By KMnO4
Life or Something Like It
Rating- PG
Summary- The greatest thing you will ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.
It was dark in the bar, and the candles dotted around on the tables, were an inadequate source of light. Nobody else seemed to mind though, it appeared to be the reason they came here. To be secretive. To be hidden.
She felt uncomfortable in her own skin, and the hairs on the back of her neck were practically standing on end. There was something in the air here that she could feel. It drew her closer but it didn’t comfort. It made her afraid of herself.
He had been looking over at her for sometime now and at first she had been coy. She would look away when he caught her gaze, wetting her lips for longer than necessary when she took a sip of her drink. Caught like a butterfly in her net, he fluttered helplessly around.
She uncrossed her legs and got down off of her bar stool. Finally, choosing to approach him she was stopped short by a familiar sensation. It hummed around her hip, gently tickling the skin beneath he waistband. Realising it was her pager, She sighed and turned around. Leaving her unfinished drink behind, and one mystified stock broker.
Getting into her Tahoe, she started up the engine and headed for the freeway. She wanted to regret the interruption but secretly she knew that if the message hadn’t have stopped her, something else would have. It was one night out of the hundreds she had spent, trying to move on to someone new. Trying to forget.
But her mind was like an elephant‘s, it never forgot and it felt just as heavy.
Arriving on the scene, she went into her trunk and took out her field kit. Spotting the rest of the CSI team over by a large granite piece of desert rock, she ambled out to them. Just in time for a briefing.
‘We have seven females.’ Grissom began, ‘Lined up along the length of this gorge. The cause of death looks like poisoning, but their hands and feet have been bound. They’re all in white wedding dresses but they don’t have similar physical appearances. They do seem to be fairly young, early to late twenties, but in varying stages of decay.’
‘So they weren’t all killed on the same day?’ She asked.
Grissom turned to look at her, ‘I mean they weren’t even killed in the same year, Sara. Nice of you to join us. Will you take the perimeter?’
‘Don’t I always.’ She replied tiredly, suddenly wishing she’d finished that drink.
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Her hands ached and she would scream if she ever had to see another piece of desert rock again. The mass homicide meant a huge search area had to be covered. It had taken all five CSIs and twenty cadets, seven-and-a-half hours to process.
She picked up her evidence along with her field kit and returned to the trunk of her car. She had just finished loading it all in, when her cell began to ring excitedly.
‘Sidle.’ She answered briskly.
‘Hello. Sara?’ The man’s voice on the other end replied. ‘You don’t know me, but I was at the bar last night. I think you might have noticed seen me though.’She shook her head disbelievingly, ‘How did you get my name and number?’
‘You left your purse at the bar.’ He said. ‘The barman is a friend of mine and I told him I’d get it back to you.’
‘Right.’ She replied, checking her pockets quickly. He was right, no purse. ‘Well I’m kind of busy at work right now. Sorry I didn’t get your name.’
‘Brian Walters.’ He answered. ‘I was the guy in the suit, at the table near the stage.’
‘Of course.’ She said hurriedly, spotting Grissom approaching. ‘I guess I could come and get it later this morning. If that’s ok with you.’
‘Actually.’ He interjected. ‘I saw your work address in your purse and it’s right around the corner from my office. So I could just come by and give it to you.’
Sara shut the trunk and made her way towards the front car door. ‘I don’t want you to go to any trouble. But if that’s easier…’
‘Infinitely.’ Brian replied.
‘Ok.’ She said short of any other vocabulary.
‘I’ll see you at around seven thirty then.’ Brian responded. ‘Bye Sara.’
The line went dead, just as a hand reached out to catch her attention. She turned quickly finding herself face-to-face with Grissom. He wasn’t smiling, but then again…neither was she.
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Forget frustrated, now she was just downright angry. Storming down the corridor towards the DNA lab, she muttered under her breath. What right did he have to reprimand her for being distracted? Sure she was a little late to the crime scene, but she wasn’t even supposed to be on last night!
She handed her samples to Greg, ignoring his witty come-ons. His face registered shock, when she turned on her heels and exited, with him still in mid-sentence. All she wanted was to crack this case and get home as quickly as possible.
Her head was pressed against the cool door of her locker and she sat hunched over. In a world of her own- far removed from the land of CSI- she missed Warrick calling her name. ‘Sara? Hey Sara? Earth to Sidle!’
