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EASTER CARROTS
by BUD TANT
Easter 1992
Cummins Unit
Easter is in the air
all over America. Yellow daffodils have popped up out of the ground across
the countryside, and of course, all the hens are working overtime to lay
enough eggs for Easter. I like Easter and I certainly hope we don't have
the scandal this Easter that very nearly ruined Easter for many little
boys and girls last year.
Did you hear about the scandal? No, I
suppose not. The government hushed it up pretty well and I don't think
anyone saw anything about the scandal on television. But, I will admit
there were some whisperings on some playgrounds about the whole thing and
nobody seemed to know the whole story. So I think I'll set the record
straight so we don't have another mess this year...
It all started
out innocently enough, I suppose. The Easter Bunny works real hard this
time of year and last year was no exception. As Easter drew near, his
warehouse was packed with his Easter supplies. He had mountains of green
plastic grass covered with millions and zillions of red, yellow, green and
orange candy Easter eggs; oodles of cream-filled chocolate eggs; scaddles
of little yellow marshmallow chickies and loads and loads of hollow
chocolate Easter Bunnies -- and they were his favorite food!
Yep,
that old Easter Bunny got mighty tired and MIGHTY, MIGHTY hungry when he
filled the Easter baskets, so he'd munch on those chocolate Easter Bunnies
while he
worked. He especially liked the ears. He'd chomp off a
chocolate Easter Bunny's ear and go "YUMMMMMMMMMMM!!" They fit perfectly
in the Easter Bunny's little mouth. Yes, I'm afraid he was real bad about
chomping those hollow chocolate Easter Bunny ears.
So last year
the Easter Bunny was humming and chomping chocolate ears as he filled
basket after basket. He was very careful to fill each basket just right.
He'd line the basket with green, pink yellow or lavender plastic grass;
then he'd put six candy-coated marshmallow eggs in the basket, along with
a bunch of jelly beans, a marshmallow chick and, of course, he'd top the
whole thing off with a big hollow chocolate Easter Bunny.
He was
having a lot of fun. He was working away when suddenly - "OUCH!" he cried.
He only had four teeth and one of them was hurting very, very bad.
I'm afraid the ol' Easter Bunny wasn't very good about brushing
his teeth properly and now he had a great big cavity in one of his teeth!
"Oh," he cried, "I have a terrible tooth ache and it's really bad -
because everybody knows that rabbits have great big teeth!"
It was
terrible. The Easter Bunny was standing there beside that mountain of
Easter candy, holding his jaw and crying. Well, about that time ol' Buster
Bunny came along. Buster is the Easter Bunny's cousin and he usually came
around hoping that the Easter Bunny would give him some free Easter candy.
"Eh, what's up, doc?" Buster asked.
"My tooth!" cried the
poor Easter Bunny. "I have a terrible tooth ache and I won't be able to
finish making up the Easter baskets for all the boys and girls! And who'll
deliver them even if I do make them?" Poor Easter Bunny. He was in pain
and sad, too. Yes, the Easter Bunny was one sad rabbit, I tell you.
Ol' Buster scratched his head right between his big ears. He was
thinking. Now, Buster Bunny is a pretty good rabbit, I suppose, but he can
be a sneaky joker, too. Buster raised his eyebrows and said slyly, "Well,
why don't you just go to the dentist, Dr. Vet, and I'll fill those baskets
and deliver them to the children for you."
"Oh, would you?" the
Easter Bunny asked gratefully. "The kids just have to have their Easter
baskets," he said frantically. "If they don't get their Easter baskets
they won't be able to hunt Easter eggs tomorrow."
"Don't worry
about a thing," Buster said, patting the Easter Bunny on the back and
sending him on his way. "I've got it all under control..."
So off
the Easter Bunny went to see Dr. Vet so he could get that cavity filled.
And Buster Bunny was left alone with a whole mountain of Easter candy...
Buster didn't go right to work filling Easter baskets. No, first
he ate some candy. And then, after he'd eaten a couple of cream-filled
chocolate eggs and a marshmallow chick or two, he laid back on that pile
of Easter basket grass and got to thinking... Now it's true, I suppose,
that Buster Bunny likes candy. But everybody knows that Buster LOVES
carrots. Old Buster might be a wise-guy, but he also likes his teeth and
he knows that carrots are much better for your teeth and eyes than candy.
So what he had to do was figure out a way to turn part of his candy into
carrots! "Hmmmmmmmm...." he said to himself.
