*****

Prologue

Buffy couldn't believe it. How could he? Angel just waltzed into her life, talked to all her friends; and then left. Not so much as a 'hey'. Bastard. She wasn't going to put up with that kind of treatment. Not from anyone, and especially not from him. So, she would go to see him in L.A. She was visiting her father for the last part of Thanksgiving weekend. It's not like she had to go out of her way. She HAD to see him. Just to let him know not to see her, and to stay out of her life. Then the knot in her stomach would go away. At least, that was the plan. She was jerked out of her thoughts by the phone.

"Hello?"

"Buffy? It's Giles." Buffy heard the phone being fought over, and a familiarly accented voice.

"Slayer." Buffy groaned. Giles calling so close after a major battle was bad enough. What the heck could Spike want with her?

"Yes, what can I do for you, oh impotent one?" Buffy said sweetly into the phone.

"Sod off. I wanted to know if you needed any help or anything in L.A. It's new territory for you. Never know what you might run into." Buffy could hear the snide way his lips were upturned right now. He knew exactly what she was going to run into - or who.

"Why? Slumming with a Slayer in Sunnydale is bad enough. Now you want to go public with me? Spike, I'm so honored." This was getting boring. Why didn't he just get to the point already?

"Well, whether you want company or not, I'm heading to L.A. I have a few...things I need to take care of." Buffy didn't even want to think about what those 'things' could be.

"Thought you might want to keep watch on me. Need a ride?" 'Need a ride'? What was Spike on, anyway? Buffy suddenly became more suspicious than she had been before.

"Gee, Spike - awfully pal of ya. But, I already have a bus ticket. Dad paid for it. And why do you even care?" Silence.

Buffy finally broke it.

"Spike? Put Giles back on the phone, ok?" At least with a normal human, you knew someone was there - you could hear them breathing. Dead silence with a vampire was exactly that. It was way too eerie.

"Buffy? Everything ok?"

"OK? No, Spike and I just had casual conversation about his accompanying me to L.A. Nothing abnormal, here, Giles..."

"Right, Buffy, of course. I was just...nevermind. So, when do the two of you leave?"

"Leave? When do we leave??!!" Buffy was very confused. Why would Giles of all people be willing to let her travel two hours, alone, in a metal deathtrap with her immortal enemy? This was just too creepy.

"Giles, I'm feeling challenged today. So you are going to explain to me, using small words, exactly why Spike is going with me?"

"Buffy, I'm sorry. I know what you are thinking, and I agree. It is very unlike Spike to ask for something like that. Ordinarily, I would be against such a trip; however, since he is no real threat to you..."

"No, just my sanity."

"Yes, well, I feel that it would be in our best interest if you found out what he was up to in L.A. He seems to want you to come, which is even more strange. I don't think you should pass this opportunity up."

Buffy was shocked. "Opportunity?! What opportunity, Giles? The opportunity to be bored out of my skull for two hours, or killed on the highway, or subjected to what he calls 'music'..."

"To find out what he is up to. He certainly hasn't bothered us of late, but I don't put it past him to be plotting something. He is not a very patient vampire. He will most likely slip up, and if he does it in L.A., all the more reason for you to be aware." Buffy sighed audibly. Giles was right. Spike may be a little impatient and scatterbrained - but that made him all the more dangerous. Nothing was worse than an unpredictable enemy. Especially one some of the scooby gang had come to almost befriend. He could easily knock them cold, and they wouldn't even see it coming.

"Ok. Tell Spike I will meet him tomorrow night at your place. He better have some room in that deathtrap for my luggage."

"Er, right, Buffy. I'll tell him. Goodnight"

"Goodnight, Giles" What the heck was 'good' about it? Now, not only was her stomach churning over seeing Angel, but she had two hours in a car with Spike to look forward to. Buffy sighed, and flopped down on her bed. Grabbing Mr. Gordo, she curled up and closed her eyes. She willed sleep to take her. She was going to need it.

*****
Part 1:

Buffy.

That single thought had occupied Angel's mind the entire trip back from Sunnydale. He had done it! He had gone to Sunnydale, fought the evil, and managed to stay out of her life. Of course it hurt. It hurt like hell. That wouldn't be changing anytime soon, and Angel knew it. He accepted it. She looked like she was with that guy. She was happy - moving on. And Angel had known loneliness before. In life and unlife. It was not new territory. He would live. And some day - never mind. He would live. Right now, that was enough.

All this was going through his mind as he rolled a pencil across his desk. He was vaguely aware in the back of his mind, that Cordelia was watching him. Probably worried about him. She always did. He often wondered when she became his friend. It seemed so ridiculous, really. Oh, well. What was the saying - 'It's the hellmouth'. He determined which leg needed to be propped up on his uneven desk, and dove into the drawer. He knew that stake was in here somewhere....

"Don't do it!" Angel looked up into the shocked face of Cordelia Chase. She had dragged Doyle into the office behind her, and she was waving her hand in his face. "she's not worth it, everything is going to be okay...." Her sentence trailed off as Angel placed the stake under a desk leg for support.

"The table was uneven." Angel almost grinned like an idiot at her expression. But he stayed his stoic self. In her shock, she might just faint dead away altogether. "Oh, well it was just that you went to Sunnydale, and you saw Buffy and....she's here! Hi Buffy..."

"Cordelia."

Suddenly, Doyle moved in front of Cordelia. "Seems we have another guest, as well."

"Don't get your britches in a bind, mate. I'm just along for the ride." Spike moved into the office, and plopped into a waiting chair. "Mind if I light a fag, mate?"

"Yes, I do mind." Angel's eyes bore into Spike. 'He hasn't changed', Angel thought. Just a few months ago, he was here rummaging through my stuff and having me tortured. Now he just waltzes in here and expects me not to throw him into the sunlight. Yeah. Right. What was going on, anyway? Buffy should know better than to bring him here. She knew what had happened. Part of Angel was upset she hadn't turned him into a pile of dust for it. Angel looked at Spike closely. On the surface, he looked the same. He had looked the same since some time in the seventies. Looking closer, Angel noticed he seemed, well, out of place. Not in the usual 'bad element' way. In the 'my life is screwed and I don't know why' way. Angel mentally shrugged it off. He knew about Spike's 'neutering' at the hands of the Initiative. He had actually laughed out loud about that. In private, of course. Some part of him that was still sadistic got a royal kick out of the fact that his errant childe was now in, for all purposes, a worse situation than him. *What was that about what goes around...* thought Angel.

