I awake in the late afternoon to find myself in a bed full of bed-warmed limbs. My pillow is Angelus - sorry - Angel's chest, with my arm around Dru's back, while her head rests facing mine. It feels so divine, too good to be true. This is something that was never done. I might have seen Angelus naked, but I was never allowed to touch. When he fucked Dru as Angelus (pre-soul), Dru never slept with him entangled after sex. I snuggle deeper into my sire's embrace, and I hear a soft feminine laugh.

"Little bird nearly flew the coop. Naughty bird touched the sky." I have no idea what she's referring to. She chortles again, cuddling up closer to our shared sire. I'm not sure if I like her this close. Now that thought was a shock! I never dreamed I could be jealous of Dru. I've always adored her, but not like I loved Angelus. She was the only one I could have, but it never meant I wanted him any less.

"He's not going anywhere, Dru," I say, trying and calm her fears.

"Daddy's little light says he shouldn't love us," she pouts, pushing out her sweet bottom lip.

"Light? What do you mean?" I won't lose him, not now - not ever. She doesn't reply and slips back into sleep again. I lift my head and regard Angel's sleeping face. It's so strange that even in sleep he doesn't look like the demon that sired me. His face looks angelic, so pure. I caress his cheek and he automatically presses against my hand.

What did Dru mean, that he can't love us? He is capable now of that emotion. Angelus could never experience emotions other than a base few, such as anger and lust, but this being - this soul - can experience them all. I saw it in his eyes. I saw pain, sorrow, grief, need - he can feel! My hand moves to his neck and the leather collar. Unexpectedly, I feel conscience-stricken knowing I put it there. It served its purpose; it kept him with us. My hands slip around his neck and I unfasten the buckle. I think I shall keep it as a souvenir.

Although it's still early for vampires, I cannot sleep. Thoughts of Angel and of Dru's words bother me. So I set myself the task of finding food for Angel. I know he won't feed from the living. Will he hate us for that - for killing? Oh shit, I never thought of that. Maybe that is what Dru meant. In the end our ways shall drive him away from us. The question is, can we survive without living human blood? Do I want to? Do I covet him that much, that I'm willing to give up killing and feeding? Oh damn. I don't know. It's who I am - I am a vampire and underneath so is he. I created Spike for Angelus, can I recreate him for Angel? Why me? Why can't unlife be bloody simple? Why can't it be like this:- see walking meals on legs - kill meals - feed, fuck, and everyone is happy. No, I get the lunatic and the soul-ed vampires. Nothing is ever straightforward, but if it, was Angel would not be here with me. Where are my bloody fags?

Okay, it has been a long night, but I think I solved the feeding problem. I've found a butcher who doesn't ask too many questions, and is willing to sell me the blood from his slaughtering. All I needed to do next was to acquire the money - which was easy.... vampires make damn efficacious pickpockets. Then it's back home and to... oh, Bloody hell now what?!

When I arrive back home, all I can hear is Dru's singing, loud sobbing, and the whole place stinks of fear. What's happened now? I dash into the bedroom and find Dru cradling Angel in her arms. He's weeping hysterically.

"What happened?" I yell, panicked. Are they hurt? What?

"Naughty Spikey, you took away his home. He's not safe. Not safe. Not safe," she drones the words over and over.

What the hell is she talking about? I wish just once she'd talk lucidly. Just once...

"Puppy has no leash. Not safe."

Leash! Oh, damn it. I scurry frantically back into the main room, and grab up the collar I removed from Angel. Why does he cling to this? I return back into the bedroom, strip off my coat, and clamber onto the bed. Dru is far from pleased with me, and slaps me around the head. How was I supposed to know? I take Angel from her arms and hold him to me.

"I'm so sorry, Angel. I didn't know." I take the collar and replace it around his neck. Soon the sobs quieten and he curls up into my embrace. His soul certainly does make him do strange things. I wonder why he needed it back? Suddenly, I remember long ago when I was very small, and my mother took from me an old worn wooden horse. I loved that toy, it was my security. It felt and smelled like home and love. Maybe this collar is Angel's security and safeguard. Maybe he has attached feelings of home and need to it. I put it on him so he wouldn't leave us - maybe he thinks it holds him fast to us.

"I won't let you go," I murmur into his ear as I comb my fingers comfortingly through his hair.

