*****

Yawning, stinking of the garage, Pike opened the door, already knowing who would be waiting there for him. Who was always waiting there for him. Benny was sitting on the bed off somewhere in Ben-space listening to music on earphones, tangled black hair flying as he banged his head along. Trouble in black cargo pants and a Skinny Puppy T-shirt.

Good trouble?

For months now, Pike found Benny here after work. The first time, Ben had broken in to get inside the apartment and hadn't understood Pike's upset at all. "I just picked the lock; I didn't ruin anything. I wanted to surprise you." He'd succeeded. Benny had areas where he tended to be a few degrees short of a moral compass.

Pike did the upset thing for days, and Ben didn't break in again, just looked at him with the heartbroken expression of a puppy that had been punished for doing something wrong but couldn't understand what the wrong thing had been. Eventually, he had to admit that he would have been happy to see Ben there if not for the breaking and entering part and gave his friend a key.

Ben looked like he'd died on the spot, sat staring at it and stroking it with his finger. Pike understood then. In Benny's world, no one gave you things; you had to take them. Their worlds weren't terribly different, just their reactions to them.

The world would have been stunned to see the expression on Benny's face. Pike had kept tabs on the local school wildlife for his own protection, and--prior to meeting Ben--his current friend had ranked in that somewhat scary class of people who Didn't Give a Shit. They did what they pleased with no care for other people and considered punishment to be a joke. They reminded him of his father.

But Benny had broken loose from that and sought him out for whatever Benny-reasons that remained unrevealed to this day. He wondered about those reasons sometimes.

Anyway, during the school year, Pike had a magic trick in his apartment. It would be empty when he left and full of Benny when he got back from work at night. Benny's summer job changed that one night a week, but waiting up wasn't bad either. Nap and be woken gently with free food.

Lately... Benny was often there in the morning and night. Pike couldn't say when or how it had started. Passing out together maybe. It had to be that, because there was no other way Pike would have adapted to having someone sleeping with him in bed. Who could sleep with that other mind and body operating independently just an arm's length or less away? It still scared hell out of him to think what anyone could do to him in his sleep.

What *had* been done to him in his sleep in the past. Of course, in those instances he hadn't remained asleep long. But that was the past, and none of them would ever hurt him again.

Recently, he woke up once at 3 a.m. to find himself tightly clutched in Ben's arms with Ben mumbling things like, "Protect you. I'll do it this time. You'll see. We'll be safe. Safe. Together," in a little boy voice so lost and desperate that it brought a lump to his throat to hear. Meanwhile, he couldn't breathe, and the feel of someone else glued to his back made him crazy.

Pike put his hand down over Ben's to shift it, and Ben just relaxed his hold completely and happily sighed warm breath onto the cluster of tiny, still sensitive scars at the back of Pike's neck. That would explain why Pike had shivered. It didn't explain why he left his hand over Ben's. Or why he felt safe when he should have felt terrified, why he always felt safe enough to curl up and sleep against his friend.

It did explain why Ben spent so much time at Pike's apartment and jarred against his claims of simple parental neglect. Seeing that he had his own nightmares made Pike feel closer to him. Selfish but true.

Of course Ben did. Most people who Didn't Give a Shit did.

This morning he had woken up before Ben, as usual, and stood there looking down at him, not as usual. Watched the rise and fall of twisted sheets and black hair. Watched, and felt something bright and strange bloom in the pit of his stomach. Watched his hand move out and shake a little before stroking Ben's hair. It had felt soft and slightly slick against his skin. Still asleep, Benny had burbled and moved his head into the caressing fingers. Pike had snatched his hand back and left in a rush.

Like a wild, skittish animal, something his father would have shot and stuffed. Pike stepped quickly away from that thought, as he did from anything concerning his parents.

Benny was here and now, and Benny was.... What was he? Friend certainly, best and only. Maybe even a brother. Pike had to know, because names were important. Once you defined something, you could affect and control it.

//We're each the only person the other has. That's why it's so intense. That's why.// Worse, he wanted it--the touching, the intimacy--almost as much as he didn't want it.

Pike didn't know what to do. He'd tried so hard to avoid any more human entanglements and still fallen right into the trap. //Moron. I deserve what I get.//

Life had been much easier when he had been the only person he had to feel confused about.