"Well,for you 'Peaches', I'll behave. But only if you say 'please'.

Buffy rolled her eyes, and looked at the group apologetically.

"Angel, can I talk to you a minute?" Her face. Her beautiful face was set in that look Angel had come to both love and hate. She had made a decision. Was she going to tell him about that guy? Angel almost didn't want to hear. "Sure, Buffy." He held the door open for her, a silent invitation, and watched her walk inside. Sighing, he closed the door. He laughed silently as her heard Cordelia yelling at Spike.

"No you will not light a cigarette in this office, mister! I have enough trouble drycleaning demon guts out of my clothes! Do you know how hard it is to get out smoke stains?....."

Angel let the conversation go to the back of his mind, as he once again stared at Buffy. He could tell now that something was very wrong. "How are you?"

"You ought to know. You just saw me...now how does that work, exactly? You get to see me, but I can't see you? How fair is that?"

Angel winced. Her voice was cracking, and he could tell she wanted desperately to cry. What had he been thinking? "I thought it would be easier. Buffy, I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know." She paused, and then got some of her resolve back. "All I know is that my EX-boyfriend comes to town, sneaks around behind my back, and expects me to be all happy about it?"

"I was helping you, the demon..."

"No." The single word cut a slash in Angel's heart as he heard it. He could audibly hear the hurt and pain in her voice.

"You don't get to do that, anymore."

"Do what?" He didn't really need to ask - he knew the answer.

"Come to my rescue. You're not my boyfriend anymore, Angel. You can't just waltz in and out of my life and expect me not to care. I can't do it. When you left, it nearly killed me." She paused for a moment to regain her composure, and Angel looked at his desk. He couldn't look at her. 240 plus years of walking the earth still hadn't prepared him for this.

"I have a good thing going now. I'm in college, I have friends. I don't need you rescuing me."

As the two ex-lovers aired their differences, Spike listened from the waiting room. He silently thanked whatever demon was responsible for vampire hearing. He chuckled almost audibly. "You'll fight and shag until it kills you..." he mumbled. Never had he experienced a greater bout of clarity than that day....

"What is so funny, mister?" Cordelia was sitting in her chair; a small crossbow pointed at his chest. Doyle was standing silent guard by the door.

"Oh, sod off, Cordelia. I already told you, I can't bite you. Is this the way you treat your clients? No wonder they aren't breaking down the door..."

"Oh, sorry. It's just that most of our clients don't torture my boss. Kinda bad protocol."

"Oh, look. The cheerleader learned a new word." Spike grinned in that way he had, and felt immense satisfaction at the blush that crept over Cordelia's cheeks.

"Maybe I'm not a Road scholar, but at least I change my clothes more than once a decade."

Spike was about to retort, when she abruptly got up. He shifted slightly, half expecting her to use the crossbow in her hand.

"You say you can't bite, right?" Spike shook his head affirmative. "Well, great. I've had enough 'Love Connection' for one day. Doyle? How about lunch? I hear that new bistro down the street is awesome. And I swear they serve alcohol." Doyle grinned.

"I'm in toots. Lead the way."

Spike watched them go, and sighed. Now he was all alone in this soddin' place 'till slutty and the poof decided to either shag, kill each other, or storm out all ticked off. He had a feeling that could take awhile.

Spike was roused from his musings by a loud crash from Angel's office. *Bloody hell, they've graduated to throwing things* thought Spike. Great. The poof needed to re-decorate anyway. Maybe she'll break a window and let in some sunlight. Poof goes the poof! Spike chuckled at his joke. He was trying to choke down the pang of alarm that came with the thought of losing his wanker of a sire. Why should he care, anyway? Spike was jerked out of that thought by the sounds of a skirmish. *Bloody hell, I can't NOT watch this!* Spike got up and opened the office door just in time to see Buffy and Angel in a vicious fight with a demon Spike didn't recognize. That alone made him nervous. Spike had travelled quite a bit. He fancied himself a demon encyclopedia. Shrugging off his thoughts, he jumped in. Literally, over Buffy, who had been knocked to the floor near the door. Spike shifted into full game face and hit the demon with a vicious right hook; followed by a sweep to his legs. Angel was right there to back him up, but the demon had other plans. Outnumbered, he scurried toward the broken window he came in through.

"The end of days is near. More will be coming." Then he jumped out the window.

"Well, isn't that always the way it works", Buffy sighed. "Where is your crack staff, Angel?"

"They left, early lunchbreak. You're such a great boss, Angel. Can I work for you?" Spike batted his eyes at Angel. Angel merely avoided looking at him.

"Don't think so, Spike. You wouldn't survive a week."

"What! Who do you soddin' think you are?! I can kick some major demon ass!"

"Yeah, but inside of a week, Cordelia would kill you dead."

"Ha, bloody ha." Spike turned away and scowled. Angel always knew how to make a mate feel two feet tall. Spike convinced himself that the thought of Cordelia being the one to end his rather infamous unlife was what was making him upset. It couldn't be his Sire rejecting his offered help. No matter how half-assed it might have been.

"Well, then I guess I won't be leaving as soon as planned." Buffy looked at Spike. He looked upset. "I'm sorry, Spike. We can't leave anyway, it would be too hard to drive." Buffy sighed. She would fight this demon, and show Angel once and for all, she could take care of herself. She didn't need a Knight in leather to save her. She looked over at Spike, again. *Well, maybe once in awhile.*

*****
Part 2:

Spike was bored. Here he was, with the two people he hated most in the universe, trudging through a sewer. Trudging through a sewer, looking for a demon. Trudging through a sewer listening to his Sire and Buffy carefully talk to each other, to avoid talking to each other. He was going to be sick. How did he get dragged into this, again? He really couldn't remember. That was what bothered him the most - the fact that if he thought about it hard enough, he would realize no one talked him into it. He came down here willingly.

