*****

Fifteen hours and twenty-three minutes.

That's how long I've been waiting for you. I sat crouched there in the corner for hours... Not any more, though. I finally *get* it... and now, there's shit that needs doing. The leather will be easy to clean... the shirt's gonna take a little work. Still might be a lost cause, though. Stains become permanent when ya let 'em set too long.

Fifteen hours and twenty-three minutes.

Not all that long in the big scheme of things. Or even in the little scheme of things, really. But then, as the good doctor Einstein pointed out, time is a relative sort of thing, isn't it. Surprised? Yeah, I know who Einstein was..... I'm not quite the ignorant barbarian you all think I am. Perception is a relative sort of thing too. All you saw was the "slut-o-rama" from Southie with bad table manners and a mouth like a trucker. I guess you could call that part of my urban camouflage, a definite necessity if ya wanna keep people from fuckin' with ya. Bet you never guessed that before I dropped out, I'd never gotten lower than an A- on any test I'd ever taken. School had one major drawback though... they asked too many of the *wrong* fuckin' questions. Answering them all would only have earned me more bruises. I'd seen how the 'child services-go-round' worked... you always wound up *right* back where ya started; so I went with street smarts instead of book smarts. Where I come from, that was the currency of greater value. You wouldn't know anything about that though, would you. You've got the 'supermom' who actually gives a shit... but again, like the Doc said, it's all relative. Sometimes literally.

// Wild... //

That theory of his gets proven over and over again whenever *you're* a part of the equation... I should be used to it by now, shouldn't I? An hour *with* you is over in the blink of an eye, but when I'm sitting in this fucking shitbox of a motel room waiting for you, time slows to an agonizing crawl. It drives me right out of my *frikken* head. Did it *ever* feel that way to you?

// I go wild 'cause you break me open //

I doubt it.

Jeezus-fuckin'-Christ, would you listen to me? Since when do I allow *anybody* to have that kind of power over me? I guess... ever since I made the mistake of letting you in.

// Wild, 'cause you left me here //

Time was I could give a rat's ass. The only one I needed was *me* and the only opinion that mattered was my own.

// I go Wild... //

I learned early on that I was the only person I could really depend on... doesn't matter *what* song and dance anyone else gives ya at first, when the shit hits the fan they'll dump you without thinking twice about it. You made me lose sight of that. What was it you'd said when Kakistos had caught up with me? Oh yeah,

** "One of him. Two of us." **

'Us...'

// 'Cause your promises are broken //

Do you even have clue one just how *stupidly* happy that little fuckin' word made me? Even way back then, I actually dared to believe it... that there could be an 'us.' "You and me against the world," right? Jesus... how frikken' *pathetic*. Guess I should thank you for relieving me of that mistaken perception... it seems I'm not quite the 'quick study' I used to be. You were damned good at making all the appropriate "I'm here for you" noises though... had me fooled. Not many people can lay claim to that one. Congratulations, you really had me goin'.

Fifteen hours and twenty-three minutes.

The amount of time it now takes Faith to wake the fuck up to reality.

Y'know, when I landed on the other side of that wall, I turned around to catch you. Yeah, I knew you wouldn't need any help over, but it's what we *always* did... gave a hand over the obstacles.

// Wild because the chips are down //

I stood there with my hand extended, waiting to grab yours... even long after the sound of your footsteps faded away. I just *couldn't* believe that the sound belonged to you.

// Wild because there isn't anybody else around //

Eventually it sank in; the *only* person on the other side of that wall was beyond any and all help. I think it was in that very instant that I began to realize...

// Wild when the waves start to break //

just *how* much that poor sonofabitch and I had in common.

// And God knows they're breaking in me now //

Didn't get it at the time, but "we" died in that alley too... the *instant* your eyes met mine after it happened.

// I go Wild because it doesn't make sense //

I tried to say something... I *didn't* fuckin' know... you get that, right? We'd done it a *hundred* times before... grab the bad guy, toss him to your partner, instant dust cloud. Efficient slaying in the heat of battle. Hesitation of *any* kind can get you seriously dead.