So another disaster was averted and Angel still wears his collar. I had a new one made, from the finest leather with a golden buckle. I didn't say anything, and just put it on while he was sleeping. I think he liked it. It was better than that old worn one. It's strange, but every time I see him wearing it makes me horny. The sight of my collar around his fine neck - and *wow*, instant hard-on. Oh yeah, Angelus would make a fine sex slave. The only problem is I don't want him like that. I desire him as my equal, my lover. I want him willing, passionate and just as eager as I am. Oh, bloody hell. I've got to stop thinking about my sexual desire for him. Where are my fags?!

One month later:

It's strange how things change. Never dreamed I would be living like this. Dru, Angel and me. Greece is pleasant, warm, and quiet. Angel needs to have tranquillity and rest for awhile. I can't stay here forever though, I need some adventure soon, but Dru and Angel are finding themselves here. It's weird how the world turns. I am suddenly no longer the youngest, the bad boy, the wild one. I provide the blood, the entertainment, and I keep the house clean. They provide all my problems.

Angel has started talking again, and he actually spends a lot of time just speaking with Dru. I'm amazed at how close they are becoming. Angel tells her stories as he combs her hair. It's as if he treats her like a china doll. She loves every second of it too. Dru, with a sane Angelus' company, seems to be more rational herself. Oh, she has the occasional fit, fight, and mope. She wouldn't be my Dru if she didn`t. Although she is becoming more stable, under Angel's compassionate parental care. Yet he never acts fatherly around me. With me it's like he's trying to be... I think he wants to be my friend. We talk, chat, sit together in silence, and now I feel more comfortable around my soul-ed sire than I do with Dru or anyone else for that matter.

We all sleep in the same bed, arms wrapped around each other. Nothing has happened beyond than that. Apart from a little heavy groping and necking now and then. I think that's my problem. I desperately need sex, but they aren't pushing it - not even Dru. For days now it feels like I'm a walking hard- on. I crave release and I want - no, need it - now. The problem is I don't know which one to approach. If I choose Angel will he be dismayed from the advances by another man. I kissed him, and he seemed pretty willing. Nevertheless, he did try to commit suicide after. Then there's my lovely Dru. The difficulty is: will Angel think I don't want him? Oh god, make your mind up. Angel or Dru. Dru or Angel. Maybe Dru then Angel. Or Angel then Dru. Then... That's it!

As dawn comes and we settle into our warm bed, I immediately pounce on Angel and kiss him vehemently. I can tell he's shocked and stiff, and he doesn't know how to respond to me. Maybe I made a mistake. I pull away from his lips and gaze into wide brown eyes.

"You don't love us, do you?" I knew Dru was right - he doesn't desire me.

"I shouldn't," he acknowledges in a whisper, "My soul screams out that I shouldn't love you. That I should deny the demon in me."

I knew it. I knew he was just staying because...

"I do though. I do love you, so much it hurts." There are tears in Angel's eyes and I can see how arduous this is for him.

"You love me? You love Dru?"

"I love you both, as my childer and so much more. You saved me; you showed me how to try and sort out this mass of overwhelming emotions I feel. Emotions I've never felt before. I understand now." This time Angel leans forward and kisses my lips. His touch is gentle and hesitant. I kiss him back, but my mind is locked in shock mode - it's still stuck on the part where he said he loved us - loved me!

"Say it again, please," I murmur into his mouth.

"I love you."

This time, when I kiss him it is with all the pent-up passion I posses. All the long years of waiting for Angelus to finally notice me. The strange thing is - it wasn't Angelus that saw me in the end, but Angel, and I think I love this one to a greater extent. This emotional and guilt-ridden man is mine, and he freely admits he loves me. That would never have come from Angelus' mouth.

I press Angel back onto the soft bed, and continue to worship his mouth. I had forgotten that Dru was there until I feel soft lips kissing my back.

"Dru..." I pull away from Angel, straddling his chest. "I love you too, luv, but I want..."

"I know..." she replies, "you have bright lights, like little fireworks. Stars inside your head. You can play first," she giggles. Dru jumps off the bed and pads into the other bedroom to continue sleeping. I'm a little hurt that I've sent her away, but I know she understands. She knows of my need to be alone with Angel, my desire to lose myself in him. I had planned on taking them both or whichever was willing. I was desperate to come at the time, aching for someone to touch me. Still, all that is forgotten, now that I have Angel in my arms. Angel, who is finally willing and game to make love with me.