Trailing behind Buffy, like so many times of late. He found himself wishing the brick wall of the sewer was made of wood. Why him? He had asked that question so many times it was just rhetorical now. He lost the love of his un-life, got 'neutered', and now the only way he got his happy was fighting demons. Which meant helping the Slayer. He was an outcast. Master Vampire, ha. He may be older and smarter, but who is going to follow a leader who can't feed or maim? Leading by example would certainly be out. And teaching fledglings was kind of hard when you couldn't demonstrate the fine points. Damn. Someone, somewhere, was having a big laugh at his expense. And he hated it. Stewed in it. Someday, he was going to get this soddin' chip out of his head. Then, the whole world would pay for tormenting William the Bloody.

Spike sighed. He had meant to start the revenge this weekend. He came to L.A. with Buffy to get his chip removed. He then could have killed her here, in front of Angel, and away from her precious 'Scooby Gang'. Sadly, they were a major reason she survived. If he could get her seperated - Spike grinned. Buffy burgers. Buffy stew. Buffy stew seasoned with 'Angel dust'. He imagined keeping a vial of her blood, mixed with some of Angels' ashes in a vial around his neck. That is one prize he would love to have. Spike laughed out loud.

"Spike? Care to share with the group?"

Buffy was giving him her most irritated look. Probably ready to jump to anything but the conversation he was mildly overhearing. *Angel, this is so weird. I mean, you're here, but you're not, and we can't...* Spike wanted to wretch.

"No." He followed that statement up with one of his famous 'grin-smirks'. Buffy just rolled her eyes and sent an imploring look to Angel.

"We should split up. The demon could be anywhere by now. Buffy, why don't you go topside? There is a bar on down by the waterfront, it's a known demon hangout. Spike and I will keep looking down here."

"Yeah, no problem."

"We'll meet back at your place later?"

"Sounds good." Spike watched as Angel helped Buffy out of the manhole. He noticed how her pants managed to not get mussed, even in a sewer in L.A. He smiled. Maybe killing her quickly wouldn't be the best idea. What's good for the Sire....

"Let's get going. We have a lot more ground to cover."

"Right." Spike made no move to hide his irritation. He made no move to leave, either. So what if he was stuck down here with Angel. Alone. With his Sire. The same one he tried to have tortured to death a few months prior. Angel was Mr. Brood. Probably conjured up some reason in his mind that it was his own fault. Souls - who needs one? *Just a bloody pain in the arse* Spike mused, running his fingers along the wall. *Never catch me with soul-fever.* After seeing what it had done to his once beautiful Sire, he wanted nothing of it. Angelus was beautiful. The way he killed was beautiful. The way he hit was beautiful. The way he dominated, the way he smiled - he was beautiful in every memory Spike had.

Until the soul.

Worst of all - he cut his hair! That was Spike's favorite part of his Sire's body. He wouldn't ever tell him. Angelus was mighty proud of his cock, and granted he knew how to use it. But Spike loved his curly dark locks. This poofy 'Ricky Martin' do was not sitting well. Not at all. And why? A stupid soul caused by a gift from his blonde sire. The chit deserved to be blonde. Spike hoped she was rotting in hell right now. Paying for all the grief she gave the demon world with that single, stupid act. Spike sighed. He hoped they found the demon soon, killed it, and he could get back to Sunnydale. At least he could stomach being there. *People to rob, 'scoobies' to torture.* Life could be worse. He could be like Angel.

"Ew! What the bloody hell is that?!" Spike stopped short and looked at the green slime now covering his fingertips. Angel, hearing his outburst, turned around and looked at Spike.

"Looks like blood from the demon. He must have been cut jumping out the window."

Leave it to the wanker to state the obvious. *Leave it to me to wait for him to do it.*

"Well, good. We must be getting close. Let's kill this thing so I can go home." Spike took off, brushing past Angel roughly. He smiled slightly when he didn't get a headache. Sometimes, the chip had its positive moments.

"Spike, wait. You don't have...a weapon" Angel finished quietly. Spike was practically bounding down the sewer. Angel sped up his pace to catch him.

Spike didn't care that Angel wasn't following. He didn't need the poof, anyway. He long ago grew out of needing his Sire's protection. Besides, he'd had plenty of demon-killing experience lately. Lost in thought, he almost didn't notice the demon charge at him from a junction. Spike narrowly missed getting his head cleaved off with a sword. He ducked, and backed away. When he raised his head, the demon was wielding the sword again. He thrust his arm up in an attempted block, and shifted sideways. The sword came in contact with his forearm,leaving a nasty cut. Spike barely noticed the cut, as Angel came into the fight. He'd had the foresight to bring one of his varied weapons. Spike watched in deja-vu awe, as Angel, demon in the fore, clashed with the demon. Weapon on weapon, they fought as if in a vicious dance. The demon slashed; Angel parried. Angel slashed; the demon parried. The demon barely missed Angel's head, and kicked him - sending him reeling. Spike snapped out of his musings and sent a punch flying at the demon's jaw. Angel, having regained his balance, brought his sword up again. The demon, distracted by Spike, didn't see Angel coming. Angel thrust the sword into the demon's chest. The demon gurgled, and touched the blood oozing out of its chest. Spike yelped in victory. "That got 'em!" The demon, falling to the ground, grabbed onto Spike's injured arm. Spike howled in pain, and jerked his arm away. Angel was at Spike's side in an instant.

"Are you alright?" Angel actually looked concerned. Spike turned away to avoid the truth in his Sire's gaze.

"Sure, mate. Got some nasty demon blood on me, but...." Spike gasped before finishing his sentence. "What the Bloody hell...??" His eyes went wide with shock. He felt funny. Different. He heard a heartbeat. Did Buffy come back? Was the demon not dead? It took Spike a full 10 seconds to realize it was him. His heart was beating. He was breathing. Blood was running through his veins. It had been 126 years, but he still remembered what it felt like. Bloody Hell, he was human.

"Angelus."

Angel watched in fascination at the changes taking place in front of him. Spike stopped mid-sentence to take a breath, his first in 126 years. Angel watched as color returned to his cheeks, and the long silent heart in his chest start beating. He heard his childe call his name. He put his arms around Spike to comfort him from the shock. Just in time - Spike passed out in Angel's arms.