** "One of him. Two of us." **

Only this time, a human somehow switched places with the vamp. I swear, *I didn't know.* He grabbed you just like *they* did... I couldn't let him hurt you. I...

// For me to cry out in my own defense //

Didn't... know.

But you did... a split second too late. Too late for me, too late for him... too fuckin' late for *us.* It was all there in your eyes, y'know; I just didn't want to admit it 'till now. No more team... no more "us." No amount of dancing and bonding time can change that.

// And Wild because I would do anything //

Your eyes had looked at me with such raw desire only a day earlier, and oh, how I'd *rejoiced* to finally see it. Hell, I was frikken' *drunk* on it. Imagine that amplified by a million when you pushed me up against the wall at the back of the Bronze and kissed me.

// To tear you off your precious fence //

No more innuendo and teasing... you were there, *feeling* it, our power together... feeling *us.* It made you happier than I'd ever seen you before. You admitted it and it made you so *fuckin'* happy... just like I knew it would.

But that vanished in a human heartbeat. All your eyes had held afterward was shocked revulsion. Not with the situation, not with our slaying rhythm gone so horribly wrong... but with *me.*

// So this is what it's like living in limbo //

So much in such a short span of time, isn't it. How did that story begin? "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

// First I'm high then I'm so low //

Too fuckin' right.

I had to go back and look at him... hoping against hope that it was all just another fucked up nightmare. I also needed to see if you really *had* ditched me. Maybe... maybe *you'd* had to look once more, too... hadn't really run away from me at all, just needed to be sure. 'Hope springs eternal' and all that shit.

// I go wild...'Cause you break me open //

Stupid me. Gonna win the chump of the century award hands down at this rate.

// Wild... 'Cause you left me here //

Just me and him... staring in disbelief at one another. I'd always heard that dead eyes reflected nothing. I can say for the record now that that's all bullshit. I looked into his eyes... and I saw myself looking back. He and I were wearing the same stunned _expression. I reached out and touched the blood... it just didn't seem real until I actually did. Not warm like before... cooler now, and starting to coagulate. As I was staring at it on my fingertips I heard you again, in my head...

** One of him. Two of us. **

Liar. There's only me... just like it's always been.

// I go wild... 'Cause your promises are broken //

First rule *always*: look out for Number 1. I *never* should have forgotten that. You obviously didn't. So who did you run to first? Dead boy? The witch bitch? Either one of 'em would fall all over themselves to protect you and cheerfully serve *me* up on a tidy judicial platter. Anything to get me away from you... after all, I'm the trespasser on their "Buffy Summers" territory. If you haven't gone to either of them yet then you will soon, that's for damned sure. Or maybe you were actually daring enough to go to the Watchers? Crying your eyes out about how I'd tried to "corrupt" you and then killed a civilian despite your pleading for me not to. I can just see it now... an Oscar worthy performance to melt even the most tweed bound British heart. No... you'd go to Giles maybe, but not Queen Wes. He pisses you off more than anyone else ever has.

Knocking...Who the fuck is that? Cops?

"Faith, it's me."

Well speak of the devil... have you rallied the forces already? Come to take me in? You've made the point of exactly where you stand now... you've pulled yourself so far away from me that I didn't even feel you out there. And that pisses me off even more.

// Wild... When I know you're near //

I'm surprised when I open the door and see that you're alone. What's this then... more mind fucking before you try and take me in? You ditched me... left me to handle *all* of it... aren't you even going to *say* anything?

"Hey."

// I go wild... I go... wild //

That's it? That's all you can fuckin' *say*?! The urge to punch you is almost too much to resist. The only way I can is if I keep my hands occupied so I leave you in the doorway and go back to scrubbing my shirt. Of course you follow me. *Now,* you fuckin' follow me.

// Tell me what you've come for //

"So, I... uh... How are you doing?"

// Moving like a hunter through my back door //

Not bad, B... I could *almost* believe that there's genuine concern behind that. You've fooled me before though. Not again... 'cause actions will always speak louder than words. That's not what I say to you though.

"I'm alright. You know me."

You might want to towel off some of that dripping sarcasm.

// Leaving the perfume of all you adore //

"Faith, we need to talk about what we're gonna do."