She snapped up, rubbing her temples. ‘Hey War, I’m sorry, I was way out there. What’s up?’ She stood up slowly, moving towards him. ‘Is it the case? Did the DNA results come back? AFIS give us a match?’
He laughed gently, ‘One thing at a time there! Man, you must be tired.’ She returned his grin, rolling her eyes. ‘It’s nothing to do with the case. There’s someone asking for you at reception. Some guy…in a suit?’
Her eyes registered shock, ‘Oh my God! I totally forgot, Brian.’ She sped out of the locker room, leaving a bemused looking Warrick Brown in her wake. He shrugged, deciding to get the up and up from Nick or Catherine later on. Did Sara have a new guy? But better yet, did Grissom know Sara had a new guy?
She arrived to find him chatting happily with the elderly receptionist. Pausing for a moment to look at him, she found it endearing. Shaking away that stream of consciousness, she approached him cautiously. ‘Hi, Brian?’
He saw her, and broke into a smile. ‘There you are? You know you’re pretty hard to get a hold off.’ He handed her a small black purse. ‘You must be a very special person.’
Inspite of herself she was smiling with him. ‘I don’t know about that. But maybe you’d like to find out?’ The words came out before she could stop them. Boy was she having a weird day! ‘I mean if you want to…we never did get around to getting properly acquainted.’
His eyes widened momentarily, ‘Sure that would be great. I have to get back to the office now but I could pick you up after work, and maybe we could get something to eat?’
‘I'd like that.’ Sara replied, knowing inside that she really would.
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‘Can I talk to you.’ She froze in the doorway and spoke without turning, ‘I thought we’d just been talking Grissom.’ She waited for his reply, and when it failed to arrive, she faced him slowly. Moving back towards his desk, she tried to read his expression. He looked as tired as she felt.
‘I want to apologise.’ He said his words carefully, as if struggling to get them out. ‘I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that this morning.’ He watched her face, and took in the raising of her brows. ‘I’m sorry Sara, I am.’
It wasn’t just the work that made her tired. It was the games, and she just didn’t know if she wanted to play them anymore. In the past she had thought she stood a chance of winning. But now she was beginning to accept that it was maybe just a battle that couldn’t be won.
‘Ok, Grissom.’ She answered softly, before leaving his office for the second time. When she finally arrived in the foyer ten minutes later, Brian stood waiting for her. She had thought about calling the date off, but seeing the large bunch of peach roses he had brought her, she smiled instead.
‘What are these?’ She asked teasingly, as he placed them into her arms. ‘They’re beautiful. But you shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble- honestly.’ She reached for his hand and squeezed it gently, thanking him silently.
‘I know.’ He replied softly, ‘But I got to see you smile. So it was worth it.’ He lead her out into the parking lot. ‘So where do you want to go? Your wish is my command.’
‘Anywhere but here, Brian.’, She told him honestly. ’But I’ll take my Tahoe and meet you there…I never ride with a guy on the first date.’ She laughed gently, trying to put him at ease.
‘Ok Sara.’ He said understandingly, ‘I love that you’re so sensible. Do you know Romano’s?’ She nodded her reply. ‘Well if that’s good for you we can meet there in twenty minutes.’
‘Perfect.’ Sara answered, letting go of his hand to open her front door. He waited for her to lay her roses down on the passenger seat, belt up, and start her engine. Then he got into his light blue Mercedes, and preceded to follow her out into the dusk.
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‘Wow.’ She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, ‘I forgot how fancy this place was.’ Looking down at her well worn outfit, she let out a sigh and grimace- wishing she’d gone home to change after her shift.
‘Sara.’ Brian paused briefly, looking square into her brown eyes, ‘You couldn’t look more lovely tonight if you tried.’ He ignored the blush that crept across her cheeks. ‘I’m happy just to be here with you. Clothes…or no clothes.’
With that, she let out a loud laugh. Raising her brows teasingly, she replied, ‘Why Brian, if I was a little less sensible. I’d take that as a bit of a come on.’ She nodded her head, at his silent offer to refill her wine glass. A little more couldn’t hurt, not when she was having so much fun.
‘Well.’ He answered. ‘I guess I’m going to have to try and dumb you down a little. What do you really need all that sparkling intelligence for anyway?’ He smiled wide, showing rows of shining white teeth. She felt like she was in one of those infomercials. A perfect couple. On a perfect date.