"Bloody Hell, indeed."

*****
Part 3:

Angel picked Spike up in his arms and headed back to his apartment. He had no idea what had just happened in a rational sense, but it was very apparent that Spike was human. It must have been the demon blood. If Doyle and Cordelia were back, maybe they could help with researching this particular demon. Angel sighed.

Spike was heavier than he remembered. Maybe he was just older. Angel shook his head. Older meant nothing like that for him. Just holding Spike again, after all these years, was weirding him out. He forgot how intoxicating this young man was. *How fragile he looks when he's asleep, for example.* Angel smiled at the memory. Many nights, Angelus had liked to lay in bed and watch William sleep. He would never tell him that, of course. Spike liked to keep the impression of Angelus as a big, bad vampire. If he found out Angelus could be just as "poofy", as the souled version, he'd probably have a heart attack. *And now he could actually have one for real*, mused Angel. Which brought him to thoughts he didn't want to be having. What was going to happen when Spike woke up? Would he deal well with this surprising turn of events? He had a feeling the answer would be, no. Spike liked being a demon. He had been a holy terror as a human. Making him a demon only added fuel to the fire. Like Angel, however, he also had done a great deal of maturing over the years. Not in the same way as him, granted, but wisdom was wisdom. Spike's brand was harsher than most. Probably because he had such a fragile set of emotions. He used his humor and sharp realism to defer people away from his own feelings. And it worked. *Not with me, though. You could never hide from me, my childe.* Angel let Spike's body sag against the wall, as he opened the door to Angel Investigations. He picked up Spike, again, and was heading to the elevator, when Cordelia and Doyle rushed out of his office.

"What happened?" Cordelia didn't really seem to care all that much.

"Where's Buffy?" Doyle, however, seemed genuinely concerned.

"I sent, Buffy, to look for the demon by the waterfront. Unfortunately, we ran into it instead." Angel carried Spike into his office, and settled for placing him carefully into his chair. "Seems that the demon's blood has some rather surprising affects."

"He's human!" Doyle had moved closer, in case Angel needed help with his charge.

"Yes. The demon's blood mixed with his, and it seems to have made him human. Why, and for how long, remains to be seen."

"HUMAN! He can't be human! He's a demon, like you - but not like you!" That little outburst came from Cordelia. She was looking at Spike with wide eyes. She carefully crept over to his unconcious form, and touched her hand lightly to his chest. "Oh my God..."She breathed. She could undoubtedly feel his heartbeat. She backed away, slowly, still in shock.

Angel watched all this as he opened the refrigerator door - and groaned.

"Cordelia? You are going to have to go shopping."

"Oooh! Like for better clothes?" She said excitely, pointing at Spike.

"Maybe later." Angel smiled. "Right now, though, I imagine he will be hungry when he wakes up."

"Oh." Cordelia looked depressed. "Yeah, I guess he will be. What the heck does someone eat when they haven't eaten anything in 100+ years?"

"Everything."

Everyone looked in the direction of Angel's office chair, and Cordelia jumped. Spike was awake.

"Um, Spike, well....what part of 'everything' can I start you out with?" Cordelia's attempt at humor made Spike smile.

"A nice burger, maybe. Or a hot dog. The cart down the street has this awesome 1/3 pound beef hot dog...."

"Doyle, I think he had better take it a little easier than that." Angel looked sternly at his associate. "We don't know what this means. How much this has affected his body."

"Hey! Who is eating this bloody meal, anyway? My first solid food in 126 years, and you guys are arguing over what I'M going to eat?"

Everyone had the decency to look chagrined. Angel walked back over to the desk, and sat down on the edge. "I'm sorry, Spike. We're just so shocked. Absolutely, you can have anything you want. Name it."

"I want a steak. Rare." The smile that crept onto Spike's lips was infectious. Angel started grinning like an idiot as well.

"Is there some vampy private joke here, we are just not special enough to know about?" Cordelia gathered her purse, and started pushing Doyle toward the exit. "If I have to shop for Spike, you are so coming with me. I don't eat steak, and I have no idea what to get!"

"Well, there's Porterhouse, Ribeye - Filet Minion. That's the stuff, right there."

"It all sounds pretty 'ew' to me. You just pick, and I'll pay, ok? Well, Angel will pay, actually. He's just not there. Convenient. Being that he's combustible and everything...."

Silence finally decended over the office as Doyle, practically shoved Cordelia out the door. Angel looked over at Spike, and the silence suddenly got heavier. They sat there like that for several minutes. Both looking at each other - studying each other. It had been a long time since Angel had seen Spike in this way. Mortal. Strong. Beautiful.

Vunerable.

The thought hit him like a ton of bricks. What was he going to do? Here was William the Bloody, maybe not the highest Vampire on the demon food chain, but certainly well known. And he was human. Breathing. It was a castastrophe waiting to happen. Surely everyone would find out. Druscilla. What would she do to a human Spike? She had never known him as a mortal. Angel made him when he was on his way back from a visit with Darla. Found him in a pub one night. The rare steak comment was meant to remind him of the last time William had known humanity. Back in that time, eating meat like that was normal. No diseases, no fears. William had been sitting at the center table, devouring a steak with a passion Angelus had been attracted to from the first moment. His blue eyes were dancing, and he seemed completely wrapped up in the world of that meal. When he wiped off some blood from his chin that had dripped, and proceeded to lick it off his fingers - that was it. Angelus wanted to take him right then and there. But patience was a virture he had thankfully practiced. He approached him, bought him an ale; and the rest is history. History that Angel had a bad feeling was about to come back and bite him in the ass once again.

"What are you brooding about, now?" Spike sounded rather irritated.

"You. The night we met. The steak. The blood...." Angel stopped before he went much further. He noticed that Spike suddenly had a very far away look. "Spike? Are you alright?" When he didn't get an immediate response, he moved to the other side of the desk. Spike had turned away slightly, and he had a better view. He expected him to be upset, maybe. Even as a demon, Spike had more emotion than was 'normal'. Tears were the last thing Angel expected. Spike was crying.

Spike's voice was small and quiet. "The blood. I killed them. Horribly. Crucified them with railroad spikes;hung them from their porches."