He hadn't been lying
on the plastic grass too long when lo and behold, he heard a CLOP, CLOP,
CLOP sound. Buster looked down the road and he could hardly believe his
eyes: There came Mr. Sam sitting in the driver's seat of a horse-drawn
wagon. And in the back of that big wagon was a huge load of carrots!
Looked like ol' Mr. Sam was taking a load of carrots to the market for
Farmer Brown.
Buster casually got up from his bed of plastic grass
and walked up to the side of the road. "Eh, what's up, doc?" Buster said
pleasantly to Mr. Sam.
Mr. Sam was in a hurry and he wasn't much in
the mood for talking to any rabbit. "I say, boy - I say, just back off,
ya' silly wabbit!" Mr. Sam was very business-like. "I'm taking these juicy
carrots to the farmer's market and I don't have time to fool with no
twicky wabbits!"
Buster looked hurt. "Oh," he said innocently, "I
would never try to trick anyone as smart as you, Mr. Sam. But, say, those
are sure some nice fat carrots you have in your wagon!"
Mr. Sam
narrowed his eyes. "That's wight, silly wabbit, and like I told you, I'm
taking these carrots to the market and I'll fill the first wabbit that
messes with 'em full of lead!" Ol' Mr. Sam always wears too big
six-shooters and everybody knows he'll pull them out and start blasting
away any time he gets angry.
Buster walked nonchalantly over to
the mountain of Easter candy and selected a fat cream-filled chocolate
egg. "No, Mr. Sam, I sure wasn't trying to trick you," Buster said
trickily. "All I wanted to do was give you this cream-filled chocolate egg
for Easter." Buster handed the delicious candy egg to Mr. Sam.
Mr.
Sam's narrow eyes got even more narrow. He looked at Buster suspiciously.
Ol' Buster Bunny had been known to pull the wool over Sam's eyes in the
past, and Sam was just a little leery of taking any presents from Buster
Bunny. But, of course he took it -- and then he took a big bite out of the
candy egg. It melted in his mouth.
"YUMMMMMMMY!" cried Mr. Sam. He
just couldn't help himself. That was one gooooood Easter egg! He took
another bite and his eyes rolled back in his head. "I say, boy -- I say,
this is about the best candy Easter egg I've ever sunk a tooth into!"
Buster looked innocent and walked to the back of the wagon. "How'd
you like to trade those old carrots for a load of Easter candy?" he asked
slyly.
Mr. Sam slitted his narrow eyes and looked real hard at
Buster. He knew this just had to be another one of Buster' tricks. But,
think as he might, he couldn't see how Buster could mess him around on
this sweet deal, but he still didn't like doing business with a cagey
rabbit.
"Alright, boy," Mr. Sam snarled, "you've got yourself a
deal -- I say, you've got yourself a deal. But if this turns out to be
another one of your twicks, I'm gonna fill ya' full of lead!"
Buster couldn't believe his good fortune. So he hurriedly emptied
all the carrots out of the wagon and filled it with Easter candy -- all
the way to the top.
"Now back off, silly wabbit!" Mr. growled at
Buster. "I've got to get this candy home before it melts." And away went
Mr. Sam in his horse-drawn wagon with a good portion of the Easter Bunny's
candy...
Buster stuffed himself with juicy orange carrots. He ate
until his stomach looked like a white beach ball. Then he began filling
the rest of the Easter baskets with candy.
Before long Buster was
finished -- or at least he was completely out of Easter candy. "Uh-oh," he
said to himself. He knew he was going to be in BIG trouble when his cousin
the Easter Bunny discovered that he'd run out of candy for the Easter
baskets. He looked around guiltily. Then he got a great idea: he still had
plenty of bright orange carrots left! So he put a carrot or two in each
Easter basket and then delivered them to all the sleeping little boys and
girls' houses. He knew he wasn't supposed to wake them up, so he snuck in
the window of each house and quietly left an Easter basket in each living
room...
The next morning, right after the rooster crowed a little
girl named Holly woke up. She sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. "Oh,
boy!" she cried, "it's Easter and I'll bet the Easter bunny left me an
Easter basket!" Holly leaped out of bed and ran into the living room, just
knowing that she had some chocolate covered Easter candy to eat!
When
she got to the living room, there it was on the coffee table: Holly's
Easter basket! "Oh, boy!" she yelled and ran toward the Easter basket. But
when she got there, she stopped dead in her tracks. She couldn't believe
her eyes. Oh, she had a pretty Easter basket, alright -- but all it had in
it was green plastic grass and an orange carrot!