‘I don’t know.’ Sara said jokingly, ‘But it managed to catch your attention, so maybe I should hold onto it a little while longer.’ He nodded his response, reaching out across the small table to take her hand. For the first time since coming to Las Vegas, she didn’t flinch at the touch of a man, who wasn’t Gil Grissom.
Brian insisted on following her back to her apartment in his car. He had told her that he was a lawyer, but hopefully one who had managed to retain his soul. At first she had wanted to say as little as possible about the world of CSI, but he listened to everything she had to say and made her feel like it was important to him.
He had a way of making an honest woman out of her that she just couldn’t put her finger on. She couldn’t lie to him and it felt good. She was sick to death of secrets, and being with Brian felt nothing but true. It was real, and for once that didn’t seem to be scaring her.
His Mercedes pulled up just as she reached her front door. He got out and approached her, grinning as he came. His smile was infectious, and she had never laughed so much on a first date before in her life. She reached out for his arm and drew him closer towards her face. Leaning upwards, she gave him her thanks for the evening with a soft but quick kiss.
He murmured his approval against her chin, before untangling himself from her grasp. ‘Goodnight Sara Sidle. I can see I’m going to enjoy picking your brains. If you’ll let me…’
‘That’s not very romantic.’ She frowned slightly before giggling, ‘But, call me tomorrow and find out.’ His brows relaxed with relief. He kissed her lightly on the forehead and waited for her to enter her apartment. Once she was safely inside, he got into his car and drove off, pausing briefly to wave at her smiling face in the window.
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It had been four months since their first date. She found it hard to believe there had ever been a time in her life where Brian hadn’t been there. She saw him everyday after work and the time they spent apart, was peppered with phone calls during breaks.
So they had passed the awkward stages: public displays of affection, meeting the folks and the sex thing. The only way to explain it was that it came naturally, as if she had been waiting her whole life for him to arrive. When she thought of all the time she had spent thinking she would have to go through everything alone, she almost laughed.
She finally had someone of her very own, and yet…there were nights, when her subconscious got the better of her. Telling her things she secretly knew to be true. That the aching she had felt for the ten years that she had known Grissom- had not gone- it was just momentarily forgotten.
Of course by now he knew of their relationship. Everyone on the team knew. Sara was sure she had Catherine and the receptionist to thank in equal parts for that. At first it seemed that he would shut himself off again, and steadily ignore her. Like with Hank.
But recently he had spent more case time with her than the others- combined. He would open the door for her going down corridors, let her pick the radio station in his car and even took his bloody experiments out of the communal fridge in the break room.
When their hands would touch over a piece of evidence, the electricity had not gone. It had only changed a little. Evolved. Now he would no longer draw himself away as quickly as possible. He would wait and look to see if she was feeling the same thing too. Something was different, and she was beginning to think it was him.
As their 6 month anniversary approached, Sara began to get anxious. The surprise Brian had for her was keeping him in a constant state of excitement. He was due to be going away to Dallas for a big case, the day after the celebrations ended. This meant she saw him less than usual, while he prepared.
Into the space that his company had previously occupied, time spent with Grissom slowly crept in. First it was breakfast, after a shift when Brian usually picked her up. Next there was bumping into each other at the supermarket, and going for coffee afterwards. Now finally, sitting across the table from him at a local Spanish restaurant, she began to wonder what in the world was going on.
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Sara was now, well and truly confused. Their anniversary was nearly over and in less than 10 minutes Brian would be heading for the airport. It wasn’t that the day hadn’t been nice- they had gone for dinner and to a movie- but it just hadn’t been very spectacular. Where was the big surprise?
She and Grissom had been working a robbery over at Henderson for the past couple of days, so Brian was dropping her off on site. The sun was beginning to set over the Nevada skyline, and the gaudy lights prepared themselves to shine.
Just as his Mercedes pulled up behind Grissom’s empty SUV, Brian turned to address Sara. He took both her hands in his, and began to caress her palms gently. ‘You know I’m going to miss you this week, Sara?’ He asked, as she nodded. ‘Well when I come back, I never want to be without you again…’
Her breath caught in her throat, as the implications of his statement began to register in her mind. As if to solidify them, he brought out a small red jewellery box from the glove compartment and opened it, to reveal a glistening, diamond engagement ring.