Angel couldn't say anything. He was hoping Spike would have a little more of a reprieve from this part. The part where your brain catches up to your emotions. The part when you realize you have been creating Hell on Earth.

"I don't know what to tell you, Spike. I'd like to tell you it get's easier. I can't. It doesn't. You will probably have those memories for the rest of your existence."

Spike looked wistful for a second. "Hey. You gotta admit. At least I had STYLE!"

Angel couldn't believe what he was hearing! Spike just shoved off the fact that he was responsible for the deaths of several hundred people over the last century. Then Angel realized it was his old defense mechanism clicking into place. When in doubt - boost your ego. That always seemed to work.

"Spike." Angel didn't really know what to say. *Buck up, buddy. Your old poofy sire here will keep you from the evil reality* just didn't seem to be appropriate.

"That's my name, don't wear it out." Spike was looking at Angel with a smile on his face, and in his eyes. In fact, Angel hadn't seen Spike look this genuinely happy in a long time.

"Hey! Maybe when Cordy and Doyle get back, we can go to the park!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Angel was completely bewildered. When he had gotten his soul, he spent the better part of eighty years wallowing in the horror of what he did. How could Spike just shove off a hundred-plus years career of killing?

"Sure! Do you realize how long it's been since I've been in the sun? Out in the day?" Spike's smile darkened and he looked at Angel point-blank. "Oh, Angel, I'm sorry. Of course you do."

Angel thought he was hearing things. Spike just apologized to him. Without being asked, beaten or threatened. Angel just stared at Spike in shock.

"Um, call me crazy, but isn't it customary for you to say 'You're forgiven, Spike, or something like that?"

"I'm sorry. It's just - you apologized! Do you realize that? I didn't have to ask, yell or anything. You just did it, all by yourself. I was, well, shocked."

Spike just grinned. *Cordelia and Doyle had better get back soon* Angel thought. This was starting to creep him out worse than he dreamed it would. And once again, there they were. Staring at each other; neither quite knowing what to say. They sat there, in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, until Angel decided that there were a few other things he needed to address.

"I'm going to get you some blankets. You can stay here tonight."

"Thanks, Angel, but Buffy and I are going back to Sunnydale. Where is she, anyway?" Spike got up from the chair and stretched. "Ow! Hey, how come my arse hurts?"

Angel just smiled. "Because you've been sitting on your human arse. Maybe now that you have circulation, you'll get off it more."

"Ha, bloody ha. Seriously, you don't have to worry about me."

"I've heard that before" Angel said. "Honestly, Spike, I think you should stay here for at least another day. We don't even know what happened here. There could be side affects from this we are unaware of yet." Angel had turned his back to the office, and was making his way toward the elevator. He never saw Spike, and when he heard him; it was too late. The heavy demon encyclopedia connected with the back of Angel's head and he went sprawling. He wasn't hurt, but he was very confused. Just a moment ago, Spike had been smiling and apologizing. Had he missed an intruder? His answer came swift and harsh.

"I'm not staying here with you, you bastard. You think just because you're all souled now that it's ok? You turned me! You! You look the same, you sound the same, you smell the same. A guy just can't forget this stuff, 'mate'. Yeah. I enjoyed our time together. I enjoyed the life you gave me. The life before the demon. I was happy with that! I would have died for you. But no. That wasn't enough. You had to have eternity."

Angel could hear Spike's voice cracking and he wanted to turn to dust right there on the floor. This is what he was most afraid of. Spike, no, William. William was angry with him. Angry for turning him. Probably resenting himself for loving him; for all the fun they'd had together.

"Spike," Angel called weakly. He was rewarded with a kick to the ribs. Spike was standing over him now.

"William. My name is William. Spike was hiding from you. Showing a big, bad front to the world; and dying inside because everything that had made his world left him. You know what? This isn't about me, I'd wager. This whole 'turn Spike human' thing. I bet it's all about you, Peaches. Somehow, it always is. Haven't been saving your quota of souls lately? Need an incentive? How better to motivate you than a fresh kick in the ass from reality. Well, here I am, 'Angelus'." And with that, he placed a fresh kick in Angel's side.

Angel grunted, not from pain, but from memory. He tried to forget Spike, everyday. He thought of Buffy sometimes, to get his mind off thoughts of Spike. Thoughts of William. Thoughts of the passion they shared; for the kill and for each other. It was always more one sided in Spike's direction. Angelus was passionate about William. He loved his brutality. Reveled in the adeptness he showed for maiming - killing. Loved to dominate and control such a beatifully wicked element.

After he regained his soul, thanks to Darla's gift, he looked at his past and at William, with different eyes. He saw the devotion from William. Saw how he had became exactly what Angelus wanted - not as much for himself as for his beloved. He had been a street rat most of his life. Relied on himself for everything. Angelus was the first and last person he had given his heart to, Angel surmised. It enraged the demon inside Angel. The pure weakness of it. 'Angelus' hated the fact that William had emotions at all. Wicked or not, it was not 'normal' for a demon. In the past, they had served him well in his purpose. Allowed him to get close to the boy; manipulate him. Now they were a slap in the face. A reminder to Angelus of how he had failed. Part of his past he would rather stake and wipe the dust off his boots, forever. The soul wouldn't let him. He fought a battle with that everyday. His soul felt terrible about the things he had done to William, to Druscilla - everyone. What he was seeing before him now was not punishment - it was a prayer answered for Angel. One of his past mistakes corrected.

"I'm happy for you, William. You're right. I did make you what you are. A vampire. maybe this will last for you. You deserve to be happy." Angel just laid there, staring at Spike above him. Watched the emotions flicker across his face. He cringed when Spike settled on 'pissed'.

"No soddin way you're gettin' off that easy, mate. Do you know how long I have been waiting for this? I was too proud to yell at you. Too proud to tell you what a soddin jerk I think you are. You got a soul. A bloody soul, and you think that makes everything bloody ok? Doesn't make a thing right, 'Peaches'. I hate you. I bloody hate you for what you've done to me. What you made me. What you've made me into. A nancy-boy little scared vampire who just wanted his daddy. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. And it's all because of 'YOU'!" Spike spun around and stalked back to the office. He sat in Angels' chair and waited for him to follow.

