*****

Doyle's dead. Gone. He sacrificed himself for me. A vampire. It should have been my death, not his. I've lived for so very long - over 240 years. How long did he live? Not even 30.

I don't remember coming home, but the next thing I do is crawl into the shower. Thoughts of how unfair the fates are scream through my brain. Doyle was just a child compared to me. He should have lived. I won't understand, not until my dying day, why he sacrificed himself. I stand under the shower and let the hot spray wash away the dirt and grime from fighting the Scourge. My hands are shaking and I cannot clean myself. I just stand there with the hot water flowing over me.

What I can't understand - what I'll never get my head around, not matter how much I try - is: why did he kiss me? I wasn't attracted to him and nor him I, but there was always a deep friendship there. A friendship I've never experienced before - not even with Buffy. And now I never will again. My friend is dead, and his parting gift was one last kiss.

I rest my head on the white tiled shower wall and sigh. I feel too tired and weak, but thankfully the hot water slowly relaxes my body. I could almost....

*Pain... broken glass... flash of a knife... burning... girl's face...*

What the fuck?

A blinding throb of agony rips through my brain and in seconds I'm on the floor of the shower. Blood drips on the floor mixing in with the water. I realise I've cut my arm from wrist to elbow on the broken shower handle.

*A bloodied knife*

Oh god, what is this? Pain burns its way through my mind again and I see more flashes of light. I think they are supposed to be pictures but I can't make them out. I can't see them properly. I try harder to look, but the shooting anguish only increases. I hear someone howling in torture. Their screams almost animalistic in nature. So much pain.

*Hotel room... bloodied knife... girl's face... broken glass... bloodied knife... broken glass... girl...*

"STOP!" I scream. I can't comprehend the images. They are too painful, too fast.

*Burned sheets... bloodied knife... broken glass... knife... girl... glass... sheets... burning...*

"No! Please... Please... stop!" I'm sobbing on the floor of the shower, the water still flowing over my quivering form. My head feels as though someone's put a hammer through my brain, and all that's left is a pile of mush. My hands clutch desperately at my face, ripping at my flesh, trying to stop the apparitions. My eyes burn with the aftermath of the vision as if scorched. I just can't picture them. They were confused flashes of something I couldn't understand. The howling returns again and I think the beast making that sound is me. It feels as though I'm becoming detached from myself... distant.

*Laughter.... broken glass...*

"No more!" I scream. Please, I can't take anymore. I don't understand!! I don't know what I'm supposed to do. "I don't understand," I howl into my silent apartment. No one answers; there is no one here anymore. I have no friends, the last one just died. Doyle is dead and I'm alone. Doyle kissed me and now all I have left is the visions. I start to cry now, cry not for that girl I can't save, but for myself. There is no one around to comfort me either. My tears dry up and I look down at my bloodied fingers. Ah... food. I stay in the shower all night, the water falling on my pounding head, and lick my fingers clean.

~*~*~*~

Next Morning

My flesh is shrivelled and sore. I stayed in the shower all night, desperately afraid to move in case the visions filled my mind again. Finally, I got over my ridiculous fear of moving. I slowly crawled from the shower and wrapped myself into a white towel. My next step was to find whiskey. Isn't that what Doyle used to have after the visions? I'm not sure; thinking just makes my brain hurt more. My trembling fingers won't open the damn whiskey bottle when I find it and I throw it against the wall in a fit of temper. The broken glass shatters across the floor, brown liquid staining the wall.

*Broken church glass... screaming girls... a white habit...*

I clutch my head, squeezing my eyes tightly closed, trying to shut the visions out. My knees give out and I'm back to lying on the floor, my body convulsing. This time the vision's aftershock of pain wares off quicker and I catch my unnecessary breath. I smell blood and I bring my hand to my face. I must have cut myself on the broken glass, and the red blood is slowly staining my pale skin.

*Screaming girls... red blood dripping from my fangs...*

With my other hand I pick up a large piece of glass next to me and with one quick movement slash my wrist. The pain burns through my arm, replacing the vision anguish lancing through my brain. Oh, thank you. Any pain is better than that. I continue to distract myself from one acute pain with another. The only trouble is the floor is getting kind of slippery, and I can't feel my fingers anymore.