"MAMA!" Holly
cried as she raced to her mother's bedroom in tears. "MAMA! THE DARN
EASTER BUNNY JUST LEFT ME A DARN CARROT IN MY BASKET!" she wailed. Poor
Holly.
Her mother jumped out of bed and said, "Well, Holly, there
must be some mistake!" But there was no mistake: Holly had the Easter
basket right there in her hand, and right in the middle of the basket
there was a big old orange carrot! Her mother parted the plastic grass
with her hands, searching for candy. But there was no candy to be found;
only a carrot...
Her mother got very, very angry. "Well, I ought
to report that Easter Bunny to the Pope or somebody! The nerve of that
rabbit! That dirty creep has got some explaining to do and he's going to
get it when I find him!" Then Holly's mama went over to the big fat
telephone directory and looked up the Easter Bunny's home telephone
number. There it was -- right there in the "B" section: Mr. E. Bunny.
She dialed the number listed. It was busy. All she got was an
irritating BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ. She tried the number for a long time, but it
kept being busy.
Yes, the Easter Bunny's phone was ringing off the
hook because there were many, many angry mothers calling to complain about
the darn Easter carrots. But finally she did get through and heard the
ringing on the other end of the line.
"Hello," the Easter Bunny
said a little cautiously.
"Is this the Easter Bunny?" Holly's mom
demanded.
"Uh, yes...it is," the Easter Bunny admitted. He had
received a whole bunch of nasty telephone calls that morning and he hated
to admit that he was the Easter Bunny when he answered the phone.
"Well, this is Holly's mother and I want to know what's the
meaning of giving my daughter a carrot in her Easter basket instead of
candy?" Holly's mama was hot!
The Easter Bunny was very apologetic
about the mix-up. He told Holly's mama that he was very sorry and that he
would bring Holly some candy just a soon as he could hop over to her
house.
A little while later the doorbell rang and Holly ran to
open the door. When she opened the door, there stood the Easter Bunny! He
was a little nervous because he had already been to a lot of houses and
the mothers had chewed him out pretty good. So he stood there with his big
eyes wide open and a sack filled with candy Easter eggs, chocolate bunnies
and marshmallow chickies.
"Gosh, I'm sorry," the Easter Bunny
said. "My cousin Buster Bunny was supposed to deliver this candy for me
because Dr. Vet was filling one of my teeth." The Easter Bunny pulled his
lip back so Holly and her mama could see the shiny new filling. Boy, did
he ever have big teeth! Why, that filling looked like a quarter! It was
that large.
When he was convinced that Holly and her mother had
seen the filling, he quickly went on with his story. He wasn't talking too
good because his lip was still numb from the shot Dr. Vet had given him.
"I knew I should have gotten Peter Rabbit to help me -- or even the March
Hare," he explained. Holly and her mother told the Easter Bunny "thanks
for the candy," and off he went to the next house...
So that was
the scandal in a nut shell, but I guess I should tell you how it all
ended...
It took the Easter Bunny all day long to straighten out
that mess. The way I understand it, Mr. Sam was arrested for possession of
stolen Easter candy. But when the Sheriff, Deputy Dawg heard his story he
let ol' Mr. Sam go just so Mr. Sam could shoot Buster Bunny! And late last
Easter night I was watching the news on TV when I saw a newsreel of Buster
Bunny running down the road with Mr. Sam hot on his trail. Mr. was
blasting away with both six-shooters and yelling "come back here, silly
wabbit! I say -- I say, come back here ya' dirty carrot thief!"
He
didn't get Buster, though. He never gets him. Ol' Buster does things like
that all the time and he always gets away. I think that's maybe because he
can see Mr. coming a long way off. Buster eats lots of carrots, and
carrots make you have good eyesight...
So, if for some reason you
wake up on Easter morning and find a carrot in your Easter basket, don't
cry. No, just have your mom or grandma call the Easter Bunny. He's right
there in the telephone directory. Mr. E.
Bunny...
Blood Cows
FACTOR 8: THE ARKANSAS PRISON BLOOD SCANDAL
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Duda's award-winning film unflinchingly documents the whole story the U.S. government and the state of Arkansas have tried to keep hidden from the world.
Click the photo of Kelly Duda at work to order your own copy of
Click the photo of Kelly Duda at work to visit the
Please help spread the word about this important film,
"Factor 8: The Arkansas Prison Blood Scandal"
Factor 8 Documentary website
along with the urls to the linked pages.
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