*****
Buffy and Spike were married. She had 12 kids already, and triplets were on the way. Buffy loved being pregnant, even though it was hard to slay vamps with a bulging belly. Sometimes, she used the belly to her advantage, bumping against the vamps like a sumo wrestler. The grumpiness due to swollen ankles and the need to pee every five minutes gave her the extra oomph to want to kill.
Buffy had never felt like a woman until Spike had put that first baby inside her. Sure, she'd thought she'd had it all, but there's nothing quite like motherhood. She pitied poor Faith, who had redeemed herself but still insisted on being a lesbian.
Buffy wished she could be pregnant all the time, and found herself crushingly depressed whenever she had to wait for the birth sutures to heal. She would hide herself away from her beloved Spike at those times, because she knew she just wasn't worthy of his love.
Then (after waking from her reverie) , she shouted an angry Amazon yell, and staked the vampire before her. Her daughter, Mary Sue #1, clapped muchly. Mary Sue #1 had all the best of her and Spike, from her cute little nose, to her huge black eyebrows, to her long, thick penis.
One day, Buffy came home from her PTA meeting to find she was all out of flour. How could she bake the cake for Spike's birthday party now? What would she do? She looked at the clock but it was well after 11 -- the store was closed. To add insult to injury, she had left a cake out in the rain the previous week, and she would never have that receipe again.The only thing for it was to make one of those cakes-from-a-box, and as she stirred the fake yellow batter it grew thin and salty with her tears.
Or possibly from her amniotic fluid, as Buffy's water broke while she was still baking. Buffy knew she was the worst wife in the world. "I don't deserve to even be *beaten*!" she cried, sobbing. Buffy sobbed while the pain overtook her. She was lonely. She had no female friends since Willow had evolved to pure evil and joined the First Evil. Mary Sue #1 was sweet, but being part hermaphrodite, she wasn't exactly a female. She callled for her daughter, who came bouncing over, a disturbing sight, what with the bulge and all.
"Mary Sue #1, luv, (Buffy picked up Spike speak) mommy's in labor. Again."
"But, Mooommm!! I have a date tonight with Xander Jr.!"
So, since Cowshark is bored, they rush to the hospital, blah blah blah (hey, Iggy Pop album title), and she's in labor, what with the yelling and the breathing and the sweating and the "*you* did this to me!!".
Meanwhile, Xander and Oz were smooching madly in the waiting room, not caring that all thirteen (or was that twelve?) of Buffy's kids were watching. In another corner, Angel and Giles were wringing their hands over Buffy's condition, and on each other's cocks.
So, they're all smoochy woochy, and Buffy is all painy-wainy, and no Spike.
Buffy was getting pissed. She huffed and puffed, but her hubby Spike was not sharing the miracle of birth with her again. The asshole.
"B, babe." It wasn't Spike. It was...Faith!
"Faith, where's Spike?"
"He decided he wanted out of this fic, what with the bad
characterization and the silliness and the lack of Dru.
What a jerk."
"Yeah, he is," Buffy agreed between pains and such.
"Also, the need for a plot device so we can fall in love.
Wanna fall in love?" Faith smiled all sexy-like.
"Will that make me deliver these monsters earlier?"
Buffy huffed.
"I'm not sure. Won't hurt to try."
So, Buffy and Faith fell in love, with flowers and dancing
(well, limited boogying) and smooches and such. Then
all two (or was it three?) babies shot out of her like a ball
from a cannon. It was cool!
Being the spitting images of their father, physical and
mental, they immediately began to babble things like
"cor," and "oy". It was cool!
Buffy and Faith smooched while the babies quickly
learned to crawl and coo and steal shiny instruments.
It was lurve.
THE END
Oh yeah, and they all had the gay sex, and Willow was
pure evil, I grr at her.
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