Benny noticed Pike then, taking off the earphones and smiling widely. His eyes glittered, sparking, but it was a bright glitter and a bright insanity compared against Pike's father's dark. Still a little scary, but now comfortingly familiar too. The occasional intimations of less than perfect mental health also spoke against Benny's claims of mere parental neglect.

The shine looked brighter than usual tonight. Benny had a surprise, then. "Hey, Otis, how was work today?" Ben asked.

Ben thought it was hilarious Pike had the nametag "Otis" on his work coveralls. "Mr. Murphy brought his car back for the eighth time. I think it's time to call a priest in."

"For laying on hands, exorcism, or last rites?"

"Depends on how the car responds to the different things in the order you gave them. I laid on hands myself, but it didn't work."

"No victory for the Reverend Pike."

"'Fraid not. My mail order ordination must not have been as official as I thought."

Benny smiled. "That's a shame, but... I have a surprise for you."

Pike grinned. //Gotcha.// "Sure. I'll shower and change first."

Benny stood and bounced and grinned, sparking with energy and impatience. "No, too important."

"I stink of sick car innards."

"I like your garage-fresh smell."

Odd tone on that last statement.... "You're a loony."

"People keep saying that. Besides, you're tired but wired now. You take a shower, and you'll be too sleepy to appreciate it." Benny stood behind Pike. "Play with me?"

Pike felt some trepidation, but said, "Okay."

"I'm going to put my hand over your eyes, and you're going to guess what the surprise is."

"Can't I just close my eyes?"

"You peek out from under your lashes."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Do.... Oh, fuck it. I'm not going to find out what this is until I let you put your hand over my eyes, am I?"

"You're so smart. You'll go far."

"All right. This better be worth it."

"Trust me."

Benny put his hand over Pike's eyes. It was hot and a bit sweaty from the summer heat. His other hand slowly came up to Pike's face and seemed to be holding something. It moved closer. The object brushing Pike's lips felt flexible but also hard and slightly slick. Like paper, but not. But the moving hand kept distracting him as it stroked up then down the little triangle of hair Pike had below his lower lip. That touch on his lovepatch felt odd but good....

Pike felt the terror twitches finally coming on, jolts from knowing someone was standing behind him and he couldn't see. He was too vulnerable....

"Pike! Are you okay?" Benny asked.

"Fine," Pike answered shakily as he tried not to tremble. Benny would know.... "They're tickets, right?"

"That's good, but which tickets?"

Once started, the panic snowballed and fed Pike's temper. "Which tickets? How the hell am I supposed to know with my eyes covered!"

Benny must have known he'd pushed too far, because he immediately uncovered Pike's eyes. Pike snatched the tickets and read them. "Jane's Addiction? Who did you kill?"

Ben now stood in front of Pike, probably in the desire to see the look on his face. "Nobody, but I did sell my soul. I hope you enjoy the concert, because I'll be burning in hell for an eternity for it."

"You're not coming along with me?" It seemed wrong.

The concern started to clear from Benny's eyes. "Of course I am. Happy?"

That question, this gesture, inspired a warm rush of feeling that radiated through Pike's bones. "Very. This is great! Thank you, Ben."

"You, me, a lot of other fans, and more overpriced drinks and T- shirts than you can shake a stick at. It'll be a blast."

"Overpriced, huh? You've been spending too much time with me." Pike smiled and smoothed the tickets. "We'll probably be able to get high just from breathing. Thanks." //No one ever got me anything....//

Benny still bounced and grinned. "What are friends for?"

******************************************************

Anticipation rippled through Benny's body like electric jolts. //Pike will love this. I can't wait to see his face.// Impatience was killing him. //Get home already!//

He just wasn't made for long term plans, for thinking about the future. He'd never been good about wondering what other people would think. Neither had ever been an issue before he'd gotten tangled up with Pike.

Pike, Pike, Pike. How many thoughts began and ended with that name? How many times did Ben chant it inside his head like a mantra? Pathetic, except for how strangely good it made him feel. A pike was a spear, a highway, or a slender fish. The fish thing didn't work--well, maybe the slender bit did--but Benny could very easily see him as a spear or a road to travel on. The name had meaning. "Benjamin" just meant "son of the right hand," which didn't tell Benny anything.