The only problem is that I have no idea how to do this. Yes, I might be a vampire. Yes, I should be bi-sexual or what not, but the truth is I've never done it with a man. I might have lusted after one for decades, but that doesn't mean I wanted any Tom, Dick or Harry. I desired this one before me. I think I did better than his previous incarnation - I have the best version of my sire lying under me. And I believe I favour this position.

I gaze down into Angel's eyes, and I can see he's concerned about upsetting Dru. "Don't worry, luv. She will play later." I laugh at his shocked expression as I lean down and press my lips to his. I had predicted that Angel would be a grand kisser. I'm not wrong either. He is all tongue, lips, teeth - all probing, caressing, touching. It's mind-blowing. It's like having your whole mouth venerated.

I stroke my hands down the length of his hard, naked chest until I reach his navel. What's this? A laugh? Angel breaks away from my mouth, and continues with his little chuckles. Ah! Can Angel be ticklish? I use my fingers, then tongue to join in the battle, and in no time I have him panting, laughing and squirming under me. He's begging me to stop. I don't think I want to. I've never seen him like this. I've never seen him laugh with pure joy, or seen his face so beatific as it is now.

Finally, I capture his mouth again and we kiss deeper, more energetically as our hands grasp each other. Fingers touch, roaming across firm skin I've only seen but never handled. Moving lower, my hands grasp his long, hard cock, which throbs in my hands. It's strange how he feels so different from me. He's long and thicker, while mine is long but straighter. I pump my hands up and down his length squeezing him lightly. It looks like we enjoy the same rough handling here, and I note this as he groans deeply. I remove one hand, and slide it between his legs and cup his balls - another little squeeze. Angel writhes on the bed and starts to pant under my ministrations. I lower my mouth over his cock, needing to taste him for the first time. On the end of his cock hangs a drop of milky pre-come. It tastes slightly bitter on my tongue, but creamy as well. I take him in deeper and suckle at the head.

"Oh... Spike... Will... Uhm..." he moans. I don't know which name I like better coming out of his mouth. Neither sounded like this from Angelus`. I continue my exploration of Angel's cock and slide him deeper into my mouth. My free hand moves down, while the other still rolls his balls gently. I find his small puckered opening and press against it. This must be wrong! There is no way my cock could fit into there. I quickly lick my finger, and return my mouth back to exploring Angel's tool. He's beyond all rational responses by now and just moans parts of my name as I continue to suck him down.

My slick finger pokes at his tiny opening, and with a little pressure I breach the tight ring of muscle. Angel groans and thrusts his body down onto my mouth and finger. I wonder if he felt me invade him, or was he just trying to get his cock deeper? I continue my prodding of his hole, and my finger slips in deeper as he relaxes. It's astounding; he is so warm and tight around my digit. His muscles squeeze me as his cock thrusts into my mouth. I remove my finger, and then return now with two, pressing them into that tight ring.

"Will!" he gasps. I can tell he's nearing orgasm, because the large vein under his cock has started to throb against my tongue. I continue my caresses, because I want to feel him spurting against my tongue. I want to taste him. I continue to work my fingers deeper into his sheath-like passage. Oh, he's so unbelievably tight, clenching his muscles which quiver with his raising passion. I bear down into him harder than before and rub against something.

"ARRRGH!" Angel screams, as his cold dead seed fills my mouth. I swallow him down, enjoying the taste. I remove my mouth, after cleaning him, and smile up into his startled face. He's staring at me, completely flabbergasted.

"Did I hurt you, luv?" I ask, anxious that he won't want to repeat this.

"No," he squeaks out, "Er... No," he restates stronger this time. His voice has a slight tremble in it. "Your fingers in my... Uh... What did you do?"

Oh, that. Liked it did he? I wriggle my fingers again and he groans. I give a little jab and knock against that spot.

"Will!" he cries. Angel's head falls back and he arches his back. Wow! He's one great looking guy - especially when having sex. Angel seems to glow with sexual heat. I move my fingers inside his hole and thrust hard a couple of times.

"Stop!" he begs. I remove my hand a little reluctantly, but he did ask me to stop.