*Screaming girls...*

Then blessed unconsciousness.

~*~*~*~

When I awaken for the second time this day my body no longer throbs from the vision aftermath, but from the lack of blood. At least this is something I can deal with - it's a pain I can understand. It takes me awhile, but I manage to crawl over to the fridge and open it. Inside is my salvation - 4 packets of pig's blood. I really need more with the amount of blood loss I've suffered, but it will have to suffice until I can get out. When I've finished off the last of the blood, feeling a little more alive - well, un-alive - I carefully make my way into my bedroom. It takes awhile to get dressed, my body feeling I've gone ten rounds with Lennox Lewis.

After dressing I make my way up into the office. My office looks just the same, but when I step into the reception... It's the same. Nothing's been moved since Doyle and I rushed out of here the day before. A spare leather coat of Doyle's still rests on the back of the chair. There are used glasses smelling of strong Irish whiskey, scribbled notes in well grammar-ed English, and the computer keyboard with the missing return button because he couldn't get it to work. My hand trembles as I reach out and touch his jacket. My mind flashes back to last night, his burned face, his flesh falling away - his death. A death that should have been mine.

"No!" I shove the jacket aside, knocking over the chair and sending it flying into a pile of papers. Everything scatters across the floor...

*Broken glass*

Doesn't it ever stop! I grab my head, ripping at my hair - anything to stop it! I can't do this alone! I don't understand them... I don't... I stumble back knocking the flashing telephone off the desk. There is a clicking noise, then a voice.

"#You have one new message#... Angel? Eh... I hate this damn machine... Do I speak now, Willow?" There is a mumbled sound in the background, "Yes, well... Hello Angel, this is Giles. We've been having some problems here in Sunnydale... Oh, nothing to get worried about, Buffy's fine. Just some bizarre demon activity and I was hoping you could send me that book you have on Demon migration patterns. We have demons showing up dead that should never been seen this side of the equator and... Oh, Willow says I have to fin.... #End of Message.#"

Sunnydale. There are people there that know me. Not anyone I could call friend, but people I can trust. People like Giles who might be able to help me understand what's happening. Or Willow, maybe she could magic this away. I can't face this by myself even though I'm afraid of going back to Sunnydale. I know Buffy won't be happy to see me, but I need help and now.

*Bloodied fangs...*

I squeeze my eyes shut and push the image away. Whatever it means I can't help anyone if I can't understand what the visions are telling me. I dig around for my car keys, and then wait for the sun to set. I should pack some clothing, but I can't get my head around doing anything. I just sit curled up at the door waiting. My head pounding with the residue of another vision I can't comprehend. With the last ray of sunlight I move, grabbing a coat to cover my head I run out to my car and start the engine. I need help and I need it now. The engine roars into life and I press the accelerator to the floor boards. The only thought on my mind is getting to Sunnydale and ending these vague predictions.

~*~*~*~

Somewhere under Sunnydale - Initiative compound: Spike's POV:

I don't believe it! Someone must really hate me up there. That's the only answer I can think of. Fate hates me. First, I lose the bloody ring of Amarra to the slayer. Next I lose it again to my bloody poof of a Sire. Then I get electrocuted by a band of wannabe soldier boys. Now, I wake up here.

The cell is white - blindingly so - with a glass door. The handle is electrified. I got my fingers burned testing it. Before the cell is a plain white corridor. There are no windows, no other entrances, nowhere to escape to and nowhere to see where the hell I am. This is all the slayer's fault. I bet she's behind it, and...

Suddenly, a panel in the white ceiling is opened, and a blood bag is dropped down. I grab it, giving it a testing smell. It smells human, well at least the food's good. I start to tear it open with my teeth, but a voice stops me.

"Don't drink it. It's drugged."

I don't believe it! Damn it, I sound like Victor Meldew! I throw the pack aside and kick the wall with frustration. "Uh-huh. And who are you, mate?" Is he vampire, like me? Does the slayer capture vampires to play with since her lap dog vampire left her? Still, this is still a little high tech for her. She's more of a broadsword and axe kind of gal.

"I'm a rat. I'm a lab rat, just like the others. They're gonna kill us, you know."

"And how are they gonna do that?" Yeah, I'd like to see them try. The big bad can take any humans on. I'll show them what a master vampire can do.