Benny's hand went to the key hanging on a long chain around his neck; he traced its outline under his shirt. He knew what the key meant. Even if he and Pike never became anything more than very good friends, he had it as a gift of rare trust. //No one ever got me anything before.// What was a ticket to that?

Benny realized that Pike had let himself in and been standing there for some time. His brown eyes had that deep, dark look they took on when he got lost in his own thoughts. He looked solemn and had that wired-tired thing going. He was sweaty and grimy from his job. His brown hair lay limp and lank on his elegant skull.

He was beautiful. Benny couldn't help smiling. "Hey, Otis, how was work today?" It would be infinitely more fun if he let the surprise wait a little, amped up his tension more first.

Pike lightened up a little. The name worked its usual magic. "Mr. Murphy brought his car back for the eighth time. I think it's time to call a priest in."

"For laying on hands, exorcism, or last rites?"

"Depends on how the car responds to the different things in the order you gave them. I laid on hands myself, but it didn't work."

"No victory for the Reverend Pike."

"'Fraid not. My mail order ordination must not have been as official as I thought."

Benny couldn't wait any longer. "That's a shame, but... I have a surprise for you."

Pike grinned, knowingly. //He knew!// Sometimes he made Benny feel like he saw right into his brain. Unfortunately, he never did it at the times when Benny wanted him to most.

"Sure," Pike said. "I'll shower and change first."

When Benny stood, he couldn't help bouncing with impatience. Waiting was a pain in the ass, but he wouldn't trade how alive he felt right now for anything. "No, too important."

"I stink of sick car innards."

"I like your garage-fresh smell." //Oh God, yes. Must remember not to bury my face in his hair or nuzzle his skin. Damn, do I really want to do it this way? It'll be torture!//

"You're a loony."

"People keep saying that. Besides, you're tired but wired now. You take a shower, and you'll be too sleepy to appreciate it." Benny stood behind Pike. "Play with me?" //Please?//

After some hesitation, Pike said, "Okay."

The trust being shown made Benny dizzy. //I'm the only one he does this for. One and only.// "I'm going to put my hand over your eyes, and you're going to guess what the surprise is."

"Can't I just close my eyes?"

"You peek out from under your lashes." //Mmmm.... Snap out of it!//

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Do.... Oh, fuck it. I'm not going to find out what this is until I let you put your hand over my eyes, am I?"

//I love you.// "You're so smart. You'll go far."

"All right. This better be worth it."

"Trust me."

Benny put his hand over Pike's eyes and felt the flutter of those lashes beneath his fingers. Pike felt like a furnace and trembled a little. Benny had to bite his lip. They were so *close*. He slowly brought his other hand up to Pike's face and brushed the tickets against his friend's lip. As his hand shook, it kept brushing against the crisp hair of what Pike called his lovepatch. Up, then down. //Fuck. Ohh....

//Stop it! There's a reason why he trusts you, and it's because you don't do shit like this!//

Pike's back muscles started to twitch, and he quivered a little. Benny had taken it way too far. He pulled the ticket hand away and asked, "Pike! Are you okay?" //Please be okay. I'm sorry.//

"Fine," Pike answered shakily. "They're tickets, right?"

If Pike wanted to gloss over, Benny would go along as usual. "That's good, but which tickets?"

"Which tickets? How the hell am I supposed to know with my eyes covered!"

Benny immediately uncovered Pike's eyes and stepped in front where Pike could see him. //I'm so sorry. God knows what you were reliving just then. I fucking know better!//

Pike snatched the tickets and read them. "Jane's Addiction? Who did you kill?" He sounded thrilled, and his wondering smile ignited the room.

Somewhat dazed, Benny smiled back. //This is why I did it.// "Nobody, but I did sell my soul. I hope you enjoy the concert, because I'll be burning in hell for an eternity for it."

"You're not coming along with me?" Pike sounded worried.

//It's all right! I haven't lost him.// "Of course I am. Happy?"

"Very. This is great! Thank you, Ben."

//Breathe, Ben! Damn, you're fucking pathetic.// "You, me, a lot of other fans, and more overpriced drinks and T-shirts than you can shake a stick at. It'll be a blast." //Pathetic but happy.//

"Overpriced, huh? You've been spending too much time with me." Pike smiled and smoothed the tickets reverently. "We'll probably be able to get high just from breathing. Thanks."

//Whatever he wants, whatever he can handle.// "What are friends for?"

***THE END***