"What are you doing?" he yells unbelievingly.

"You said stop." I've never seen Angel sexually agitated. He grabs hold of my hand and licks my fingers. If I could get any more erect, I would. I can't believe how erotic my fingers look in his mouth. He wets them and urges them back into his clenching anus.

"I mean: don't ever stop!" He pulls his legs up to his chest and lies back. I think he's getting the hang of his. His position reveals that tight hole in all its glory. I still haven't worked out how I'm supposed to fit in there yet. I ram my fingers into him again, and he yells appreciatively. I watch as his hole sucks me in deeper, and as I rub against that little nub, he yells my name again, his cock starting to swell. He must really like this. I wonder if he can take three fingers?

This time instead of using spittle, I reach over to the bedside table and grab Dru's cold cream. I haven't a clue why she has it around. It's not like she's going to get lines and wrinkles. She can't - she's dead. I slick up three fingers and press them back into his anus. Angel trembles as I brush against that spot. I wonder what it feels like. When I touch it it's like he has little electrical shocks.

"More... Please... Oh, Spike... Will, more... Deeper." Angel's becoming a real sound machine. Just like those new phonograph things. I pull my fingers free, then slick up another. Now I press four fingers back into his beautiful tight orifice. I think I see now how I'll fit inside. His tiny anus stretches easily around my fingers as I piston them in and out. Then it closes over as I withdraw.

"OH! Will..." he howls as I find that little nub inside him and brush against it more forcibly. I am totally bewildered by how his cock hardens without any other stimulation, and has even started leaking more pre-cum. I move forward and lick it off. Damn, he tastes so good on my tongue.

"Will, what are you doing to me?" He arches his back and thrusts onto my hand. I wonder if he knows how beautiful he is? How incredible he looks fucking himself on my hand? "Are you punishing me?"

Does it feel like it? "No, Angel, I am loving you." I add more cream to his cleft and then press in my thumb, spreading his sphincter to accommodate my fist.

"Will!" he gasps in passion. His head is thrown back on the bed. He arches more and rocks himself deeper onto my fist. I curl my fingers and caress his core bliss point deep inside his passage He's gasping and panting, not sure which way to move. "No... one's... No one's ever loved me..." I don't even need to touch his cock. It's swelling all by itself. "I don't deserve... I don't..."

"Shhh. I love you, Angel." I think I really do. I think I've allowed myself to love him. Allowed him to replace all the images of Angelus in my heart and take it over completely. This soul-ed vampire has helped me find myself again. I know I'm not fully William - I never will be again - but I *am* capable of his love. Capable of feeling what his human heart felt. Nevertheless, I am still Spike. I still yearn for the 3 F's: fighting, feeding and fucking. Oh Yes, that last F is my greatest desire, now more than anything. I think I will want to fuck Angel for all time. Fuck him, have sex with him, make love to him. If he feels as glorious around my cock as he does my fist, I think I'll be permanently attached.

I continue with my hard fisting, and soon he's crying out my name as his orgasm approaches. Seconds later, his cock erupts over his flat stomach and he screams his climax. I remove my hand and lick off the semen on his skin. Angel lies back on the bed panting for unneeded breath, his body still trembling now and then from the aftermath of his mind-blowing orgasm. He looks like a fallen angel lying in our bed. His body spread out like a forbidden offering. His arms have fallen back on the mattress, his legs stretched wide open, giving me a perfect view of his quivering hole. A place I desire my cock to be encompassed by. His anus looks to be pulsating, sore and well used, but I can't be patient another moment. I'm so painfully hard that it's doing my head in. I have to experience his divine ass now! While he still has his eyes closed, I add more cream, this time to my cock, and slip inside him.

"Will!" he yells, "so good... Fuck..." His body contracts around my length, as if in a dry orgasm. Gods, he is so gorgeous. "Me... Fuck... Mmm..."

I have to agree with that. This is fucking great. He's so tight, even after he has had my hand inside him. His muscles grip my cock fiercely, and I've never felt pressure like this.

"Oh, Angel," I groan as I start a deep, hard rhythm. A part of me wants to take this slow and enjoy the feeling of him. I do try, but I just can't. He's so constricted inside, grips me so well, that I want to pound into him.

"Harder..." he gasps.