"They starve you, and when your ready to bite your own arm, they shoot out one of those packets. You drink, and the next thing, you're gone. And that's when they do the experiments."

"And, uh, they are? The government? Nazis? A major cosmetics company?"

"Who cares? All I know is, one minute I'm running from the slayer, and the next thing I'm here."

"The slayer! I knew it! I knew it!" I knew the Slayer had to have her claws into this!

"Yeah, she took apart my crew, and led me straight to these guys."

"She set me up, too. I always worried what would happen when that bitch got some funding," I howl, slamming my hands into the wall. I can't believe she would stoop this low. What happened to a clean fight, one on one kind of thing? Where's her honour gone? "She's wised up a bit. Fine! I'll take her apart. I don't care how brilliant she is!"

Suddenly, there's a whole lot of noise from down the corridor. I press my face to the glass door, trying to peer around it. Damn it! I can't see a bloody thing. Whatever is happening. there is a hell of a lot of screaming going on. From the sound of it the captive is vampire. He's growling, whining and then howls in pure agony, almost loud enough to hurt my ears.

"Strap him down!" yells one of the humans - female from the sound.

"Damn well, sedate him then!" Another shouts - a man this time.

"I have!"

The vampire continues howling, and I can hear him fighting his captors. If he makes it out then I'll have my escape route.

"Pain... Glass... Blood... Noooo!" howls the vampire.

Oh god, no! It can't be... No way! That sounds like my bloody poof of a Sire - Angel. The sounds of fighting continue and the vampire - Angel? - starts to sob. I can hear punches impacting on hard vampire flesh and screams of pain while the woman yells for the vampire to be held down. This is unbelievable. That can't be my Sire. Angel would never let himself be captured. Anyway he's one of the good guys... Still, what if the slayer as nothing to do with this place. Where the hell am I?

The sound of fighting lessen and the trolley is dragged down the hall. I jump away from the glass door, and sit on the floor, trying to look uninterested as they pass. There are 4 men in uniform and a short blond woman with a syringe in her hand. They are still struggling with the writhing vampire on the trolley. They have managed to strap his legs down but he continues to fight them off with his hands. To my surprise and extreme interest they stop just outside my door. The vampire fights the woman back with a violent push, and she falls against my door.

"Hold him!" she screams at the soldiers. One of them, a tall man with dirty blond hair, uses the butt of his gun and impacts into the side of the vampire's face. The vampire screams in pain as his skull splits, splattering blood on my door. His struggles weaken and the men strap him firmly down onto the trolley. The blond woman stabs him hard in the neck with her syringe and the crying ceases. The soldiers finally step away from the restrained vampire.

"Angel..." I murmur. I can't get over the shock. That screaming, howling vampire is my Sire. I don't make another sound, I don't want these humans to realise I know him. Instead, I listen carefully to their words.

"Agent Finn, were was this hostile found?" The woman with the blond hair leans over Angel and flashes a light into his golden eyes. "Hmm... Unresponsive," she murmurs to herself.

"There was an accident just outside of town; one of our patrols picked him up."

"He'd caused a traffic accident?" She questions.

"No, he was driving a black Plymouth convertible, no one else was involved. It looked like he had just driven into a tree. When the unit found him, he was incoherent and writhing on the ground in agony."

"Pain?" The woman studies Angel's face again, with a sudden movement she stabs the needle into his cheek. Angel doesn't even flinch. "He doesn't show signs of feeling pain," she comments coldly to the soldier.

"I was told he was screaming about some woman in a hotel room, a bloodied knife and broken glass."

"Do you know what it means?" she asks.

"No, he doesn't respond to any questions."

Angel suddenly murmurs on the trolley, his body convulsing. "Pain... blood... knife... girl..." he whimpers softly.

*****
Part 2:

"I was told he's been having fits like this one since they picked him up."

"Interesting..." the woman opens Angel' golden eye again and stares at him. He shows no response to even knowing she's touching him. "It could be some sort of seizure. Epilepsy maybe."

"What do you want to do with him?" asks the blond soldier Finn.

"Leave him here for the time being. When one of the laboratories is free transfer him there. This one needs to be carefully studied." The woman gives Angel an apprising look and for some reason her attitude makes me shiver.

