.:: Just little bubbles of thought in
the puny brain of mine ::.

There's a calm surrender
To the rush of day
When the heat of the rolling world
Can be turned away
An enchanted moment
And it sees me through
It's enough for this restless warrior
Just to be with you

There's a time for ev'ryone
If they only learn
That the twisting kaleidoscope
Moves us all in turn
There's a rhyme and reason
To the wild outdoors
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager
Beats in time with yours

It's enough to make kings and vagabonds ---
Believe the very best

the bonesetter's daughter is an appallingly cheesy novel, and i'm certain trashy romance novels write better love scenes than this joke of a lit text. although.. ruth young's idea of voluntary silence isn't that bad an idea after all -- i've started to keep rather quiet in class and trying to exist in pure isolation. trying to conserve energy you see, we wouldn't want to incur meaningless energy expenditure, especially we have already so little to spare. stay zen, mrs seah says, by not moving everything else moves. watch the world go past and be amused.

it worries me a little when i step out of the trance-like stupor of silence though -- somehow you can't speak normally after you haven't spoke for a few hours -- and when you do, you stutter like you can't think straight. with that you'd probably turn a little demoralised and ashamed for yourself for starting an uninteresting conversation which you can't sustain (resulting in some painful pauses and awkward glances). and you walk away, silent again.

woosh. felt funny stepping into mediaworks before getting ushered into the makeup studio.. could see photos of those plastic faces of artistes plastered at the wall. frankly i was just too nervous to take anything from the reception -- just had a drink, and off we went into the abyss-like darkness of the studio. WHOAAA. din't expect the set to be made up entirely of projection.. hmm as in those image of lame cartoon human characters with their mouths opening and shutting mechanically aren't "screens", but just a grey metallic piece of thingy. time came and went.. the initial nerve-wrecking atmosphere sorta eased away and after a while it got surprisingly comfortable -- but the mike attached to my back made it impossible to lean back on the support but rather we had to sit up ram-rod straight -_- hmm.. upon retrospection -- i felt the minister was rather very muchly avoiding some of the questions by being politically correct and all. although there were some issues regarding racial discrimination, policy-making, communication breakdown -- all we got were textbooks answers -- what had we not already know?? arghish. the attempts to creating some controversial "sparks" failed miserably as well.

haha hmmm now really worried about how it'd turn out in national tv tomorrow.. somehow don't think i projected a typical nanyang girl image very well -_- demure hah? -crosses fingers- there's a fine line between being enthusiastic/proactive, and being irritating/kiasu.. hope i have landed in the former territory.

-gestures wildly-

I'm 15... for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreamin'
Countin' the ways to where you are

I'm 22... for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

[Chorus]
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15... There's never a wish
Better than this
When you've only got a hundred years
To live

[Verse]
I'm 33... for a moment
Still the man,
But you see I'm a they
A kid on the way, babe
A family on my mind

I'm 45... for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

[Chorus]
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
Yourself
Within a morning star

15... I'm all right with you
15... There's never a wish
Better than this
When you've only got a hundred years
To live

[Pre-Verse]
Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on

[Verse]
I'm 99... for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreamin'
Countin' the ways to where you are

[Chorus]
15... There's still time for you
22... I feel her too
33... You're on your way
Everday's a new day

Hooo-.
Hooo-.

15... There's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
15... There's never a wish
Better than this
When you've only got a hundred years
To live

..and of course, she is contented. good day!

1. You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is patience, never give up on you.

3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is flexible.

4. What you hate most in your partner is that the person is ruthless, cold-blooded, and/or ironic.

5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is that both of you can talk about everything and anything, no secret is kept.

6. You can never be stabilized; actually, you are not suitable for marriage and you don't want to make committment.

7. You always want to get married, but in fact, you don't even know what it really is.

8. At this moment, you think of love as a committment for both parties.

Last night was probably one of the rare times I saw myself for who I am.

