"God Angel, can't you ever just go the speed limit? I mean, we all know that you're old but thats no excuse for driving like the blue rinse set" exclaimed the brunette woman as she knocked on Rupert Giles front door.

"Actually Cordelia, I believe the correct term is geriatric"

"Yo, Miss Daisy, you coming or you gonna sulk a bit more?" snickered Gunn as he exchanged winks with Doyle and Wesley who were standing beside him as they waited for someone to answer the door. It had just taken the brunette vampire almost twenty minutes to drive them all from Sunnydale Motel to the ex-watchers house. A journey that should have taken them less than ten minutes.

"Am not sulking....just have to be careful, the cars a classic you know" muttered Angel as he stoiclly put up with the ribbing he was getting from his employees.

"Ah! H..hello, do come in and why are you sulking Angel?" asked a curious Giles as he opened the front door. Waving the five friends through, he found himself raising his eyebrow as everyone bar an extremley put out looking vampire laughingly told him that he would soon find out.

"I *am not* sulking....don't see why they won't take it back"

"Oh Angel, stop whining" ordered Cordelia as she stood with hands on hips, glaring at her boss, causing him to shrink back into the couch he had sat down on.

"Yes..do stop your whining. I think its just darling"

"If you were my friend, then you would swap with me..." asked a hopefull vampire, batting his eyelashs at his current object of affection only to be disappointed when Wesley firmly crossed his arms and shook his head.

The word 'no' echoed around Giles' living room as Angel looked at each of his employees in turn before turning his gaze on a thoroughly confused elder of the two ex-watcher.

"Bad vampire...bad! Don't even think about it"

"Ow..Corrdddeeee!" whined the brunette male, pouting as he rubbed at the upper arm that had just had an intimate encounter with his secretary's hand.

"Thats right Angel...you're a...bad...vampire" smirked Wesley, waggling his eyebrows at his lover, promising the larger brunette male that he would be shown just what could befall an unco-operative vampire later that night when they got back to the Motel. The younger mans smirk turned into a leer when the vampire's rubbing got faster.

"Hey Irish...sit on me..next to me..yep, next to me...nowhere else" said an appalled Gunn, thanking his heritage that he was dark enough so that no-one could see the furious blush that was threatening to set him on fire. At Doyles raised eyebrow, he gave the older man a weak grin as he watched his workmate try and hold in his laughter even as the Irishman came to sit next to him on the second dark brown couch.

"Oh God!" exclaimed Cordelia and Giles in unison. Looking at each other in horror, they rolled their eyes before hurring to the saftey of the older mans kitchen. Door shut firmly behind them, the brunette and ex-watcher continued to recoil from the hideous going-ons in the living room.

"How long till Buffy and the others get here...because I so don't want to face *that* again anytime soon!" shuddered the young wannabe actress.

"Not soon enough...trust me on that. Are they always like that?" enquired Giles as he reached into the cupboard to pull out his hidden bottle of scotch. Bottle shaken at Cordelia, he reached back into the cupboard and got down two glasses. Drink poured hastily, he smiled when the girl turned away from him to rummage through the freezer for some ice.

"You have *no* idea Giles. It was worse when they used to try and be subtle about it...I ended up just telling them to go for it in the middle of the foyer....I think they did one day. Well, Angel and Wesley did, that I'm sure of. The other two keep dancing around each other like Swan Lake interpreted into modern dance by Pee Wee Herman. That little 'embarrassment' back there...well, lets just say that theres more to come"

"You poor poor child. You most certainly do have my deepest sympathy. What about you...anyone on the horizon...please tell me...I'm desperate to forget about...about..*that*" sighed Giles, gesturing towards the closed door and the living room on the other side. In less than a second, he wished he had never asked as an unearthly screech erupted from the girls lips.

"Ooooh yes! He's sooo great. Taste, money, a business of his own and the best thing is, he's in the know about 'certain' things. His name is Lorne"

=====================
thirty minutes later
=====================

Xander sat quietly in his seat as his mind spun from what was going on around him. He knew that Angel was gay. It was obvious because the vampire was with Wesley. Very much so. In fact, holding hands and kissing very much so. He knew that Buffy found it funny that the one time love of her life preferred a nerdy ex-watcher to her. Didn't matter anyway, she was with Riley now. Captain America in the flesh.