*We*? That isn't gonna work this time, Twinkie. I know now that there is only a 'we' when it's convenient for *you.*

// To die nameless on my floor //

"There's nothing to talk about. I was doing my job."

"Being a Slayer is *not* the same as being a killer."

// Yeah well we both know that you don't play fair //

So that's what it comes down to, huh? You are *finally* proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to be the only "true" Slayer. And me? I'm nothing but a mistake, a piece of shit killer. Is *that* what this is leading up to, B?

"Faith, please don't shut me out here. Look, sooner or later, we're both gonna have to deal."

"Wrong."

Fifteen hours and twenty-three minutes.

I've had *plenty* of time to 'deal,' B... you made sure of that. You shut *me* out... remember?

"We can help each other."

// I guess you really think that you get me there //

"I don't need it."

That's all I can say, 'cause the urge to smash your *lying* face in is gettin' harder and harder to ignore. Again, I have to walk away from you to resist.

I thought you understood... I thought you were *finally* getting it. What we are... what we could be... *together.* You followed me into that sewer. You left school with me to dust vamps.

// Let's be honest perhaps this little ride //

And afterwards? *You... wanted... me.* I saw it. Angel saw it. *Everyone* at the Bronze saw it.

// Is too much for even you to bear //

Maybe *that's* what this is about. God forbid the golden girl is actually getting *wet* over another female. What would your tight assed friends think of you then? Well guess what... they've already suspected it *long* before now.

"Yeah? Who's wrong now? Faith, you can shut off all the emotions that you want..."

// You've got some nerve to come back here //

"... but eventually, they're gonna find a body."

// You're not the only one who can smell fear //

You fucking *bitch*... you really *are* here to make sure your own ass is covered, aren't you? You wanna know what I've been up to... make sure it doesn't conflict with whatever alibi you've set up for yourself. You wanna know? Fine.

"Okay, this is the *last* time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me? There *is* no body. I took it, weighted it, and dumped it. The body doesn't exist."

// I go Wild... 'Cause you break me open //

I did it for the *both* of us, y'know. At the time I still *stupidly* believed I had to protect you.

// Wild... 'Cause you left me here //

Seems like I've *always* been the "bad seed" that everyone points fingers at... so I *know* how to survive, how to skip town and stay below radar when it becomes clear that no one gives a flying fuck about extenuating circumstances and particulars. I didn't want you to have to face *any* of that, so I covered your back. I honestly thought that you'd have done the same for me. I still wanted to believe in "us."

// I go wild... 'Cause your promises are broken //

The only 'back' *you* cover though, is tall, dark and broody.

"Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away."

Right B... 'cause the 'evidence' isn't your *real* problem at all, is it? *I* am.

I try my best to mask the true depths of pain, disappointment and bitterness that I'm feeling when I reply.

"It does for me."

// I go wild... Don't you get it dear? //

I would have done *anything* for you. Why? 'Cause there was no greater feeling than knowing that I'd found my soul mate.

// You're not the only one who runs on instincts

No, I've got instincts of my own //

And nothing more devastating than realizing you will *never* allow me to be that for you.

// You've got a lot of nerve to come back

Plan your attack, yeah I am still waiting

Did you want something? //

"Faith, you don't get it..."

// You wrote the rules to try to contain me //

Don't say it, don't you *fucking dare* say it. At *least* leave me with the illusion that we are *some* sort of friends.

"You killed a man."

// You broke 'em, now you have untamed me //

You said it. Not 'we'...'you.'

// And I'm Wild //

So I was *alone* in that alley? *No* one shoved him to me?

// I... go... Wild //

*Fuck* you, Buffy Summers!

I want to scream my pain out to the heavens, 'cos it is *shredding* my insides to bits... but I don't. I'm *not* gonna give you the satisfaction.

"No, *you* don't get it..."

I can feel a feral smile stretching my lips. Thanks for the wake-up call, B. I know what kind of person you are now. And ya know what?

"...I don't care!"

Fifteen hours and twenty-three minutes.

The amount of time it takes for love to truly die.

// And I'm Wild... //

~*~ Finis ~*~