Throughout the chat I came to realise how I dealt with problems, both personal and work, what were the assumptions I've always based my attitudes on, and how unreasonable they can be. Haha indeed you're always the clear-minded one who puts things just simply, clearly and true at the same time.. "perhaps it's just tt simple :P" gee.

Haha particularly loved the analogies that came up.. though it brought in quite a lot of different elements. yeap I guess trust is really one of the most important ingredients for a successful working relationship -- if I try to cling on to too much, desiring to be check and control everything, guess in the end it would turn out strained and lifeless. Paranoid as I am, sometimes I fear the result of a failure so much that I don't allow spaces for individual exploration -- well it's good to take it as a learning journey and learn from the mistakes, but i'm just too uptight to give it a chance.

loosen up, yawen.

then it came to macs theory! Inner demons are devils which everyone has to face up to at some point of time or another, but it would take much courage for one to be able to accept oneself in its entirety. I would very much like to blame it all for those fairy tales we've grown up with, those intricate tapestry with beautiful characters leading beautiful lives in a beautiful relationship for creating false illusions in each little girl's mind.. but that's really beside the point. I always entertain the ideal thought that the true macs customer would be able to appreciate both the healthy as the same time filling aspects of a typical menu, and to return for more and at the end of the day, know that it can be the most balanced meal anyone can have, if one knows the menu well enough to pick the dishes. This doesn't equate to the notion that a regular customer returns because the food's filling, and sees it that in the long run that aspect should conceal the belief that what is being consumed is unhealthy. ..At the back of my head, I'm still waiting.

Frankly, sometimes it does seem to me as it does to you that I'm constantly raking up the past, repeating all we discussed and agreed upon, or expecting another round of reassurance as though it's all a mind game. But yet I disagree -- for me I'm quite clear of what I'm seeking, and I need answers. That's a rather instinctive Taurus aspect, though it can be exasperating, too straightfoward and all too generalising to conclude with definite black and white answers, I need to know.

-exhales-

gaah now my feet's feeling very sore/tired/excruciatingly painful/(insert intensely negative adjectives) after walking around so much in dumb court shoes.. haha today's investiture we went to was rather entertaining :P had a peek into their union room which had graffitti in chalk on the walls and some strange throbbing music playing in the background. on the wall was pasted rather (too) prominently the funny feedback session picture with ruocheng, myself, sust and ms seng. ><

had indulged in quite a bit of gossip at the lt and spotted a familiar figure around.. welll really hope things'll change for the better in future -- somehow itself and its possible connotations seem to hint at a warped feeling about certain stuff for now.

-crosses fingers-

Ugh. This is sick. Moz bitten-like bumps keep appearing on my arms out of nowhere � yet it seems tt i can't find any bugs / flies / insects / creatures around to destroy.. hmm mystery :S
�scratches-
arghhhh can�t stand it. -_- The previous bout of bites started with the same allergies of swollen bumps on the ankle and shin.. then it turned to little red dots and finally evolved into real sandfly bites (which finally look like what it should be)... sheesh gonna get compulsive-obsessive trying to eliminate this cursed sensation!
gawd what a mortally torturous sensation itch is.

yay everything�s going as planned -- but yep i'm so gonna die soon. Got into Ch. CAP, which probably means 2 loong weeks away from home in June (13th � 18th in NY hostel for SLC, 21st � 25th in NUS hostel) geez..I�m either gonna be real homesick � or be too tired to feel any emotions at all, after all that work and play and piahing. (how am I gonna tie up any loose ends after SLC when i plunge right into CAP? Thank you cards? Party? Forum gossiping? ARGH GONNA MISS OUT SO MUCH!)

just realised how therapeutic blogging can be -- if i can afford the time to. guess i'll need it to keep me SANE. meanwhile, i shall spam more while i'm in the mood to.

what an april fool's day. first thing in the morning we swopped class with 3/9 -- and of course we were throughly entertained by the teacher's reaction :P gee. but that was just the beginning -- after recess the entire class changed the direction of tables to face the noticeboard behind for bio. rather glad that mrs tan is sporting enough to simply carry on her lesson with a makeshift whiteboard! :D hahah we cut up the huge white plastic bag meant for keeping mounting boards and then stapled it on the black noticeboard so that she would have a surface to write on :P hahah amusing bio lesson.

