*****

Xander still wasn't sure what had changed in either himself or his life that had suddenly allowed him to be able to see and hear ghosts, but he was positive about *when* the change occurred. It all began right after his near-death experience.

He had been out on patrol with Spike at the time. Dawn's birthday was coming up and Spike had been going on and on about his various ideas of what would be the perfect gift. Xander had just been ready to explain that steaming Volkriff Demon innards arranged on a tray with some daisy blossoms and yellow silk ribbons was *not* what every girl wanted for her sweet sixteen when the attack came.

The demons had been tall and thin, almost wiry. And they were fast. They moved like liquid silver and with an eerie silence. And they smelled bad, like burnt flesh. Spike was having a grand old time fighting with them because their quick reflexes and lightening fast moves presented a rare challenge for his fighting skills. Xander, on the other hand, was no where close to having fun. It especially sucked when he found himself impaled through the stomach by a rusty bit of metal his opponent had been carrying.

Pain exploded through his entire body and he suddenly felt as if he weighted ten times too much for the draining strength in his legs. In slow motion he collapsed to the ground, a wave of dizziness stealing over him. Yet, he wasn't afraid. At least, he wasn't until he saw Spike staring at him with an odd mixture of hunger and horror on his face. That's when he realized that his life was bleeding out of him to soak into the hard packed dirt of the ground.

Then darkness rushed over him and he knew no more.

When he woke up again it was to find himself in a semiprivate room at Sunnydale General Hospital. Confused and in considerable pain, his drug addled brain could not figure out why the fact that his visitors included Spike, Willow, Tara, Anya, Jesse, Buffy, and oddly enough, Larry. Assuring himself that he would figure it all out later, he had begged Willow for some ice-chips and then passed out.

When he awoke again Spike, Willow and Tara had left. The other four remained. However, now he was able to realize *why* their presence had so bothered him before. All of them were dead. Dead and buried.

And now they were his constant companions. Spike, Willow, Tara and even Dawn were not only accepting about this development, they were actively excited about it and often used Xander as a go-between to chat with the ghosts. Xander didn't mind.

Giles, on the other hand, now avoided Xander if he could and when he couldn't he became upset and angry at even the mention of his Slayer's name. It was at times like those that Xander wished he could also physically touch the ghosts because it was painfully obvious that Buffy needed to be hugged. Giles' pain was her pain and she could feel his guilt easily.

Buffy was the easiest of the ghosts to deal with as well as the most difficult. For the same reason. Often Buffy would disappear for long periods of time and Xander had come to realize that she was "visiting" other people, even if they couldn't see or hear her.

For instance, she went to school with Dawn often. She followed her through the hallways of the highschool and into her classes, just hovering and watching over her. Buffy also spent a lot of time at the Magic Box watching over Giles as he kept shop, worked on his bookkeeping and just generally did watcherly research stuff.

Then, like a shot from a canon, she would appear at Xander's side, screaming for him to call the gang and rush over to which ever spot she had seen trouble at so that they could fight off the evil of Sunnydale. Xander figured that Buffy popping in unannounced and yelling in his ear suddenly had managed to scare a half-dozen years off of his life.

Jesse just wanted Xander to hang out with Willow all the time. He whined about not being able to talk to her as well and Xander had to join in with that complaint. It was difficult trying to keep up as the translator between the two of them. And people said that HE could babble at high speed. He had *nothing* on Willow and Jesse.

However, the thing that plagued him the most was Anya and Larry.

Somehow he had managed to be both of their first times having sex with a man. He had taken both of their virginity's and had been honored to do so. And while Anya hadn't been his first female lover the way Larry had been his first male lover, she *was* the first girl that didn't try to kill him afterwards.

When he was honest with himself he could admit that he had loved both of them.

Anya he loved for the brutally honest way she looked at everything life threw at her and how she wouldn't allow anyone around her to accept the illusions that others depended on. He loved the way she didn't hide her feelings and wasn't afraid to ask about something that she didn't understand, no matter how obvious the answer might seem. He loved the courage she had to rebuild her life in a world ruled by creatures she had spent over a thousand years tormenting.

Larry he loved for the way he had opened up like a flower blossoming in the heated sunshine of a new day. The football player had spent several years tormenting and beating on Xander and he didn't think he'd ever find it in himself to forgive the bigger boy. That had all changed one day when they had run into each other in town during their senior year.

It had been right after Larry had "come out" and the athlete had admitted that he had targeted Xander specifically because he had suffered from a long-term crush on the smaller boy. In Larry's twisted way, he had assumed that the feelings he felt were caused by Xander, and as such, he was "punishing" Xander for himself being gay. That afternoon they had talked everything out and grown closer than Xander had ever imagined they would. Two weeks later Larry had lost his virginity in Xander's bed. A week after that, Larry had taken Xander's.

Now, however, the two of them argued *constantly* in Xander's presence about who he should start dating next. While Xander was pleased that they both wanted him to be happy and not alone, he didn't enjoy listening to their fights.

Not to mention the strange looks and whispered mutterings that now followed him around at work since the day he had turned around to face what appeared to be empty air to everyone but him, waved his arms about wildly and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Will you guys stop yelling at me! I don't *care* how pretty his mouth is, I'm *not* going to ask William the Bloody to suck my cock!"

Unfortunately, not knowing who William the Bloody really was, the guys at work thought that, not only had Xander lost his mind, but that he was also horny for the mouth of the cigar smoking and unwashed backhoe operator, William Clancey. Humiliation, meet Xander Harris; Xander, this is humiliation.

So, here he was, four ghosts hovering about him. One ex-Slayer wanting to fulfill her unfinished business of protecting her little sister through him, one ex-best friend wanting to kidnap the *other* best-friend and run off to LA to spy on Miss Cordelia Chase and two of his ex-lovers trying to persuade him to go get naked with the Bleached Menace. And oddly enough, he didn't know which idea was the one he wanted to act on the most.

Life, and death, was soooo messed up sometimes.

*end*