
ever present ache began to lessen. The good memories slowly pushing away the
bad. Jumping around Gil like a little bumblebee was a
four year old Emily, she had the same brightness that little Eve already
possessed. Emily soon finished her
college degree at the local university and it was while working as legal
secretary that she met her husband Richard, a lawyer at the firm. Sara had
long ago ceased to be surprised at her daughter's disinterest in all things scientific.
Secretly she knew that Gil would have been proud of whatever she had chosen
to do. In the very centre of the book lay Sara's favourite
photograph. It was taken in the late afternoon on the day of their wedding
they sat looking into each other's eyes. So full of passion. Love. Hope. Emily's own wedding day
last year had been a joyous occasion. Nick had walked her down the aisle and
gave her away most gracefully. Sara had shed enough tears of happiness to
make up for her father's absence. But still his loss was felt. Helping Emily to
arrange her veil, Sara found herself whispering gently, 'You're beautiful
honey, I know we both think so.' On the penultimate page of the album, Grissom's
sleeping face appeared in peaceful repose. Only three months into
married bliss an even bigger change occurred. Emily discovered she was
pregnant. At first Sara was worried about them coping with a family so young
and so soon after settling down together. But as they got caught up in the
planning and preparation she could see that Emily and Richard were ready. They would always have her
love and support. Sara would never forget
the day her Grand-daughter was born. Exactly seven years after Grissom died was
the moment she first met the beautiful, helpless creature called, 'Eve and on
seeing that familiar shade of blue in eyes- Sara knew things would be just
fine. A stolen glimpse of a fireside kiss between lovers,
graced the final slot in Eve's little book. Halting her rocking, Sara
moved over to the small crib and placed the baby down gently. Closing her eyes
momentarily she uttered softly, 'I know you've sent me something for my
loneliness Griss. She's beautiful and so much like you. Thank you for loving
me, I'll give it all back to her. She'll be just as precious as my pictures
of you...' |
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