grr i must find out who's the one who spammed my hp with msgs -_- but well -- the call was another thing altogether. (i've absolutely no idea who did it and i've no caller id)

..for the mysterious girl(??!) who 'wasn't in earlier' -- don't worry i made sure i passed the message you left for her -- although i guess she'd definitely appreciate it more if u'd acknowledge your identity. (",)
p.s. btw, personal opinion -- a sunny Thursday afternoon is hardly the time for public display of affection, and perhaps you ought to tell her yourself instead :D

happy april fool's, folks.. try harder next time. :P

---

[quiz results've been moved to quiz link page]
---

whatever goes up must come down one day.

perhaps i've taken more than i can chew, but since i did i'll eat it all up. i've broken the porcelain plate yes it's time to pick up those pieces.

'He shook his head. "Knowledge would be fatal. It is the uncertainty that charms one. A mist makes things wonderful."'

..perhaps everything became too clear? ..the harsh brutal ugly side is often disappointing. and no -- "you can't act like you don't know once you do."

choice is really very much a luxury -- remember to tuck it tight inside the pandora's box forever. good night -- it's been a pleasant evening -- we are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lives are rounded by a sleep
take care

---

Sarah McLachlan -- Angel

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness
that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel

may we find some comfort here.

---

Coldplay -- The Scientist

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

-- // escaping reality.