"Are you quite finished." Angel growled the words out. "You're right. You are pathetic. You never grew up, did you Spike. Always wanted to blame me for everything. You're right, though. It is my fault. Not because I made you; because I let you be that person. I could have come back. I could have just as easily dominated over you, even with a soul. But I didn't. I figured you'd hate me. I just let you be. Let you decide what you wanted and how you wanted to live. You made yourself weak, Spike. Not me."

The clock Angel had spent time straightening that morning came crashing at his head.

"You bastard! Don't you take the high ground with me. As I recall, it's taken you a few hundred years and several hundred victims to see the wisdom your own father tried to give you. Don't even think I'm going to fall for your 'Sire knows best' routine. You're just as lost as I am. Trouble is, you're too bloody 'poofy' to let it out. You think they don't see it? Your 'friends'? They know. They're just afraid of you. Afraid of what will happen if big, bad 'Angelus' were to get out. They wouldn't dare tell you what they really think. That you're nothing but a big emotional bully. You're like a soddin' black hole. You suck people into you, make them care about you - then you freak on them, apologize, and everything is suppose to be ok. Your evil twin my arse. You are more evil than me! At least I don't go around pretending to be something I'm not. Everyone puts up with me because they know what to expect. You know what you're going to get with William the Bloody. You? Well, that depends on the weather, what side of the bloody bed you woke up on..."

"Shut up." Angel was so upset, he was practically trembling. "You don't know a damn thing about my life. You don't know anything about 'me'. You'd like to think it's just so easy. Well, you'll find out soon enough just what a living hell it is. To walk this Earth everyday with the knowledge that you killed innocent people and enjoyed it. That if given half a chance, that dark side of you could take over, and you would be right back there in the blackness. You think I like this existence? You think this is what I want? I 'hate' this. Living in the middle of two worlds, not really belonging to either. It's a constant, waking nightmare. Some days I would give up every soul in this city for the clarity of being that I used to have. It was simple. Kill, destroy. No guilt, no questions; nothing. Nothing but the glorious knowledge that you are the most powerful being in your own universe. Now, I'm a pawn. A piece to be played in the grand scheme the Powers have planned for us. It's humbling. It reminds me that I am here for a reason; it gives me a new purpose. I only hope for your sake, you get a purpose in your life."

"I HAD a purpose," Spike spat. "Killing. It was great; I loved it, and I was 'good' at it. What makes you think I've changed? Sure, I got a bit more extreme after the demon took over, but I was never a saint, Angel. You of all people should know that. If you don't want to play, that's fine. I'll go. I've been around, I can take care of myself. I'm sure I have some friends, 'real' friends, who wouldn't mind giving a bloke a bed. I don't need you." Spike stood up from his chair. Every nerve of his body was on fire. His heart was beating rapidly, and he felt faint. He plopped back down.

"Bloody hell. Arguing was so much easier when I didn't have to soddin' breathe." Spike exhaled loudly and slumped farther into the chair. He almost wanted to shut his eyes and go to sleep right there in Angel's chair. Then he heard it. He almost didn't recognize it at first. It had been so long since he had heard the sound. He turned around to see for himself - make sure he wasn't halucinating. He wasn't. Angel was laughing. In fact, he was laughing so hard, tears were streaming down his face. "What's so bloody funny?"

"You" Angel gasped. He tried to stop laughing. He could tell Spike was not amused. "You just..."Angel sobered for a moment. "Nothing." Angel turned away from Spike and wiped the tears off his cheeks.

"Nothing my arse. 'What'." Spike looked at his Sire. Well, was he his 'Sire' anymore? He really wasn't sure what Angel was to him. He wasn't sure about much of anything anymore. He tried to get up again, and a throbbing pain started in his head. "Ow. Bloody hell. When is Cordelia going to get back? I'm not even sure I want to wait for the steak to cook. I could eat a whole bloody cow right now."

Angel looked at Spike and smiled. Spike had changed more in the last hour than Angel would ever have believed possible. There was color in his cheeks and his whole posture had changed. Angel imagined he must be very hungry and tired by now. Where was Cordelia? *Probably did go to the mall for new clothes, anyway* Angel thought. "Spike, why don't you come down to my apartment. We can wait for Cordelia and Doyle there. You don't look good. I think you should lie down for awhile, till they get back."

"Yeah, mate. Alright." Spike was in no mood to argue. An hour ago, he would have staked Angel without thinking twice about it. Now he wasn't even thinking once about it. *I'm just too tired* Spike surmised. *After a good nap, I'll snap off a table leg and let him have it*. Spike sighed. Who was he trying to fool? He couldn't have killed Angel when he was a vampire. Why should it be any different now? He hadn't stuck around to watch Marcus torture his Sire. He couldn't. Just like he couldn't bring himself to torture Angel himself, like he should have. *Wouldn't have made any soddin' difference,* Spike thought. *Either we'd both be dead, or maybe sharing the bloody gem, on a beach in Tahiti. Where the hell did that come from?* Spike was shocked. The last thing he needed right now was to be reminded of how much he really loved the person standing in front of him. Holding out his hand. He just had to walk over there. Just had to take his hand and.. what? What the hell did he think would happen? Angel didn't care for him; he had made that much perfectly clear. Then again, Spike himself had said some nasty, selfish things as well. Spike shook his head. He needed sleep. Less confusing.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Angel held out his hand to help steady Spike. He didn't look good. Well, he looked 'good', just not healthy. Angel sighed inwardly. He didn't need that. Not right now. Spike obviously had gotten over him a long time ago. There was nothing now but, hate? Contempt? Angel wasn't exactly sure. He had felt sure Spike would have staked him if this moment ever took place. But he didn't. That relieved and surprised Angel. Maybe it was the humanity. It wouldn't let him. He probably just wanted it to all be over. Angel hoped for Spike's sake it would be. He mentally reminded himself to go speak to The Oracles about this turn of events. Maybe there was some purpose to Spike's change. Angel secretly hoped so. Maybe Spike would continue to fight demons, here with him, in L.A. *No way. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me* Angel chastised himself. Such thoughts were a luxury he could no longer indulge in. He had finally lost the last piece of 'Angelus' that he cared about. He should be happy. Spike was 'William' again. Human. Able to become part of 'normal' society. Angel would let him take a nap, have a good meal -and let him go. If he didn't want anything to do with the whole state of California ever again, Angel would understand. *Memories suck* Angel thought. He hoped William would have better luck outrunning them.

