Tickles your Whiskers with Loveleilani's Jokes

Ladies What floor??

A "Husband Shopping Center" was opened where a woman
could go to choose from among many men, for her
husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men
increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up
the floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any
floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if
you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except
to leave the place.

So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find
men. First floor, the door had a sign saying "These
men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign
and say "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not
loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up
they go.

Second floor says "These men have high paying jobs,
love kids, and are extremely good looking" Hmmm, say
the girls. But, I wonder what's further up?".

Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are
extremely good looking, love kids and help with the
housework.." Wow! say the women. Very tempting, BUT,
there's more further up!? And so again, they go up.

Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love
kids, are extremely good looking, help with the
housework, and have a strong romantic streak."

Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be
awaiting us further on!

So up to the fifth floor they go.

The sign on that door said "This floor is just to
prove that women are impossible to please. Well,
most women...

Thank you
for shopping and have a nice day."

CHINESE PROVERBS

(author unknown)
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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
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> Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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A woman who had suffered with a terrible chronic headache for several days finally went to a famous "new age" holistic doctor as a last resort.

"Doctor, I have tried everything," she complained, "but my headache just
won't go away." The doctor replied, "You have come to the right place. This is what I want you to do. Go home, stare at yourself in the mirror, point your index
fingers at your temples, and repeat this mantra: 'I really don't have a headache,
I really don't have a headache'. Keep doing it, and you'll see, before long the headache will simply vanish."

As she left the doctor's office, skeptical but curious at the same time, she tried the maneuver in front of the mirror in the elevator. Fingers pointed at her temples, she repeated, "I really don't have a headache, I really don't have a headache..." She had barely said it four times, when she realized her headache was gone. Shocked and elated, she ran back up to the doctor.

"Doctor!" she cried. "You are a genius! Can I please send you my husband?
He's been having problems in a certain department ... how can I put it... "

"When was the last time you two had sex?" asked the doctor. "About eight years ago," she replied sadly. "Send him over," said the doctor, "and I'll see what I can do."

A few days later, she was waiting with bated breath for her husband to come home from the doctor. When he finally came home, he asked her to wait and went straight into the bathroom. When he came out a few moments later, he threw her on the couch and began making wild, passionate love to her.

When it was over, he went right back into the bathroom. A few minutes later he came out, roused her from her bliss and went at it again, like an insatiable young man. After another hour of great sex, he locked himself in the bathroom again.

By now, the wife had become unbearably curious. She tiptoed to the bathroom door, looked through the keyhole and saw her husband staring at himself in the mirror, fingers pointed at his temples and repeating: "That woman is not my wife. That woman is not my wife."