--

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

---

The Voice Within
Christina Aguilera


Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah --
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

~~~ And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings

This he said to me ---
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love,
and be loved, in return.

-- Moulin Rouge

hahaha yay it's a nice feeling to take some time off a terribly busy schedule to find that "peace" within oneself again.. where for just a while the time belongs to no one else but you :) finally realised that free time is not really free, but the ultimate luxury -- that no one else but you can give yourself.

Quotes from the LKY memoir book thingy --

-- "If you have no idealism when you are young, then you must become an intolerable cynic long before you get old." --20/3/64

-- "We are very accustomed to the rough talk; in fact, the rougher they talk, the politer we become. You know, people talk of losing their patience. We never lose our paitience; he who loses his patience, loses his temper, loses the argument, and loses the case." --13/6/65

--"Some are naive enough to believe that freedom of the press is sacrosanct and unlimited. Freedom of the press really means the freedom of the owner, the man who owns the newspaper, who hires and fires the journalists." --9/6/74

-- "If all this is a miracle and it disappears with the magicians, it's very sad for you, because you are not going to disappear. But when the magicians, the Goh Keng Swees and Hon Sui Sens, have disappeared and what they have brought about is still there, then you know you have really achieved a transformation very few societies have done." --National day rally 18/8/85

.. and the best of the best? :P

-- "Some countries are born independent. Some achieve independence. Singapore had independence thrust upon it." --The Singapore story/98

... lol ji 12th night.

张小娴的这段话被人称为经典：

世界上最远的距离，不是天与地的距离，也不是生与死的距离,

而是我就站在你的面前，你却不知道我爱你。

constellation phoenix

haha.. i've a feeling this's gonna one of the longest entries i've ever written (although i don't have many to speak of anyway) hmmm first things first -- lots of people are holiday-ing abroad this hols, so just a lil' note here to say -- have fun and enjoy your trip! :)

well.. just came back from council camp yesterday. was mentally prepared that it was gonna be a 'takan' camp.. lots of PT and such. so when the first day (mon) was full of slack games eg 10 plus pple in a circle and sitting on each other's legs unsupported.. felt that it was surprisingly easy. some "vertical challenge"! :P but oh well -- i soon regretted these initial thoughts. -___-

i think the most memorable part of the camp would be the bagcheck @ 4.30am :O in fact, we didn't know what time it was when we woke up, because the camp commandants had confiscated all watches and handphones. so imagine -- right in the middle of the night someone shouts at everyone in the room "BAGCHECK! you have two minutes to pack all your belongings and assemble in the quadrangle! NOW!" ...sleepy-eyed, blur-- you stumble along in the midst of your sleep -_- hahaha. of course, in NYSC the basic mentality is you share the joy and the punishment together, so in the end some of us flouted the camp rules and we did 110 jumping jacks :P haha but it wasn't that bad lah. :)

another thought i was playing in my head throughout the camp was the IP class problem denise & I was dealing with right before these 3 days. those in the know of it will know what im talking about :) yeapz.. before the camp i was pretty reactive to it.. lots of reasons why. but during the camp shirlene tieh gave us a lil' talk about CHANGE. somehow i could internalise it immediately.. perhaps it's because it was so relevant at that point of time.

3 F's -- fight it, feel fright, or take flight (along with it, or from it). hahaha.. have been through all three. :) slowly truth sunk into me why i felt so reactive towards this change.. and i began to take a whole new perspective to it. the camp gave me a time to step back and relook at things.. and i guess the person who broke camp after 3 days isn't quite the same person before :P haha.. yeap. sorted out my thinking. thank u to the ones who've been supporting me all this while.. :)

back to the camp -- hmmm i think everyone in NYSC now has the same shade of skin color :P a 3-hr session of sun tanning.. hahah well well always look on the bright side of life :P it actually proved that really, it's all in the mind (and sight) -- the reason why placebos work. when we were blindfolded and stood under the blazing noon sun it didn't feel that warm at all. hmmm should try self hypnosis next time -- "oooh i'm feelin' so cold i shiver" ..maybe it'll help :P

oh yar... by the way.. to our newcomers in NYSC -- lemme extend my warmest welcome! :D really great to see so many familiar faces around :P haha i'm quite sure the camp bonded everyone together very well :) don't worry if things are a lil' new in here.. we've been thru the same feeling before too -- and you can be assured that soon things will come to you in time.. just remain true to yourself, keep an open mind, and just let nature take its course. :) cheerio! -grin-
br> yeapz..so that basically summed up my council camp '03 :) memorable.

IBN is the most INCREDIBLE place i've ever been in. The people are so poseur and rich! they book cabs to go from one end of science park to NUS which is just at the other end. the throw gloves like they cost nothing(i changed 5 pairs of gloves in 1 1/2 hrs) but the hands on work rocks :D amazing p0lymers.. quite cool. slime! muz bug ms lee for work attachment there next year. ah yes.

Robbie Williams Angels lyrics
I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my faith?
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're gray and old?
'Cause I've been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

(solo)

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
-

okaay geocities just screwed up all my prev entries. argh hooray.
-

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@ 051003

---

oh yeah choral night was one heck of an experience... throughly loved it :) esp. the makeup! using eyebrow pencil to draw eyebags rock. And brushing brown blush across/below the cheekbones make u look shrivelled. Thick eyeliner makes u look like a fierce man. Ol' grumpy sinister Shylock was good to me too! To say that he's a great man is an understatement.. yay if u can hear me in your grave Mr Bard, i love ya. -hugs-

reconstructed MOV play excerpt:
Shylock:
-glances at Antonio- "How like a fawning publican he looks! I hate him, for he is a christian, because he lends out money gratis! -pauses- If i can catch him upon the hip, I will feed fat the ancient grudge I bear him. Cursed be my tribe if I forgive him!

Shylock:
-to duke- "An oath, an oath! I hath an oath in Heaven, shall I lay perjury on my soul? I WILL HAVE MY BOND!" -thunders-

Shylock:
-after Antonio renders mercy- "Nay, take my life and all. I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew hands? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you WRONG us, shall we, not revenge? -bitter laugh- If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.
Send the deed after me.. I will sign it." -stares, turns and leaves limply-
-light fades-

what happens to an overheated pressure cooker?

continue adding water to it. seeing that it bubbles more furiously, you slam the cooker cover on top ever more tightly. you don't see what's going on inside, the furious internal churnings. There is no opening, no way out. don't underestimate steam - it can drive an steady working engine crazy.

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