She was totally comfortable with Angel being gay. Obviously she was comfortable because she was sitting in the seat next to her ex-boyfriend and encouraging him to keep dropping various items just infront of Riley, making the tall blond man bend over to pick them up, giving Buffy, Angel and Wesley a great view of his well rounded buttocks each time. Each one leering at the kahki encased flesh.

With a shake of his head, Xander wondered just when Riley would grab a clue. Surely the other man couldn't be that dense? Actually, he was becuase Riley was yet again bending over to pick up the pen that Wesley flicked infront of him.

"Oh my God!" the brunette whispered to himself in horror. Had he really just seen that...did Deadboy just pinch Rileys backside and then blame it on a giggling Buffy? This couldn't be for real..could it? At the slamming of the front door, all heads turned to see a bleached blond vampire saunter into the room as if he owned it, smirking as Riley bent down to pick up the pen Angel did accidently drop for once.

"Well then Poof, got yourself a hobby I see? And you, Slayer...shame on you"

"Look Biteless Wonder..just sit and shutup...got a.."

"Gotta stake and not afraid to use it. Yeah..yeah. Heard it all before. Fuck...these two yours? What are you doing..recruiting poofs?" sneered Spike as he put down the black laptop shoulder bag, gesturing at Doyle and Gunn as they sat with fingers barely intertwining. Sneering and feigning fright as Angel growled at him, the younger vampire looked around the room for a place to sit before he shrugged his shoulders and sat next to the glowering brunette human.

"Hey..I'm not gay thank you!" snapped Cordelia as she came from the kitchen, carrying a tray laden with mugs full of coffee.

"Why not..you're a man...look at you..balls the size of Texas, no wonder Hairboy likes you so much..reminds him of the Slayer"

At the collective gasp from around the room, Spike suddenly wondered if he had gone too far by baiting the brunette woman. The bleached blond had gone to verbal battle with her twice and he had to admit that she was his equal in the bitch stakes. Certainly with a glance at his Sire, the younger vampire found that he could almost see pity in the brown eyes.

"Yeah well...all the better for you if you have got a pair of knackers, get you far in show business they will....so, what colour computers did you lot get?" asked Spike as he watched Cordelia take a breathe, her face bright red. As her angry scowl suddenly turned into a sweet smile, Spike admitted to himself that he was just about to get shat on.

"I'm going to make you a coffee Spike...how do you like it?" the woman asked with a coy voice.

"I...ah..no. I don't drink coffee. Vampire I am, drink blood"

"Actually Cordy...The skilled...wanker...here, has his coffee with one sugar and milk....Spike appreciates it" smirked Xander. He felt sorry for the vampire. There was only one person in the world who could make instant coffee taste like something from the legendary tarpits. Xander was hoping that Cordelia would go all out and make Spike a cup of percolator coffee, something that could bring even Angelus to his knees.

With everyone sniggering at the bleached blond as Cordelia stomped back into the kitchen, Xander found that Spike was glaring at him.

"Arsehole"

"Ohhh, diddims. You're own fault anyway...tosser"

"Your bed Mate..pant..pant!" sneered the blond, thankfull that his species no longer blushed. He couldn't for the life of him understand why he had told the brunette male that he had been masturbating while thinking of Xander but he was determined to use it to embarass the younger man. It was working as well..too well, his Sire was looking at them. Gonna have to get the show on the road with his latest project.

Reaching down beside him, the vampire made a great show of pulling out his new laptop, running his pale hand over the orange and red flames that decorated the slim black laptop. Once he had done that, he thumped it none too gently ontop of the coffee table so that it drew more attention. Sitting back into the couch, he waited.

"Wow...that's come up really well. I was going to get that design but I got the aqua crackle look instead" exclaimed the shorter Irishman, pulling his laptop out of the carryall case beside him.

"Yeah..nice. Like the colour. Suppose we should all learn what each others looks like...you know, just incase. Don't want to get back to the crypt and find I've taken the Whelps by mistake. Only so much porn one can take in a day"

"Fuck off Neuter Boy. You know what mine looks like anyway..but I wouldn't mind seeing what everybody else decided on...Gunn, what design did you get?" enquired a genuinely interested Xander.

As Giles and Cordelia came back from the kitchen, a huge mug of steaming coffee in the young womans hand, the both jumped in on the action, oohing and ahhing with everybody else after Cordelia made sure to present the coffee to a less than happy blond. One by one, each laptop was shown off by its excited owner and duly admired by the surrounding friends. Halfway through the presentation, Willow came tearing into the house, numerous sheets of paper held in one hand.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to go back to the dorm and get the tax papers. You know, so we can get rebates for the computers...what did I miss?"