A tear ran down the corner of Sara’s right eye, but she hastily brushed it away. She was overwhelmed and speechless, never dreaming that this moment would ever happen to her. ‘I don’t want you to answer right away Sara, I want you to think about while I’m gone, and next week, when I come back, I’ll get down on one knee and do it properly.’
He looked hard into her bemused brown eyes, checking that she understood what he was saying to her. She smiled, slipping out of her shock induced trance, and squeezed his hands in hers. Grabbing her field kit, she kissed him softly before getting out of the car. ‘I’ll miss you too, Brian.’ She voiced towards his open window, as he drove off into the distance.
‘What’s that?’ Came the puzzled request from behind her. Sara turned to see Grissom standing in the doorway of the 7-11 store they were processing. She looked down at the open box in her right hand and said quietly, ‘It’s an engagement ring.’ The look of surprise on his face was more than she could have ever expected. It almost physically pained her to watch him, arrange his thoughts.
‘You’re getting married?’ He asked, the catch in his voice betraying his opinion on the matter. She shrugged, closing the catch and putting her precious cargo into her pant pocket. ‘I’ve got a week to decide.’ She said, trying not to put any sign of emotion into her statement.
She brushed past him into the shop, as only one thought was running through his mind. Would a week be long enough to mend 10 years of romantic torment- before it really was too late.
It would have to be. It was his only hope.
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Day One
The robbery was traced back to a gang who had been working several major convenience stores on the west coast. Sara had expected to be reassigned to a new case with a new partner, therefore she couldn’t help but express a little surprise when Grissom requested her help on a ‘special project’.
She agreed to go home and get some rest before coming back the next night to start up. Grabbing her jacket and purse from her locker, she remembered the little box, still stashed in her pant pocket. Taking it out, she opened it and found herself quickly mesmerised by its contents.
For the whole day, she had pretended like it wasn’t there. The proverbial elephant in the corner, watching and mocking while she and Grissom had worked. She shut the lid suddenly, and pushed the box to the back of her locker, hiding it behind some old forensic journals.
Why angst over her decision today…she had a week right?
Day Two
Inspite of herself, Sara applied an extra layer of lipstick before heading out to work that night. It was something about the way Grissom had emphasised the word, ‘Special’. She immediately felt guilty, thinking of the telephone conversation she had shared with Brian that afternoon.
He missed her, wanted to come back, couldn’t bear to be without her. She missed him, wasn’t sure if she wanted him to come back just yet, and apparently he wasn’t the man that she couldn’t bear to be without.
That man had been eluding her for the last ten years. She sighed as she entered his office, pausing only to knock. He looked up and smiled as she appeared. ‘Great. You’re here. We’d better get going. Do you have a warm coat?’
Sara looked at him bemusedly, ‘No. But I guess I could borrow a duffel. Why?’
Grissom’s smile grew wider. ‘Oh, you’ll see. I thought you liked a good mystery.’
She shrugged, knowing that he was the biggest mystery of all- one she’d been dying to solve for way too long.
Day Three
Sara squeezed the lemon harder, forcing what little juice was left onto her hair. She scrubbed until her skin began to pink up, then turned off the steaming spray. Stepping quickly out of her shower, she began to rub herself down, as she hummed.
When she and Grissom had first arrived at their destination, it took her a while to recognise the place. Trudging through miles of indescript woodland, it was only on encountering their first cadaver which was hung from a large oak, that it hit her.
After months, possibly years of begging, Grissom had brought her back to the body farm. If it wasn’t so morbid, it would have been positively sweet. They passed most of the night in a wooden shack within the grounds, studying advanced decompositions. Not the most pleasant of pass times.
But as the sun began to show itself over the horizon, Sara became aware of the fact that they had spent the majority of their night there in absolute silence. Yet instead of being awkwardly strange, it had been oddly comforting.
Walking back to the car, he held her hand and helped her over debris and the occasional corpse. For a moment, Sara couldn’t help but wonder, if they could ever be this way, in a more normal environment. Outside the CSI box.Day Four
She had spent most of her day off, gazing at the tiny ring, which she held tentatively in the palm of her hand. Twirling it between her fingers, she was surprised at how sturdy it was, when it looked so fragile.
In the other hand she held a tiny note card, battered and browned with age. She did not have to look at it, to know what was written there. She had studied it’s message a thousand times, looking for a million answers.