"Yes, Professor Walsh."

The Professor leaves and Finn turns to one of his men. "Strip the hostile down, then check if one of the labs is free," he orders. The rest depart, leaving just the one soldier. I don't move from my sitting position, showing no sign of my desperate need to have a closer look at Angel. I haven't got a clue to what's happened to him. He's never done anything like this in all the time I've known him. Angel, or Angelus for that fact, never had seizures.

I watch as the solider cuts away Angel's clothing, leaving him in his shorts. He checks over the restraints, pulling them tight before he leaves. At last I can move. Slowly I edge over the glass door, checking there's no one around.

"Angel?" I whisper. I don't know if he can hear me, maybe it was all a show for the humans. If it was then it's a pretty stupid idea. I wait a moment and there is no response from Angel. "What the hell are you doing in Sunnydale?" I ask his unresponsive form.

I check over his body. Angelus has always been a handsome man. Bastard used to have women throwing themselves at his feet. Now, he looks ill. Which is almost impossible for a vampire. He reminds me of Drusilla. In Prague they cut her to shreds, it was amazing she survived - that's how Angel looks now. His body is pale, thin and there are half-healed scars on his arms and wrists. It looks as though someone's slashed his arms over and over again. There is a large healing gash running from elbow to wrist on the arm nearest me, and the head wound from the Solder's gun isn't healing as quick as it should. The smell of his strong blood is making my mouth water. I also notice that every now and then Angel' body convulses as if in shock.

Down the corridor the sound of a door slamming shut brings me out of my contemplations and I step back away from Angel. The soldier returns, this time with another older man dressed as a doctor. He looks Angel over and checks his eyes again.

"Hmm... Heavily sedated. Was he violent?" he asks the soldier.

"No, he was having some sort of seizure. Professor Walsh wants a full examination."

"Hmm... He'll need to go to lab 12. I'll need special equipment to see what's going on inside here." The Doctor taps Angel on the forehead and laughs. Together they pull the gurney down the corridor and out of my sight.

I sit quietly for a long time. I haven't decided yet how I feel about all this. For some reason the thought of those humans cutting into my Sire's head enrages me. I really don't understand why - I hate him. I've tried to kill him on more than one occasion, I've even had him tortured. So why should this bother me? They'll study, then kill him and I won't care. No, I won't even shed a tear for him or his passing. No! Now, I have to think about my own survival. I have to escape this hellhole before they take me away on one of those trolleys.

~*~*~*~

Two days later and the only idea I have to escape is to play dead. It's simple and I just hope these soldier types are going to fall for it. The vampire next door said that you drink the blood, fall unconscious, they take you away. Well that's how I'm going to play it. I empty out the blood in the packet and lie down on the floor. I have no idea how long this will take, so I'll just have to try not to move until someone comes.

Finally four hours later, two men in medical clothing arrive at my door. I play dead - which is very easy considering I am dead - and don't make a move as they open the door. I don't listen to their chatter, playing possum until both of them start to lift me up onto a gurney. As they begin to strap me in, I make my move. My eyes flick open and I grab the nearest guy by the throat.

"Sorry, can't stay. Got to go see a girl," I tell him. I grab him by the arm and flip him over the gurney. He crashes onto the floor with a loud grunt. The second orderly is better prepared and manages to grab my arm and slam me into the opposite wall. He's strong for a human, but not strong enough to hurt me. Next to me the other vampire starts shouting.

"Let me out!" he yells, banging against the glass door.

"Bit busy right now," I answer back

"Look, I know where the exit is. You spring me, you're free. You don't, you're dead."

Ah... he has a point. I throw the second orderly off me and into the first who scrambles off the floor, and pulls out a large syringe from his pocket. I cringe as the second man backs onto the wickedly sharp end. That's one out for the count. The first orderly looks up alarmed while I vamp out, and I slam his head into the wall, and he's collapses before me.

"Hurry! Hurry!" screams the young vampire. Impatient and stupid from the sounds of it. I run over to the drugged orderly sprawled out on the gurney. Quickly checking his pockets, I find a security card, and swipe the door handle. Yes! I use it to free the vampire and he grabs my arm, pulling me down the corridor.