Sitting down, the red-haired witch explained that Tara was helping Jonathan with the Friday late night trading, stating that her girlfriend already knew how to use the Internet. As Cordelia finished showing off her metallic silver/blue slim line laptop, she nudged at her boss with a small giggle.

"Go on Angel...show everybody yours"

"Come now..there's nothing to be ashamed of. As long as you like it, then its not a problem is there?" choked out Wesley, trying not to laugh too much as Doyle and Gunn joined in on the laughter.

"It's not what I ordered and I'm not showing anyone" mumbled an embarrassed vampire, arms folded across his chest. Bottom lip just starting to tremble, he looked pleadingly at his lover, cursing inwardly as the younger humam kept insisting that he show everyone his new laptop.

"Oh..it's not that bad. Stop being silly Angel. Come on, be a man and just show us"

"If it's not that bad, then why are you all laughing? Hmmm, answer me that one Wes?"

"Angel..we're not laughing at you, we're laughing *with* you" said the younger ex-watcher to his now visibly pouting boyfriend. Running one hand up and down the well formed black clad arm, he tried not laugh louder as Xander, Spike and Buffy joined in.

"Not laughing anyway..Fine! Here..go on..laugh all you like but it's supposed to be plain black with a sliver celtic cross on the cover...not this...this..*colour*" snapped the brunette vampire, annoyed when everyone in the room howled in laughter at the sight of his computer.

"Its...its..so *manly*" sighed Buffy, holding onto her sides as they started to ache from laughing too much.

"But its just you....bloody Poof" sniggered Spike.

"Wes is right, theres nothing wrong with the colour if you like it...of course, it would suit you more if you were a Girl Scout"

"Oh thank you very much Xander...thank you..alright..shut up. It's not that funny" scowled Angel. How the company had stuffed up was beyond him.

"Yes..that's right. My computer is peach. Not orange, butternut or burnt umber but peach. Metallic peach" Angel admitted tightly, staring at the ceiling in resignation.

"No...you're right. We won't tease you anymore...Peaches"

With that, the room erupted into more laughter as Wesley finally said the one thing that everyone had been dying to hear yet not quite daring to say as soon as the vampire had pulled out his laptop. Arms folded tightly across his chest, the fomer Scourge of Europe vowed to throw the computer away as soon as possible.

Xander couldn't believe it. It was just too good not to laugh at the older vampire, certainly the oportunity didn't present itself too often now that Angel was living in L.A. As the male tried to calm down his laughter, he locked eyes with the bleached blond beside him and knew instantly who had set Angel up.

*****
Part 8:

"I can't believe that you did that to Deadboy. Well, okay, I can but still, it was cool, but wrong, but so very cool," exclaimed Xander, bouncing slightly as he walked next to an amused bleached blond vampire. Once everyone had gotten over the 'horror' of Angel's laptop, they had been subjected to Willow teaching them about how to surf the internet and how to avoid getting caught up in search engines that might not suit their purposes. Upon being released from the ever so yawn inducing lesson, Xander had been annoyed that he had been paired up with Spike for the nightly patrol until he realised that it was the perfect opportunity to hassle Spike about the prank with Angel's computer.

"Wrong?"

"Yeah, wrong, wrong, wrong and I could have done it sooo much better"

"Really and why is that Whelp?"

"Because *I* would have gotten them to paint daisies on it!" replied Xander, rubbing his hand together in glee as he gave Spike a wide smile.

"Daisies? And that's your bloody master plan to embarrass the Poof is it? No fucking wonder you're the town idiot," sneered the bleached blond, eyeing off the hyperactive man next to him. Daisies? The boy couldn't be serious. Even the bloody witches could come up with something better than that as far as Spike was concerned. Hell, a half dead weed could out evil Xander Harris if it ever came down to the crunch of things.

"Ah, but you didn't let me finish. Daisies *and* some of those cute little pictures of Hello Kitty," Xander sniggered, his laughter dying down as Spike's sneer grew larger. "What? No good?"

"Moron. Hello bloody Kitty. What shit, no wonder you can't get laid. What do you do, go up to some chit and ask if they'd liked to swap sodding trading cards?"

"Hey! I get laid, quite regularly, unlike some others that happen to be in the general vicinity. Spike, I honestly couldn't be thinking of you now could I?" said Xander, batting his eyelashes at a glowering bleached vampire. At Spike's growl, Xander found himself grinning all the more as Spike started to stalk off ahead of him.