Okay then, you asked for it. I seize hold of his legs and shove down on them on either side of his head. I kiss his lips hard and plunge my cock even deeper inside, just like my tongue fills his mouth. I'm so deep now - so connected to him - I'm sure I'm going to meet somewhere in the middle. Our rocking becomes frantic and our words are lost. What can you say when the whole world is crashing down around you? It feels like I'm standing on the edge of heaven and hell. Pain and pleasure are one mass of feeling, and I can't distinguish between them. All to soon this feeling has to end. I feel my orgasm mounting, burning its way through my balls, my cock, and up into my body.

I look down to see Angel's shaft is erect again, rubbing hard against my chest. I lean down and lick him. "Come with me, Angel." He howls as I take him into my mouth and instantly he floods my throat.

Moments later, I deluge his tight passage and leak out onto the bed. Wow! I don't think I've ever had one this powerful before. With the last of my strength I pull out of Angel's ass with a slight pop, and collapse beside him. I kiss him ardently as he tastes himself on my tongue. Angel groans into my mouth, and his angelic body wraps around me. I've never embraced Angelus before - well, it looks like I never will. But Angel's warmed body is like heaven. His skin presses against mine, which sends shock waves through me. I've never had a lover make me feel like he does just from a simple touch.

"I never want anything more than this," he whispers. I touch his neck gently, and the collar that stands out against his pale skin. My collar, on my lover. He's my lover now. He looks up at me and smiles. His hand covers mine. "Did you know this is against the Lore?"

"You and Darla were never ones to follow the Lore, not really," I remind him.

"I think we are beyond vampire Lore. It means nothing to me anymore. I obeyed Darla like I should do. I expected you to obey me like you are required to do. But things are different... I am... I have a soul now. I don't want your obedience - I want this. I want your love. I want us to belong to each other, not through claiming in the vampire sense, but because we love." I'm totally stunned by his little speech. I think it's the most words he has ever said to me, about who he is and how he feels. Also, these are words I never dreamed would come from Angelus' mouth. No - I have to remember that this is the soul talking now. Not Angelus - not the demon - but a human soul. A soul that wants human love, who's desperately trying to devour all the love I can give him.

Suddenly, however, he stiffens in my embrace and pulls away. "Angel, what's wrong?"

"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be happy with you. You shouldn't want me. I've done things... Terrible things to you... I..."

I grab his arms and pull him back down with me on the bed. My fingers touch his collar and I gently kiss his lips again.

"Why do you wear this?" I inquire curiously. He gives me a sheepish look, timid even.

"It reminds me of home. Of you and Dru. It feels like family," he whispers. His voice trembles and tears fill those soul-filled eyes.

I understand. It is his safety blanket. A real tie to this world, and something protecting him from his own melancholy. A bond to me - Hey, I like it! Maybe I could get him a chain collar? Or one with spikes on it! Nah, I wouldn't be able to get close enough to bite him then.

"You aren't Angelus, my love." I kiss his hair and stroke down his back, to his crack. My fingers find his hole and I press one inside. He gasps and arches himself into me, trying to thrust on my finger. "You are Angel. My lover. Not childe, or sire. I belong to you and you belong to me." I have no idea where these words are coming from. It's like poetry. Spike is a person who wouldn't let these words pass his lips, and yet I don't feel any weaker by saying them. Weird. Love is a strange, extraordinary reaction. I thought it was a weak emotion, which was also why Angelus denied it. It turns out he didn't deny it - he just couldn't feel it. Love is stronger than anything else. It changed me - it made me Spike, but now it's holding Angel here with me. He wears that collar because he loves me - loves us. His family. His home. I think I can live with that.

I wake still embraced in Angel's arms, but to my surprise Dru is lying next to him. She's awake and stroking Angel's long dark hair away from his face.

"He's not really my daddy is he, Spike?" I kiss her nose and she rests her head on his arm.

"If you're asking if he's Angelus - no, he's not, luv. He's still like him in a way. He remembers everything, but he has a soul now. Do you understand that?"

"Sweet little bird. Sings such a sad song."

I think she gets it.

"Will he hurt me?"

"No, pet. He won't hurt you."

"Not even if I ask for it?"

"No. Well, I don`t think so. Not pain-pain, maybe pleasure-pain or..." Oh god, I'm babbling. Gotta shut up now... where's my fags?

*****
TBC