*****
Part 4:

Buffy was getting restless. She had searched the bar; the whole waterfront, in fact. No trace of the demon they were looking for. It was as if it just disappeared. She sighed. Maybe Angel and Spike had caught it? She hoped so. She wanted to go home. College. Home. Riley. These were the things she needed to be thinking about. Instead, she was standing on the pier, staring at the sun hitting the ocean. Dreaming of what it would be like to be on that beach right now. With him.

Angel.

Buffy leaned against the railing. These thoughts would get her nowhere. Angel was still cursed, and it seemed their relationship was as well. They couldn't even hold a simple conversation anymore without accusations and arguing. *Maybe we really aren't meant to be together. Maybe Spike was right.* Buffy glanced up, and shaded her eyes. She caught a glimpse of brown hair she recognized - it was Cordelia, hurrying towards her.

"Buffy!" The ex-cheerleader seemed awfully excited about something.

"Cordy,hey. Did Angel find the demon?"

"Yeah. And you'll NEVER guess what else happened!" Cordelia grabbed her arm and lead her back to the car. Cordelia didn't seem to be upset, so she was safe in assuming Angel wasn't hurt.

"Probably not, so spill."

"It's the weirdest thing! They fought the demon, and blood mixed, and next thing - poof! Human!"

"Human? Who's human? Angel! Angel's human!" Buffy felt as if her heart was going to explode. That was what they needed! With Angel human, there was nothing to stand in the way of their relationship.

"No, not Angel. Spike! Isn't that just weird?!"

"Yeah. Weird." Buffy couldn't help but feel like a boulder just hit her on the back of the head. Spike? Human? Of all the stupid injustices in the world, that had to take the cake. Buffy was silent during the ride back to Angel Investigations. He had tried to kill them all, on numerous occasions. Sure, she had failed to kill him, but she chalked it up to luck. Even if he was a childe of Angelus, whatever exactly that meant, she had no reservations about sticking Mr. Pointy through his firm chest. Firm? *Bad Buffy* she thought. *I do not find that bleached idiot attractive. One vampire in my life is more than enough.* Having the chip implanted in his head was the greatest punishment the Powers that Be even thought up, as far as Buffy was concerned. Giving Spike back his humanity? That wasn't justice, that was just plain stupid.

She sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time that day. She wondered how Angel was taking it. *Probably rolling on the floor laughing*. Buffy chuckled at that. It would serve Spike right. She would never forgive him for torturing Angel for the Gem of Amara. She almost hauled off and staked him for that alone; but she couldn't. He was defenseless. He couldn't fight her, it wasn't fair. So she tried to ignore him, hoping he would go away. So far, it really hadn't worked too well. *That's not really fair, I guess* Buffy admonished herself. Spike had been helping them out. Begrudgingly of course, but it had been help just the same. And she couldn't forget that one instance, where he pretty much saved her hide. She frowned, and sunk down into the seat. Complicated. Why did it all have to be so complicated?

"Doyle, take these." Cordelia shoved the grocery bags into Doyle's hand.

"I wonder what trouble the 'bleached wonder' has managed to get into in this short span of time?"

"Well, the building hasn't burned down, so that's a good sign." Doyle looked up, and then looked over at Buffy, who was crawling out of the backseat.

"Hey Buffy, I can see 'bout drivin' ya back to Sunnydale, if ya want."

"Thanks, Doyle, but I assume we will be leaving. Spike's human, maybe that means he will drive better. God, I hope so."

Doyle just smiled at her, and followed Cordelia up the stairs. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling Spike would not be leaving that soon. It may not be by choice, but Doyle hoped it was. Angel talked to him about stuff. Stuff he couldn't tell others - like Buffy. He loved her. Wanted to be with her, protect her. His demon made that impossible. He couldn't talk to her about certain things. She may be the Slayer, but she was still a girl. A young girl. Angel had been alive through many generations; many changes. Nothing was 'new' to him. That was part of what he loved about Buffy. She was young. Everything was new to her. He wanted to recapture that feeling - but he couldn't. Right now, he needed to feel comfortable. He needed something familiar, and Doyle held a deep conviction that Spike would provide that. He never talked about him. Doyle knew all about the horrors of Druscilla, he mentioned another childe, Penn - never spoke much about Spike. Angel said it was because there wasn't much to say. Doyle knew that was a load. His eyes were so expressive and they betrayed him. One mention of his name, and Angel's eyes spoke volumes to Doyle about just what 'nothing' there was between them. His musings were cut short when Cordelia opened the door. And shrieked.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Spike took Angel's offered hand, and Angel grasped it firmly. He shuddered as the memories hit him. Memories of the last time he had held Will's warm, human hand.

They had danced. Just the two of them. William thought he was crazy to be dancing like that - being a man and all. Angelus just looked down at him and smiled. "Aye, there are many crazy things in this world, my William. Ya' seem to be one of 'em." The look he got from his soon-to-be childe made him smile wider. The thought of having this brazen, wild boy by his side forever - it was enough to make Angelus believe that there was a heaven for demons. He sure had found it.

Spike blushed. He had forgotten what it felt like to blush, and he immediately decided he didn't care for it much. He felt Angel's reaction to taking his hand. He remembered that night; the night Angelus turned him. He tried not to, but the pull of his Sire always won, and he looked up into Angel's eyes. He wanted to melt right there on the floor. The fire and passion that was reflected there sent a bolt of flame through Spike. He imagined he was even redder now. Damn him! Angel/Angelus, it didn't matter. This creature always seemed to do this to him, no matter what. He had thought just a moment before, that Angel had gotten over him a long time ago. Now, he wasn't so sure. Here, in this place - so cold and impersonal, yet warm and familiar, he felt - what did he feel? Comfortable? Certainly not. In fact he was anything but, especially in his lower region. If Angel didn't stop looking at him like that, Spike audibly sighed. He freed his hand from Angel's grasp.