"Bloody little smartass. Bloody 'Hello Kitty'. Fucking daisies," growled Spike. "You know Harris, a picture of that f'n kitten *fucking* a daisy woulda been better"

"Jesus Spike. Just when I think that you've scraped everything off the bottom of the barrel, you just keep on dragging shit up. Seriously, that just made me think of things that I'm never gonna get over, never, nope."

"Suppose you haven't gotten over seeing my cock yet either?"

"Fuck off Spike and by the way, I want my keys back so hand them over - now!"

"No. Besides, I lost them."

Xander paused mid-stride beside a leaning tombstone, his breath caught in his throat as Spike's words sent tremors down his spine.

"You did *what*?" Xander shrieked, his eyes widening as numerous possibilities as to where his keys where ran through his mind. Praying to a God that he didn't really believe in, Xander hoped that Spike had really lost them and hadn't decided to hand them out at Willie's as he had previously threatened. "Umm, can you repeat that? I think I heard you wrong."

"What, are you sodding deaf as well as being fucking stupid?" sneered Spike, turning around to face the gaping youth. "What, what? All I did was lose them. Not the end of the world. Just go and get me new ones and all's right again."

"Hahahaha, yeah, right! Like I'm gonna give you new ones after you've just told me that you can't be trusted with my belongings," replied Xander, a little hysterical at the thought of getting back to his apartment and finding a dozen demons waiting for him to pop the cap off a few beers before being turned into an entree of some sort.

"Anyway, I told you, you're not welcome at my place anymore. God only knows where you're going to, you know, do... do *that* again?"

"Wank. Come on Harris, be a man and say it with me. Wwwaaannnk"

"You are so disgusting. Thank God you've lost those keys, gives me the perfect excuse to get the locks changed," snapped Xander. Moving from the headstone he had leaned against for the last few minutes, he ignored the bleached vampire's rolled eyes and snort, only to clap both hands over his ears as Spike started to yell at the top of his voice, "Na-na-na-na-na. Can't hear you. Nope, not listening. Na-na-na-na."

"Oh, so sorry to have offended such delicate sensibilities. May I term it differently? MASTURBATE. SPANKING THE MONKEY. JERKING THE GHERKIN. BASHING THE BISHOP. FLOGGING UNCLE FESTER. GUTTING MY TROUSER SNAKE. THAT'S RIGHT ALEXANDER LA-VELLE HARRIS. I SHOT MY LOAD ALL OVER *YOUR* BED AND YOU, YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE BOY *WATCHED* IT ALL!" yelled Spike, his sneer growing into a broad grin as he watched Xander trying to block out his voice.

"Na-na-na-na. Can't hear yo- what, what did you just scream out for all to hear?" gaped Xander. With both hands still firmly clamped over his ears, he couldn't help staring at the sniggering vampire only a foot away from him.

"THATS RIGHT. YOU BLOODY LITTLE PERVERT, YOU *WATCHED* AND YOU ENJOYED IT!" Spike roared into the chilly air of the cemetery. If only the boy knew how ridiculous he looked thought Spike.

"NO! No, I didn't. I didn't! Shut up. Shut the fuck up! I swear Spike, I'm gonna stake you so bad if you don't take back what you just said."

"Ooooohhhh, you promise me a staking. Get me all horny, watch me 'toss the floss' and the..." Spike stopped his teasing as he ran away from the irate youth, winding a complicated path through the rows of tombstones, but always ensuring he was only a few feet away.

"Get back here! I'm going to do a total Buffy on your ass you Bleached Bastard and you can forget about keeping the laptop at my place as well," panted out Xander, determined to make Spike understand that he hadn't in fact enjoyed the sight of Spike's penis a week ago. Continuing to chase the vampire through the graveyard, Xander gave up the chase after he noticed that he had passed the same headstone three times already. Xander tried to catch his breath as he leaned heavily against a crumbling crypt wall, trying not to jump as Spike suddenly appeared next to him.

"Spike, Jesus. Don't *do* that."

"What, giving up already Harris? Shame, thought you were better at the chase than that," sneered Spike. "Better be careful about what walls you lean against Harris, someone might think your volunteering for meal delivery."

"Uh, gee thanks for the concern Spike, but I think that anyone who had ideas on making Xander-steak might just be too busy laughing at the moment," snapped Xander, scowling at Spike as the vampire's sneer turned into a broad grin.

"Oh, poor little Xanny. And why were they laughing?"