Taking a brief pause from her reverie, she glanced over at the sprawling lily on her kitchen window sill. The gift that had accompanied the saying, ‘From Grissom’. Why had she kept that little piece of paper? Why did it torment her now?
What should be the happiest moment in her life, was fast becoming the most torturous. Then, as if she had not been puzzled enough, the phone sounded, just as her door began to knock.
Day Five
Sara squirmed in her seat, trying her hardest to give the appearance of someone who was actually paying attention. Grissom handed out the case files, and one by one they all filed out of the break room.
He stood with an amused smile on his face, ‘You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?’ He asked her, noting the look of surprise she wore, at being addressed by him. ‘What are you thinking about Sara?’
‘You.’ She replied bluntly, before packing up her stuff and heading out the door. It was the second time she had left him standing stunned in her wake. The day before came rushing back to his memory.
He had gone to her apartment, not knowing what to say or what to do. He was feverently hoping that she would have the answers that he so desperately needed.
She had let him in without questioning his motives, busy on the phone, with a person he could only assume, was her soon to be fiancé. After quickly hanging up, she turned to face him, ready to ask a mirage of questions.
For once she did not get a chance to speak. His mouth was on hers, and her voice was rendered mute. They shared their first kiss, and he left just as inexplicably as he had come.
Amazed, she sat back down at her table, full of more doubts- than she had ever had before.
Day Six
Brian would be back tomorrow. I was the only thought that Sara had space for inside of her angst-ridden mind. That night’s shift passed much to quickly, leaving her desperately perplexed.
She avoided Grissom like a bad habit, and slunk out towards her Tahoe at the onset of Daybreak. Birds sung out across the tree tops, and the strip seemed brighter than it ever had, when illuminated at night.
Passing by the offices where Brian usually worked, an image of him was conjured in her mind. She paused for a moment at the stop light, and found herself smiling. She knew that with him, she would never cry.
But then, she was drawn back to the feel of Grissom’s arms around her and the meeting of their lips. In that moment, she was reminded of words she had heard a lifetime ago, in Sunday school- while staying at her Grandma’s.
The three greatest things in life.
Faith, that she would only be complete when she finally had him. Hope, that he longed for her the way she longed for him. Love, that she had felt clear and unfolded in the seconds spanned by his kiss.
Hitting the breaks, she hastily turned her car around. Her destination had changed, yet she was sure that it had been mapped out an eternity ago, the first time she had seen blue eyes with her brown.
Day Seven
Sara cherished the feel of the cool pillow against her cheek. She inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar scent. It had been a while since she had been close enough to recognise it so clearly.
Aware that she was not in her own bed, and certainly not alone, she let out a token beam. The smile was directed towards no-one in particular, and shed most of it’s light against the soft green wall.
Carefully stretching out, she felt a feline yawn escape her mouth. She knew that her face was flushed, and her head was swimming. Never before, had an afterglow lasted so long and felt so sweet.
She had missed him. Everything about him. Now it felt like he was truly back, from the place that had long held him captive. She had made her decision, and she had no regrets. Part of her had known all along it would be him.
Her lower back was being peppered with kisses, and she sighed with bliss. He reached for her hand, and held it up above them both. They turned to look at the sparkling ring with lay on her engagement finger.
‘I like this one much better.’ Sara whispered. ‘The other one was too shiny and new. It felt like a toy ring, out of a kinder surprise egg or something.’
Grissom smiled at her logic, ‘Well it was my mother’s’. He replied, before placing his lips over hers. ‘It’s been waiting here, a long time for you Sara Sidle.’
They made love for the third time. The first had been hasty and desperate, full of all the passion that came along with love unspoken. The second had been slow and delicate, made of simpler but more meaningful things. This time was perfect.
She was so happy, that she felt she would burst. Half a year ago, seemed worlds away. When she was so miserable and eager to forget everything he meant to her. That’s how she’d come to meet Brian in the first place.
What would she say to him when he came back today? How could it all have changed so much in such a short amount of time? As if sensing her doubts, Grissom kissed the top of her head and murmured sleepily, ‘Don’t worry about it, honey. We’ll work it out, together.’
Enclosed in his tight embrace- her eyes heavy and closing- she was comforted by a sudden revelation. Here in the arms of the man she truly loved, with his breath tickling her skin. This was Life, or something like it.
THE END