"Angel..." He started to say, but was silenced by Angel's cool lips pressing against his. He was shocked. Surely, this was not happening. A few moments ago, he was yelling, screaming and kicking Angel. Now, here they were, kissing. It was a chaste kiss, but a kiss nonetheless. Spike didn't move. He was rooted to that spot. He was finally jerked back to his senses when Angel snaked his hand around to hold his neck. He licked Spike's lips, silently asking for entrance. Without thinking, Spike parted his lips to let Angel in. He groaned, as past memories became current sensations. This always felt so damn good. The kiss became more passionate, as both vampires entertained memories of times past. Spike brought his arms up, and pulled Angel closer to him. Neither one of them heard the door to Angel Investigations being opened. They broke the kiss abruptly when they heard Cordelia shriek.

"EW!! I so did not just see that!" Cordelia dropped the keys, and they rattled on the floor. No one said a word. Angel looked past Cordelia to the hallway. The look on Buffy's face was almost enough to make him throw himself out the window into the sunlight.

"Thanks for the offer, Doyle. I'll find my own way home." With a last, sad look at Angel, she turned and walked back down the stairs.

"You gonna go after her?" Doyle looked at Angel. He seemed confused. Doyle didn't blame him. It seemed as though he had been right. Spike was definately not leaving. Doyle would see to that himself if necessary.

"Yeah." Angel's voice was loud in the silence. He didn't even glance in Spike's direction as he headed out the office door. He caught up with Buffy out on the street, hailing a taxi.

"Buffy." What was he going to say? They never had this conversation. He didn't think they would ever need to have this 'talk'. Spike was over. Spike was history.

Angel now knew that that wasn't true. The last hour had shown him as much.

"Buffy, let me explain."

"EXPLAIN?! You can't possibly have a reasonable explanation for what I just saw."

"That depends on what you call reasonable."

"In no universe is you sucking face with Spike, of all the morons in the world, reasonable! He tried to kill you! He's tried to kill me! You have no idea how many times in the past few weeks I've wanted to just stake him! He tried, you know. He tried to stake himself. It was a pretty pathetic attempt, from what Willow and Xander told me. And now, here he is. And I find the two of you - it's just wrong!"

"Buffy, I understand you're upset. You don't understand what you were seeing."

"Oh, well, perhaps my vision needs work. Maybe I need glasses, 'cause it sure looked like Angel was kissing Spike in there."

Angel sighed. This is why they had never had this conversation. How do you explain to a twenty-year old ex-girlfriend that you were kissing the one person in the world you were most connected to - and it wasn't her? Angel shook his head. "Buffy. Spike is my Childe. That is a very intimate relationship; very special. It doesn't matter that he is male. That isn't the point. He had my blood inside him. That blood made him what he is..was. I can't deny that. I can't deny the bond that exists between us. Believe me, I've tried."

Buffy wasn't listening. Her mind was still trying to forget the permanent mental picture she now had of Spike and Angel wrapped in a lovers' embrace. Why him? Angel could still lose his soul with Spike, right? Moment of happiness and all that. If he was going to kiss Spike, then surely he could stand to kiss her. Here he was talking all about their bond, and how strong and special it was. Wasn't what they shared special? Didn't he want her? He couldn't have her, of course. She knew that. But, it gave her immense pleasure to know that he wanted her. Someone like Angel wanted and needed her. Now, it seemed she was not irreplaceable.

"Yeah, ok, it wigs me that you were kissing Spike because he's a guy. But it wouldn't really matter. If you can kiss him, why can't you kiss me?"

And there it was. The truth. Angel had been trying to avoid it for awhile now. Truth was, he was getting over Buffy. The bits he had been hearing from Sunnydale did not do the memory he had of his ex any justice. She was growing up, and Angel accepted that. From what he heard, though, she was growing apart from everyone she cared about. The last time he spoke to Giles, he could tell even from the short conversation the man had been drinking. Seems 'his Slayer', he still called her that, wasn't really coming around all that often. She didn't even spend that much time at home. It's not like Joyce wasn't a pretty cool mom. It can't be easy to find out your daughter is a Slayer. Now, she was growing up and being selfish. Angel remembered all to well his own selfish days. He hoped Buffy never paid half the price for arrogance he did. Angel didn't even hear from her directly. At first, he didn't want to talk to her. He was afraid. Now, he wanted that. He wanted to hear her voice, know she was alright. She never did call. Even now, maybe she wanted to surprise him, but he doubted it was a spur-of-the moment decision. She always over-thought everything. If he was the King of brood, then she was the Queen.

"I can kiss you, Buffy. It's just too hard. I want to be with you. I want to do more than just kiss you - and it kills me; teases me. Spike and I are connected on a level that you won't ever understand unless you become a vampire. The kissing was just a physical display of our bond."

"Well, you picked a really crappy time to renew your bond." Buffy sighed. It was always like this with Angel. Always things 'she wouldn't understand'. Perhaps it was good that Spike was here. She always knew there was something more to their relationship. You could cut the tension with a knife every time they were in the same room together. Maybe Spike could offer him some peace. She knew in her heart it wasn't easy for Angel. Her life was her own, though, and she had to think of that first. Maybe with Spike here, Angel could 'move on', too. "Arguing isn't going to help us, Angel. I want you to be happy. If Spike can help you to be happy, then I'm glad he's here. I have to get back to my life. I have school and stuff. I need to get back home."

"I understand, Buffy. It really was good to see you. Maybe we could talk sometime, you know, on the phone?" Angel smiled.

Buffy smiled. Angel really was so sweet. She reached up and gave him a hug. "Angel, I'm sorry. I promise I will try and call you. I'll have to get an update on the 'bleached wonder', if nothing else. I'm sure this will absolutely eclipse any other random noise at the next Scooby Meeting."

Angel laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure everyone will be thrilled with the new turn of events. Bye, Buffy."

"Bye, Angel." Buffy again waved her hand, and had a cab pulling over before Angel made it back up the stairs. She was going to be ok, Angel realized. Now, he had another soul to worry about. This one, he wasn't so sure about.

*****