"This way!" We run down the corridor, and dive under the closing security door at the end. In the next room is an elevator and another security door leading to a corridor with large numbered doors. For the first time I pause. Are those the labs where Angel was taken? No... I've got to remember that I don't care about him. He's not a part of me anymore. Not my Sire, not my Yoda, and certainly not my lover... Oh, shit why did I have to remember that part? Damn it!

"Come on!" screams the vampire. Suddenly, behind me I hear the elevator start to hum. I've got to make a quick decision - Angel or elevator?

"Bugger!" I cry. I run towards the lab doors and swipe the card.

"What are you doing?"

"New plan! We split up." I quickly dash through the opened door and slam it shut. It's a damn good job I did choose this route. Upon checking through the door's window, I see that the elevator has opened and inside it's full of ops guys. They grab their guns and shot the other vampire down. Sucker! While they are dealing with him, I turn my attention back to the laboratory doors. On each door is a number starting with a three - Great! Oh well, I just have to hope that 312 is going to be Angel's room. I locate the door, unfortunately it doesn't have a window so I can't check if anyone is inside. I just have to chance it.

Carefully, I open the door and peek around it. Inside, I notice the doctor on a stool looking over my Sire's head. He is far too engrossed in his work to notice me and I quietly enter. My face immediately morphs into vampire features when I walk towards my Sire. Even as a demon the sight of him makes me queasy. They have started their tests. There are tubes and needles injected all over his body. Pieces of skin are missing on his arms and legs. It looks like they've even taken a sample of semen.

"I haven't finished the samples yet," the doctor informs me, "wait a moment, and I'll have the brain tissue sample ready."

He must believe I'm one of the lab technicians. I approach him slowly and notice he has a long scalpel in his hand, making an incision into my Sire's forehead. In his other hand he holds a drill piece. What shocks me more than anything - is that Angel is conscious. Large golden eyes stare terrified at the ceiling, tears running over his cheeks. Well, I just snap. I grab the doctor around the head and twist.

"Arghh!" I scream as a shockwave of pain rockets through my brain. I don't loosen my grip and I hear the satisfying snap as his neck breaks. When I finally let him fall the pain in my head lessens. What the hell was that? Testing it, I kick the dead human - nothing - weird.

"Angel?" I whisper, turning my attention back to my Sire. I pick up a cloth beside his head and wipe the blood from his face. A part of me wishes I had gotten here sooner, before they started the tests. His body is a testimony of human cruelty. "Angel!" I repeat louder.

"Blood... glass..." he moans. His eyes move suddenly and find mine. For a moment they are unseeing and then... "No!!! Pain... I don't know... please, I don't have it... Hurts... Please, I don't have the ring!"

Huh? Angel tries to scramble away from me, but he can't escape the bonds. So instead he starts to cry. Huge sobs rack his body and he trembles violently on trolley.

"Please, I can't... I can't give it you... I would, but you can't use it right... Please, forgive me... my beloved Will."

"What?" I gasp.

"I can't..." he moans again. His eyes close and his body tenses as if awaiting the next blow.

I think he believes he's back in that warehouse, where I took him to be tortured by that pillock, Marcus. I couldn't do it myself. I couldn't bring myself to mark his body, a body that had been my Sire' and my lover's. A deep part of my heart feels suddenly guilty, but it's pushed aside when I remember his words. *My beloved Will* Yeah right, if I was so bloody beloved why the hell did ya leave me? Bastard! I turn away from him, resolute to leave him to his fate.

Oh god, they've branded a number on his leg - 312. It's like he's a piece of meat to them. Bloody hell, what the hell do I do now? Leave him or take him? Let him suffer as I want him to or show mercy like Angelus never showed me... Oh, shit!!

"Damn it! I hate you, Angel so why the hell am I saving you?" I shout at him as I unbuckle his restraints. I yank out tubes and needles, cringing with every scream he makes. I pull him up, his body slippery from blood, and he stands up unsteadily. Great, now I need clothing. Lugging him around nearly naked is sure to bring attention. I wrap my arm under his, and guide him to the door. He limps painfully, but makes no sound. His eyes are open but I don't think he really understands what's happening.

