*****

//I just don't understand!//

Anya's words echoed in Willow's ears, causing the redhead to close her eyes to the fresh onslaught of tears.

Joyce's death - the fact that she wasn't there anymore - didn't truly sink in until Willow watched the pallbearers lower her coffin in the ground. Before then, the redhead had been a nervous wreck, flittering around between her friends, trying to figure out what she should wear, how she should look, what should happen.

She was too busy trying to be there for Buffy, who was still in shock; for Dawn, who couldn't stop crying; for Xander, who was just *angry*; for Anya, who just didn't understand. The gang was glad to hold the funeral during the day - the last thing they needed was a fresh vampire to rise while they were trying to pay Joyce Summers her last respects.

Angel was there in the shadows, having had Wesley drive him to Sunnydale as soon as he heard the news. Even though Buffy and Angel hadn't left each other on the best terms when Buffy went to go get Faith, Angel showed up. He held Buffy as she cried, then opened his arms for the rest of the group.

Even Xander wanted a little affection from the vampire.

The gang was quiet after the funeral, sitting in Buffy's huge empty house. Dawn was curled in Xander's lap, all the crying she'd done having long put her to sleep. Buffy was staring straight ahead, a death grip on Angel's hand. Xander joked that it was a good thing Angel was a vampire and Buffy could grip his hand so strongly; but even Xander had lost his touch for humor in the wake of Joyce's death.

Finally, the group drifted apart and back to their own places. Tara clasped hands with Willow and guided the redhead back to their dorm. Xander and Anya went back to Xander's apartment; Wesley accompanied Giles back to his home. Angel stayed with Buffy and Dawn, watching the two sisters wrapped up in each other, absentmindedly wondering why a Slayer had outlived her mother.

"I don't understand," Willow whispered into the quiet room.

"Understand what, Wills?" Tara's voice responded.

Willow allowed herself to smile softly in the dark. It never failed. Whenever Willow woke up, Tara wasn't far behind. Many of their nights were spent in each other's arms, discussing whatever came to mind.

"Why did Joyce have to die?"

Tara sighed sadly. Willow sounded so small, like a lost little girl, and it broke her heart that her girlfriend had to go through this experience. She turned towards Willow, wrapping the redhead in her arms. "It was her time, Willow."

"But, but... it wasn't even anything we are used to! I mean, if it were a vampire, we could *handle* that. We could go out and kill *all* the vampires to make them suffer for taking Joyce!" Her body was trembling from the tears streaming down her face, and she was clutching Tara's nightshirt tightly. "But we can't... we just can't go out and kill an aneurysm!"

"It was her time," Tara repeated softly, stroking Willow's hair lovingly. "She had nineteen long wonderful years with an extraordinary young woman, *and* she was given the gift of Dawn in her remaining months... Joyce had a full life, Willow. She *knew* her daughter was the Slayer, and that she was one of the best Slayers that ever lived. She was able to be proud of Buffy's accomplishment. Plus, she had all of you that adopted her as your mother..." Tara's voice trailed off.

"But... why did *she* have to die? Of all of us, Buffy has the best mom, the one who was there, the one who gave a damn! Why did *she* have to go?" Willow sniffed, automatically regretting the way her thoughts were going. She didn't want Joyce to die, but she certainly didn't want her own mother or Xander's mother to die either...

But then, if Sheila had an aneurysm tomorrow, how would that affect Willow's life? She was never there to begin with... it wouldn't be that much different...

Willow shook her head, clearing it of such morbid thoughts. "You know," she said, her voice carrying a certain sadness to it, "Jesse died a long time ago. Almost six years. Ms. Calendar was almost three. We dealt with those deaths. Xander and I turned to each other because of Jesse, and started helping Buffy. We all went after Angelus much more aggressively after he killed Ms. Calendar. As horrible as their deaths were, there was a positive outcome to them." Her voice was soft, and Tara had to strain to hear it. "There can be no positive outcome to this. There's... there's nothing we can do, nothing we can fight against..."

"But there is," Tara whispered, leaving small soothing kisses around Willow's ear. "You realize that life really *is* fragile, that any one of us could die at any time. We *aren't* invincible, no matter how strong and powerful Buffy is. We may have a couple of advantages over someone else, but we can *all* die. Because of this death, because it hit so close to home, so unexpectedly, so *natural*, we'll all be closer. Who knows when any one of us will die? It could happen tomorrow - and you *know* that now, so you'll take advantage of every moment you have with all of your friends."

"Tara?"

"Yes, Willow?" Tara leaned down, brushing her lips against Willow's. She smiled to herself when the redhead returned the soft kiss.

"Don't ever die, ok?"

Tara giggled softly, stroking Willow's cheek. "I'll try my best, Wills."

"Thanks." Willow smiled, knowing that there was enough moonlight in their room for Tara to see the facial gesture. She leaned up, kissing Tara once again.

The other woman laid her head on Willow's chest, tucking it under the redhead's chin. "Go to sleep, Wills. We have a long couple of days ahead of us."

"I love you," Willow murmured, thankful that her girlfriend was such an understanding person.

"I love you too, Willow."

END