"Fuck. You!"

"No thanks but I appreciate the offer Pet. Hey, you know who would really like that? That Jon whelp. Yep, every time you wiggle that ass of yours in front of him, the floor gets wet," taunted Spike, taking a step backwards as Xander's scowl got bigger.

"Bullshit! You're such an asshole Spike and like I said, you can forget about keeping the laptop at my place. Go ask the G-Man."

"You know, its not just the floor that gets wet, so does the front of his pants, just around cock height," continued Spike, struggling to keep the laughter in. "I guess that would be the reason for him always sticking behind the counter when you're around. Tell you what Pet, I'll ask him out on your behalf. You know, us being mates and all."

"So what if he likes me? What, you think I'm gonna go all weird and *thingy* if I know a guy's got a crush on me? You think it's going to embarrass me or something? Yeah, well, you got another thing coming Mr Immaturity!" said Xander, annoyed by the fact that Spike thought he was so easy to taunt on that particular subject. Hah! Spike really did have another thing coming if he thought that. Thank God for Larry leaving him almost daily love notes in his school locker for the better part of a year. *Nothing* would ever embarrass him as much as those had, especially the time Cordelia had found one and assumed that Xander had written it for her. Thanks to a love dazed Larry, the subject of being lusted after by men didn't really faze him. Much. Sort of.

"Oh really?" retorted Spike "Then why the big hoo-hah over being given a private viewing of my cock then? You know the show was just for you don't you?"

"Gee Spike, that's the whole point of my *freak out*. It was *your* cock that managed to vomit on my comforter cover," Xander replied, his scowl giving way to a cocky grin as Spike's own smile disappeared in record time. As they stood facing each other, Xander felt his heart skip a beat as Spike suddenly narrowed his eyes and smirked at him. "What, what? Don't look at me like that. I hate that. Actually, I hate you!"

"Jon's a good looking lad."

"Uh, what and why are we off the subject of me hating you all of a sudden?" asked Xander, his stomach dropping as Spike started to rummage through his duster pockets.

"Big world he's stepping into," continued Spike as he found his cigarette packet and lighter. Shaking the pack, he was pleased to find that it was still half full. Taking out a cigarette, he set about lighting it, taking a deep drag on the filter.

"Huh? And again, what the huh?" enquired a seriously confused Xander. What the hell was the bleached moron on about this time?

"Yep. Big world, and not a very friendly one at all. Boy needs someone to support him, be there for him."

"And for the third time, huh? Wait a minute. No way! No *fucking* way! You leave him alone. Keep your slimey dead hands off him," Xander demanded, appalled by what Spike was suggesting. Taking a step closer to the smirking demon, Xander poked Spike hard in the chest with a pointed finger. "Seriously Spike, what makes you think he'd go for you anyway?"

"Well, not just your ass he's been looking at. Been eye'n off the Watcher's as well. That tells me that it ain't type he's looking for. It's cock. Pure hard cock. Boy has to be desperate to lose his virgin status if he's looking at Ripper's wrinkly backside," snickered a happily smoking vampire, totally ignoring the finger grinding into his chest.

"Okay, what part of 'leave him alone' did you not get? Because I can punch it into you if it helps?"

"All right, all right. You win. You can have him. I'll tell him first thing tomorrow. Gosh, he's gonna be so happy his wet dreams are gonna come true" Spike stated, his best innocent look upon his face, something that was ruined by his continuing leer.

"What! No, no. I don't want him. Shit no, and you're not having him either. I'd rather him be with Giles and, *that* is yet another image I'm never gonna recover from."

"Nope, no deal. It's either you or me who's gonna be breaking him in and because you don't want him, then it looks like me who'll be poppin' a cherry in the next few weeks," crowed Spike as he quickly stepped back another few paces, ensuring that he was out of reach for the glaring brunette. "Good thing too. Bloody well great at breaking in virgins I am."

"God you disgust me and, and we'll see about that!" Xander lunged at Spike, missing him as the laughing blond took off through the cemetery again. "Yeah, we'll see about that."

"IF THERE IS ANY CHERRY POPPAGE TO BE DONE, IT'S GONNA BE BY ME!" shouted Xander, the words echoing through the silent graveyard. Wincing at how loud his words were, Xander muttered to himself as he reluctantly followed Spike's direction, out of the cemetery. Just as he passed through the iron gates of the small entrance, he suddenly realised what he said. "Oh. My. God! Did I just say that?"

*****
Will be continued..hopefully soon?