I open the lab door, and check the corridor, thankfully I find no one around. I pull Angel out of the lab, hobbling behind me. Down the corridor there is a door labelled - Doctor's restroom. Ha... Clothing. Dragging Angel in behind me, I quickly find an open locker and grab some scrubs. I pull them onto his injured body, staining the blue material red.

"Are you real?" he whispers suddenly. His face has returned to its human plans and brown tearful eyes look into mine.

"Yeah, of course I am," I answer briskly. The fear in Angel's voice jerks something alive within my dead demon heart. It starts a need that throbs deep inside me. A need that I don't understand and grows with each moment I'm near him.

"Spike, wouldn't help me... you are just another vision," he sighs sadly.

"Hey! I'm bloody real mate! If I weren't - would you really dream about me helping you?"

Angel looks confused and then something flashes across his eyes. Soft bloodied fingers touch my cheek, and then fall away. "You are real," he answers in awe.

"Fine, I'm real. Now, can we get the fuck out of here before both of us are dust - then neither of us will be real."

Suddenly, there is shouting down the corridor and I pull Angel away from the door. Shit! I grab a chair and shove it in front of the door, forcing it shut. Now what? I spin around looking for another escape route.

"Err... Spike?"

"What!?" I shout back. I really don't have time for more stupid questions. I turn and stare at Angel, noticing he's pointing upwards. I look up and see a huge air conditioner duck.

"Yes!" I shout. Without realising it I grab Angel into a quick hug, but then just as quickly disengage myself. What the hell am I doing? Angel stares at me with wide startled eyes and a bemused smile on his lips.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Damn well help me." I indicate for him to give me a lift up, and he does. I notice he's not as strong as he should be, but I manage to grab a supporting cable. I haul myself up and give a hand down to Angel. For a moment he hesitates and I know what's going through his head. He's wondering if he should trust me, the only problem is I'm his only choice. He gives a deep sigh and catches my hand.

Half an hour later, we climb our way through the air conditioning system and follow it up until we reach an outside vent. Guessing from the smell and feel of the facility we must be underground, which hopefully means this vent should lead us to the surface. With our combined strength, we manage to push the vent open. I'm greatly relieved to find myself outside in the open air.

"Yes!" I shout, jumping up and giving a little victory dance. I look over at Angel and notice he's giving me another bemused smile. That smile that immediately tugs at my heartstrings and I find myself smiling back at him. Damn it, I'm turning into a bloody poof. I've had enough of this!

"Well then, mate, this is where we part company. It was nice and all, but I really have to go back to hating you." I straighten my jacket, search out a new fag and start walking away from him.

"Thank you, Spike," he calls after me.

I walk away into the night without looking back... Okay, I sneak one quick look. He's still at the open vent, cleaning the grass from his stolen clothing. I snigger softly, still so damn... What the?

"Arghhh!" Angel screams. In seconds, he collapses onto the damp grass, his body convulsing in agony.

"No!" he hollers again. His hands claw at his hair and eyes. "No more... Please... no more!"

For a moment, I don't move. Should I help him? I mean I don't even like him, but... I feel something. When I'm around him, I feel... What? Warm? Hot? Horny? Damn it. I drop my unlit fag and run back towards my Sire.

"No! No!" he's yelling over and over. His hands ripping at the flesh of his face. There are large gorges over his eyes which are bleeding profusely.

"Have you lost your fucking mind!" I scream at Angel, grabbing hold of his clawed fingers. He still continues to try and claw his eyeballs out. His eyes are bloodshot, and his face covered with his own blood.

"No!" he howls, "Girl... running... trees... fangs..."

What the hell is going on? Angel starts to convulse in my arms, his mouth frothing slightly. "Running... trees... fangs... blue car... running... NO!" Angel's body arches, and I hear bones grinding until he finally collapses unconscious.

He's finally done it. He has gone bloody nuts. Insane - wacko - barmy. You name - he's it. I realise now that a lot of his injures must have been self-inflicted, but only recently. These injuries are no more than a couple of days old, and not all caused by those Nazi doctors. They must have feed him, so the injuries were deep and it amazes me that he could cause himself so much agony. Why? What the hell is his damage? Damn it. Things are going from bad to worse. I told ya, someone has to hate me. First Dru, next the ring, then those fucking soldiers boys capture me, now I have an insane Sire to deal with.

"Why me?!" I scream out into the night.

*****